“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Monday, September 27, 2010

Last few days very bad trying to get through/ thought of scarring face to escape attention

Its been very bad lately. I cant get anything done. Ever since the students got back it seems. I want to go someplace less humid as i am suffering from severe headaches everyday (mold expsosure has made living in humidity have this affect) but cant seem to make the doctor appointments I need. I am so conditioned form being terrorized by them years ago and over the years around the country.

I should not be trying to function within the city limits of any major American city right now. Here in Cambridge is livable only if you arent trying to focus and get anything done. I am jammed and forgetful. As usual I cant manifest thought into action here.

The only reason I am even getting this post done is...guess? You got it- a changing condition in my environment which has been shown time and time again to make being targeted with remote influence or other outside influence able to be overstepped: it rained. I have documented this as a factor that enables me to overcome whatever the conditions are here that make it hard to get anything done WITHIN CITY LIMITS. If I go to JFK UMass and beyond I have demonstrated year after year of returning here that returns me to a state of logic and ability to reason, feel myself again and function, and my memory is improved.

I have been struggling for weeks to get simple tasks done to no avail. And the headaches may be from damage or health issues especially pertaining to exposure to mycotoxins that were so damaging in that apartment but I would not put aside the theory that its tech induced torture.

It was so bad on Saturday, the torture that I seriously was considering scarring my own face. The torture using low level sexual stimulation as well as humiliation was so bad that I thought that maybe if I made myself unattractive that this system locally would stop trying to harass me back into adult entertainment. There seems to be a focus on sexuality most days lately and its been very pronounced since the students came back and school is in session. Its intolerable and very distracting. And its usually very bad during the daylight hours moreso. I often wonder about this geographical location. Only in the northeast or should I say the east coast am I that sexually aroused. This has been the case every time I return to this location. In fact I noticed it on my first cross country out of this area.

Also the amount of estrogen from human waste must be astounding. Also notice that soy is now in all our food products. Why is that? It is used as estrogen replacement in women so it cant be good for men as well as its been proven to lower intelligence. Read up on it and you will see its a scam - soy is a scam and health nuts know it too.

I dont know if its chemical warfare or tech and I dont care its very distracting and its only this bad in the NE USA. Of course Sunday there was some relief as Sunday there always is..but the real relief has come with this light rain and lack of sunshine and heat today.

Also when you are attractive the system and perps use that to hide the abuse. Its less likely people will believe you and it eggs on a stupid public to be in on destroying you out of threat, ego (male) or jealousy (female). My having a 'pretty face' still is to the perps advantage. They use that to hide the damage they have done and are doing to the person.