“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Its Finally Time To Leave MA and Never Return

I understand that I have lost in the battle for my life, as in that I have aged, lost my looks etc. There is nothing I can do about that. That is a side effect of fighting such forces so hard to stay alive.

There are too many people in the USA I have run into, nationwide who know my story or think they do. If the USA is full of people who know what is going on with someone like me, and most people seem to not take it as seriously as they should, even the people who seem to be supportive of me, then there is something gravely wrong with this nation. Many of us had known this for a long time but looking at the years I have traveled around the country and in each place I go I get gang stalked as well as people know or think they know my story and act as if what happened to me can be afforded by me. No one cares that I almost suicided or that I was almost killed. That what was done to me destroyed my health and my life.

And this cannot be blamed on my putting on a good front (front alter that is) becuz if I did NOT find an alternative life during all of this, the only people who would get off on that are the destroyers. They as well as many other Americans are just waiting for me to break down or lose it or show tears publicily.

America has become a cold awful place full of the worst spoilt brats I have ever experienced in my lifetime. The idea that a large part of the USA knows or has even a partial knowledge of the story of what has happened to me yet they show little sympathy and dont seem outraged or even genuinely sympathetic means that this country died a long time ago and those of us who stayed were fools for doing so. I suppose it took this much of a beat down to make us realize that the USA was and is going to be nothing more than a money grubbing spoilt rotten country full of people who are brainwashed and have no idea what is really going on or dont care to know.

The idea that I cannot get justice is complete insanity. With the proof I have, the documentation, the years of footage etc and audio- the idea that I am to live the rest of my life out this way is absurd.

And if any law enforcement agency has been part of this, of torturing me and systematically ignoring me so that I think I have no option but to just let information go publicily without counsel then giving out information is the LAST thing I should do. What is it in this country that exists that allows my situation to be the way it is? Why do people ignore me? How do so many people know who I am? Why are people not being honest with me? Why are people simply going along with the system?

Its like the public takes a perverse joy in helping the powers that be keep me down and refuse me justice. All becuz they also believe I am not worth anything becuz I happened to be very poor when I was attacked and targeted- poor yet privy to alot of damaging information about important people as well as noticing much of what the Bush administration was doing.

I have to realize that I am not really a US citizen. I cant be. Its too surreal, in general this situation is surreal, but its more so that way when trying to harmonize the idea of my being a US citizen yet being treated this way for many years on end. And with so many US citizens involved.

Everywhere I go I am stalked and harassed. It just doesnt stop. And people KNOW this. And all they can say is to ignore it or dont let it get to me. Do they even understand that its not just stalking and harassment, that its a three point system? Do they even understand torture? I cannot BELIEVE that no one cares, that no one sees the extent of the loss or the damage.

I cant even stay where I am now. Cars are parking out in front of the gas station here in the hood and pointing towards the apartment and of course for hours, and when I go the store only then when I walk out the door do they leave, of course one of them leaves thier interior light on, another tactic from '97 in this geographical location. At the store down the street last night some annoying little black kid did the tactic where perps go up behind you to peak over your shoulder at what you are doing. He did it while I was paying for food. This is often done by perps in libraries when on the computer, its to make you feel like you are being monitored so you dont look at something inappropriate. All of these tactics are to induce fear. In this neighborhood I took it as a threat I was going to be robbed as he came up behind me when I had my purse open. It was only change I had so I was hoping that if it was to see what money I had they would not bother becuz I was paying with change. Still, why should I have to live in fear like that, to have to race that thought through my head?

Then of course I started getting territorial and thought about finding some 'friends' and forming either my own counter gang, making it bigger all the time or to get someone to help me follow THEM home and mess with thier families. You know these losers have kids probably. Nothing a little visit to the school, perhaps take a Youtube vid of thier kids, put it on there and simply wave ..no one has to know what its about other than myself and they. Kind of like the way they harass us covertly for years on end where only the TI can spot what they are doing.

Becuz this is an African American neighborhood that was deep into the ghetto people were chill. I thought I could be left alone but sure enough it only took ONE WEEK before the bullshit started. Now I am having more trouble than usual controlling my (very Italian at this point) urges to counter attack when my home is being disturbed by African decendned peoples. These are very ancient urges that go back to the Mediterranean for thousands of years. There is nothing I can do about this and its going to get extremely....messy. We are talking somethig very much related to Roman bloody mindedness, probably in protecting Italy from any invaders from the southern regions or even slaves from Egypt. Besides I have had enough I mean had it up to my limit with being harassed by African Americans.

To snap is what they want. Ive decided that leaving is the best thing to do. Stay out of black areas, stay away from blacks altogether. Even though the peacable ones seem to be some of my strongest allies and most accepting of me, the chances of such an area having black gang stalkers is too great and I am about to literally snap and go militant. I do NOT want to become a white supremicist for the wrong reasons. It isnt even what I believe in.

And the Italian urges to 'handle' these blacks is too great. Its something I cant control and I know that. I know they are sloppy, slow and stupid in crime. I know I can be sneakier, I know I can be more stealth. I know I could do some damage at least to the lower soldiers. I am starting to think from my heart- if you understand where heart rules in battles. I am no longer thinking with my head and that means I am going to act out soon. The worst thing possible would be for me to get into the mix in this neighborhood.

I also cannot live with the thought of that fat bitch Julie perhaps still living in Milton just a few miles from here so perhaps her local peeps are being arrogant and acting as if this entire area isnt big enough for the two of us...which of course then makes me feel like I am being harassed by the house slaves of some blonde WASPy bitch career criminal and her connections which gets me even more pissed off and when it comes to the three people who betrayed me who were closest to me- the only reason they are still alive is becuz I cant get the three of them in one room at once to waste them. It was very clever to have so many people come after me at once. Then I have no time to clearly target an enemy and fight back. Also after I am ripped from the people I used to know who betrayed me, there is no clear enemy to target due to it being mobs of strangers doing the harassement.

Therefore the best thing to do is leave MA, never return and basically tell them to shove it for life. I always get sick here anyway and get fat. Without fail my health shits the bed here and thats becuz this place is polluted and unhealthy. Fuck MA.