“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why Must We Suffer Before Man Made Armegeddon?

I am wondering if resistance is indeed futile. Like during the Nazi era.

It seems like the tech exists to make people feel good when in actuality they should be feeling very bad by right. Boston especially has this capacity and it makes me want to vomit usually. Remember when you were a kid and they had that candy that was way too sweet? I think here it was maple candy or something shaped like the leaves, whitish. And I like sweets believe me but there was something about those things- disgusting. That is what this fake feeling is like for me. Also I can feel something..I dont dare say it but 'microwave'? After being heavily hit at times with these technologies, when they use them more violently and directly on a single TI or even as crowd control (or like when the San Diego cops went by and blasted a bit through The Tent summer homeless shelter. I recognized it right away.) you can fell it on your skin.

That is what accompanies this fake glowing, godlike happy bullsh*t. That is why I know its fake, and perhaps its the radiation that makes me want to vomit not just the sentiment lol. My mother being a raditation experimentee also makes me wonder if my body is just more weak than others or at least mor sensitive.

It seems clear at this point that there is indeed a list of people like myself who are not meant to survive nor flourish in this society at this time in history. That we are experimentees only and that is for life if not terminal in itself.
Perhaps there are lists, and its connected to this Denver airport type activity with large land being purchased by the elite with underground bunkers. It seems people like myself are already being designated to not survive if not being destroyed even before humans induce an armegeddon type scenerio.

What I dont understand is why I wouldnt be allowed to have a nice life before destroying me, or anyone else for that matter. Why not just let people be and then kill them? Like on the Titanic- if you are stranded on board or choose to stay just drink while the band plays and the ship goes down. Why are they making people suffer before the end comes anyway? I dont understand it.
And I keep getting these interfaces that drive me nuts and its all over New England. No matter what the scenerio that is used to fool me (like difference between Portland ME and Portsmouth NH I described) I get this constant feedback. Its like having an analyst be present at all times and the person analyzes your behavior whatever you do and you have to listen to this all the time instead of live your life. This not only keeps the TI down it prevents them from living thier lives out from the perspective of being IN THIER OWN LIVES.

And I can tell this is tech becuz it never happens when I am in a Faraday cage like environment (a place where no cell phone or other microwave or electromagnetic interference can get to due to it being underground or materials like steel and concrete and metal etc) or after 12 midnight. Not only is it torture it creates more insanity. And it keeps the person from experiencing stimuli and recieving its benefits or even prevents them from learning on thier own.

I also strongly feel this is tech and think that as well or better yet logically deduce that becuz I am told things about my own behavior that I would NEVER have thought of on my own. There is no possible way that I could be an observer with that much accuracy while living in my own life as the player if you will, of that role. These are sometimes observations that could only occur if someone were looking at me from outside my own body. Like watching me, and we all know that as TIs we often feel watched and not be other living people but by some means of surveillance. It creeps me out to think that satellites can be used for these experiments or tortures or prisons. Moreso than people watching me or cameras. Its an extreme power trip on whoever is up there or on the other end of whatever is up there.

This has long ago gone way to far. Human beings are not just being toyed with by people wanting to play god or experimented on. These people, in my entire experience thus far, are trying to see if they can alter or interfere with the human soul itself or spirit. this is why there was so much experimentation on what happens when we die or that fact that scientists attribute all religious experience to right brain electrical activity etc.

This gets so deep that it would indeed be difficult for a modern society to believe any of this could actually happen. Its just easier to write the person off as mental.

More Of Trying To Create Happy Zombies

So what am I supposed to do just accept my situation and move on? And constant torture is supposed to make me spill everything right? Not becuz any of these people are going to get what they deserve or justice will be done, but so that I can then also be totally under state run mind control. What I mean by that is much of this resembles alot of what went on in East Germany or the USSR. 'The State' as an example of this power, official power, political power though it seems to consist of special interests, acedamia, the private sector and certain state actors. The cops are certainly involved.

I am in a very difficult position. If I reveal information out of revenge as a last ditch effort to gain justice, understanding or revenge before my death or before I have to bow down to losing this battle due to sickness age, then I will have 'confessed' and that is firstly not going to help becuz all these people are untouchable and I am considered mentally ill officially I can tell. People have jsut written me off completely becuz its easier than bringing the conspirators to justice, generally they are worth more.

Confession is a huge part of submission when being tortured. Its an important phase in behavior modification especially cult mind control or brainwashing. It wouldnt be so suspect if I was given a subpeona at the time of the federal investigation but I was chased around the US and people kept intimating the FBI wanted to talk to me. Or I kept getting interrigated outright by perps. So this torture to tell all is just another ploy to gain submission from a TI.

I also think that there are a lot of men in on this and one of the main focuses of this seems to be a faction of Cause Stalkers who are very interested in getting certain women under control. They are convinced that women's lib as it ended up being in the 90s was responsible for all thier ills. Really they are angry at REACTIONARY feminists and rightly so. Race shouldnt be part of female power or advocacy nor should religion come into it nor should women be male hating reactionaries. These are weak women. Women who live off a male system and act like they owe men nothing. They suck and I couldnt agree more.

However, I find it interesting that in my situation, this system had to pick on someone who was not a racist and try to make me a total hateful racist. Someone who did NOT hate the cops and now distrusts them completely. Did NOT hate men but now can hardly deal with being around them if they are at all aggressive.

What they hated most was a truly powerful woman one that interanally sensed her equality with men, not as an invader on THIER territory, playing thier roles and thier games but on her own, THE TRUE DEFINITION OF AN INDEPENDENT OR POWERFUL OR CONFIDENT FEMALE. This is what they have set out to destroy over time, and its interesting they had to do to me what child molesters do to thier daughters to get that result. Break my trust in all male authority as well as focus on abuse by male authority or a percieved group or gang up of males. Also using Jake to make me feel like the old divorced dumped woman is also part of this.

When this started I was about 33 or 34 and looked 20 or 23. I am now 40 and look about 30 something even though lower class people think I look 24 or so. Better classes of people will see the damage to my looks. And people who knew me, and one can just see it from pictures comparing now to then- my looks have totally been taken away. Yet the lower classes I deal with seem to think I am beautiful.

This is also part of the planned submission and forced moving on, forgetting about what they did, accepting my situation all thats been being pushed for years now.

Becuz I possessed superior information about the wealthy and powerful men that run our world, I had to be robbed of that. Also I seemed to posses alot of qualities that were from a class or two above me regardless of my birth class. This too has to be wiped out of me. I had to be turned into a common person, an ignorant hateful fearful peasant. Like everybody else. This way it looks even less like I am telling the truth becuz it seems I am jsut another homeless crazy who hates authority. No one special. This and lowering my intelligence and destorying my talents seemed very important.

Becuz in reality this leads back to programming, no 0ne wants to have people start looking at the sex industry and realizing that women are imprisoned mentally and otherwise there and arent really living lives out as themselves, then even less due they want that attributed to mind control becuz then programming will start to be discovered in all kinds of gutters they dont want you to know about. The reason the sex industry and drugs must stay illegal is becuz without them being veiled in mystery not only could these things not fund black ops with black budgets (think Iran Contra as the most ridiculous example) but they could not be used to hide alot of other things like spying and mind control. How many working girls are geniuses or highly intelligent but die of drug overdoses or disappear? Its becuz many are being used for other things that require an artists eye, high intelligence, verbal skills, musical ability, innate math ability etc etc. It also requires that they be heavily disacossiative. Hmph..

So all these years of beat down have been to really burn my nerves out so I am never again capable of being the fine human being I once had potential to be. To reduce me to a peasant, a commoner with no special looks or talent.

And this was done alot by smearing me constantly so that a huge network of people across the USA would actually treat me like I was just that.

I dont even think leaving the USA is going to do any good. Why so I can be harassed in some other country where I dont understand the laws or language? Great set up to see me fall but I wont go for it.

Lately my brain seems much more like its melting, like memories are fading like I am slowly dying. Simply becoming a walking corpse.

I am sick of being denied my true self. Of being pushed more than ever to forget about who I am or what I could have been. Every single thing that happened to me has to be documented and revealed to the public. That is the only way to bridge the gap between the time line that should have been and the one thats been created.

TI's Are NOT Targeted Becuz They Are On Assistance From The Govt

If one more idiot tries to intimate or suggest that I am targeted due to being on assistance, being Polish or that I am Jewish I am going to kick thier asses. I am really sick of this stupidity. The public are either very into mind gaming or they are really stupid and gullible.

Assistance from the govt, other than being useful politically as a way to make the govt seem humanitarian also is useful politically as a scape goat. Assistance is gladly provided by the govt. Imagine the US not holding up the illusion they care about human rights? Imagine what would happen if you didnt pay off all the old slave families (labor) as well as new immigrants and everyone else in between? Do you realize how much crime there would be?

Anarchy. Go ahead, cut off assistance totally. I want that. I have wanted that kind of chaos for years now. You'll have homies putting guns to doctors heads demanding care and if not due to beefed up security they might just kidnap them. Break ins you name it.

The other classes better be grateful that cult mind control tactics and psych meds are used to keep us 'down' and you have the luxury of beating us also. Becuz if that assistance you whine about was cut off, you'd be f*cked. Get a clue.

GS is about much more and TI's are usually intelligent people who would not want to be on assistance anway. You should ask yourself why peopple like me are on assisatnce to begin wtih and we are NOT crazy either.

THIS IS YET ANOTHER COVER STORY. I notice this system comes up with numerous cover stories and then the perps act like they believe one of them, or someone in the public who thinks they know whats going on believes one of them or if they are really confused and brainwashed- all of them.

If someone seems intelligent, talented, good looking and not insane just traumatized wouldnt it stand to reason to question why they are on assistance? No you just go along with the bullying becuz you are not smart enough to get out of the mob mentality.

This is also probably why I keep getting vibed right now to leave the US at any cost RIGHT NOW. Like its only going to get worse or my life will be wasted here by these backwards idiots.

That rich bitch, rich-kid-gone-bad madame Julie I used to be friends with for years was on Masshealth and so was her kid. No one harasses her or uses that as an excuse, why becuz she makes up for it by paying off cops and cab companies in Xmas cards? That mean Jewish woman Sheryl Rosenburg who's family is loaded and gets money from both her ex husband and her familiy told me she got her son on SSI, when he went to Berkelee College? She was probably just messing with my head.

And she's gonna pay and so are all these other people. Boston especially thinks they can just do whatever they want and walk away. They are junkies for that feeling of being superior. I plan to make em kick cold turkey, hopefully it will kill some of them. Lets see how many of THEM we can make commit suicide eh? All that scum I dealt with are all sociopathic self absorbed rich assholes so there is no point in thinking they would even consider such things. They dont have souls thats why, whats to kill? Lol

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Chelsea Handler's Romantic Interlude/ Nick Cannon Twitter Battle


Now, now Nick whoever you are, dont insult truly angry white trash! No no, Nick, HALF JEWISH trash is what that is. Dont get confused. Chelsea Handler is a purely American invention for sure. And when you have a cozy relationship with an exec at E! with Comcast in the mix who did alot of unethical things for the CIA during the insane Bush era- you are going to get a show!

She's not really angry, she's just opinionated. Nor is she intelligent enough to actually pull off having anything that comes close to a political mindset on any issue she tackles anyway. She's pure Hollywood garbage. Saying that people who are homeless have all made bad decisions is one sign you are not dealing with a mercurial genius.

Have some respect for the truly angry poor whites- becuz you will see more and more in future if you havent gotten it already that we might be some of the last rebels left in the face of oppression.

Hot bag of nickels? I liked Ice-T's "hot bowl of dicks" served up to Amie Mann alot better. But both make me feel better.


NICK!! Calm the f*ck down dude! Again stop getting stupid, show biz whites mixed up with those of us who are truly poor white and self respecting enough to NOT be in show biz! Also Howard Stern is JEWISH trash, please stop confusing the two!! Eminem is someone that smart angry white trash would never listen to or respect anyway. He doenst even exist for many of us. Wiggers are a variation of angry white trash I suppose, but we dont like to be confused with this variety. The differences are painfully obvious. We are not afraid of our cultural heritage and DNA, we have some self respect and pride.

Also, in case you dont realize it, after watching these scumbags for years all the people mentioned have shown at least one of thier media creations is psy ops. Stern being the most prominent. These people work for the Man Nick.

Ignore them or at least be alot more intelligent and specific about your attacks on them. Hit deep and point out thier weaknesses, of which they have alot. Also, each one of these clowns gets off on people hating them, they incorporate it into thier act, their popularity. Use that Nick. Use it wisely. Without show biz each one of these people is a pathetic loser. Chelsea would be drunk under a bridge somewhere- the results of one too many bad desicions as she herself has formulated is the cause for so many homeless people being in their circumstances. Well, shes good looking so she would probably be with some guy or a working girl, if you know what I mean. Being a dominating bitch is a good money maker in sex work. Basically, that is what she does now its just marketed in the media so you dont see the whips and leather, but that is what her fans like believe me.

OH WAIT NICK!! Here is a bad decision by Chelsea Handler right here: Seems she likes to mess around in men's room stalls. Oh her fans will love this! So WILD and CRAZY!

By the way kiddo, people like this get off on you being pissed off and losing control. My mother used to say "get some one in control, out of control by pissing them off". She was also a bitch by profession, always the Daddy's girl leaning on men instead of being truly independent and still thinking she was a bad ass.

The more silent you are the less these people get from you. Only come out when least expected to strike at thier jungulars when there is something juicy to feed off of, like this story provided here. If you systematically ignore people like they dont exist, they have no power. Believe me I KNOW.

Also people in show biz like to give yer wife a hard time and always hated on her. First it was loads of crap from blacks who kept saying she thinks shes black who does this b*tch think she is? (Only in America folks.) Then she had to reveal her dad was part African American or something like that, and that let up but some other jealous hating BS would always appear.

Just go home to your lovely buxom wife who never had to get surgery to be shapely and remember that Chelsea is a middle aged drunk, Stern was never attractive even after surgery and Eminem is cursed with being himself for the rest of his life.

Good luck kiddo and remember- these people dont exist.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Jealous Women Should Be Punished/The Public Should Not Be Allowed Such Powers

When female jealousy feeds male aggression or the desire to see women abused as is much the case in my campaign, even though its political, much petty personal desire has been fed by this monster.

My mother is a major player in this and her jealousy of me is not just pathological but she is from what I know, a programmed multiple herself so if its programmed into her she is going to be murderously dangerous not by her own design. The fact that she hasnt been caught yet for what she did to me or continues to support shows its political use and connection to political power. These are not normal circumstances.

However the problem is that many many females have been in on the harassment and torture without any sort of consequences. Its a way for the system to hide that this is in fact military grade psy ops- the typical gang stalking excuses: dropped the ball, fell through the cracks in the system, bad luck, thats the way people are etc. Yet the things that happen to a TI are extra ordinary. The fact they happen at all and with the approval of powerful entities illustrates how the worst in human nature is utilized fully by the designers of these campaigns.

When does jealousy become a war crime? Break international laws?

YOu have to understand that the people that are used for these campaigns are usually not as smart as the TI. The people at the top are using a mob of people to destroy one person, one Target. They find out what the best motivation is to tap into in whatever group they want to use in the campaign to destroy the person. When all is said and done, most of the average people involved took part not becuz of any sort of evil genius or political ends but becuz they are animals. They act like animals and they are no better than animals. They honestly do not see what they did as having an impact on wars, foriegn policy, corporate control of our culture and the world, the environment. They also do not seem to understand war crimes or that such things are illegal. It often seems like they dont even understand thats what they took part in. They are actually THAT stupid, slow and unable to see the great length of the road...which is why they instinctively go after the TI with whatever bullsh*t frame up is provided. These people are unable to be humble, becuz as many TIs have seen they themselves are so lacking in understanding thier own power they cannot understand worldly power and its responsibilities. Weak people are dangerous and in modern America, superiority and strength is often purely defined by monetary worth, connections or the ability to be inhumane. I have come to realize that most Americans dont even understand what they did as wrong. That many people are f*cked up, compartmentalized about thier own trauma histories or just plain too weak to have ever battled thier own demons or other people influencing them or keeping them down.

For such people to be able to take part in politically motivated campaigns against ONE person, especially connected to military war crimes is outrageous. When soldiers kill I doubt if its personal. When mafia kills...its supposed to be business anyway. Giving the public this much power or the illusion of power should have consequences. I hate to say this, but living through this has made me revisit what I always felt inside as a kid: the public are stupid and inferior. I dont feel that about everyone as I did then becuz I grew out of it but these experiences have shown me that the public if allowed to be let loose on someone are the most ignorant, non thinking, animalistic terrorists known to mankind. I dont even know if humans generally are capable of anything other than living as a cult. It seems they keep prefering this over freedom.

Its bizarre to me that often many shelter rats and other factions of the average public seem to actually be familiar with many of the factors and elements involved in the campaign- yet their take on it is so blase. As if they truly dont grasp what they have done or what they have taken part in. Are human generally evil with little exception? I dont mean willfully evil or overt sort of evil people just the seemingly stupid ones in the herd. The sadists, the sickos and the people who outshine others in being 'evil' I can deal with- I understand them and at least respect thier position even if its to my detriment. Its the herd I dont get.

How can they support laws but break them in such a manner as this? This campaign was huge and, as one of the people on the board of the PACHRE said concerning the claims of the MK Ultra survivors: gang stalking or the way the system keeps survivors down seems to include many people outside the CIA and military.

I have seen many people who are obviously motivated by jealousy and are totally irresponsible that it should be obvious they cant handle power. How can you pull of war crimes in the USA utilizing the public's lowest urges with no consequences? Thats why no one wants to believe us. No one wants to believe that there are so many petty murderous people who exist among the population who also somehow work in unison with one another as part of psy ops. Its easier to call the individual TI crazy or guilty.

Jealous women are a huge part of these campaigns. I mean they have absolutely no sense of social or ethical responsibility. Its not anyone else's problem they are weak or cant access the power within themselves yet this is fully utilized by PROFESSIONALS. So a mob lynching someone is totally acceptable as long as if fullfills some agenda set forth by a state actor?? WTF is that? How is that possible?

That doesnt even make a country worth living in? Alex Jones is wrong- this country hasnt become prison planet it obviously always has been. In this day and age humans are still running off of this kind of evolutionary state? Its unthinkable really. The hardcore Satanic factions at least are pretty set in what they are about, what they are willing to do and what comes naturally to them. I said NATURALLY. From what I have seen most of the people involved in gang stalking are not naturally evil by nature. They are only able to pull off these things becuz there are no consequences and much of the campaign is co signed by wealth and authority. These people are essentially the weakest people actually. They could never function this way on their own without a system designed to utilize thier stupidity. I have seen these very average weaklings being part of the gang stalking scene and in the backrounds in places I frequent- they always have to 'steel' themselves in response to stimuli from the campaigns. In other words they are getting cred off the TI that they dont deserve. Drama, street cred, feelings of superiority etc.

Wether they are part of the campaign out of thinking they are doing evil, good or something necessary to the national security they are still morons. One can plainly see they have no personal strength whatsoever. Not all of them but much of them. This is especially true of the very common public I have had to deal with in public spaces and in shelters etc. Staff and clients in these places should not be allowed to lord it over anyone especially a survivor of mind control who is trying to heal, and definately not if thier only true and main motivation is drama or jealousy.

The amount of mind control used especially the tech makes it impossible for the TI to ever fight and win or have any power.

The public convince themselves you are dangerous, weak and who knows what bullshit is in the minds of Cause stalkers who range from religious to people who actually believe these experiences make you stronger without understanding war crimes are illegal for a reason and the only thing they caused was brain damage and loss of life.

The problem is that every heavy in on this has something to lose. Every soldier in on going to battle has something to lose. Gang stalkers dont have any risk whatsoever. They benefit from being able to utilize the most advanced tech as well as protection from official authority.

It should be outright illegal to include or employ civilians in any and all activities covert or otherwise in by states actors even if those actions are outsourced by state actors and handled by private companies such as black ops etc.

Anyone who isnt trained properly shouldnt be let loose on any living human being. And if these actions are indeed from a state actor like the CIA then there needs to be some recourse by the victim(s). If it comes from organized crime then the same should apply.

How is it my own grandmother, mother, psychiatrist etc had inside information and gas lighted me with "THEY are afraid of you" or "THEY need to know someone is advocating for you" without my having any knowledge of what was going on or access to information? And how is it so many people are in on these campaigns nationally? In Baltimore Ohio I only saw perps. The entire time I was there I walked into town, got stalked in predictable overt ways, saw only perps including a cop car where the guy gave this look like I was asking for it and foolish for walking into his town.

When does an entire nation go against one person? And WHY as well? And if I was truly just a pedo or mentally ill or etc etc then why are so many people that afraid of me? People treat me like I deserve to be segragated from the population. People treat me like I was never meant to exist or I deserve this or I am not part of humanity.

These experiences then should put much of our nation, our culture and our population into question. Like once again evidence exists for these satanic networks,even if all Satanists are not part of such networks or Satan is not a real entity. Just becuz you are an atheist doesnt mean there arent Satanic networks doing these things to people. Its not about the legitamacy of the entity its about finally accepting that human beings are muderers and will act that out like mindless apes if given the financial backing, right victim and blessings of authority.

And they will use any excuse they can like God, religioun, morality, necessity, national security etc. If my existence was an issue of national security I by all logic should have been simply disposed of by now. And I dont mean people tormenting me around the USA trying to put weird shit in my medicines or run me down with cars or torment me into suicide. An 'accident' would have sufficed or perhaps a silencer on a high quality gun.

A large faction of the American public has taken part in what amounts to war crimes- torture being the most compelling. They are dependent on authority to keep these activities covered up by simply writing me off as delusional. Simply put American citizens not only partook in torture but know what they did is wrong due to also making it obvious that its going to remain covered up.

There is nothing I have done in my life that warranted the abuse I have recieved. Yet I have encountered numerous people nationwide who partake of torturing me and tormenting me not just for practical gain but for personal gain.

When you look at thier behavior outside of being the TI you realize that they cannot possibly comprehend that they have partaken of war crimes or they are helping to extend projects like MK Ultra rooted in Project Paperclip. I am especially shocked at the Jews involved. Why would they be involved in Nazi projects? What becuz they 'earned' the research results via their own people being a faction of those experimented on?

This is one of the factors that is so confusing about gang stalking related to MK Ultra. Youve got plenty of Jews involved which, if these are Nazi sympathizers, makes no sense at all. I think its just anyone greedy, power seeking and then when it comes to the public just jealous and weak.

Its confusing when the lowest types seem to know about what is going on with the details of the most involved part of the campaign. So what are these people psy ops and just posing as homeless women? Its possible becuz I have seen stranger things in all this.

Most of this is easily written off as my being nuts, like my dad of course. My claims of my mother being a radiation experimentee are easily denied by her as well as all her other actions unless someone bothered to look up old phone records and her records as an experimentee- both of which could be altered or destroyed if an entity is powerful enough.

The only thing I have is dirt on people from the cover story situation in Boston. It was stupid of them to try make me look like I suddenly went nuts when my friend as associate of ten years was connected to a federal investigation in Boston, one I am convinced now was looking for terrorist money. And if that is true I suspect that alot of this is done on purpose as part of a campaign to ensure the truth IS NEVER FOUND.

No one wants to know about black budgets or how the CIA has been documented to be involved with gangs like the Bloods and higher up organized crime. Americans accept this as what makes our way of life so good. Which means destroying my life based on some moral judgement is the most inverse, ridiculous thing I have ever heard of.

These people, these normal average citizens you run into who are part of this- aside from thier petty personal motives, being the apes they are incapable of thinking any higher than that- are protecting child molesters and we are talking about the worst ones.

Even the way that Britney Spears was treated just reeks of a nation that would rather NOT deal with her and how she got that way.
And gs is international?

I can not believe that people try to write this all off as simply the act of destroying Rachael's last chance in life. Its insane. Either these people are fully aware of the political nature of what has been done or they are programmed and trying to wake them up is going to be impossible. They MUST be aware of what they have done or what the campaign was about. If not then its obvious that myself and others like me who feel they only get along with other people in a select tribe are totally valid in those choices for survival. I bet if I really got to know the other traveling kids I would probably find they were targeted as well or psychic or extremely talented or highly intelligent etc. People like us just meet and know each other, that we can trust each other to an extent. Its like we know each other. And the posers, infiltrators, operatives and provocetures are easily recognized on some level..which is why its very important to keep us freaked out and traumatized to a point. So that we dont really become conshus of what we KNOW subconshusly. I can 'see' bullshitter within the traveling community and people that seem to be on the side of corrupt authority but you just cant make a rational take on that until it becomes obvious and even then...the traveling scene is definately infiltrated. This absolute bitch with a heavy drawl in Portland blew me off immediately with "so how long you been travelin?" and didnt like the answer. Maybe she didnt like Yankees but I have come to realize that such people are highly suspect in the traveling scene. They seem to like to blow off anyone who seems intelligent, has thier shit together and isnt a brainwashed stoner who has completely thrown thier lives away to the road. The people of the latter description usually have no problems with me, its the people that DO that are up to something. They either work for the organized crime end of things or they work for thier state actor counter parts.

Its disheartening over time to have to realize that the entire nation if not the world is run by the CIA and military. There is a good reason that some of my best support has come from the wealthiest areas of the USA- I suppose only they can resist having to play ball with these assh*les.

My problem is not so much that people have to comply to survive- its the far too numerous public who take joy in complying- who like to see what is happening to the Targeted person. These low quality people shouldnt even KNOW about covert ops let alone be in on it. And the involvement of like every shelter in the USA is very disturbing.

Thier belief is that they, great and small are all going to get away with what they did to me becuz I am not important enough, I am just one person, I have no power etc. Gang stalkers love what they do becuz no one can catch them. THey are in the end but a faceless mass.

Remote Influence Seems Heavier Lately- New England 2011/ME, NH

OK very disturbing lately. It seems that something has changed in the past 12 months. It seems like whatever tech is used, in the north east anyway, has become incredibly strong in managing areas. Opposed to using human forces or 'gang stalkers' to manage TI's/ the public in these areas. Its becoming almost impossible to beat mentally. This could be my health deteriorating as well so I am unable to fight like I used to.

The interfacing just does NOT stop lately. Its terrible. There has been some change in ME and I dont know what it is. Perhaps it was some illness I experienced in the last 12 months being in Cambridge/Boston.

The attempts to induce erotomania http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11788912
have become near constant.
I usually dont devulge the identities of the persons who are part of these deceptions as I feel that if anyone wanted to use this against me to illustrate I am mentally ill they would have more weight if I named the celebrities. I know I can use as example that Diana Napolis suffered from this being induced after she got too close to Ritual Abuse cases as a therapist. She then started becoming paranoid and eventually stalked Aquino and celebrities. I am not sure if Aquino had hard evidence like from computer activity that could be shown to prove she had done so or if she sent him corrrespondence. Even perhaps that correspondence was faked by someone routing through her computer address..etc.
The point is she fell for it it seems. She was sucked into this system that simply tortures people until they give in. Mentally who the hell can fight that long against DAILY hammering away at your mind? And if you dont give in, the system can always refer to these claims and then use them to show you are mentally ill. The issue is that the people making that judgement would have to understand the way military grade psy ops is being utlized against enemies of certain factions. Youve got common people or worse- former mind controlled slaves who really have little understanding of thier own rights as citizens to begin with- being taken as hostages or hit like enemies in political or military campaigns. Your average TI is different from a diplomat or dictator. Most of us dont have any training to counter this, unless its from being programmed as children.

Such circumstances also suggest further experimentation related to MK Ultra and Project Paperclip as this would be a way to test the systems of programming within people to see how much it takes to get someone to break down, conform, confess, submit to authority, suicide, etc.
This might be the only reason TI's seem to get 'help' from covert factions. Either that is what is going on or you've got some particularly bored elite out there who are using this as games- like the gladiators in ancient Rome.

I was in Portaland Maine. Horrid. Maine is pretty bad. I have photos of the towers in that town. They were those ones with the big drums on them. They were pretty heavy duty considering the size of the town. It was OK out of the bus station but Portland goes up this huge hill, an incline as one travels down the main road Congress St all the way to the waterfront. It just got weirder as I went up the incline. You could feel the influence of tech interfereing with thought processes, emotions etc. This seemed to start in earnest as I went through the art district. That is also where I saw the first large tower.
Hung around in Monument Sq and walked through Old Port. Touristy area. Panhandling was pretty terrible but I got at least enough to eat. Inclimate weather it harder. The shelter there is not great and the homeless tend to be drunks and generally the homeless population are very common people, not creative or artistic in nature.

I got gang stalked the sh*t out of all over the city, Momunment Sq area being the worst. The combo of gs and tech made the stalking and harassment by human forces more subtle in nature. I will run down the specifics in another post but some of it was very nasty, the content of the tech campaign that day.I found something military related which I have to look up, and a woman who gave me a ride out of there wised me up a bit by saying "The salaries are not very high in Portland Maine- how is it those people can afford to go to those bars and restaraunts all the time?" and she said they were NOT all tourists. I suppose I should really think about that. A theory is that these bastards not only commondear entire buses or invade towns every three weeks for htier black ops games but that they take over entire cities or areas of cities. Its quite possible. Privitization through a back door system that is perfectly legal. How depressing.

The tech was intrusive there but more about getting me to self talk, act out and there was a strong sense of being watched, by select celebs of course and powerful people along with an audience, thus causing Truman Show Syndrome. I tried to ignore it and fight it but it was very strong and when such a thing is coupled with gang stalking by human forces, its very distracting.

Left and arrived at truck stop then to a NH town to ride out storm soon. Pretty ok in this area run better than Maine. NH is always better than other New England areas. The problem here has been a bombardment of inducing erotomania. Famous people and an audience are not watching me but there have been ideations of specific people psychically contacting me and/or watching me. In fact the induced delusion starting this morning is that these few infamous people are great admirers of mine and have crushes on me. This of course is utter bullsh*t and only part of a psy ops campaign, using tech of course via MINDWAR by Michael Aquino and general so and so, that decades ago conceptualized this being possible.

One knows this as a Target but its hard to live this and observe as well as use reason to stay out of it. It sucks actually. Its not way to live.

What was most notable about this experience is its onset was when my mind started to wonder and I was really starting my day gearing up my imagination. Listening to some music and imagining being in some other country having a life not bothering with this nonsense. The ideation of this one specific infamous person broke into my day dreaming as I walked..no ripped into it like a rude interruption. It simply took me away from what I was thinking in my own mind. Pretty intrusive wouldnt you say? And you can tell that those actions are also part of training/conditioning a person not to use thier imagination. There is this war on human conshusness we must think of as well. Of creating robots out of humans, of creating a system of interconnectedness. That seems like a great idea but what they are trying to do is create a world of interconnectedness and then deny individuals thier own minds or mindscapes to reflect, think or imagine. Its as if the system is attempting to make human beings one or two dimensional by destroying the inner worlds, the dimension of thought, or a human's ability to create other dimensions by creating them with thought.

This may seem far fetched or extreme but it is totally possible with the tech/psy ops system they have in place. Perhaps this is only for Targeted persons to suffer, which is why the public dont care even if they do know what is going on. Perhaps not, maybe they just want this NWO instead of being human.

As usual this stopped once I contacted the local police dept ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED MATTER. It is usually the case that a cop showing up physically or contact with police for some reason stops these crimes and tortures. It seems to stop the tech or seriouisly lessen it. I dont know how this works it just does. This could also be conditioning to get TIs to be more trusting of or in line with authorities. A reward if you will. It could also be that whoever is doing this is afraid of legit law enforcement officers who are NOT on thier payrolls etc.

(just lost alot of work by autosave not working. probably becuz it was a published post).

I will try to do a detailed rundown later this week but I have experienced. Generally the harassment in Portland Maine where I just came from was subtle but constant using human forces as is usually the case with anyplace strong in tech. Some of the tech content was harsh reminding me of the torture during Hayden being in office.
There seems only to be average military influence there but there was the Barbara Bush hospital for pediatrics branch, reminding me that I didnt take the Bush influence on Maine as seriously as I should have.

The point of trying to induce erotomania in a TI is probably due to using such delusions to condition the TI in behavior modification as part of classical conditioning. Its definately about pushing me to succeed somehow. Which is bs in itself as I should have been left alone to grow naturally, go to school sort things out for myself.
This was unecessary. This is all in the interest of controlling a person of re making them and in my case its to silence me. It could also be that getting me to devulge information completely is an important stage in the cult like brainwashing process which would ensure the victim be a full part of the NWO world wide cult family. Without a moment's peace to oneself of course.

If I can be made to believe that select famous and infamous persons as well as civilians are on my side, routing for me etc then I will perform better. Perhaps there are people who are indeed interested in what I am doing or want to see me succeed but its doubtful that it would be remotely normal for me to have to deal with intrusions by them psychically or otherwise.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I am very unhappy where I am staying. It only took just a week before a noise campaign started with cars going by the house in a parade of beeping twice. Even my roomate noticed it.

Eventually that got me to react. I must have self talked and it must have been for six hours straight. It was that plus people parking across the street at the gas station facing the house, only leaving when i leave etc, a few people coming up to me saying stuff around the neighborhood.

I then started to go into this coping phase of self talking when no one is around, usually at night and staying up all night now, not sleeping. Its hard to leave the house now and my rather challenging roomate, I now simply isolate from. Ive been missing doctors appointments and i want to leave due to health issues.

Music From Childhood Anchors Memories/ Memories the System Doesnt Want Survivors To Access

There is something to 70's disco music, that relates to my history as a Survivor. Some of this music is attached to memories stuck in my head. I was just starting to get that deep in remembering when my mother screamed at me that she would be condemned by me as well as the system really came after me.

I always liked old disco it being the usual music of the backdrop of my childhood with my mother and aunt. I know I have memories of the loneliness of those years, of being trapped with her. In a car or the apartment. But there are deeper memories, I cant really see whats going on but its pretty bad. I am seriously unhappy. And the fact these are party songs is really a threatening part of whatever is in there.

Whatever memories I have attached to some of these songs I am pretty sure is what my my mother, my family and the system doesnt want me to remember. In fact they are terrified of me recalling whatever made me so unhappy. Becuz this discreditation campaign has been long, extensive, expensive and dangerous.

First of all if you actually watch these videos, notably the first one, skip over Abba and the Bee Gees- its worse than state sanctioned torture. Rule of thumb with disco, real 70's disco not the crap that came out in the 80s: white people cannot make good disco. Don't care how that sounds its true. Maybe KC and Sunshine band or Average White Band the former having mostly African Americans in the band and the latter being a serious funk/jazz outfit not some fly by night coke whores who did porn on the side. The white acts are either just what I mentioned or even more horrifying actual acts that are so awful it should have sanctioned all whites from ever making any disco again- ever. This is a No Thug Zone- in fact its Pre Thug: just class and power, natural and real. Well as real as one can be through a drug fog. At least it was fun. Play hard and all that.

Oh and I Feel Love by Donna Summer is one of the best songs ever made. In my humble opinion.

If you want to avoid being sickened fast frwd through: Makin It, Come To Me and Instant Replay, Get Up And Boogie, anything Bee Gees should be avoided at all costs...and of course any parts where they insist on showing people NOW opposed to THEN. Just when you see white people forward it except for the two bands I mentioned. And of course whatever you can get out of the Village People.

Godamnit I hate the Bee Gees..badly. Really badly...and its not related to anything in my memories. Its due to whatever small music sensibility I have.

Try not to barf at the moment you are presented with Disco Duck and then Born To Be Alive. Right after this is Donna Summer, the goddess doing part of I Feel Love, which might make you feel like life is actually worth living after that experience.

Aside from being humorous, I think I have a right to know before I die or get any sicker physically and lose my mind completely as to what exactly it is that went on that is so depressing connected to certain music from my child hood. I find myself really understanding the severity of gang stalking and what it covers up when I realize the effort that goes into ensuring people like me have thier recall process cut short and are purposely brain damaged so that we cannot remember- ever.

Strange Vid: Hidden Message In Apple Logo

Just for fun. Its creepy but how much of it can be established or proven? We all sense there is something up with computers and getting humans addicted to tech and dependant on it, an enslavement of sorts yet hackers and computer people often have a strange sense of humor anyway. Not strange but...challenging.

Its just to absurd to get upset about. But there was something to this vid so here it is.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Aimee Mann-The Final Word and Pics To End My Anger

When you are being targeted as I have and other TIs like me, when something is pertinent to your situation you dont have to think about it- in fact it hits you like a bullet when its crafted to do just that. Which is why this is so hard to prove.

I was offended by Amiee Mann having my ex do her video becuz at the same time the album she released was called @#*@& Smilers! It should have been named Motherf*ckin Smirkers! actually. Ballentines http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/aimee_mann/ballantines.html hit a chord and the collective effect of all of these 'coincidences' was not something I felt the creator was doing to be sympathetic.
Having someone else do the video and then realizing that the song content was aligned with familiar life experiences might have been a bit easier to deal with. But then I wouldn't ever have found the album to begin with. Jake was the bait on this one.

Her husband is the brother of Sean Penn, I wont get into it right now but perps extensively utilized Into The Wild, a movie about a naive activist who goes to Alaska and dies there, as part of a psychological warfare campaign. Penn wasnt really doing well or getting much work before that movie. Then his career took of again. I see this repeatedly as a trend related to these campaigns.

Mann's husband Michael might be vocal about corruption and critical of the Bush administration but many people related to psy ops media content are as such, Charlie Sheen for example. What we need to look at are thier personal habits and what vices they have they need to protect or continue so they need protection or to please the providers of these vices. Often we cant see what people are 'getting out of it' by thier 'being in on it'. In many instances I don't think we would want to know what they are into that needs protection from exposure or vices they need to perpetuate. Often its simply opportunities they seek, once in a lifetime ones. And sometimes its to get back into favor with people you have made angry with you, like Sean Penn with certain elements of Hollywood I wont get into, which is suspected by many to be the reason he wasn't working for a long time.

I had posted my delight in Ice-T's response to Mann's criticism about his acting career. What I noted was she bowed out of a fight. Others may have simply returned fire. Also, this shows a pattern of sticking your nose where it doesnt belong.

It is well known by those IN THE KNOW that my ex Jake is a sleaze bag who was part of a sloppy attempt to frame me and its obvious that he slithered off into helping this system take me down instead of stick by me through it or even warn me directly about what was occurring. And this is the man making her vid at the same time she has an album that too closely resembles the psy ops tactics and story lines that pertain to organized stalking and harassment.

That is NOT helpful. That is hurtful. End of story.

Yet there is no further need to ever speak on this again, until its necessary to use this as part of mapping the campaign in its exposure. If we look at Amiee Mann now, compared to the person she was years ago, there is nothing else that needs to be said.

This is her years ago, a performer from Boston area in a popular band, a Berklee graduate:

Pretty, young, talented, healthy- seemingly happy. A real person. A human being with a spirit within. (this is the 80's remember. the clothes and hairstyle was very in.)

Now take a close look at this same person today or at least in recent years. Enlarge the photo. The eyes look sort of evil. That is NOT the same spirit. In fact the spirit that was once within seems absent.

In my experience this is what Hollywood does to people. There is an energy there, a culture, a structure that re-forms human beings. People succumb to this and lose thier old Selves, often naively believing its for the best. This is 'success'. My ex makes fun of his last picture before he got clean and joined the ranks of these scumbags and started getting rewarded with favors from the people in this system. In the pic from when I knew him well he was still a person, with again a visible spirited presence within. A very strong one even. Images of him during and after his sellout to this system are sad indeed. He looks like he's faking it, he's washed out and now he looks like a typical industry scumbag living in Hollywoodland. Yet, to him this is a good thing. He pokes fun at his past represented by that photograph as "ah, the sensitive artist" as if it was a bad thing or a useless endeavor in life.

People do NOT seem to see what this system does to them as human beings how it changes them. I do not write this from a Christian perspective as you know by now. Jake had an extremely powerful combination in his DNA, one of Native American, Celtic, Nordic and a bit of Jew. More than anything else in this environment right now, these energies are a great threat to the NWO itself if not to a society trying to dehumanize human beings and there is certainly a war on human consciousness, especially orgone production or people who can form, handle, morph or carry thier own electromagnetic energy fields. I know that sounds complicated or far fetched but if you do enough research related to the technologies you will find it does go this far. Its hard to do this kind of research becuz people often fall into the disinfo traps or focus on pertinent but unimportant things like Atlantis. That may be interesting or even relative but we cant take military contractors to court for Atlantis, however we should be able to have legislation pertaining to abuse of power and legal loopholes like the govt evading responsibility for war crimes etc by contracting out private companies to perform black ops and other activities.

This next pic shows that she's only being held together by plastic surgery:

Enlarge the picture. Look closely- is that something you want to be? Is that attractive to you? (and I dont mean everyone who gets surgery is like this. I am referring to a person who seems to have lost themselves and surgery seems to be to further hide that.)

Does this look like the same happy, sprite person with bright eyes in the early photos?

I think many of the people who were and are in on this simply dont understand the vastness of what is going on. What the true implications are of these campaigns and the NWO. Its not just political, its spiritual. And no one, no matter what price or what intimidation is going to get ME to sell out my ancestry, my primitive spirit, my birthright.

This is more than just the elite being a bit nervous. Its about trying to still escape from consequences of war crimes. And what occurred during Bush much of it was an extension of MK Ultra experiments and related research.

I can never be sure if that song is about me or not. Its a pretty good chance with the other circumstances.

You cannot use technologies to psycho-civilize society and that is really all this is about. And if that is the case the public deserve to know what is going on.

I dont need to get into some rap style lyrics war by writing some scathing return song. I do visuals not sound- and those pics are 'nuff said. Be very wary of the world of material gain right now, its no longer easy, free or about simply doing an honest job to get something you deserve. As one perp said to a young girl who was talking about setting me up in 2008 (heard it through the wall): "Girrrl, you gotta do crazy things to get anything nowadays".

You don't have to, you choose to. Remember that.

Oh and recently I read that she did some art thing on PBS with the subject matter consisting of being in denial and hiding things is unnecessary: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/egg/314/index2.html Its probably unrelated but its annoying anyway. Maybe Mann just bugs me. And if anything done was to be helpful it wasnt very effective. In fact it just made me feel like another rich kid from the Boston scene who is also blonde, decided to gang up on me, along with everyone else. Which is nothing compared to what is really going on in the big picture.

Obituary For Foster Father- Died While I Am In Exile


This is the obituary of my foster father, who I would refer to as 'grandpa Howland'. Its the second obituary I found of someone in my family who died during my being in exile basically for the last 7 years away from Boston and out of contact with everyone from my past.

Yes its upsetting. What was more upsetting is that I didnt have the feelings I should have about it. Years of torture and removal from my old life had left me unable to feel this was actually a real occurrence. Also the ploy it seems is to allow these older people to escape into death so that anyone who really knows the truth can never be under suspicion. It feels like it seals my fate every time one of the original players in this dies. My middle age spinster status will be sealed for life becuz I never got to deal with key issues while these people were alive, and they are hoping that the younger family members like my cousins etc just write me off as I was marketed: crazy.

What I did realize is how my own mother had let this system drive her to get fat, sell out and really cower instead of take them on. I realize now that without people like my friends and other people I associated with in my adult hood I would probably have met with the same fate as my family in handling this system, simply becuz these simple people dont know how to really fight powerful entities. They seem to just give into them and let them keep them down.

Its unfair I have to deal with alot of things now he's dead and not while he was still living. It feels like this was done to deny me power somehow. Which obviously cant be returned if these people are all dead by the time the truth comes out or I tackle memories etc.

Again the system's actions keep me down. Its also a way of forcing me to 'grow up' in THIER definition of doing so, which of course consists of NOT having massive psychic power available to you as that is something that women of a certain age gain. Part of this campaign was to ensure I was forced to live through that phase and pass it without gaining any power naturally as I should have by birthright. Keeping me from true emotional sorting out of problems while the originators of those problems are still alive is a way to do this.

Now lets focus on what I found as more coincidence related to gs and human experimentation. He also worked at Raytheon. I knew this, as a kid I knew he was a janitor there. His daughter Jeannie's husband Frank worked there in a capacity above being a janitor as I recall he had a pretty comfortable life.
Alot of programming activity went on in connection to this family.

(Well, it explains why I have been running into so many images of large sunflowers lately. I am assuming I can make peace with them now..which I dont appreciate being pushed into I will do that in my own time and I wont get into it here or now. Stop trying to force me to heal over becuz its convenient for YOU. )

I am just waiting for the next obituary. And I am fully ready just like I was for these. I know these are rules of war. I know that my family betrayed me so as to risk my life as I was pushed out onto the road where many attempts on my life and sanity were made. Which means they are a security risk and cannot be contacted at any cost.

And you chose your sides.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Misconceptin I Am Doing This All For Attention

Now I'm getting these strong psychic impressions that some people think I am doing this for attention. Either that or these impressions come from me telling my friends here that I am leaving and they don't know me well enough to know that when I have had enough I will just leave.

If anyone out there thinks I do activism pertaining to gang stalking or ritual abuse/ mind control programming for attention you are out of your minds. You also don't know me very well as a person. Notice how everyone who did know me are the ones in my story that betrayed me. My own mother told me stright out "You can write a book but no one is going to believe you". You still don't understand how this works. The people who know the TI has serious dirt on them as well as has been through inhuman abuse, are the ones who are usually at the center of the conspiracy against that one targeted person and then they get to forever be exempt from responsibility by saying that person is either mentally ill or attention seeking-they say whatever they have to in order to perpetuate the deception.

Every person who was key who was close to me had some very heavy dirt to hide and all three of them including also my landlady and her company were involved in abusing me for years. And also I knew my.mother Julie and Jake so well I can tell you THEIR private issues that made them abusive as well and it doesn't reflect on their families well believe me.

The people around me were like abusers who all knew what the other one was doing so knew they could get away with treating me that way. When I realized fully I basically got treated like a slave and people were hurting me for their own gain they all decided to silence the victim witness. My mother Jake and Julie were all guilty of using me to the point of regularly hurting me either physically emotionally or mentally. Abusers often do this with one victim. They also have a funny habit of revealing to the victim how abusive the other ones are probably so the victim will stay with them exclusively.

If you think I do any of this for attention you simply don't know me.

America has a warped view of older women. I'm 40. I am Gen X. We don't f*ck around in case you don't recall. The 70s was really hard to grow up in especially if yer parents partied. Life was often a serious affair. We didn't have internet and we also didn't have parents like our parents who were dutiful. We were left alone and frightened to fend for ourselves to the point where we became very independant. Our parents taught us how to fight authority and survive that's about it...and that it was ok to question things and express ourselves even if society doesn't approve.

I am a still talented fairly attractive Caucasian female with much intelligence remaining and extra ordinary life experience. If I did not feel I HAD to do this to defend myself and survive, to right a wrong and gain true justice for myself as well as warn the public about very serious matters like war crimes I WOULD NOT BE DOING THIS. Anyone who knew me knows I specialize in being attractive, partying really hard and being creative and mercurial as well ad serious self improvement and of course travel now I realize which probably replaces partying. And of course sex was like a religion.

Why would I waste my time on this? This project has been like an unhappy long forced marriage and if I divorce and walk out I lose everything.

Believe me I could be having a life. And the life I wanted was more interesting and full of pleasures and wealth and fullfulling altruistic urges as well, compared to tthis.

I don't think Americans know how to live. I don't think they understand how to live to the fullest even if you have no money left. They don't know how to utilize the assets they we're born with. Americans misunderstand people like me becuz they don't really know what's out there, I don't think they have seen thousands of years if history in this country to understand that corruption can be very severe and atrocities are real and often in your own backyard.

Americans have this narrow view of older women. That due to being jilted and ditched as well as aging that we are has-beens and thus need to take drastic measures to get power or attention.

Like I said if you believe that about certain women like myself you don't know me at all. I am not some pathetic commoner who needs society to give me approval...which is one of the reasons I am targeted so heavily.

Stop thinking like sheep.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Its Finally Time To Leave MA and Never Return

I understand that I have lost in the battle for my life, as in that I have aged, lost my looks etc. There is nothing I can do about that. That is a side effect of fighting such forces so hard to stay alive.

There are too many people in the USA I have run into, nationwide who know my story or think they do. If the USA is full of people who know what is going on with someone like me, and most people seem to not take it as seriously as they should, even the people who seem to be supportive of me, then there is something gravely wrong with this nation. Many of us had known this for a long time but looking at the years I have traveled around the country and in each place I go I get gang stalked as well as people know or think they know my story and act as if what happened to me can be afforded by me. No one cares that I almost suicided or that I was almost killed. That what was done to me destroyed my health and my life.

And this cannot be blamed on my putting on a good front (front alter that is) becuz if I did NOT find an alternative life during all of this, the only people who would get off on that are the destroyers. They as well as many other Americans are just waiting for me to break down or lose it or show tears publicily.

America has become a cold awful place full of the worst spoilt brats I have ever experienced in my lifetime. The idea that a large part of the USA knows or has even a partial knowledge of the story of what has happened to me yet they show little sympathy and dont seem outraged or even genuinely sympathetic means that this country died a long time ago and those of us who stayed were fools for doing so. I suppose it took this much of a beat down to make us realize that the USA was and is going to be nothing more than a money grubbing spoilt rotten country full of people who are brainwashed and have no idea what is really going on or dont care to know.

The idea that I cannot get justice is complete insanity. With the proof I have, the documentation, the years of footage etc and audio- the idea that I am to live the rest of my life out this way is absurd.

And if any law enforcement agency has been part of this, of torturing me and systematically ignoring me so that I think I have no option but to just let information go publicily without counsel then giving out information is the LAST thing I should do. What is it in this country that exists that allows my situation to be the way it is? Why do people ignore me? How do so many people know who I am? Why are people not being honest with me? Why are people simply going along with the system?

Its like the public takes a perverse joy in helping the powers that be keep me down and refuse me justice. All becuz they also believe I am not worth anything becuz I happened to be very poor when I was attacked and targeted- poor yet privy to alot of damaging information about important people as well as noticing much of what the Bush administration was doing.

I have to realize that I am not really a US citizen. I cant be. Its too surreal, in general this situation is surreal, but its more so that way when trying to harmonize the idea of my being a US citizen yet being treated this way for many years on end. And with so many US citizens involved.

Everywhere I go I am stalked and harassed. It just doesnt stop. And people KNOW this. And all they can say is to ignore it or dont let it get to me. Do they even understand that its not just stalking and harassment, that its a three point system? Do they even understand torture? I cannot BELIEVE that no one cares, that no one sees the extent of the loss or the damage.

I cant even stay where I am now. Cars are parking out in front of the gas station here in the hood and pointing towards the apartment and of course for hours, and when I go the store only then when I walk out the door do they leave, of course one of them leaves thier interior light on, another tactic from '97 in this geographical location. At the store down the street last night some annoying little black kid did the tactic where perps go up behind you to peak over your shoulder at what you are doing. He did it while I was paying for food. This is often done by perps in libraries when on the computer, its to make you feel like you are being monitored so you dont look at something inappropriate. All of these tactics are to induce fear. In this neighborhood I took it as a threat I was going to be robbed as he came up behind me when I had my purse open. It was only change I had so I was hoping that if it was to see what money I had they would not bother becuz I was paying with change. Still, why should I have to live in fear like that, to have to race that thought through my head?

Then of course I started getting territorial and thought about finding some 'friends' and forming either my own counter gang, making it bigger all the time or to get someone to help me follow THEM home and mess with thier families. You know these losers have kids probably. Nothing a little visit to the school, perhaps take a Youtube vid of thier kids, put it on there and simply wave ..no one has to know what its about other than myself and they. Kind of like the way they harass us covertly for years on end where only the TI can spot what they are doing.

Becuz this is an African American neighborhood that was deep into the ghetto people were chill. I thought I could be left alone but sure enough it only took ONE WEEK before the bullshit started. Now I am having more trouble than usual controlling my (very Italian at this point) urges to counter attack when my home is being disturbed by African decendned peoples. These are very ancient urges that go back to the Mediterranean for thousands of years. There is nothing I can do about this and its going to get extremely....messy. We are talking somethig very much related to Roman bloody mindedness, probably in protecting Italy from any invaders from the southern regions or even slaves from Egypt. Besides I have had enough I mean had it up to my limit with being harassed by African Americans.

To snap is what they want. Ive decided that leaving is the best thing to do. Stay out of black areas, stay away from blacks altogether. Even though the peacable ones seem to be some of my strongest allies and most accepting of me, the chances of such an area having black gang stalkers is too great and I am about to literally snap and go militant. I do NOT want to become a white supremicist for the wrong reasons. It isnt even what I believe in.

And the Italian urges to 'handle' these blacks is too great. Its something I cant control and I know that. I know they are sloppy, slow and stupid in crime. I know I can be sneakier, I know I can be more stealth. I know I could do some damage at least to the lower soldiers. I am starting to think from my heart- if you understand where heart rules in battles. I am no longer thinking with my head and that means I am going to act out soon. The worst thing possible would be for me to get into the mix in this neighborhood.

I also cannot live with the thought of that fat bitch Julie perhaps still living in Milton just a few miles from here so perhaps her local peeps are being arrogant and acting as if this entire area isnt big enough for the two of us...which of course then makes me feel like I am being harassed by the house slaves of some blonde WASPy bitch career criminal and her connections which gets me even more pissed off and when it comes to the three people who betrayed me who were closest to me- the only reason they are still alive is becuz I cant get the three of them in one room at once to waste them. It was very clever to have so many people come after me at once. Then I have no time to clearly target an enemy and fight back. Also after I am ripped from the people I used to know who betrayed me, there is no clear enemy to target due to it being mobs of strangers doing the harassement.

Therefore the best thing to do is leave MA, never return and basically tell them to shove it for life. I always get sick here anyway and get fat. Without fail my health shits the bed here and thats becuz this place is polluted and unhealthy. Fuck MA.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

tormented for last few days. was ok until host put in new modem for satelite tv and had to reset his Sisco router. Felt totally targeted ever since.

I was getting heavy beep twice by a steady stream of cars going by. It turned into days this went on. By saturday night when I was left alone for the evening I suppose I finally snapped and responded becuz I burst into a rather loud stream of self talk to calm myself as well as try to focus on what I was doing. It is a coping skill that this system knows I have only too well and it seeks to trigger this response in me not just becuz its good to discredit me as mentally ill by documenting me self talking or the content ( I was actually warned about this by an informant once on a bus who told me this was attempted to be used against me during the federal investigation years to try to discredit me within the context of the any and all capacities I could be a victim witness. The perps did even indeed at one phase years ago try to suggest repeatedly that I self talked becuz I has MPD and was 'talking' to my other 'selves', which is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of in my life.

It seems this system and the people involved will do anything to ensure that a Survivor like myself doesnt actively recall any memories before the age of 6 which I was doing when this got very bad during Bush and the federal investigation around friends of my associates. One black woman about civil rights era age, used to be a nurse so those two factors, shes got some humanity left- dropped me one piece of information I will probably say is the most accurate reason for this entire campaign to discredit and silence me: that I recognized a diplomat who was on tv while in my apartment alone and was covertly recorded doing so. This particular film clip of this diplomat was from the 1970's which would mean my saying innocently "hey I recognize that man...where do I recognize him from?" would mean that such things like that are the kinds of content the people in this system are trying to prevent from being recalled.
The black woman told me that since I stated those words, I was a "dead woman walking". Her description of me exactly.

This incident is not so far off either from possibility as I had only a few flashes of memory from before the age of 6 and my mother used to brag about dating this son of a foriegn prince...well one version of the story was son of a prince, then another version was son of a DIPLOMAT. It was either Saudi or Persian...something that direction of the globe. Maybe even Iranian.

Then again are these all more cover stories? Perhaps MK Ultra or federal investigations are not as important as programmed kiddies being used as spies unknowingly.

All I know is that no authorities are concerned with getting any information from me. Everyone is interested in my silence and my eventually being pushed into taking my own life. Another alternative I am sure is simply becoming a bag lady. Those seem like the outcomes they want.

What is the life of one little girl, now too old for anyone to care about compared to the multiple levels of important men I could implicate both before the age of 6 and again in my 20's? This is why no one cares about me supposedly. Its not that they dont care about ME its that they care alot more about my enemies, simply put.

That dead woman walking comment pissed me off though. Hmph, its kind of laughable a bit. How can I be a 'dead woman walking'? I am programmed from birth remember? In my self knowledge I am in some perceptions dead to begin with. Then there is the issue of my going through suicide programming so I by rights as an Expendable Mind Controlled Slave or programmed Expendable should have been dead on schedule and this system interferred. Internally I still dont think it was right for them to interfere and would have never suffered or been damaged had I suicided on schedule.

So how is it that these bozos believe that these threats and terrorism tactics are supposed to hurt me? In many parts of programming, there are alters that ARE death or fused with death. Wtf are YOU talking about, becuz I already know who I am.

Average people might think issues of internal programming are complicated or confusing but to me and probably others like me, your human world outside of our internal programming is whats confusing. You do and say things that dont add up literally. You dont make sense. You act like you know and understand how to deal with people like us yet you make errors constantly. Do you do this to confuse and destroy us? It really is just a repeat of errors.

This may also be another part of experimentation. Cruel but effective for what they might be trying to do: Isolate the programmed human being from all the human contact they know and then you can whittle them down to just what exists internally. You destroy all the humaness the person posesses, I suppose in order to study someone programmed you might want to do this simply to be able to focus on programming or the part of the person that is computer like without the interference of any personality they had formed socially in thier lives.

No one is going to stop this becuz by this stage the TI is isolated from most people including all of the people they used to know before this system took them hostage. Also the Target has no power to make it stop, no money no resources. Society cares little for the life of one person.

so I got the constant beep twice by cars going by until I gave them what they wanted; and every time I live in this location they seemed to have always done things to force me to self talk to cope with anxiety. Most likely this is recorded or observed.

I talked for like 10 hours. I made myself sick, didnt eat and my throat became sore when I should have been relaxing and sleeping. The neighbors got an earful and if any of them are in on this either as perps or just by standers who know only the cover story we now have more discreditation.

Also just to rub it in they got what they wanted, after that I have not recieved any beeping or other noise campaign going by the apartment.

Most likely also they wanted to know what was on my mind at that time but it felt more like they wanted me to perform on cue. Forcing me to be akin to a dancing bear is very popular with this system. GAINING AND MAINTAINING CONTROL OVER THE TI IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF GANG STALKING, ESPECIALLY GANG STALKING A SURVIVOR OF MIND CONTROL PROGRAMMING.

Today I lost it completely. Most likely due to my anger over losing control on Saturday to this system. I also am staying somewhere full of blacks but I note that they are civil here. THE SECOND YOU SET FOOT IN BOSTON PROPER THERE APPEARS AFRICAN AMERICANS WHO CAUSE DISRUPTION, HARASSING INTERACTION, ARE FORWARD, ARROGANT, and in general just obnoxious, coddled a-holes who look at anyone who's white especially appears poor and white like an inferior. This disgusting 'rich whites and thier house slaves' show begins and I am the loser in this every time.

From being rested and being around normal human beings for a few weeks who act civily and decent, its much more evident that the bullsh*t I encounter constantly in Boston proper, on the train lines, buses and on the street IS PSY OPS. Its part of a constant show that is kept up within the city limits of Boston and Cambridge. I believe this is yes, to handle specific Targeted Individuals but its also for mass mind control and managment of the area. It seems that the informants I have experienced telling me that there was a campaign in Boston as part of gentrification to "drive everyone out that didnt have" any money or value are correct in that claim- and that campaign to drive people out certainly seems to include psychological operations and covert activities in public spaces. Social control through gang stalking being used in key areas.

You see this more obviously in places like NYC, Boston etc. Places that are small, congested and desperate to define specifically what kind of scene they want to maintain in these areas. In San Diego city limits, specifically down town, there is enough heavy remote influence through technologies to hold anyone down. Its impossible to fight. When one goes outside those parameters to say, Chila Vista, this is not the case and one can think, feel and behave normally. Thus the onset of aggressive and frequent but usually singular vehicular stalking and harassment of a TI, which seems to utilize detailed intel about the subject to create the content of the harassment of the Target.

So needless to say I had what good time I could make out of telling people walking around Comm Ave next to BU that I hated rich people and BU sucked, screaming at people really. I was pissed so why not walk in the rain from BU bridge to Kenmore right? And I used the N bomb frequently to describe the rich whites counterparts in the designed social scene. I think I also indulged in threatening every person who ever betrayed me as well as thier families with nice fantasies of thier deaths. If anyone has that one record its not going to do much to get me sympathy. Its going to do alot to discredit me, which is why I document this stuff. Becuz it SHOULD be used to document and track not only my reactions to being tormented for so long but individual instances of my reactions so that people can always see that its not random. Its not mental illness and its not that I am a horrible person.

Upon letting off this venom I got this ideation that pissed me off of course that this was a good thing. That I was now closer to telling what happened to me, closer to confessing, closer to facing these issues as legal ones.

When I got home an annoying ideation came up that this was good also becuz I was not closer to giving into deprogramming and behavior modification. That getting in touch with this rage would force me to get in touch with my true feelings about this and so on to the next phase of modification.
This ALL felt very forced and it was all against my Will.

I know damn well that this is so bad right now becuz the people where I live remind me of real, old skool Boston but as long as tech is present, there will now always be control. k

Chalie Sheen Getting Ghost Writers For His Chaos? Its Still Just Psy Opsurse


COULD someone be writing it for him? Gee, ya think?

Its a great way to block any true dissidents out there. I have no idea why Sheen would be a 9-11 Truther if he is involved in assisting the system in destroying any dissidents or co opting anyone's talents or art of expression. His part in Two And A Half Men tells those in the know that if he knew what this show was about, that it was a major media psy ops project for selected Targets, then it stands to reason why he would be part of a campaign connected to that to continue to destroy dissidents/select targets. (A black man close to the Bloods, who I have caught more than once directly involved in 'intimidation' of TI's myself included and other activities related to gang stalking- basically dropped a piece of information that let me know that that show was indeed meant to cause mental and emotional harm to a certain Targeted Individual. Within the week after doing so, he met with a woman he had not seen in ten years, who gave him opiates when crack was his drug of choice, they were both found dead the next morning, needles were found planted outside the window sill of his room when in fact no hypodermics were used by these people as delivery for the drugs that killed them. Within one day a certain TI was being taunted by gang stalkers in the context of her gs campaign with directed conversation as well as direct looks by persons saying things pertaining to "well if you killed someone just turn yourself in. The judge will understand" and basically trying to make this TI paranoid that the authorities believed she had something to do with providing the opiates to this man and his old friend now deceased, partially due to the TI's own drug use of opiates in her past but also becuz this was a running game with the gang stalkers: to get this TI to run and blab to the authorities. Besides, if it didnt work then its a great way to add trauma to the TI's daily dose of mental anguish, emotional suffering etc.)

This indicates that he and Alex Jones are disinfo agents as there seems to be alot of blocking out other TIs who are doing activism to expose what is going on with thier own form of activism. Yet, Sheen being part of any sort of activity that seems suspicious in nature related to psy ops in media including being a 9-11 Truther, should reflect on Alex Jones badly yet does not.

I now understand the point of people like Jones and Sheen his new side kick is to simply shine so brightly that they drown out any and all smaller voices. Its akin to a chain store taking over a business and pushing out all the mom & pop stores or shoppes.

Another dead giveaway is that most TI's live under duress and are operating as hunted human beings, usually in bad conditions as well as sleep deprivation. Under these conditions, a human being is going to only see that these two are bigger than they, have more voice power and they are going to be aware that these people seem to be doing what they are doing only better at it. Not only does this make a tired, weary and psychologically exhausted person belittle thier own efforts or add to thier wanting to give up, it also, in thier extreme state of health and mind, make it seem as if Jones and Sheen are helping the cause. Lets put it this way: I have lived through this. Its very much like being returned to a primitive animal like way of life. In my exhausted state I percieved this psychological battle field as say, the Savannah and Jones now seemed much like a large lion whereas I was a smaller less effective animal. Not only did I become comfortable with his presence in my hunting area and territory I also came to quickly understand he was bigger than me. This perception by a very tired human being who is living like an animal so is not thinking like one will cause any REAL TI who is a valuable VICTIM WITNESS with DAMAGING INFORMATION to forget all about thier true value and simply percieve themselves as minor in comparison to Jones and his associates.

It further confuses a TI that Jones would be with Sheen as Sheen obviously is a bastard in on this with all the motives to do so anyway. Yet he is a Truther....and Jones seems so credible. ????????????????????????????

To an exhausted hard working person living under duress and extremely stressful conditions, these effects are some of the best coming out of psy ops for a campaign such as this. I would not even be writing this from such an observer point of view if I were not in a place of rest recently that was safe.

Also, always be suspect that the purpose is also to cover up what is really going on with gs camapigns and why no one ever stops them or gets caught: they are in themselves part of continued experimentation and data collection or behavior modification campaigns.

To force someone like me to go through a gs campaign is to behavior modify me simply by my trying to save my life or act in self defense. Isolation as well as forced socialization and communication provides the conditions for changes the system considers positive for someone like myself say: socializing the subject, forcing constant confession- all of which takes away privacy. The isolation is not controlled by the subject therefore they begin to fear being alone or isolating. These are all ways to force people to stop using thier imaginations, stop being artists, stop being sensitive, stop being loners who are satisfied with thier own company, stop being writers, stop being spiritual or reflective etc. All the things the authorities didnt like in 1984 from loner types.

Also this very post in itself provides the experimenters themselves with insight into the way I think or the way the subject of an experiment is reacting to such circumstances etc.

I wouldnt usually think this sounded sane myself- in fact it sounds downright crazy or delusional. However, my mother being a documented radiation experimentee connected to MK Ultra is all I need to know to be quite convinced of my own sanity. Also informants in St Louis telling me that I was discredited during that federal investigation becuz I could tell how not only the escort business worked, but I could tell how one specific escort business worked.

And doesnt Sheen owe alot to escort businesses himself? You have to first think about how military grade or Dirty Tricks Dept psychological operations works then you have to think of how the scum being hired out for alot of this connected to organized crime and that sort of world think and operate.

If you dont know anything about either one of these then you will probably think I am just crazy like my father etc etc, which of course I could care less about what you think. The greatest thing that ever happened to me was my way of life in my 20s. I have dirt that people will actually believe.

Then again one must consider, and I was warned of this as well, that these are all forced interrigation methods. The feds have been notorious since Bush of using whatever is necessary to get people to give them info without subpoenas.

For instance. As I was writing that last part before "do you think I am crazy..." I got a very distinct and strong specific psychic impression that my step father had read this post, was talking to someone about it and I was being made paranoid by this impression that he was telling people everything I write is just me being mentally ill. That he was knowingly partaking in the disinfo and discreditation campaign by telling people I was always mentally ill or off even when he knew me as a kid etc etc. This of course makes me want to prove someone like that wrong or to counter that. And in doing so I then wrote that I know things about people that involve organized crime etc etc.

So I am forced to give information against my Will. And this system is hoping it will eventually become a full confession.
Putting the person into isolation, tormenting them, all the Gitmo stuff to get them to talk or release information. I have posted before these campaigns are exactly like what is described to go on at Gitmo. Becuz the info I have on anyone I was involved with is already known by law enforcement. I know this not only becuz of thier being part of the gang stalking directly but also by informants telling me that the feds already went over this years ago during an investigation of people in Boston and were fully aware of an attempted frame up of me. Thus they must have known everything I knew already and I was never given a summons or subpoena.

These continued actions to destroy me are simply to do just that. They are a hate crime as well as they are to destroy my mind. If they actually cause confession they gain control of the Target and they have succeeded in an important phase of behavior modification..