“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Losing Steam

Im looking at social networking site. All of these people who were dicks to me are having lives, babies, getting places and I am just losing ground and energy. A lesbian couple where one of them is actually a man- a super alternative couple, just had a frickin baby. They cant even keep house usually for themselves.

Its safe to say that, outside of finding a lawyer who can sue for at least some part of this, the situation and the country is hopeless. I think if I dont get results soon its about time to simply disappear.

Why keep doing something where I cant be real with people about who I am and what my life's work is? And I am not meeting any cool new people lately. Socially I've become completely stangnant. Its become nothing more than a daily brainwash in order to continue a behavior modification program.

When it rains here in eastern MA, in the city, there are the same effects I experienced in Portland, OR only much more on the side of depression. Its obvious that radiation is becoming an issue all across north America. And I've always noticed that since Fukishima's accident after the tsunami in Japan that Boston has been a strong area for the effects of that radiation. When it happened in 2011 I had to lay down for a week straight. I was fatigued. Since then my health has slowly deteriorated in obvious was as well as I've aged considerable compared to years prior to Fukishima. You can feel the state of general health just deteriorating. It seems the effects are lessened or not as obvious at first for people who spend thier evenings inside and their days inside at thier jobs. When you travel and spend all your time outside but you aren't in your 20s and healthy like that you can see it happening.

Like what the hell am I doing here? Why would I want to stay? NOTHING is going to change in this place. Its so truly boring right now and the YUPpies are unbearable right now. I thought there was a place in the NWO to carve out a niche for ourselves especially homeless people. If its going to come anyway, why not carve out a place for ourselves? It doesnt seem like there are enough of us to make it happen. There's too much control and diversion of the general public.