“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Monday, August 22, 2011

Obituary For Foster Father- Died While I Am In Exile


This is the obituary of my foster father, who I would refer to as 'grandpa Howland'. Its the second obituary I found of someone in my family who died during my being in exile basically for the last 7 years away from Boston and out of contact with everyone from my past.

Yes its upsetting. What was more upsetting is that I didnt have the feelings I should have about it. Years of torture and removal from my old life had left me unable to feel this was actually a real occurrence. Also the ploy it seems is to allow these older people to escape into death so that anyone who really knows the truth can never be under suspicion. It feels like it seals my fate every time one of the original players in this dies. My middle age spinster status will be sealed for life becuz I never got to deal with key issues while these people were alive, and they are hoping that the younger family members like my cousins etc just write me off as I was marketed: crazy.

What I did realize is how my own mother had let this system drive her to get fat, sell out and really cower instead of take them on. I realize now that without people like my friends and other people I associated with in my adult hood I would probably have met with the same fate as my family in handling this system, simply becuz these simple people dont know how to really fight powerful entities. They seem to just give into them and let them keep them down.

Its unfair I have to deal with alot of things now he's dead and not while he was still living. It feels like this was done to deny me power somehow. Which obviously cant be returned if these people are all dead by the time the truth comes out or I tackle memories etc.

Again the system's actions keep me down. Its also a way of forcing me to 'grow up' in THIER definition of doing so, which of course consists of NOT having massive psychic power available to you as that is something that women of a certain age gain. Part of this campaign was to ensure I was forced to live through that phase and pass it without gaining any power naturally as I should have by birthright. Keeping me from true emotional sorting out of problems while the originators of those problems are still alive is a way to do this.

Now lets focus on what I found as more coincidence related to gs and human experimentation. He also worked at Raytheon. I knew this, as a kid I knew he was a janitor there. His daughter Jeannie's husband Frank worked there in a capacity above being a janitor as I recall he had a pretty comfortable life.
Alot of programming activity went on in connection to this family.

(Well, it explains why I have been running into so many images of large sunflowers lately. I am assuming I can make peace with them now..which I dont appreciate being pushed into I will do that in my own time and I wont get into it here or now. Stop trying to force me to heal over becuz its convenient for YOU. )

I am just waiting for the next obituary. And I am fully ready just like I was for these. I know these are rules of war. I know that my family betrayed me so as to risk my life as I was pushed out onto the road where many attempts on my life and sanity were made. Which means they are a security risk and cannot be contacted at any cost.

And you chose your sides.