“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The smiling happy people in mag rags at the laundrymat

In alot of pain today. Its getting into fall weather here and anywhere it gets humid I suffer. I also have a fake tooth that wasnt put in right and there is a cavitation in the root. The dentist was a perp as I posted if you recall, so I never went back to get the fake one pulled- nor can I seem to go to any dentist at all. Nor any doctors. They terrorized me so much during Bush that I just cannot make myself go. I know its partially the environment here.

I have to get out of Harvard Sq. That train rider kid Johnny isnt leaving and he has gotten a position of social power among the oogles. I really dont have any friends there now and there are some impressionable kids who are under his wing now that are into being abusive to me when he's around, and when he's not. Its probably to beat me down so I will start putting out. That is a common male tactic among desperate males who arent getting any. I hate him so much I wish I could be violent but his strength he uses to impress the oogle kids is fighting. He also smears my name alot with sh*t he makes up. I am starting to hate his presence there so much and his influencing people against me that I need to leave before me taking action against him results in something the perps would love to see and me get in trouble for. Besides, that is not exactly a good base of operations. Those kids pretend to be bad asses and anarchists or whatever but all they do is smoke and drink and slightly wreck stuff around the Pit and get into fights down by the river. I bet no one goes with me tonight to the Starbucks zoning meeting. Way to fight the system guys! I think I have had enough. There are a few people there, an couple who are Italian and another young couple have been friendly with me, and one party kid for all stuff he does that our society would disapprove of nowadays he has a way of befriending people regardless of what others think. Hes one of those people you hope you never have to hear that he died from something out here. I guess I understand him and he I a bit. He's only 28, but the first time I really looked at him in conversation- when he let me see that part of him for a second, he looks like an old man who has lived for years. And he communicated to me in that moment, that he is as tired at 28 as any of us were probably at 7 yrs old.
These are the kinds of damages that society never wants to answer for. They'd rather see us live out in the street and make excuses for why we are the way we are. A million social program cannot cure or stop what people do to their children or to each other and someday hopefully, after all this is over, the world will finally understand that- for good this time.

He also has a guidance system and future visions. I warned him, a few times, that in his 30's, the system will come after him so furiously that he will wonder if he is dead or alive. That they WILL rip his wiring out, shut him down and like a flame put him out forever.
This is their version of 'peace'.
I hope he stores my words somewhere in the inner files way in the back of his head. I try to tell him these things just in moments, out of the line of a common conversation or space, just in a moment so that it will be a bit memory- to store more easily. Perhaps he will remember at a critical moment in the future.

Or perhaps the system has already made sure he is no threat. Perhaps being a man he never will be I don't know.

I know that one of the reasons this system has hit me so hard is I started to not only discover what programming was about but that one could heal or start to interfere with others programming. There are so many people with this 'bad luck' syndrome and they get cornered into shitty circumstances (brainwashed) and they just stay there painted into this corner. And I am sure the system keeps them there. To take them back in time, to rediscover who they once were or what other reality could have been...this system seems most threatened by that actually.

These headaches are only one of the consequences of being denied health care systematically. If its not that its due to the damage from that moldy apartment I was in for three years. What kind of reasonable person would have stayed there for 3 years while trying to get it tested and sue? I know I was being controlled and manipulated via harassment and psych warfare but its a great story for the idea of me being nuts. Becuz a 'reasonable person' wouldnt have stayed there. Works for them right?

I see now just how much of what they do in the beginning works for them later on, to discredit the victim.
Without my mother's status connected to MK Ultra as well as my having dirt on important people I would be so much more screwed throughout this ordeal. My mother may be able to deny that connection now if she sold out to the system but she cant deny phone records etc. I also have supporters who are part of covert factions that think she just goes too far in how evil she is. She will be a problem perhaps at some point but not so I cant get rid of her as a threat to my work. Thats all she is now. She may think that she has control becuz this system controls me for her by proxy (and that is the way her mind works. She always ran to her father or family to get me under control or help put me down. The gang stalking system IS her father in the form of abusive male authority or a large dysfunctional family unit). She also always thought this way anyway. At 18 she threatened to have me committed becuz "at least I'll know where you are". And its creepy how she gloated in my 20's about cops keeping an eye on me or someone did. Like the gang stalking system she would have information on me she shouldnt have. It gave her a special sense of power over her DAUGHTER she could never have over her FATHER. I used to love the woman as a mother and look up to her but she was always so weak to the oppressor. Not eastern European I guess- cant fight oppression or invaders at any and all cost. Not Italian-destroying any threat to one's empire including putting unruly family in exile..kinda like she helped do to me. But I used to resist that family at all times. They needed an army across the US to get me down just by myself. Yeah, my family is just soooo badass. What they need eventually is nice hard lesson in what happens when you turn your own blood over to the destroyers. There has got to be a price for that somewhere in this for them. Scapegoating of this magnitude cannot be free. Nor can it be as easy as just claiming I am nuts.
It may have worked on torturing Danny out of his mind but it aint gonna work on me. And I am not Danny and gang stalking does exist. This is about MK Ultra not my father passing on some nut gene. I will not let the traitors and oppressors dictate my reality to me.
It cant go on like this forever its just too damn unfair.

I feel like I've been handed over to a group of psychiatrists for constant monitoring..that is part of the torture. I have good reason to believe that is actually the case at times. This is all definately about very VERY wealthy factions, probably private contractors, doing totally unethical human experimentation. I recall a movie about a company in MA that was doing something similar. It was just a movie but with this place's track record of human experimentation atrocities as well as it being MA a place where the elite if you will would do anything to get away with something like that, I mean companies or medical industrial complex or connected to the military like Raytheon. I'll have to get the movie's title. It had to do with this company inducing comas and the victims being hung in this warehouse. And in the 70's there seemed to be all these leaks to intimate that many of these stories were true stories. Of course that starts a subculture of conspiracy theory...that may serve to cloud reality further. Which would serve the deception even more.

The kind of power these people have must be terribly tempting. Who could say no when you get up in levels? I dont think any of us could refuse that kind of power. The problem is that society faintly understands it exists- they dont really believe it.

Looking through a stupid rag like People. I know- its yucky. 2009 issues. I note how much black and red is in the ads I never noticed before. This annoying Gap ad for 'peace' has a big peace sign made out of people (ah the mob. Yes, be part of something). I note that the people at the top are the only black couple as well as a blonde cuddled with two other slightly ethnic female models. At the bottom, posed as if carrying the whole structure of people on her back as a burden breaking her back, is a very pretty perfect red head who is very fair. No other red heads appear in the pic. At the center where the inner sign joins the circle is a very creepy brunette who looks right at the camera in a very evil way.
The blue jeans and denim jackets may be there for a 'red white and blue' effect but as in any good subliminal- either in art or ads, its a decoy. When you find the decoy you can begin to unravel the subliminal, neutralizing it and rendering it harmless. (kinda like they do to targets like us with psychological warfare). No the black and red is the purpose of this. The plaid red and black on the logo tells me that- again the plaid is a diverter.
I'll scan it tomorrow and post it.

A few stupid articles about reality show faces that I am proud to say I have no idea who they are. Never saw thier sound bites, never heard them speak or took in thier movements on the television. Never got caught up in their spells if you will. I am the star of this reality show of a sort in my own life and I worship no other...unless you truly are superior of which there are many an artist, performer or other creator who is worth my worship and appreciation. But not some fat guy named John who is known for being a dad or whatever. Stupid.
Even he is wearing black and red as they feature a pic of him meditating or some crap then snuggling up with his self help book by the pool. Does anyone have a bucket for me to expel into please?

Another article about an African American star one of the younger starlet ones, a music girl I think. First page- her hugging kids from Africa. Second page a Black Ball pic of African Americans of course sporting black dresses next to people with red ones- boobs hanging out like they invented it.

OK we get it black and red. Something to do with Luciferian Anarcho-Socialist-Communist-Pan Africanism...whew. Breath after that.


Then the other People rag has an article about missing kids and of course you can tell they hand selected the most attrative kids for the article out of the missing kids of 2009 catalogue. I am not being insensitive its just that no one wants to admit that things like The Finders exist- not The Finders specifically but a network that sick. Everytime I look at a wall in store lobby with those faces its the only time my conditioning from gang stalking will allow me to get some crying to break through the controls. (In gang stalking they take someone like me and torture them and alternately make is so I cant express, tell or show emotion about what is happening. They condition you over many years and its all to make sure you never seek therapy or healing for the original abuse or tell memories of it.) In order to survive I dont cry, or I maybe break through occasionally, allow myself a few moments and then pull it back- compartmentalize. All they do to survivors of programming and RA is to re program you in way but its more like conditioning or cult brainwashing. They base it on the external controls of the gang stalking groups as well as public opinion working for them in that area as well to control the TI through managed perception of the person via smear. They also must constantly maintain the control they have established over the survivor. Like last night some sadness must have been showing and I did feel sad and helpless sitting pan handling in Kenmore. After an hour or two of this an ambulance drove by to my left on Kenmore. They were perfectly situated so I would spot them and the driver did a tactic where he flashed a light at me but turned it on and off many times in sequences. I made sure I looked at him to make sure I wasnt mistaken like he was messing with his phone or flashing the light to get it to work- no he was looking right at me when he did it in this look that was disapproving and controlling.

See they keep pushing for me to go to UMass and get a normal life. They desperately want to end this or for me to accept it as ended. They want me to move on and forget- which is why over time they teach the victim to not show emotions and how much damage there is. So they can maintain this with more psychological operations or tactics.
This is not real healing this is the system still trying to use behavior modification to silence the victim witness. The problem is that I know damn well what will happen to me if I live out a faked life like that- I KNOW I will suicide and it will be a quiet and unexpected one. One of those 'she was so nice so normal you'd never think' type deals. I just cannot go out like that. After all I have fought for I just cant.

Keep in mind this isnt over becuz that is the reality of the situation. Its over becuz they want it to be that way. This system has a habit of believing that they create all realities that we live in the ones at least that they have altered with covert influence and activity.
But one must keep in mind that you cant give into a mob that wants to be your god. You write your own reality within the context of what truly exists, not some bunch of dirty tricks scum who if they dont get the power they crave each instance they have mob temper tantrums. Thats kind of like what gang stalking is...the temper tantrum of unsung little gods that cant make sh*t happen on thier own and need the group organism to do so. They HATE people like artists and other strong Wills that can create on their own.

Besides I have posted in the past that Boston is notorious for ambulance people being in on gang stalking. I have never seen this in other states. They are really overt and arrogant too. I experienced this is CO when I had to call them as I went into anaphylaxis but here its so overt who they are obviously handlers and perps for the system. I often wonder what faction they are part of. The medical community seems to be packed with Satanic cult members and if you dont believe me jsut go on the internet and look at how many cases of satanic cults being busted in the last few years include people who were in medical school. Its a great front isnt it? And besides they can then really infitrate a territory traditionally associated with the Hospitallers, one of their dreaded Templar enemies..they are just so childish. The whole boring 'endless battle' thing is boring and childish. I mean REALLY BORING. Can we move on now? Siiiiggh. Boring.

There is an article about the Muslim sympathizer psychiatrist who flipped and shot all those military personnel. From this standpoint no story like that is ever the same for me now. I have to investigate faces, really looking for something, some evidence that they were perps, they were harassing them. They were Mossad or they were some other provoking agents. What was their possible part in it each one? Or was he indeed just someone who should not have been kept on and as usual the military is greedy and personnel are expendable (the expense of his training kept him on even though there were complaints about him).

Just like looking at those kids faces wondering- was it something they would do when they got older that had to be stopped? Were they ritual abuse babies and the cult came for them either for sacrifice or torture or a sad fate of both? Were they going to talk or start remembering? or is it as simple as good old fashoined predators who are good at what they do and opportunistic, the guy that you never suspect you think you know, stole them away and their fates are predictable but each one unknown. You can only hope they are alive at least and can escape someday or..that it was painless and quick at least.

People have no idea of what is right beside them and under their nose in the world of other human beings that they live in. And they do not want to know becuz much less do they understand how to battle such forces, to negotiate with them, to accept their presence in the world we live in as always having been present and to thus warn and protect thier children accordingly.

Living in denial or being afraid is the greatest weapons of any terrorists. You provide these for them daily. And people that do such things are terrorists. They know you dont see them, dont admit they exist right beside them. And they mock you every day.

My grandfather used to do this kind of thing so I have seen it. So amusing to him on some subconshus level was the rest of the world that did not see him for what he was. Except when he was in one of his child alters or a childish one that would whine that he did not understand why some of the family did not like him.

It pisses me off I am being treated worse than he ever got treated by society or my mothers family and I am not the predator. And I want revenge. I want vengeance. For myself of course and every kid who no one cares about on those walls, that they write off or ignore. Little Jesuses who suffer and die, secretly in thier minds, so at least it wasnt thier kid who got grabbed.

People magazine- fun to observe but dont ever read the damn thing and internalize it.