“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The smiling happy people in mag rags at the laundrymat

In alot of pain today. Its getting into fall weather here and anywhere it gets humid I suffer. I also have a fake tooth that wasnt put in right and there is a cavitation in the root. The dentist was a perp as I posted if you recall, so I never went back to get the fake one pulled- nor can I seem to go to any dentist at all. Nor any doctors. They terrorized me so much during Bush that I just cannot make myself go. I know its partially the environment here.

I have to get out of Harvard Sq. That train rider kid Johnny isnt leaving and he has gotten a position of social power among the oogles. I really dont have any friends there now and there are some impressionable kids who are under his wing now that are into being abusive to me when he's around, and when he's not. Its probably to beat me down so I will start putting out. That is a common male tactic among desperate males who arent getting any. I hate him so much I wish I could be violent but his strength he uses to impress the oogle kids is fighting. He also smears my name alot with sh*t he makes up. I am starting to hate his presence there so much and his influencing people against me that I need to leave before me taking action against him results in something the perps would love to see and me get in trouble for. Besides, that is not exactly a good base of operations. Those kids pretend to be bad asses and anarchists or whatever but all they do is smoke and drink and slightly wreck stuff around the Pit and get into fights down by the river. I bet no one goes with me tonight to the Starbucks zoning meeting. Way to fight the system guys! I think I have had enough. There are a few people there, an couple who are Italian and another young couple have been friendly with me, and one party kid for all stuff he does that our society would disapprove of nowadays he has a way of befriending people regardless of what others think. Hes one of those people you hope you never have to hear that he died from something out here. I guess I understand him and he I a bit. He's only 28, but the first time I really looked at him in conversation- when he let me see that part of him for a second, he looks like an old man who has lived for years. And he communicated to me in that moment, that he is as tired at 28 as any of us were probably at 7 yrs old.
These are the kinds of damages that society never wants to answer for. They'd rather see us live out in the street and make excuses for why we are the way we are. A million social program cannot cure or stop what people do to their children or to each other and someday hopefully, after all this is over, the world will finally understand that- for good this time.

He also has a guidance system and future visions. I warned him, a few times, that in his 30's, the system will come after him so furiously that he will wonder if he is dead or alive. That they WILL rip his wiring out, shut him down and like a flame put him out forever.
This is their version of 'peace'.
I hope he stores my words somewhere in the inner files way in the back of his head. I try to tell him these things just in moments, out of the line of a common conversation or space, just in a moment so that it will be a bit memory- to store more easily. Perhaps he will remember at a critical moment in the future.

Or perhaps the system has already made sure he is no threat. Perhaps being a man he never will be I don't know.

I know that one of the reasons this system has hit me so hard is I started to not only discover what programming was about but that one could heal or start to interfere with others programming. There are so many people with this 'bad luck' syndrome and they get cornered into shitty circumstances (brainwashed) and they just stay there painted into this corner. And I am sure the system keeps them there. To take them back in time, to rediscover who they once were or what other reality could have been...this system seems most threatened by that actually.

These headaches are only one of the consequences of being denied health care systematically. If its not that its due to the damage from that moldy apartment I was in for three years. What kind of reasonable person would have stayed there for 3 years while trying to get it tested and sue? I know I was being controlled and manipulated via harassment and psych warfare but its a great story for the idea of me being nuts. Becuz a 'reasonable person' wouldnt have stayed there. Works for them right?

I see now just how much of what they do in the beginning works for them later on, to discredit the victim.
Without my mother's status connected to MK Ultra as well as my having dirt on important people I would be so much more screwed throughout this ordeal. My mother may be able to deny that connection now if she sold out to the system but she cant deny phone records etc. I also have supporters who are part of covert factions that think she just goes too far in how evil she is. She will be a problem perhaps at some point but not so I cant get rid of her as a threat to my work. Thats all she is now. She may think that she has control becuz this system controls me for her by proxy (and that is the way her mind works. She always ran to her father or family to get me under control or help put me down. The gang stalking system IS her father in the form of abusive male authority or a large dysfunctional family unit). She also always thought this way anyway. At 18 she threatened to have me committed becuz "at least I'll know where you are". And its creepy how she gloated in my 20's about cops keeping an eye on me or someone did. Like the gang stalking system she would have information on me she shouldnt have. It gave her a special sense of power over her DAUGHTER she could never have over her FATHER. I used to love the woman as a mother and look up to her but she was always so weak to the oppressor. Not eastern European I guess- cant fight oppression or invaders at any and all cost. Not Italian-destroying any threat to one's empire including putting unruly family in exile..kinda like she helped do to me. But I used to resist that family at all times. They needed an army across the US to get me down just by myself. Yeah, my family is just soooo badass. What they need eventually is nice hard lesson in what happens when you turn your own blood over to the destroyers. There has got to be a price for that somewhere in this for them. Scapegoating of this magnitude cannot be free. Nor can it be as easy as just claiming I am nuts.
It may have worked on torturing Danny out of his mind but it aint gonna work on me. And I am not Danny and gang stalking does exist. This is about MK Ultra not my father passing on some nut gene. I will not let the traitors and oppressors dictate my reality to me.
It cant go on like this forever its just too damn unfair.

I feel like I've been handed over to a group of psychiatrists for constant monitoring..that is part of the torture. I have good reason to believe that is actually the case at times. This is all definately about very VERY wealthy factions, probably private contractors, doing totally unethical human experimentation. I recall a movie about a company in MA that was doing something similar. It was just a movie but with this place's track record of human experimentation atrocities as well as it being MA a place where the elite if you will would do anything to get away with something like that, I mean companies or medical industrial complex or connected to the military like Raytheon. I'll have to get the movie's title. It had to do with this company inducing comas and the victims being hung in this warehouse. And in the 70's there seemed to be all these leaks to intimate that many of these stories were true stories. Of course that starts a subculture of conspiracy theory...that may serve to cloud reality further. Which would serve the deception even more.

The kind of power these people have must be terribly tempting. Who could say no when you get up in levels? I dont think any of us could refuse that kind of power. The problem is that society faintly understands it exists- they dont really believe it.

Looking through a stupid rag like People. I know- its yucky. 2009 issues. I note how much black and red is in the ads I never noticed before. This annoying Gap ad for 'peace' has a big peace sign made out of people (ah the mob. Yes, be part of something). I note that the people at the top are the only black couple as well as a blonde cuddled with two other slightly ethnic female models. At the bottom, posed as if carrying the whole structure of people on her back as a burden breaking her back, is a very pretty perfect red head who is very fair. No other red heads appear in the pic. At the center where the inner sign joins the circle is a very creepy brunette who looks right at the camera in a very evil way.
The blue jeans and denim jackets may be there for a 'red white and blue' effect but as in any good subliminal- either in art or ads, its a decoy. When you find the decoy you can begin to unravel the subliminal, neutralizing it and rendering it harmless. (kinda like they do to targets like us with psychological warfare). No the black and red is the purpose of this. The plaid red and black on the logo tells me that- again the plaid is a diverter.
I'll scan it tomorrow and post it.

A few stupid articles about reality show faces that I am proud to say I have no idea who they are. Never saw thier sound bites, never heard them speak or took in thier movements on the television. Never got caught up in their spells if you will. I am the star of this reality show of a sort in my own life and I worship no other...unless you truly are superior of which there are many an artist, performer or other creator who is worth my worship and appreciation. But not some fat guy named John who is known for being a dad or whatever. Stupid.
Even he is wearing black and red as they feature a pic of him meditating or some crap then snuggling up with his self help book by the pool. Does anyone have a bucket for me to expel into please?

Another article about an African American star one of the younger starlet ones, a music girl I think. First page- her hugging kids from Africa. Second page a Black Ball pic of African Americans of course sporting black dresses next to people with red ones- boobs hanging out like they invented it.

OK we get it black and red. Something to do with Luciferian Anarcho-Socialist-Communist-Pan Africanism...whew. Breath after that.


Then the other People rag has an article about missing kids and of course you can tell they hand selected the most attrative kids for the article out of the missing kids of 2009 catalogue. I am not being insensitive its just that no one wants to admit that things like The Finders exist- not The Finders specifically but a network that sick. Everytime I look at a wall in store lobby with those faces its the only time my conditioning from gang stalking will allow me to get some crying to break through the controls. (In gang stalking they take someone like me and torture them and alternately make is so I cant express, tell or show emotion about what is happening. They condition you over many years and its all to make sure you never seek therapy or healing for the original abuse or tell memories of it.) In order to survive I dont cry, or I maybe break through occasionally, allow myself a few moments and then pull it back- compartmentalize. All they do to survivors of programming and RA is to re program you in way but its more like conditioning or cult brainwashing. They base it on the external controls of the gang stalking groups as well as public opinion working for them in that area as well to control the TI through managed perception of the person via smear. They also must constantly maintain the control they have established over the survivor. Like last night some sadness must have been showing and I did feel sad and helpless sitting pan handling in Kenmore. After an hour or two of this an ambulance drove by to my left on Kenmore. They were perfectly situated so I would spot them and the driver did a tactic where he flashed a light at me but turned it on and off many times in sequences. I made sure I looked at him to make sure I wasnt mistaken like he was messing with his phone or flashing the light to get it to work- no he was looking right at me when he did it in this look that was disapproving and controlling.

See they keep pushing for me to go to UMass and get a normal life. They desperately want to end this or for me to accept it as ended. They want me to move on and forget- which is why over time they teach the victim to not show emotions and how much damage there is. So they can maintain this with more psychological operations or tactics.
This is not real healing this is the system still trying to use behavior modification to silence the victim witness. The problem is that I know damn well what will happen to me if I live out a faked life like that- I KNOW I will suicide and it will be a quiet and unexpected one. One of those 'she was so nice so normal you'd never think' type deals. I just cannot go out like that. After all I have fought for I just cant.

Keep in mind this isnt over becuz that is the reality of the situation. Its over becuz they want it to be that way. This system has a habit of believing that they create all realities that we live in the ones at least that they have altered with covert influence and activity.
But one must keep in mind that you cant give into a mob that wants to be your god. You write your own reality within the context of what truly exists, not some bunch of dirty tricks scum who if they dont get the power they crave each instance they have mob temper tantrums. Thats kind of like what gang stalking is...the temper tantrum of unsung little gods that cant make sh*t happen on thier own and need the group organism to do so. They HATE people like artists and other strong Wills that can create on their own.

Besides I have posted in the past that Boston is notorious for ambulance people being in on gang stalking. I have never seen this in other states. They are really overt and arrogant too. I experienced this is CO when I had to call them as I went into anaphylaxis but here its so overt who they are obviously handlers and perps for the system. I often wonder what faction they are part of. The medical community seems to be packed with Satanic cult members and if you dont believe me jsut go on the internet and look at how many cases of satanic cults being busted in the last few years include people who were in medical school. Its a great front isnt it? And besides they can then really infitrate a territory traditionally associated with the Hospitallers, one of their dreaded Templar enemies..they are just so childish. The whole boring 'endless battle' thing is boring and childish. I mean REALLY BORING. Can we move on now? Siiiiggh. Boring.

There is an article about the Muslim sympathizer psychiatrist who flipped and shot all those military personnel. From this standpoint no story like that is ever the same for me now. I have to investigate faces, really looking for something, some evidence that they were perps, they were harassing them. They were Mossad or they were some other provoking agents. What was their possible part in it each one? Or was he indeed just someone who should not have been kept on and as usual the military is greedy and personnel are expendable (the expense of his training kept him on even though there were complaints about him).

Just like looking at those kids faces wondering- was it something they would do when they got older that had to be stopped? Were they ritual abuse babies and the cult came for them either for sacrifice or torture or a sad fate of both? Were they going to talk or start remembering? or is it as simple as good old fashoined predators who are good at what they do and opportunistic, the guy that you never suspect you think you know, stole them away and their fates are predictable but each one unknown. You can only hope they are alive at least and can escape someday or..that it was painless and quick at least.

People have no idea of what is right beside them and under their nose in the world of other human beings that they live in. And they do not want to know becuz much less do they understand how to battle such forces, to negotiate with them, to accept their presence in the world we live in as always having been present and to thus warn and protect thier children accordingly.

Living in denial or being afraid is the greatest weapons of any terrorists. You provide these for them daily. And people that do such things are terrorists. They know you dont see them, dont admit they exist right beside them. And they mock you every day.

My grandfather used to do this kind of thing so I have seen it. So amusing to him on some subconshus level was the rest of the world that did not see him for what he was. Except when he was in one of his child alters or a childish one that would whine that he did not understand why some of the family did not like him.

It pisses me off I am being treated worse than he ever got treated by society or my mothers family and I am not the predator. And I want revenge. I want vengeance. For myself of course and every kid who no one cares about on those walls, that they write off or ignore. Little Jesuses who suffer and die, secretly in thier minds, so at least it wasnt thier kid who got grabbed.

People magazine- fun to observe but dont ever read the damn thing and internalize it.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Protest A Fourth Starbucks In Harvard Square, Cambridge, MA

Please come protest the building of yet another Starbucks in Harvard Sq. There are already 2 locations in the square area. One to the left as you go to the Charles River out of the train station and one to the right as you go towards Brattle St., right out of the train station.

The new proposed Starbucks will be built where the old Tasty Diner used to be RIGHT IN THE HEART OF THE HISTORIC SQUARE. It was the Tasty, then Abercrombie and Fitch, then Omega Watch shop. (In my opinion the reason no business stays there for that long is caused by karma from shutting down the 81 year old Tasty http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasty_Sandwich_Shop but that is just my opinion.)

Ok the 'new' Harvard Sq wouldn't fit in with a place like The Tasty but another Starbucks is taking it too far into suburban mall look and feel. Its been gentrified enough.
There are two CVS drug stores a few convenience stores one selling liquor and many coffee shops. What could stay in that space for very long in this new corporate, gentrified style I dont really know. I am not a builder nor a business major. But I know that the city of my birth does NOT need yet another Starbucks.

Enough is enough.

There are already three in Harvard Sq. The space they want is right in the heart of the Square. I say it would ruin the nature of Harvard Sq by its very presence in this sensitive location. Like a fine artwork, one must watch every brush stroke in restoration so as not to destroy the original form. The design on Harvard Sq deserves such consideration.

Does a college with the largest endowment of any in the world need a Starbucks right across the street from it? I say its just tasteless.

The zoning hearing is a the Senior Center @ 806 Mass Ave Cambridge, MA. The meeting is on September 30th 2010. It goes from 7-11 pm but the post on the building proposing the Starbucks says 9:15 PM specifically.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

An Inspirational Person- Grigori Perelman(Григорий Яковлевич Перельман)..Mathmetician Who Refuses Awards/Rewards

Young Mr Perelman:



Here is a much more flattering pic of him:


Its interesting that once he discovered how academia was corrupt he bowed out:http://english.pravda.ru/society/stories/25-03-2010/112699-grigory_perelman-0/
So he's now isolated from people who would be on his level.

But this is not the first time we have seen this. Its assumed that mathematicians just grow old and go nuts due to their extremely high intelligence. The math genius from 'A Beautiful Mind', if you research his case of course eventually you will find that he did some work for covert agencies or heavies..then conveniently loses his mind, like every INconvenient person tends to. Also people can be very competitive and jealous. I suspect that the minute you really bloom into the fringes of what is supposed to be true, untrue, possible or impossible-unsolvable or unknowable that competitors are jealous as hell and the Man gets very nervous and yer a threat.

I just wonder if our anti-hero is playing it safe..which is the 'smart' thing to do really. I hope he has not experienced a similar fate to we who read this blog and suffer daily.

I solely respect his decision. His story somehow made me feel validated in what I was doing as well as refusing to give into the system. Perhaps our friend is smarter in many things he does than the mainstream seems to see.

As of posting this I realized that what I have done is the last thing he probably wants. These are pics taken of him outside etc. I dont approve of messing with this guy's privacy. These pics are unkind especially the ones taken of him without his permission where he looks surprised. I wont publish those here.
These are bad enough:

If you want to reward this man give him his privacy...and respect.

Harvard Sq scene starting to wind down

Getting sick of Harvard Sq. All the cool people are gone. No more travelers coming through. New people have come back who are annoying jerks- alot of activity that I dont want to deal with now. That kid who latched onto me is friendly with everyone. He supposed to be such a train rider but he's always making friends with naive people who can pay his way or let him stay at thier houses. Another manipulative loser. One day I want him paid back for being such a jerk. I believe he knows something and has dissed me and used it to make a name for himself. People are always doing that to me. The perps probably love it as it helps to keep me down.

Lately in Cambridge the harassment seems to be in the form of destroying morale. Everywhere I go walking down the street I get head hanging or people looking like they they are frustrated and feel bad, with some disappproaval that I am still there.

I thought it was for real until my friend walked with me today part way into my walking from my squat. The activity ceased. I then realized that it was tactical.

Thats the thing about psychological warfare is that when you are alone you cant wake up out of it. They are thought stopping activities- with all the other damage that has been done to the Target this works off of that.

Now I think of it more and more it is pretty phony. A stream of people especially women walking by me looking at me and hanging thier heads. Its total bullshit actually.

Dont you think I know that this area wants me outta here due to my old associates? Its HER territory. But if leave MA I'll just get harassment in some other location anyway. And I have heard it said that I am being harassed to "keep her (me) on the run".
So leaving is pointless anyway.

Local peons are going to be against me just becuz they are afraid, its cool or when one is targeted people are afraid that they will also get targeteed. I just need to focus on my projects getting done and avoid being social if its going to end in some bullshit status game.

With what I have been through and the forces I have fought I know I deserve respect. Either they dont know the whole story, believe the cover stories or they are in on it at a level that is covert so I cant see it or it could be they are in on it out of mobbing just what humans do subconshusly.

This trainrider kid was here a few months ago I heard him on a phone telling someone that 'they' wouldnt let a group of them leave the area and something about guardian angels or some protection assignment. He also mentioned that another group when they did thier "guardian angle" assignments they interfered to much with the person they were protecting, like trying to change the person.

I notice that after that this kid who has been a pain in y ass for so long here and in Berklee CA then started insisting that this kid who talked about guarding someone was schizo becuz he talked to himself on the telephone, just anything to put him down. This person is also obssessed with putting others down to make himself look good or gain some sense of power over a local naive group.
Hellarity house squat in Berkeley CA wouldnt put up with his crap and 86'd him. But I give them credit for seeing how much of a vampire he was and a user.

But if the point is to help the other parts of the system keep me down they certainly are doing a good job here.

Why is everyone so insistent on helping the system keep me down? Then you get these kinds of people who are actually posing as fighting against the system but really they are helping the oppresive system we live under by keeping someone down who is effectively whistle blowing on that system. Why anyone would want to serve to agenda is beyond me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Leaving USA as a way out of torture/Gen X women searching for thier missing gold the system stole

Its not been easy lately. Cambridge is getting to me very badly. Whatever influence is there, remote tech as well as human forces is becoming a major problem. I am starting to let my looks go as well as my figure. This is of course due to not traveling but I am stuck in a rut now. I have to be realistic about how much Cambridge has to answer for. Everyone from the police to the Middle East club and thier part in what I heard was helping Jake frame me for the cover story. There are so many people there that either look guilty or look like they have to convince themselves that I am the villain in order to cover thier obvious guilt.

The little problem they are having is that Cambridge is my birthplace. I have alot of spiritual power there. They of course believe that the influence of Cambridge MA on my earthly vessel is going to be the one that was put on me the day of my birth- a curse. Two Tarot readers from different location at different times have told me the exact same thing at the beginning: "A woman cursed you the day you were born" or "You were cursed the day you were born". One reader said that 'woman' was my mother. How much of this is planned psych warfare is up to question, now that I have seen how many people are in on the network.

Cambridge doesnt make me feel like a researcher or an activist. Cambridge MA makes me feel like a victim. A loser. A had been. But too keep leaving becuz of harassment is letting the forces that make that so, win. This is unacceptable. The more I run from what has been left behind there the more that it rips me apart, robs me of what should have been mine and not only allows the behavior modification to have power over me but keeps bringing back suicide as the only option out of such a heavy sense of loss.

I can never rest until I somehow retrieve what was lost from 335 Washington st Brighton MA. My life ended there or was thrust into this limbo or whatever one would like to call it. There is no way out of it but to at least expose the truth of events to the public.

It doesnt matter if no one believes me. It has to be written somewhere so that the information exists in the physical plane. Its the only way to reconstruct the true timeline. Something keeps telling me to just write it. That its important.

I easily have all the information in my head and documented (and hid in 4 different places so getting it off me is useless). And those are just reminders. The whole thing is stored in my brain just as my progammers intended.

What bothers me about this is that in the end that will be the ultimate proof that MK Ultra works if used on programmed people. That is not a good result for any mind control survivor. This shouldnt be used on anyone ever at any time. What it will prove is that the behavior modification program doesnt work. That it can be blocked by pure Willpower if not using under one’s Will what is left of internal programming.

I really want to get out of the US and the American continent altogether. I hear that Europe is also getting really stupid with the same kinds of programs as well.

I like reading English newspapers like Daily Mail. Some of it sounds rather naive or geared towards common people but they often bash American culture. Its so great..to be stuck over here and read that at least someplace in the world with similar culture isnt worshipping the crap that pours out of the USA. The USA’s downward spiral into a trash dump, made to look legitimized by Conservative Re[ublicans and made nicey nice by the PC cult of the Liberal Democrats has left the culture with nothing that is real, nothing that reflects what many Americans are really going through. In fact many of us have similar sentiment to the articles I have read dissing American culture. Its very useful to me as to see a reflection of that sentiment manifested in the real world. It becomes rather obvious that its just not allowed in mainstream media what is happening to the USA. No one in the mainstream talks about it no one focuses on it; everybody skirts around the issues. Its mentioned here and there but its said in the manner of a vaquished foe of the oppressor. As if to even mention it is passe and pointless.

It makes me sad to think that one day soon I will be forced to actually leave my country. That what I am trying to do here can never work. I know that the system would love to see me leave, why do you think they are doing things this way? America will not miss one more opposing voice that belongs to a poor lower class victim of thier corruption. Though it be extreme the attitude here is that I am expendable and its the cost of doing business. I am going to try a few things but its obvious that America is never going to admit what its really about or what it did to me and other victims not only of mind control/radiation experiments but of the federal investigation surrounding my old associates that picked and choosed who got busted and who did not. This country insisted on including me in some of the worst offenses to human rights and civil rights ever to go down in the US to freeborn citizens within the last century. Slavery, racism- messed up? Sure. But being oppressed in these ways is quite different from microwave weapons being used to torture in the hopes of perfecting behavior modification.

It seems that Americans like myself are getting experience first hand that the rest of the world it interferes in and polices must have lived through now for years. I can see how this super power is one of the most singularly hated countries in the world. Its true that I have more rights here than a victim of corruption in Mexico or China. There is a difference between someone who is understood to be a victim in those cultures and being victimized here in the USA. The horrors may be the same but when it is done here there is such denial about what the US is capable of or the kinds of war crimes it perpetrates that the denial of the victimization is a torture in itself. And a smear campaign or cover story is so necessary to hide America’s crimes as well as preserve thier false image the public naively believe that. Believing that someone like me deserved to be tortured and should commmit suicide is near patriotic here in the USA. Or else its to side with the ‘winners’ even though the winners are totally in the wrong and in a very severe way.

I have spent this whole writing session on the train. At this point its the only place to get any relief so I can think straight or remember things.

I dont believe that the people in Cambridge or Boston will ever admit what they did or pay restitution for years taken from me. So to treat me as a criminal or an outcast is thier only hope of survival andto escape prosecution for thier crimes.

There are those that will believe that my mother or my old associates were protecting their families and thier futures and that in America means everything. People can actually understand why my mother did what she did even though she is a child abuser who insists on carrying her psychopathic control games into my adult hood. She discredited a family whistle blower and many people fully side with her I believe. This is how sick the culture of ‘mom and apple pie’ is. You HAVE to pretend you believe the lies or play along with the fronts that are America’s image. Exposing corruption nowadays actually registers in the minds of its people as threatening thier country and thier way o flife as well as thier position in the new global world. The amount of people who treat me like astupid child just to shut me up about what was done to me is a testament to that fact. It IS a fact. In the USA I have very little support as far as most citizens believing I should not be victimized. They may give constnat indication that they believe its wrong but they only go against the agenda for that moment.

This leads me to the conclusion that America is a dangerously controlled culture where human rights violations dont occur soley due to them constantly being covered up.

With how cruel and vicsous the treatment I recieved was it is absolutely insane that I should be treated like the outcast or the bad guy. Scapegoated as I have been my whole life. And everyone seems to want to seal that fate for me, to keep it that way.

This means that they side with my drug dealer rich kid ex boyfriend, my mother and her family as well as my old associates who are influencial career criminals. They support that main triad of people closest to me that had the most motive to use me as a scape goat and a diversion. They also support the system here in America that insisted on being part of the same cover up.

This means that I should not be an American citizen. It means that I should seek asylum in a foriegn nation one that will believe in such warcrimes and not treat me as a foolish attention seeking self righteous female who has nothing and is a nobody compared to her destroyers, just in order to get away with what they did.

You would not believe the amount of people who USED my programming against me to torture me as long as possible. My mother’s family know exactly what they were doing and I cannot believe the support that thier actions have been given by many different people especially here at home. If this is how they insist on behaving, if torture is what they support in the name of protecting individual criminals as well as criminal enterprises and to include the USA as a country perpetrating war crimes unpunished then I have little choice to leave. Getting out is near impossible with the amount of coercion to conform and ‘forget’ about what happened.

The USA is now a prison and no one knows that best other than Targeted Individuals. The only way to get back what is mine is to write the proper time line out- to show how covert influence was used to alter events thus alter the time line- the results of events.

I could hire a lawyer but what the hell are they going to do? Just focus on the believable parts of the case? What lawyer is going to touch this?

No I think the USA will deny what it has done till the day I pass away, be that sooner or later. I could try getting a lawyer but we live in such an unreal time- where ignoring crimes is the only way to solidify the nation as the most powerful country in the world, that no one will pay attention. What is the motive to pay attention to me anyway? Many more people benefit from ignoring me systematically and siding with the likes of my mother’s family, Jake and Julie’s factions as well as the bigger picture.

The only way out is out of the country where I dont have to be tortured by what was supposed to be mine or what was taken from me. Its better than living in the USA becuz going to another state lets this state feel it got away with what it did and gives them the happy ending they do NOT deserve. They deserve to know that I left the USA, that people like them- MA. NY and other extremely connected, corrupt places in the USA are part of the US being a disgusting power hungry piece of sh*t, which doesnt bother them as long as they continue to preserve the good life for most Americans. This is why expendables dont matter.

If you leave the USA yes they got what they wanted, but it may be the only way to let them know how much you hate them for what they did and that its not acceptable. If they want to destroy someone like me and exalt Julie, Jake and let my mother get away with her fraudulent lawsuits then they need to be denied the victim’s citezenship. Remember this is all about the satisfaction that control provides the oppressor. If you leave it will take that control away. IF you stay and move on eventually it will satisfy thier sick, perverted reality making.

This is a culture as well as a country that cannot afford the truth nor anyone willing to tell the truth to the world. Discrediting victims who have figured out what is going on is thier only option. Perhaps someone like me wont be discredited or ignored in another country where they have less power.

The worst thing you can do is give them the happy ending they want. It tells them that they can pick more victims who are used to being abused and torture them mercilessly and they will ‘be ok’ after being tortured so. They know what they are doing from the beginning. They expected someone like me to adapt, survive and remake my life after the ordeal was all over. This is why they pick people like me as victims. Thier greatest satisfaction is to see the person move on and forget about what happened.

It allows them to keep what they took from you so you belong to them forever even after they die, which is why this is ultimately about control. Its about them winning as well but control is what they need so badly. For you to be systematically raped by this system and then ‘know yer place’ or settle down and deal with it gives that system the satisfaction as if they tamed you or bonded with you while raping you and thus they own you for life. This is the goal of every single person involved in this-men women everyone, law enforcement, feds, criminals, citizens is to see you raped so repeatedly that you are owned by the system they are part of. You can then be bonded to the sick ‘familly’ that is the cult they are part of . Even if they think they work on the side of the law or on the side of right or whatever thier delusion, rationale or lie they have been told or con they buy into.

Its no coincidence that sexual arousal as well as what could constitute rape is used on Targeted Individuals. I believe the people involved like my own mother for instance, are people who have a severe sexual abuse history and either dont recall it, are in denial, refuse to deal with it and get healed or secretly identify with the aggressor to the point where they will be into something like this in order to be part of what is essentially a constant gang rape of the Target. Its especially pronounced if the target is also a survivor of RA, sex work, or themselves some sort of sex used as control or intimidation. It amazes me how frequently the TI is attempted brainwashed into believing that not only did they deserve this, but its good for them in some way, as in some sort of reform. If you get targeted long enough you will start to internalize this and believe it too.

There are survivors like Cathy Obrien and then there are survivors like ---, who people kept saying was a CIA plant. It seems like people in the survivor and TI community are very Luciferian with thier obsession with perfection still. Even as survivors its about who presents the best, who looks the best, who isnt ‘trashy’. I am just an expendable. I am considered very trashy and not really worth saving or allowing to rise to my full potential. Cathy Obrien I see presents very professionally, speaks well (except fo r the MI accent occasionally) and conducts her self like a lady most of the time and we all know that Ladies deserve rescuing- not urchins like myself.

Again the survivor movement seems to be controlled by MEN in large part, showing of thier female survivors. Pimping anyone? The same obstinacy when I was younger in refusing male authority and prefering female authority now gets me into the same position in American culture.

I note that this other survivior not only resembles me in her ability for research and writing, she also bears a striking resmblence to my mother. I note that many survivors look like we all come from some similar DNA pool even distant relation. Strong features in the women, an almost masculine inner strength. Strong cheek bones and lady like manners for a Cathy Obrien/ Susan Ford type and a more witchy blackness for my type --- who also resembles. Kathleen Sullivan also has a very witchy almost Satanic look. I also relate alot better to her. I see similarities between all female survivors. Unfortunelty I also see a pathetic need for male support in the version of a partner. Partially this is the system doing this to people with psych warfare over time. Its rewarded you be strong, smart and resourceful when you are of use but when they want you back under control, its handler time. We all had handlers but with me they were usually strong female figures. This system though they could alter that and make me male dependent if they beat me down enough like a girl who has an abusive, incenstuous father. This is why so much male abuse was necessary as well as abuse from male authority figures.

You also have to remember that there is a faction of men out there that believe feminism or strong women are to blame for destroying society, supporting the black man etc. The old Eve story again.

That is becuz they are fighting the factions that manipulate strong women to use them for thier own ends. If feminists were truly strong women they wouldnt support any male agenda no matter how heart wrenching. This is something that this faction of men isnt about to teach women- they are just breaking them down instead and making them suck thier thumbs until they come home and beg daddy to take them in and protect them again. Its disgusting really. And women shouldnt have to become lesbians to survive either. Nothing wrong with that but if its done under duress out of desperation its not right really. It should be one’s Free Will not some move for survival.

So there are many factions interested in not only keeping me down and out of power or from my own inner power, but in discrediting me as a survivor. To serve the system as well as the star survivors I assume who being programmed, are ultimately competitive most likely against other genuine survivors messing with ther turf or telling a similar but different story.

I guess as usual only rich survivors should have a spotlight. I do NOT like what was done to ----. I see now evidence that she’s a CIA plant any more or less than any other survivor. That whole concept makes no sense whatso ever. If everyone is programmed by the same faction or factions that ultimately work together then how is anyone more or less in control of thier programming or a plant? What makes one person a plant and one a trustworthy survivor.

We ALL have programming left over from when we were unconshus of what was there and we may fall back into serving our masters without realizing it. THIS IS ONE OF THE CHALLENGES OF RECOVERING FROM PROGRAMMING. Get a clue. How easy is this to understand and why is this is so hard to miss? The only person who can truly tell you if you are slipping up and without realizing it protecting the old masters or serving the agenda again is YOU. Others may point things out but the scene is so nasty with accusations and flame wars and people playing favorites or team so and so opposes team so and so. Its total bullshit.

Part of what a survivor says may be very useful and another part of what they do may be totally protecting information or the old system. Without proper therapy as in my case its hard to keep tabs on this. But that is becuz I am not allowed therapy. I am supposed to be forcibly deprogrammed by torture and rape and isolation and shame and humiliation. And remote influence which by the way spans the distance of the entire USA right now. In every major city you can forget being free to think for yourself. And if you are a target, you will be handled daily by this system and when you seem to gain power or not affected the gangstalking sysetm will come after you until you get back in line with the behavior modification program.

I was at MIT the other day. I could tell someone was looking at me. I got this vision that the person was envisioning me in a polite dress, dressed and behaving more like a lady should. I turned around and saw an older male quickly turn away. There is a very good chance that there is a faction so conformist, so sexist that they actually believe that is the definition of ‘a good life’ that I deserve. The one Scott told me I deserved, as to validate everything they were doing to me. Destroying me in the name of getting me a ‘good life’. Gone Baby Gone is a dead giveaway as to validating covert interference. If I was allowed to self heal with the assistance of a therapist and a sense of safety I would be on my way by now to a ‘better life’. This system seeks to destroy human beings and reformat thier personalities under the guise of whatever excuse they can market successfully to their peers or undrelings or society in general.

This is why its so important to make it appear that I had no chance, was a lost cause, was not doing anything with my life, was incapable of change or transformation, was into or on drugs, was mentally ill or feeble minded, had no stregth of Will. This is all actually to cover for the system and its original crime of RA and programming. Its to shut the person up with a happy ending. What male actually believes that his fantasy perception of a woman is her idea of happiness. The people at MIT and other acedemic institutions as well as other faction have that power especially now.

I can tell you one thing. This system and the local area will not give in until I have broken down and gone to get labelled then go into some recovery program to help them cover for what they have done. And citizens may be that stupid and to not believe my versions of events are true. Why side with a dissident that is being scapegoated who has no money or power and is unpopular? They want to side with the winners even if they are wrong. In thier warped minds, especially the sick younger generation they have raised as nationalist spies with no stomach for fighting the system, they believe that giving in to the lie is a happy ending. That I will be happier that way.

When one looks at all of what is going on one can see that its all part of a major effort to control the country and make a one world govt a reality. A place for everyone and everyone in thier place. Freedom means nothing anymore. As long as you are part of the inclusion of community that WILL sustain the future for humans. There are people who genuinely now beleive that attention to Self is bad manners as well as dangerous to our species survival. That its selfish. They are the brainwashed masses and especially this recent generation and I dont believe there is any cure for thier illness.

So the system has alot going for it in its agenda. The America I see now is a sick dream world where people are too guarded, too social but not sociable and without any individual fire or strong personality. And anyone who stands out is the enemy . They really are very sick. Its the perfect cult mind control for a nation. Hitler Youth come to life through soft sell not outright intimidation or nationalism. And since they dont know anything else its pretty hopeless- unless you put them into reform camps which I wouldnt do becuz they have a right to their ways.

I read an article in that English newspaper The Daily Maile dissing Love Pray Eat or whatever it is. It was great to see it smashed for the sappy piece of crap it is and I havent read it. I can already tell its just another way to confuse Gen X about why we have had such a void all our lives. The system is deathly afriad of Gen X especially its women. They needed to keep us smacked out or hugging trees during our youth and then brought the rule down on your heads the second we approached late 20’s and were less of a threat. WE are the true children of the transition into living with tech not these brainwashed younger kids. So Gen X women my age and a bit older are going still seeking thrills and spiritual fullfillment. You have no idea the metaphysical power of my generation- and how it was denied us by being shut down and having our wiring ripped out. The power sisters is IN YOU. You were supposed to discover your place as elders in society and you have been replaced by feminine Reagan babies and now this new generation. You were shut out on purpose. With all the MK Ultra experiments and all the SRA going on, all the socially accepted pedophilia in the 70’s and all the drug experimentation as well as what our parents told us about how to be powerful and beat this system before htey got them to go back to sleep during Bush, and bond them to the younger kids instead of to thier original babies..there had to be really stellar results. Instead we wasted our youth on sensing traps everywhere and NOT acting (slacking) and now it is truly our time to wake up as we ARE sleepers in this sense, to in our 30’s and 40’s rebel against the system or really define ourselves..and what are you doing? Letting them confuse you yet again with PC gentle bs about healers etc. WE ARE THE HEALERS. We were supposed to bring the world into a new era of tech improving life as well as evolving man not enslaving man. The system is very good at turing things Inverse of what they were supposed to be. You are still relevant. But if you look closely you will see that your thrill seeking is normal in world now obsessed with not having intense emotional stimuli being ‘chill’, which sucks. Your search for a spiritual answer is due to the system taking away the answer during Bush. And you are NOT wrong in sensing something is mssing or off. You are being handled yet again.

How many of you saw right through the system marketing Girrrrl power when you knew it wasnt about remaining a girrrrl. It was about being a female and that is defined not by men. Feminism has devolved into something I dont recognize. And it IS due to the American public emracing such cultures as military (sexist) and gangsta (sexist). Note how men wear baggy clothes so they may not be objectified sexually. This primitive expression of maleness is being kept from women now. The younger girls I meet have a sense of growing up with rights that our mothers fought for but they have fallen back into something very creepy and sexist. Its like no one notices.

And here is the formula. When primitive male energy is kept from us we cannot express our primitive female drives or playing the pagan role of goddess. What society has done away with is natural magick in everyday society and replaced it with psychiatry, technology, bits of science that sound good as bites or small news tidbits and the military rule...and if you dont comply you are either mentally unfit or a terrorist. Then you must be a child molester then...if you want to get in touch with yer own god like powers.

So yer searching is only going to make a bunch of bullshit gurus more money. Didnt we make them enough money in the 90’s along with that organic nonsense that probably got many of us sick due to lack of pesticides or real cleansing agents?

The people at the top want ALL THE MAGICK for themselves. YOU are supposed to shut down, take psych meds to do so if necessary or go to therapy to be controlled. Shut up, sit down and let us drain you of energy is the new way to be. And the kids have no idea that they are already slaves. No f*ckin idea at all.

Young males suck now. They approach women like they are all pimps and black males need to see a sign on my forhead that says ‘whites only’...or should I say blondes or Italians only. I am almost temtped to get a tattoo that says 1971 on my chest just so they will realize I am not of thier stupid generation where I give a shit that you think you have swagger. In Gen X the women had swagger and the men had to prove they could handle it and they were worthy of possessing the goddesses. Not just average wimps hiding behind baggy pants, baseball caps and very bad manners. Stupidity is not attractive to Gen X as it indicates you are letting the agenda take you for a ride. Unless that stupidity is innocent and you ahve some other redeeming quality.

Due to me looking younger I get alot of crap from younger girls and approached my younger males. It wastes my time and pisses me off. At this age no woman as energy for small time competitive games. We want bigger wins now. I think I will get a t-shirt that says “made in 71” just to get the little f*ckers off my ass. Some of them are rebelling and its nice to see but they are so undemonstrative that its boring. I guess that is youth maybe I dont remember. IT may also be that psychiatry threatens these kids so often if they dont conform that they just hide who they are. I am sure that getting mobbed at school is prevelant in ways that we never dealt with due to tech being used to bully someone. Its obvious that these generations were and are victims of purposeful nation wide harassment to create a nice obedient youth for the global agenda. They probably dont know that its on purpose and part of the bigger picture.

No I cannot just leave without at least trying to get back what was mine, what was stolen from me before kissing off this sick and stupid family obsessed tyranical society. Everyone seems to hate me or pity me anyway. I cant take it for a lifetime. I will not have an entire country of people mob me just so that they can feel better about my looks, talent and intelligence being better than theirs (before I was destroyed that is). There must be some pay back on my intimate enemies and betrayers as well as my hometown/state and the entire nation before I could leave with any sense of dignity.

Then again an expose is perhaps best written overseas as the reprocussions would be so much less.

Last few days very bad trying to get through/ thought of scarring face to escape attention

Its been very bad lately. I cant get anything done. Ever since the students got back it seems. I want to go someplace less humid as i am suffering from severe headaches everyday (mold expsosure has made living in humidity have this affect) but cant seem to make the doctor appointments I need. I am so conditioned form being terrorized by them years ago and over the years around the country.

I should not be trying to function within the city limits of any major American city right now. Here in Cambridge is livable only if you arent trying to focus and get anything done. I am jammed and forgetful. As usual I cant manifest thought into action here.

The only reason I am even getting this post done is...guess? You got it- a changing condition in my environment which has been shown time and time again to make being targeted with remote influence or other outside influence able to be overstepped: it rained. I have documented this as a factor that enables me to overcome whatever the conditions are here that make it hard to get anything done WITHIN CITY LIMITS. If I go to JFK UMass and beyond I have demonstrated year after year of returning here that returns me to a state of logic and ability to reason, feel myself again and function, and my memory is improved.

I have been struggling for weeks to get simple tasks done to no avail. And the headaches may be from damage or health issues especially pertaining to exposure to mycotoxins that were so damaging in that apartment but I would not put aside the theory that its tech induced torture.

It was so bad on Saturday, the torture that I seriously was considering scarring my own face. The torture using low level sexual stimulation as well as humiliation was so bad that I thought that maybe if I made myself unattractive that this system locally would stop trying to harass me back into adult entertainment. There seems to be a focus on sexuality most days lately and its been very pronounced since the students came back and school is in session. Its intolerable and very distracting. And its usually very bad during the daylight hours moreso. I often wonder about this geographical location. Only in the northeast or should I say the east coast am I that sexually aroused. This has been the case every time I return to this location. In fact I noticed it on my first cross country out of this area.

Also the amount of estrogen from human waste must be astounding. Also notice that soy is now in all our food products. Why is that? It is used as estrogen replacement in women so it cant be good for men as well as its been proven to lower intelligence. Read up on it and you will see its a scam - soy is a scam and health nuts know it too.

I dont know if its chemical warfare or tech and I dont care its very distracting and its only this bad in the NE USA. Of course Sunday there was some relief as Sunday there always is..but the real relief has come with this light rain and lack of sunshine and heat today.

Also when you are attractive the system and perps use that to hide the abuse. Its less likely people will believe you and it eggs on a stupid public to be in on destroying you out of threat, ego (male) or jealousy (female). My having a 'pretty face' still is to the perps advantage. They use that to hide the damage they have done and are doing to the person.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Wanda Sykes you out


Dont let it piss you off. Its all part of the NWO agenda. A race war is needed to disallusion the public etc etc. I saw this too and took it with a grain of salt due to colors she is wearing. Saw right through her.

What we should take seriously is questioning her ability at being a parent if she is insulting white's to begin with. DSS should take a look at her and her 'partner'...not becuz they are gay but becuz of her comment about white "babies". It didnt seem very kind and if adopt white babies and are donw on them already what does that deem for the future? What is this, passive aggressive revenge through being wealthy and adopting?

She is so full of sh*t. I liked her for having a brass pair in the 90's but if she wants to join this ridiculous covert campaign for a race war or whatever the agenda is she has no respect from me or any other strong woman- who has a keen sense of observation.

And what really is unfair is that my African American friend in So Cal and her Mex boyfriend struggled to have a baby while homeless. That state sucks (obviously by letting this b*tch have white babies she's down on but not giving good services to pregnant poor women. Cali is NOT a blue state as in MA. The private money is hoarded by the rich out there and they couldnt care less.)

This woman from DSS hounded my friend just as she gave birth. It was outrageous. Just becuz she drank like once during her first month as she didnt knows she was pregnant. She asked the baby be tested and for that responsible act this DSS Nazi was on her ass and doing all kinds of illiegal harassment on this couple just to try to catch them doing something to get the kid taken. MA residents would have had the woman fired by now. Cali also has very submissive citizens that resort to the violence you see on the news or the riots by not being able to stand up or handle thier govt intrusion into thier lives which is very overboard. They are nazis about it but thier social problems still are not solved (take San Diego having too many mental patients who are dangerous on the street- its a scam. Then they run them through services that make money off of them where staff complain that no one stays off the street. Cali plays the homeless like fiddles and they arent politically savvy enough to defend themselves. Of course citizens just hate on the homeless instead of seeing the corruption. Cali sucks and I hope it falls into the ocean within my lifetime. 2012 anyone?)

Her friends were very pissed off and ready to go after this woman- legally and in other ways. She just acted like the trooper she is and dealt with it. I am down on blacks lately due to the new race wars and the way I have been targeted with such high amounts of black perps...but the few I do keep as friends are usually superior human beings...and guess what? They are always people that the system hates. WHY? Probably cuz they are smart, above average, and beat odds. The system hates people who get out from under problems without their meds or other hand holding. My friend went through months of crippling depression and slept on a cot through her pregnancy. She did an excellent job of it and now stays with a caring family who are friends becuz the system wouldnt help her. Oh they were there when the kid was born.

Who the f*ck does this country think it is right now. Its so obviously a class war that someone is diverting with race issues. Also they have to make sure that what happened during BUSH never gets looked at. I have seen Sykes perform for years. She is playing to the system for the agenda, most likely blacks who want to get thiers so they side with the power structures. These people are enemies of the poor everywhere. And of justice. I dont care how gay, black or otherwise seemingly alternative they are. Its not the 90's anymore. You cant go by those old liberal signs of being outside the mainstream.
Whats going on now is a hell of alot more dangerous.

Laugh at Sykes joke. Not for it being funny in itself but for how transparent she is. And lets hope those babies either get taken from her due to her appearing to be down on whites so she cant be strusted. Especially if they turn out to be talented- she'll probably stifle them (hmmm sound familiar TI's?). Or we can only hope they have DNA that turns on her our turns out very badly in the end. Maybe they will grow up and something will call them to move to some norse country of their original origin centuries ago- that wont join the EU or get involved with the NWO agenda due to it having little patience for southern Euro or American BS.

Probably not. They would need to be deprogrammed or un brainwashed out of the American systems that dampen any natural strength Euro's have in their DNA. That DNA needs to be activated to dictate survival- American mainstream culture crushes that spirit.

Friday, September 24, 2010

This system seems unbeatable. Its all a bunch of people that think they are better than you. Its totally lawless. I saw my older family members give up thier dreams and live on as common average people when they were capable of more. What this system wants are slaves and servants. There is no human rights for us in the US probably the world. There are alot of people around Harvard that know- many feel bad and many just ignore systematically as part of the way life goes. But many seem to get off on it. Like this sick rich kid thing...especially here at Harvard. There is a large population that knows.

I hope I have the strength to cut out gracefully instead of hanging around and becoming a total nobody when I was capable of so much more. I want the strength to suicide out of dignity. Hanging around gives these people amusement year after year or validation. There is no way to beat a place like this or any gang stalking center anywhere on earth.

The only hope is to expose the system, Then at least you left some sort of Revenge.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Italy shows some b*lls and busts CIA on renditions

..then again being part Italian myself one can see that it may just be to ensure that they can deny thier own involvement. Anyway...

"In June, Il Giornale, a newspaper owned by the brother of Mr. Berlusconi, published an interview that it said it had conducted via Skype with Mr. Lady, the former C.I.A. base chief in Milan, whose whereabouts are unknown. In the interview, he said of Abu Omar’s abduction: “Of course it was an illegal operation. But that’s our job. We’re at war against terrorism.”
Does that include the torture, harassment, psychological warfare, humiliation, degradation and destruction of my own life that has occurred over many years time? What it was some other faction like the military? One day I will find out who..
I am going to come after you and come after you until I find the throat of the beast..then I am going to suck you dry.

By the way that abductee doesnt deserve millions for what was done to him. Targeted AMERICAN citizens deserve money of such ridiculous amounts.

Illegal may be your job but that statement shows just what kinds of arrogant criminal minds we are dealing with. I assert that they know what happens to TI's IF it is not they or some rogue faction related to thier agency that pulls this crap in the first place. One more self incriminating statement that shows how the rusty, warped wheels in thier minds work. When it is your 'job' to destroy an innocent womean just to cover for rich a-holes. Oh, right. Forgot that this is basically your 'job' description overseas at any given time anyway:

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Oops, I forgot something..

I forgot to add something. Yes its quite possible that my mother didn't get chased away and decided to keep any money she got a secret or worse she collected money under my name as well and just decided to go along with me being targeted or had me targeted.

You've got the think this way you know. Especially with a family like mine.

I just wonder what that art teacher who was in on it meant when he said she was sick. Well, wtf did she do then?

Everyone thinks that keeping everything from me is the best option. I have seen what people really think which is that they can get off on the cheap with how many people f*cked me over in this by throwing me into this maze and then leaving me for dead to find my own way out. Thats supposed to be good enough. And if I am tortured within an inch of my life, and threatened all the time, then finally finding some kind of life or peace would seem good enough- if you bought into being brainwashed.

But what lawyer is going to touch this?

If you ever want me to give up here is my demands: Full disclosure of what everyone did to make an ass of me and the motives involved..OTHER than Jake, Julie and my mother being three of the most co dependent, greedy, arrogant pieces of shit I have ever met in my life who all tried to destroy me and failed. I also would like to know just who helped save my ass- it would be nice to know.

I also want a totally fair psych evaluation, not lies and deceptions and stale mating like from Dr Emmerich or Pearlman in Brighton. Those two twisted b*tches should have their licenses pulled. Especially the little Jewish girl who pumped me for info about where Lorianne/Lori went to then threw it in my face that I was probably making up the stories of harassment for attention. I will get that b*tch as well as everyone else on the list. Programmed minds are photo mem, audio mem and video memory capable. And you cant 'un'damage the brain stem that fast or as much as you would need to destroy everything.

I want to finally be validated by a complete looking over of my medical and testing of 335 Washington St and finally have the case tried in court properly. If not due to it being past the available time to do so I want Olnick and especially the Pettitis held responsible for thier disgusting abuse of low income people and HUD funding. Slam them to the wall as hard as you can. Busting OLNICK for having a politician from Harlem use one of their apartments as an office was good. Believe me I appreciated it, but its not enough. It was enough to bring me slightly back from the brink of jumping into the grave but I am never going to be finished with them.

Does anyone understand just how horrible this has been? To have that many people turn on you at once? And if you want to rationalize it the way Scott did by saying "You (have eccentric habits in the privacy of yer own home), and that scares people" then you can go to hell. This system made me come up with creative coping skills to survive.Thats what smart, creative people do with trauma.
Also, I recall going to therapists for years that wouldn't help me and didn't want to deal with my deeper issues. I was always getting dicked around by therapists so when the gang stalking was making me nuts over many years time, I just had to be more creative. I never realized that all those rude people that pissed me off everyday were not only very abnormal for a person to have occurring in thier lives but they were just perps. Its so funny now that Targets know what they are and we have developed a system to counter thier bs- to look back at how much control they had over us before. I spent so much energy every day freaking out on people, not wanting to go out during the day anymore. I was terrorized for years and didnt even think it was abnormal.
Jake may be an idiot but if it werent for him cluing me in that people do NOT get treated that way normally as well as telling me that it was obvious my family had written me off I wouldnt be alive today..which is one of the only reasons that he is still walking around. That and I will always love the asshole. No one can replace him.(What disturbs me is how much power he has gained due to my being destroyed. My life was bad before I met him but not this bad. It shouldnt be..the way things are now. He shouldnt have that much power.Like the rest of this timeline things are very off. He doesnt deserve that much support from a huge power structure. If he didnt want to be busted then he shouldnt have been fucking around. There is no way that I should have suffered as much as I did just becuz he's a guy and has sympathy from a bunch of other guys. Most likely for telling only one side of a story or leaving his part out all together. I refuse to accept that he was that connected to begin with. Someone picked his ass up and used him as an excuse to destroy me totally. A symbol to evoke that much hatred towards me. They needed a symbol and in him they got one. I had a life before him that included being targeted so why should the circumstances change that much just due to his presence? It shouldnt. Another sign that something is very off. Its as if I dont exist outside of my enemies in this time line. And I absolutely refuse to believe THAT is the truth. What I need is to get to that book and put it out. Then there is something of me out there. What they have done in using him was very clever. I am totally undefined by my own hand and he has defined our situation along the way or at least in bringing me down orginally when all this shit came down. He must have some people on his side that are connected to some power- metaphysical power. But still I existed independently before he. Literally if you take into consideration I am older than him. I highly suspect that whoever used him to destroy me is more interested in something metaphysical or some sort of spiritual warfare opposed to me being this evil woman type of person.Its also about probably the umpteenth rock and roll girlfriend this scum trade has destroyed..I wonder if my programmers meant for me to be that degraded. That I am to be put underneath the likes of Jake and some other rich kids into..whatever. He hasnt won. I just havent wielded my sword yet. No mere male of this species is going to take me down with the assistance of other males then define me and place me below them. Then we really must be at war then. Cuz it cant keep being like this. That is the very definition of Armageddon. When men gang up in some covert war against females to run them back down into before sufferage or some shit. Well then. Its time to battle til death..due to the fact that men dont deserve that much power over the female element.) Everyone also needs to pay for altering me from my original pure form.

Speaking of him getting clean its sad when people get clean and sober they dont fight for who they really are- they let the system bribe them and change them. Its so pathetic. I had other friends sell out instantly in recovery as well. Everyone would give me crap for wanting to know where it was going next. Is there an NA 2? Cuz this is not enuf. I want to grow....not change but grow. Real growth not..some sell out to social acceptability. That is why the original blue book had to be replaced by the green and gold one. One speaks of spiritual growth and the other says "get clean, get a job and get yer shit together. Oh and get over yerself". Total brainwash. I am glad NA escaped me due to being programmed. Anyone who is in there too long is suspect as f*ck anyway.

All three of them are totally disgusting in how they handled what went on. Total cowards. You should have seen my mother's face when this black perp drove by in a very expensive Hummer out of a supermarket parking lot. He had perped me in the milk section just as I was alone for a moment away from her. All he did was bring up some sh*t I had said and did on the road I had just come home from. Things perps on the bus had done or said in conversation. Probably to let me know that I was now being watched by the same people that had me watched and mind gamed on the Greyhound buses. I wasn't scared at all. Either my nature, some DNA or my programming just wont allow it. My programming just did its job by quietly taking it all in while I just looked on dumbfounded. Its a war- a fight. Why is that so scary to people? I just don't get it at all.
She saw the truck leave and the guy wave at me while she was loading some groceries and I told her a bit about what just happened. She was terrified. I never saw her that scared of something. Here she can intimidate and mess up her daughter who loves and trusts her but she cant fight a predator. I was just pissed cuz he disrespected my family unit by messing with me when I was with my mother..but then again its my dad thats Italian not her.

The same thing happened with a police car in St Louis. This guy that was a friend of the hostel owner did the same move my mother did. This reaction like 'I am scared by this and dont want to look at it'. WTF?

I would love to know just how many people in on this that acted like it was about that stupid federal investigation knew it was about me being programmed.

The whole thing in total is so obviously abusive forced deprogramming with a following behavior modification program to make one into whatever good little citizen they want you to be. Totally covers their asses that's for sure.

And of course I want to have some sort of true trial for MK Ultra offenders and a real payout to survivors. My mother has thyroid problems and we are the only two in the family with chronic severe endometriosis (an auto immune disease). Mine started when I was 15 or so. Not normal by any means and I have had a lifetime of insecurity from a scar on my stomach to prove it.

Lets see what else. How about holding that b*tch ex associate of mine accountable for years of overwork or cheating on payment? Can that be done I wonder? Or some other payback might be fun.

See if only everyone had left me alone I would have gone on with my life quietly and become a therapist for people trying to break mind control to get out of the adult entertainment industry and be an artist on the side. But nooo. You wanted to be greedy and get me labeled or kill me or more of an effort was trying to get me to kill myself.

And I want NA castrated. Enough of the gurus and the 13 steppers. Enough of the sick people who get thier ass kissed just due to their connections, family wealth or cult of personality. Disgusting. I want people to be told to get in, get de conditioned from whatever programming makes you an addict (and it is indeed often part of a larger high level programming scheme. Its part of programming that the system hopes will get you killed in yer 20's so that those really nasty layers that come about when yer in yer early 30's dont even have to be used. This is actually why many people cannot get clean. The 12 steps will work to get you off drugs but if yer programmed with an entire internal system, you will of course want to grow more or have many more questions about why things, and you, are the way they are. I believe this is why so many TI's claim that gang stalking moves in on them after they get into recovery.)
Let people know that there is something else if they want it. People with high level programming are not going to want to do the steps over again as the next level of growth.
Besides what was supposed to be a group to work outside the system has now become part of it. The recovery industry has gone too far as with everything that gets connected to the mainstream systems.
Oh and please tell everyone when they get in there that organized crime still has alot of their union scumbags operating in there. Or whatever that was that I had to deal with, predominantly male and very 'regular guy' oriented. I want revenge on those peons too. There are a few that tipped me off that I probably owe my life and sanity. But you can tell they did it out of guilt..the kind of guilt/sick love that pedos have for abused children.

Yeah I deserve like a million dollars for what I have lost and so do many other Targeted Individuals. But as that lawyer said to me about having my lungs and other organs damaged by a moldy apartment: "This isnt yer pot of gold at the end of the rainbow". No its thier first class ticket to hell. Pay up. This guy in Newton told me that was his way of managing client expectation..I hope he was kidding.

I need to find a lawyer that isn't scared and likes going up against odds like this. Either that or a foe of my enemies is a friend of mine someone who is also pissed off at the same people or structure.

I am tired of all the 'smilers', to steal from a blonde b*tch's words. At first they were smirking but now its these ridiculous smiles to handle Targets with. Like 'oh nothing is wrong. This is all normal. Everything is fine'. How long are they expecting that to work..ah as long as I am kept under control and half suicidal and in doubt by gang stalking.

Of course there is always the way out that they can all take collectively which is that I am just nuts and none of this ever happened. Which I am sure they will keep pushing for forever. But one can also ask how long can that last? Is the country that far gone? Seriously. How far has it gone into total apathy and helplessness against corrupt authority that they can keep this sh*t up?