Got some rest last night went inside. I didnt realize how miserable I was. Those kids in Harvard were allright but it had started getting very counter productive mid Sept. Lets just say that they are far from politically active. There are a few that come around that are so inclined but most of them are just local squatter kids or gutter punks. Drinking is what they like to talk about. They are creative though and unafraid to express that to the locals when it hits them. It was some good theater.
That guy Johnny got way out of hand though. He ultimately didnt get what he wanted so since he couldnt both sleep with me and have me as his friend all the time, camping out with him and such, he turned on me in ways that were not good. He must know something of my situation as he started getting extremely nasty about smearing my rep going for the I am crazy smear. But since those kids accepted me to begin with it was a little hard for them to just reject me based on his bs. But he got enough of them (sexists looking for cred as usual) to join in and it just went from there. Besides I have been totally broke since mid month and was tired as it was impossible to get sleep anymore in the Square. I didnt want to camp near Johnny anymore in a squat down by the river as he has some kind of body lice or mite that gets into my stuff and is really itchy. I had to throw away 3 pieces of clothing so far. He claims he had body lice but got rid of it. He loves to point out he uses fabric softener (kind of odd for a guy who likes to beat people up) but doesn't have the brains to use a bit of bleach to kill things one might pick up or perethrimin which is in many lice shampoos and it kills lice, fleas, mites and other things you might get on the road. Just put some in yer clothes then wash again.
He's the kind of person that if you tell him you distinctly feel something jumping on you all day long like 'bugs' and they seem to stay alive in clothes even after washing them, he just wont listen. I didnt even bother becuz he has no common sense about health issues or medical. He's good at making weapons out of things one finds outdoors and fighting and nothing else. I have this hysterical audio of him drunk saying he's educated and better than everyone at the Pit becuz he went to Leslie college. All I saw was a little man with a Napolean complex who will beat up any guy beating on women but he himself is sexist and abusive to levels usually not accepted nowadays. I think I was dealing with a stalker but I didnt realize it. The kids at Hellarity in Berkley CA tried to make me realize that but I suppose being alone on the road and being harassed still I was desperate for some kind of protection or camaraderie.
You cant get close to travelers and yer not supposed to. Many of them arent very deep or intellectual or political and they just want to drink. There are some though that you can talk to and the kids from rich homes tend to be more well rounded or at least have this base politeness in thier manner even if they look like total hobos.
Some Pit kids told me not to leave yesterday but its too stressful. One thing J is good at is manipulating a situation (which he wastes his intell he claims to have) I just cant fight this one where I sleep as well as the other one daily. Besides he was using my situation against me. He actually tried to tell kids that were friendly with me that me using my camera and filming travels made me mentally ill. He also tried to claim I talked to myself all the time which he has pulled with another traveler as well. This is untrue as I dont usually do that to amuse myself unless I am in an apartment too long and the walls are closing in. When I am traveling I am pretty happy,
(considering the situation at large). And every traveler that is alone on the road too long will tell you that occassionally especially when lacking sleep, one starts to talk a bit while trying to figure out something. The only thing he ever heard was me in the tent probably bitching about it being dirty and that it had to be cleaned. There are just too many people around to talk to out here. Why would I need to self amuse? And I am not in the middle of some major problem where I would need to sit down and really dig into it by bouncing stuff off myself first then other people?
I highly suspect that Johnny talks to himself or has in the past and been penalized somehow for doing so. When he is very drunk I have seen him walking away from people and doing just that. I think someone tried perhaps to label him or medicate him years ago. I once explained to him that Sloth, this other traveler who does tend to go off in weird directions with what seems like large amounts of talk on the phone for hours, if indeed he is self talking, it may be due to trauma or dealing with some form of severe anxiety.
Humans will self heal anyway they can. And men are the worst at seeking help for their problems. It may be that people have a disorder but they also might be traumatized and this is a coping skill. I noticed that when he was in one place too long without support from friends or wasnt really friendly with local kids that this is when he started doing that.
I dont think he's nuts at all. And I am very tolerant of weird habits of others as I grew up in the 70's as a little kid where everyone was weird. In fact it was considered amusing. You had to be cool though or being weird would just be weird and get you rejected.
I explained to Johnny that there is too much arm chair psychiatry among the layman/masses nowadays and its often used to slander someone without a doctors official label. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL to say someone has any disorder when there is no proof. Its the kind of slander that can socially cripple a person and it has got to stop. Using very dangerous things like psychiatry and putting it into the lowest form of pop culture has to stop. These are the kinds of people that dont even know there is a trauma model and a disorder model.
So the last thing I needed was people focusing on my age and that I may be nuts in some way. VERY dangerous for me in my situation with my activism being what it is. I only gave this blog address to two people both of which expressed understanding what is going on in this country nowadays if not the world, as well as an interest in conspiracy or at least the paranormal. I dont tell anyone else about it like I did in the beginning when the harassment was heavy years ago.
But if he knows my situation then his natural move in war would be to use that to control me. I assume my move would have been to have to kiss his ass or seek his attentions so he would then stop slinging sh*t. I am not sitting near someone who,when I do, I can start to feel itchy again as well as he's drunk all the time now and really just a drag. Drunk people I can stand socially but not in intimate friends and never in a lover. Drunks are boring- I am not a drunk thats why.
So I left and after getting rest realized how impossible Harv Sq is as of school being back in session. There is something about it thats also unhealthy and I dont know what. Its humid now and raining alot and I have a constant headache there. Its not worth it just cuz its a safe place to sleep. No traveling kids coming through either.
Interestingly the whole time I have been here I have not been able to make doctor appointments. I have to be realistic about trying to function within city limits of any major US city. Its impossible to not be 'jammed' if you will- and for researchers like myself you know why. And Boston seems much more polluted than when I was younger. When I was in southern ILL the environment there seemed as healthy as the levels at which my body (and I ) recall from the 70's here in Boston or MA in general. The air was cleaner and you could swim in the ponds and lakes. MA wont admit how polluted it is here now- money makes everything clean again and shine of course that is thier mentality.
Well I feel like shit as usual every time I come back here. The winter is the only healthy season here as I recall. I give Boston a decade or two to become a totally unlivable place for regular people. The rich will probably have domes built.
Also I notice that being homeless its forced on us to sleep outside but not in areas where we could escape chemical or tech warfare or 'people management'.
