“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Some People May Get Thiers and Yes, Its Fun To Watch- But Remember Those Who Did Right To Begin With/ Dont Become A Monster Yourself

Gee. I had been so busy being chased across the country and targeted that I missed out on all the fun..and good news.

http://jack.radio.com/2010/07/16/does-god-hate-aerosmith-joe-perry-in-motocycle-accident/

Yeah, its called dont interfere between a woman and her man by giving the spoiled rotten rich kid gigs in your industry that will ensure he is good for life in the industry. Also putting him in contact with that bitch Amie Mann who wrote that song Ballentines (bite me bitch) wasnt such a good idea either. I am still fantazising about Ice T having her drive by shot for good measure. She seems to think she is an expert on who is good enough to be in entertainment or television shows. I dont know who she f*cked or what family she comes from or what mafia or Masonic connections (or military or CIA or whatever) they have to get her into such a solid position when she is simply just another musician with good writing quality, known around Boston to be 'difficult' (which means that you are just so talented that Boston is too small and petty for you, so moving to L.A. was the logical next move. Only there could they accept and understand her- another blonde bitch rich kid snob, a sociopath who will excel in a business full of the same.) One should ask HER how it feels that no gentlemen hold the door for her anymore, she's been running on something else other than pure raw talent and energy for some time now- connections- thats all it takes to stay in these positions of success.
After writing 'Voices Carry' you'd think she would want to stay away from men who get off on abusing women, like the scum in Aerosmith..and my ex.

Closet cases off of them- get a room guys. At least my ex has a great asset in one place anyone can see these morons have little to offer. A lifetime of compensation is all they can muster, becuz all the money in the world wont do you any good since they havent created an operation for that yet.

At least the two bean poles keep thier weight down and you can tell they will do anything to keep it that way. Perhaps Jake eats out of guilt? Or perhaps the things that made him the unhappy 'fat kid' I fell in love with and never minded he was overweight, perhaps instead of f*cking over his dirt poor girlfriend and projecting all the blame for his problems onto her (ME) he should have used N.A. for what its supposed to be for: finally taking an honest look at yourself. Hmph, all he did was read the text quickly and memorize it like a written piece of music and then play it to the crowd. For effect of course.

He was so stupid. Dont you realize that when you get clean and sober that is a very vulnerable time and thats when society tries to dictate to you who you should be, to get you to conform, to get you under control permanently. They HATE spiritual people and since Bush they absolutely loathe and are totally threatened by anyone who has spirit, real talent and basically want to make everyone zombies. I know it sounds like an outrageous or ridiculous claim but its true- there is a war on human conshusness. From HD tv and audio to Just Say NO! but take yer psyche meds. Believe it or not, there is actually a way they seem to be able to stifle or muffle the human ability to make and direct orgone energy. Perhaps its just in certain people. Its like this way to be certain mankind can be enslaved- its all for the same end but its through various methods and mediums.

And you might not want to assist the likes of Bush, Romney, Guiliani and McCain and friends in whatever campaign of just absolutely ridiculous levels of evil they pulled off during the Bush presidency and of course Hayden as head of the CIA- actually those were the worst years, and if you know Hayden's connection to Aquino and COS, TOS you know what I am on about.

Did anyone think you can be part of that and just walk away scott free? Its not about just assisting this system in destroying someone like me, you are assisting such a system in the entire enslavement of mankind.

I notice that nothing bad is listed in the news as to have happened to the drummer. That isw most interesting .and I will get into this more in my book so it all makes sense. During the time I was really in danger and I had an idea NA people and music people were helping Jake and other enemies of mine to destroy me, discredit me and assist in getting me to move to Phoenix AZ (later I would understand this was to make me look like I had some part in the federal drug running between Phoenix and Boston. It was part of an attempted set up, and that was supposed to get me to run to the FBI and blab so I would be killed as a rat. Typical disposal of MK Ultra victim witnesses, according to Ted Gunderson.) (also, a guitarist friend of Jake's from Watertown, his girlfriend worked at the CVS pharmacy where I got my sedatives filled and while on her shift half of them were missing from the bottle. I reported it to my insurance. Later on Scott hinted at the attempted frame up by simply saying Jake was "stupid. And his friend Drew is stupid too.", Scott being a genuine criminal and these kids being rich kid jerk offs. I was also told by an informant in St Louis that "The feds arent stupid you know. They know...whats going on". Thank goodness somebody did becuz I sure the f*ck didnt. Being MILAB-ed in the southwest on a bus can really confuse a person.)

This is when it was really bad, like being targeted heavily, constant gang stalking non stop. Getting my mail with it being already opened and the post office sending it along like that fixed up a bit- a veiled threat. People turning on me and telling me they never heard of me on a second phone call when they would corroborate my stories on the first phone call. Real threats.

During this time period after arriving in Phoenix, I was in this walk in closet at this perp's house I was naive enough to rent in. I couldnt lift my arms thats how sick the mold exposure had made me with mycotoxicosis- it was neuro damage I was dealing with. No matter what the feds thought, going to a dry hot climate, taking herbs and excercising on that bike 20 miles a day from Phoenix to Mesa improved my health so I could fight this system for years afterwards.
As I marveled at how much my body had changed from this damage, I got hit with this vision of that drummer from that band. This was not the first time I got a psychic impression of this personality. I got this impression that he really felt what was going on was realllllyyy wrong. Very wrong. He felt badly, he didnt agree with it at all. What was surprising was the strength of the transmission- his moral conviction conveyed very prominently.

This is why what has happened to me in the last few years, the anti semitism, the racism, all these things that I am becoming out of being surrounded and influenced by hate for so long I cant resist anymore- becuz there were many Jews in the beginning of this that I recall were morally disturbed by this situation. One woman at the Newton art center I modeled at tried to warn me about "Newton has alot of money; hidden money" and I just didnt understand. And then she stopped showing up to this art class where this semi talented rich kid jerk Damien and the staff as well as another art model and his adult students were fully aware of what was being done to me- and they not only did nothing but they would goof on me for it too. Some comment was about how I was akin to the Man in the Iron Mask character. Damien once snidely commented on how I looked hopeful, as if it was the only thing I had left considering my situation. Real torture. These are the kinds of people, local rich assholes who would do things like put me under hot white lights so I would be passing out trying to stay awake for a portrait sitting. That was at a private office in Newton with some guy and a few fat rich ladies. This guy claimed that I was of interest to them and fascinating simply becuz I was so poor.

That gig stopped as soon as the white vans showed up and one day he just looked white as a sheet and drained of blood- terrified. And he promptly canceled all future appointments.

Someone once wrote me and consoled me that the White Vans and the Black Helicopters were supposed to be to protect 'us'. The programmed kids, the MK kids, the experimentees, the Satanists RA favs or perhaps Satan had come to claim his brides. Who knows? Who knows if its the worst kind of people protecting us from stupid average citizens who are bored and playing games with people's lives.

All I know is that I have seen that the people who moved unjustly against the innocent have been punished and called on thier sh*t and the ones who were righteous to begin with were protected or rewarded. But I have also seen sell outs, betrayers and the worst kinds of people rewarded- perhaps I simply havent been close enough to them to see them suffer, people like my old land lady, Julia etc.

The worst thing thats happened is that I myself have turned into a rotten person. One can only take so much and then you succumb to the evil that surrounds you. Its mostly due to years of mistreatment but also my health being so screwed up becuz of taking constant evasive action is probably a major factor.

None of this matters. None of it. There seems to be a higher order that takes care of revenge and comeuppance. I should have written this years ago. I have become stronger sure but the ego I have had to develop to ace this is obnoxious, its not even Ego, its becoming this power mongering entity or alter. I dont know if years of torture along with knowing how to handle your enemies is a good thing. Learning how to handle power while becoming increasingly confident in destroying your enemies after internalizing years of abuse and torture from what is percieved as society in general can only create a monster. This process,the conversion of a person into such a monster seems in itself a desired end to these years of events.

Cochran once responded to me telling him a perp informed me I was being targeted becuz I was going to be the next Hitler, by saying that "its about time we had a female Hitler". That is not encouraging. It also makes me very suspect that this system taunts one with prophecies, gives them a negative end like claiming thier actions are to PREVENT one from becoming the next Hitler, yet all the while doing everything possible to turn that very Target into an angry, hateful yet powerful human being.
Also what spooks me is Howie, that older scumbag, sorta-kinda-seems-connected-to-Irish-mob type of guy from Watertown Narcotics Anonymous- the one who arranged for PI John Panderos to get an expensive lawyer to "rat on himself" to the feds as he claimed (while, it seems, implicating me,which is ridiculous and obviously part of thier sloppy local frame up attempts), years ago..many years ago like 1997 or so, Howie gave me this book on Hitler's life to read. It was the original psychological write up on Hitler done by American or British I cant remember- by intelligence and psychologists. It predicted he would kill himself.
What was so eerie was the manner in which Howie gave it to me to read. This was just as the gang stalking was getting in gear, becoming overt during late Clinton but not 24/7 just yet as after 2003, and it was after my mother got "followed" and intimidated out of going to the President's Advisory Committee On Human Radiation Experimentation in 1995 as a documented radiation experimentee, parents both US Marines.

He KNEW. This bastard knows something and it goes beyond just the federal investigation cover stories and all the local bs of that time frame. Looking back there was alot of indication that pedophilia was accepted and a large part of the lives of many people in those Watertown NA meetings. Certain people looking back exhibited many -isms that would be easily spotted now by someone like me how is aware of what predators act like where as before I would not realize who I was talking to or living with, mostly out of being used to their presence in my family as normalized, the foster home etc etc. Even though I was not as damaged by these people due to my ability, then as now, to tell oppressors and predators to 'f*ck off' basically, they were dangerous people still.

Howie giving me that book to read and focusing on Hitler's suicide was chilling- now its so obvious that it was done with some knowledge of my being programmed. In all likelyhood it was a normal expectation that I would one day, at the end of my twenties, also suicide. Yet the way he put it was in such a manner as to implicate or intimate that Hitler killed himself becuz he was a bad person and also that he was a weak person- a weak character or mind. More rich asshole's mind games with inferiors? Perhaps but from recalling this experience its as if Howie had some other more definate superior knowledge of the outcome. And something always has told me its connected to Masons or organized crime, in that mix somehow. Its definately connected to perversions with women and judging from that crowd at that NA meeting- probably children.

I didnt understand back then that its an actuality that child molesters- not just pedophiles but child molesters, gravitate towards each other and knowingly congregate and even form groups or networks for protection. Thus gang stalking as being described as "grouping together for protection and profit" by Eleanor White I believe (who's work I have found invaluable over the years and who has, unlike myself, seemed to ward off becoming a monster from years of being chased by them as I am struggling with myself these days).

Its sad to look back not just at my family but at most of the people I used to know and think that so many of them were perhaps not just tolerant of child molesters and wife beaters in those meetings (explaining why there were so many Jake sympathizers and people to assist abusing me through gang stalking) but were involved in such activities themselves or capable of abuse. My own ex didnt want to look at his own abusive behavior of a sexual nature, that simply stemmed from his victimization and used our infighting as a couple to simply just put all the blame on me with various set ups. The ones that would have sent me to jail I was protected from, like the one involving trying to sell my pills obviously but the ones that were smear campaigns, where years later I read interviews where he used the media outlet to assist in smear, when I was so out of it being harassed so hard I wasnt even involved in being part of the normal world anymore..during Bush. All this went on when I was being kept in prison basically except it was done right out in public spaces around the USA.

This is just a sample of the gross abuses of power that went on during Bush not to mention the less understood and publicly known Hayden during late Bush early Obama. Forget what you already know as war crimes, it goes much further than the obvious, its what was done covertly. When you put the overt material with the covert activities, one understands why still there is so much going on now to keep the public from holding that administration responsible for those crimes and actions against HUMANITY, not just individuals. What is going on now is still to keep the public from daring to deal with the crimes, the outrageous abuse of power during Bush and Hayden, the diversions never end. And its going to stay that way until they feel they have sealed the time line they have created, this horrible reality of thier creation where torture is normalized and believe me when I tell you that alot of this is cover story- that its done for anti terrorism or that its necessary, that its NOT for ritual value or that its NOT further human experimentation.

When I recall Howie handing me that book on Hitler and the chilling revelation that he killed himself- like a coward and his intimdations with and without words that I would one day do the same, I see that 'evil' is around us all the time, daily. Those of us who are being duped, that in the perp's assumptions, were born to be victimized and duped by the likes of they who feel they are our betters, were surrounded constantly by this presence of evil- and stupidity. We were always angry becuz we knew we were smarter than the mob of people who kept us down, and only by those actions were they our 'betters'.

Perhaps that is what Bush and the truly black clan have given us. A contact with such evil, such sinister existence. Direct face to face with the black hooded ones- that we now can see this all around us. We see it for what it is, we see this clearly.

Never again do we have to live as slaves to simpletons who by merely forming mobs and quietly gas light a naive helpess victim or aggressively destroy and beat down that person once they demand respect, life and a right to exist and exert thier Will.

We are all free. We may show scars of our meeting with such forces. The burning stays with us, in our souls for the remainder of our earthly existence. But once the blackest forces have shown you more consideration than the human beings around you ever did-by having at least the balls to take you on in battle face to face or try to destroy you head on- you realize just how worthless such human beings really are.

The challenge is to not become as Hitler or any other similar person. And after being a TI especially connected to RA, its tempting believe me. Still many human beings insist on being arrogant towards TIs, still believing us powerless and themselves the winners in their 'games'. The one thing you dont want to do is allow someone like old man Howie to be correct in his assessment of the manner of your demise.

After direct contact with something so evil, people like him, everyone you used to know- seems to be just a slight dimension in comparison. As if they exist only slightly compared to what one has experienced. DONT become Hitler, DONT become a serial killer.

I know its tempting at this phase to see humans as if you can put your hands right through them. Thier weaknesses are evident now, you know what they are thinking and its usually not much. The temptation now to see such beings as inferior life forms is very dangerous. One must fight this at all costs. Becuz only GREATER power can be in the following stages of this process if one handles these changes correctly and exerting extreme discipline and control.

And always recall, dont loose sight of the people in the past, through out this process who had chosen a right path of morality, who by thier nature simply found the wrong being done to you as repulsive. There are and always were 'good' people if you will among humanity. If you recall, if you focus and look back, there were always helpful people and persons who simply would not take part.

At this stage I am at now its very tempting to become arrogant, act out of becoming confident as the gang stalking subsides and I grow in power due to my being able to ace thier attacks and systems by now. This is when all the years of being exposed to pure evil can pose vulnerability. That very evil can leak right into your own nature, without you realizing it. A reward of sorts for living through being abused for so many years. Now you have the power but be careful not to start thinking like the perpetrators of such abuse.

I will tell you with all asuredness without knowing Michael Jackson directly that this is most likely a phase of turning people like us go through- and in each case look where it ends up.
No matter what you do this system wants you as a sacrifice and it will try to keep tricking you and trying to get that from you for as long as you are alive. Why I still dont understand but that is our designation. Michael obviously gave in to being in the power position. And it only led to his own downfall, but always keep your eyes, as in any magic act, on what the hidden hand is doing. Notice that Michael was sacrificed as a little boy, worked like a slave and the people who were responsible for that NEVER PAID THE PRICE FOR WHAT THEY DID. Yet who died with the charge of being a perpetrator of pain and suffering on children over his head, society generally taking joy in his death due to this view of him? THE ORIGINAL VICTIM OF SUCH CRIMES IN HIS OWN CHILDHOOD.

This is ritual abuse. These people dont f*ck around and the get results. And they use trickery and will keep doing so all yer life long. To them you were born to serve them, to be tricked and use by them. This is what you have to fight mainly. You are most likely magickal, sensual, talented smart and beautiful- with a beautiful spirit. To the MONSTERS you were born into as a family and thier cronies in this world THEY SIMPLY PERCEIVE YOU AS WEAK.
This is the defect of thier character. This is why they find company only in those that think as they do. I dont even think most of them even know any better. Thier just stupid, like an inferior race on earth. Unfortunately, they exist in mobs they are networked and organized. Pedos tend to be the best at hiding in plain sight in society like the true career criminals they are. HOW? MOST OF THEM ARE COMPARTMENTALIZED THEMSELVES. How else could they 'switch' from the abuser to the normal front they present in society? Trust me this is why psychiatry cant cure them and instead of admitting to the definate existence of DID and all related mind control issues or trauma based issues society seems to prefer to just keep it all quiet. Its far to primitive to primal for humans to deal with.

Dont make these same mistakes on this path. Sure destroy your deserving enemies and get revenge, it seems like the system does alot of that for us in many ways. But in return we must not become Monsters. And to avoid an unsavory ending such as Michael Jackson's example is also a great revenge. Remember they think you are ultimately stupid and weak and expect you can be fashioned into whatever they desire.

If Michael had the strength to tell his family to go f*ck themselves and perhaps even threaten his dad one day, maybe with a hired gun that would actually obey HIM and not the bad guy for once- then take only a chunk of his money and pay off the scum bag family with the rest- sort of throw a large portion of the meat at the dogs while you run away with just what you need, then maybe he would have had a much better life. Not one consisting of being horribly abused as a youngster, only to die with that label hanging over his head while the scum that made his life horrible didnt pay for thier crimes. Remember- the gang stalking system treats cooperating parties with a bit of sympathy.
When I go to hospitals I get tortured for the most part unless its a specific place, lately one hospital has been great with me and it seems they are doing this to redeem themselves as the college connected to them was very mean to me during Bush. BU is redeeming themselves- all teaching hospitals connected to Harvard still want to play games. My mother however has always gotten nothing but total coddling from hospital staff. Why? Its a way of not only rewarding the participating parent but also keeping THEM under mind control, if not bonding them to The System so they continue to sell thier kid out.

Take a lesson from every sad life of mind controlled slaves and RA survivors who were not as informed or didnt play the cards right throughout the games: you dont want to let them win, ever. And you have to accept that in this life you ARE a designated human sacrifice and some people within 'the cult' if you will are never going to perceive you as any thing other than that.

Its very hard to not give into abusing power since you want to do that so badly to repay society for not only doing that to you but allowing The Monsters to do that to you- but even greater power is available if you resist...or perhaps use extreme discipline and control in metering out just punishments. Life will provide the opportunities- believe me.

Indulge in delicious revenge, just dont gourge on it, as you will never be as good at hiding what a pig you are as people like my mother, her family and a number of other scum who were around me. If you were capable of being akin to a serial killer which these people are really, you'd have been doing it by now.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Yes yes, I was a bit harsh last night. However I am sick of apologizing. No one really acknowledges how nasty my situation is and a person can only retain their dignity for so long.

I got the impression that certain parties were frightened by seeing my family that it had an impact on them.

It gives me the idea that alot of this might be more so due to my father's family actually. Well they can also bite me. If my dad thinks that bratty violent vengeful Italian and Eastern European tantrum suit is going to fly with me he's got another thing comin'. Do you think I am my mother or something? I love how stupid both sides of my family are thinking they can f*ck me over with the same sh*t they used on the other parent's side of the family without considering I posses THEIR dna therefore unlike the opposite parent I also know what THEY are up to as well. Why would I not know what my parents are thinking? How stupid are these people? I was under mind control and being gaslighted not an idiot, geez.

That may have worked to pies off or spook my mother but why would it work with me?

My paternal aunt used to make these veiled threat remarks like " Your father owns a gun ya know". So who gives a sh*t? Like it would be that hard to counter that if I was serious about taking action.

Committing violence seems pretty easy if her smart about it. Its harder to stay in control, believe me I know. In this day and age and especially in the 90s do you realize how easy it would have been to get some crack heads to commit some violent act? Plenty of takers for that kind of thing. Being stealth would be easy as well. Remove the gun quietly before a planned confrontation..whatever. Humans are easy to read and they are generally careless and stupid..if they are not professionals.

Its all too much work and also men tend to waste their time on such bullshit. Id rather show off how smart I am and fix things in a system that doesn't work. Ruling the world or destroying your enemies to then dominate an empire seems too easy as well as boring. Dismantling a bigger system or a section of one, say the homeless industry is alot more fun. The status quo thinks their archaic system will stand and protect them forever and Anarchists are morons who don't have a plan for what they would live under after destroying the system in place to begin with. I would love to see what Anarchists would do to defend themselves after dismantling the US say or the UK when then enemy factins came to take over after the country was weakened. What are you going to say to terrorists from aggressive nations then? Diversity and other bogus systems of social control will be received with a bullet to the head most likely.


Yeah I would love to know how much my dad's family has in on this. They may have money and connections and be innately violent but they have absolutely no class whatsoever or refinement and they are all quite mad.

If my dad had anything to do with my demise I will hunt him down....as if I couldn't have done that at anytime prior anyway.

Oh how lucky these people are I am above all this. Seriously. Becuz they are all really stupid. Its no wonder they had to send an army after me to contain me. Ha, now I think of it Julia used to get paranoid and think I was going to usurp het and take over her business. What a stupid silly woman eh? She should have been more afraid of that monster Linsey who she used to work for or her other associates. Drama that's all it was. Just her usual self serving drama trips.

The Wedding Picture Through My Heart

This wedding picture really killed me. All I recall about these kids were that I was still young and pretty and just about to start my life in earnest. Kristen was in college and still young and Heather was still just a chunky little kid. http://www.myspace.com/kristenw14#%7B%22ImageId%22%3A42463121%7D

Nicky looks exactly like my grandfather, which I always thought he did.

These two look so beautiful. Its as if my beauty was sucked away to make room for theirs. In the world of gang stalking actually that is the way it usually works. Jake gets gigs with famous well known bands, Julie gets a new house and keeps her business going, my mother doesnt get her crooked law suits exposed and got a pay off I heard and every perp involved gets something.

This must be why people have been encouraging in me to act or talk as crazy as possible. Especially people who work in homeless drop ins, everyone acts like I am the loser in this becuz look what I am up against.

These people have grown strong off of my being destroyed. Every single person involved in this was connected in some way to organized crime yet I am the one who has had to suffer extreme torture and suffering. Yet I knew the least and had the least resources, I did the least amount of criminal activity. My uncle- the father of these perfect girls it seems- used to be involved with killing people. I never killed anyone.

This also explains why the smear campaign had to be so nasty and so in everyone's face: becuz they wanted all these people who had worked on hiding thier criminal backrounds to look as innocent as possible.

Now I understand why I was being told to leave not only MA and never return but leave the USA and write my expose out of the country. Becuz MA is never going to be a place that wants to tear down all the progress its made- dancing on my grave.

This must also be the main reason that the cops, especially the detective who is a member of my mother's family, are so heavily involved in making sure I am discredited and destroyed. They had a family obligation- a personal interest.

So much has been built on my death, or me being treated like I am dead or simply insane, and its been so many years that its now impossible to unravel what has been done. They know this.

I cannot believe my own family would do this..I mean I can but be involved on THIS scale? Looks like the have done well for themselves. I have to remember that my uncle was always very greedy in making sure his bitches..I mean daughters were the family's main concern at the expense of everyone else. My own mother is left for dead basically, at least the last time I met with her years ago, due to my uncle being petty and wanting to have her kicked out of the family home. After all she has been through and obviously after all he has in life he cant help provide for his sister? Knowing she was always the one who was attacked most and traumatized most? My grandmother warned me once about my uncle: for all her conniving, she still had the balls of a US Marine sometimes and faced and told the truth. "Tommy only cared about his sisters to protect them, its the only time he gave any attention. Other than that, he had nothing to do with them". Remembering back that seems accurate. One thing about Ana, if I could get her alone and talk to her woman to woman, I could get the truth out of her. I often wonder if anyone else in that family other than I was ever interested in the truth. Doubt it.
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Dont ever consider reconciliation with me. Dont even think about making peace. By now anyone who reads this should know..(and probably thats knowing me better than my family ever did), that I want revenge or restitution. I am not interested in peace. I am interested in fairness and things being put right, which is very different from peace.

What is owed me for my pain and suffering goes into the millions. Even MK Ultra victims who testified only got measly peanuts for what they went through and there were never any military tribunals or federal court hearings for those war crimes and breaking international laws. Today its most likely done through the private sector or similar, like a Black Water set up so no govt liability exists or its left untracable.

I am very much like my mad father's family. Eastern European and Roman, all I want is to impale my enemies and watch them suffer over dinner or take great vendetta or destroy an entire family to ensure my enemies are wiped out without future threat. These years have made me understand every dictator, every monarch, every general. The burden, the consequences and created in me a hunger for power since learning how to handle it- first in my 20s, then by conquering my own weaknesses and crutches, then handling these arms of worldly power in these last 10 years. I no longer just want my situation to end. I want the blood of my enemies- thier very life essences, in a chalice for me to finally ingest symbolically or otherwise, to finally see that I rule over my destroyers. I now comprehend the paranoia of every dictator, every military leader and the desperation of every terrorist. I only want to destroy my biological family. To gain contact with such people ever again would be a danger to them as well as to myself as being quite powerless in worldly affairs and without resources, I may do something to jeapordize my expose. That is unacceptable.

That expose is the living hell that is going to be created for all these characters to live in. They will suffer there for as long as the book stays in print or on file in library of congress. It will be a living, breathing place when I am done and like my soul was captured and destroyed so as to know no love here on this earth any longer, so thier likenessness will be captured on its pages and suffer in kind.

I have become a monster through fighting such creatures for decades. I will never see those people who are related to me again. I want to capture them, as I remember them- so they can be put to death on the pages of a story book. One that will live on once thier happy lives are over with, once thier youths fade as mine did, and once their life's energy has been sapped from them as mine has.

The only way I want to meet anyone I used to know- is if they are going to hand me a million dollars or perhaps a large sum of money each for my having to live as a torture victim for years on end, as well as allow me to punish them physically and otherwise for what I have suffered in kind. This is never going to be possible as we can see even the supposed law and justice system of this country cant do its job to persecute the guilty in MK Ultra related matters or provide adequate restitution for thier victims.

Good. Becuz this is how terrorists are born. When people feel that the entire system is against them and everyone agrees with thier destroyers yet they are the victims. I understand at once what Jews have felt and now what Palestine feels. I know now why people turn to terrorism. Not becuz they are bad or extreme. Becuz they are being f*cked over so badly and ignored that the only way out is to blast your way out and hope there is an exit made by your actions. Sadly many times that exit is merely death. I now understand why death is preferable to living under torture and oppression.

I dont understand why people use bombs. Just tell the world what is really going on. Covert war, psy ops, infiltration, stealing, back stabbing, torture, rape, systematic ignoring of injustice, unfair representation, manipulation of information and media, social engineering, spying, espionage, pay offs...total interference in your lives and the culture you live in for the advancement of special interests. Your job is not to live your job is to actually die to make way for the interests they represent. This is done to individuals like me and its done to entire cultures and nations. This is not conspiracy theory- this is what runs the world. That female perp at McCleans wasnt kidding when she told me that I was learning the way the world really works. Guess this is it then.

Now its a case of me accepting my situation or not..which I never will of course. Not unless everyone fesses up to thier part in this and I am given restitution for years taken off my health, looks, life, opportunities missed and money I will never be able to make. Life I will never enjoy. Only people paying with thier lives and large amounts of money will suffice and I know damn well that will never happen. Hmmmhmm, though some of that has happened in certain instances. People die accidentally and companies have gotten busted finally for other infractions, like Olnick for instance. Still, unless the Pettiti's really suffer for what they did, its not more than a laugh is it? I dont think people understand how fast I had to cover the thousands of square miles of the USA over many years. How much adreneline I pumped every minute of every day. How many times I had to watch every move and be like an olympic gymnist who had to land on a dime if she didnt want to lose her life. Caution about every move, every reaction. Thorough planning of story lines and travel routes- not just as a traveler but as a targeted traveler which limits your options even more and forces you to work much harder due to difficulties you would endure.

While those bitches were looking out over that green landscape I was covering thousands of miles. Taking chances with my life daily. Working my ass off just to stay on the run like they wanted me to.

That kind of abuse is going to cost you your life if you even get near me. And I will do nothing to jeapordize the only thing left that will bring me justice. An expose mapping out exactly who did what and how extremely nasty this entire thing was. Becuz that is what they deserve. These people are so blind, so disgusting, so in denial that they actually believe this is the natural order of things. That I deserve this becuz I am not as blonde or American looking. Becuz of this or that excuse. These people collectively CREATED a Rachael character, one that has been easy to put into the situation I am in now. Thier worst crime has been taking away my right to define myself and my right to exist. They basically stole my identity and created a myth, one that looks as if I deserve to be in this situation right now.

I am sure people want to see posts like these. Petty scum like all the people who for whatever thier reasons enjoy watching me kept down and have been part of the storyline mostly due to my being gaslighted into not knowing what is going on for years. This is why people refer to me as stupid. They dont understand mind control becuz they are too stupid or if they do, they are so morally lacking in character, so disgusting and beneath the law that they know the whole story yet to them its just the way things are handled in America. The Boston area especially has lots of white and black lowly trash like in shelters who get to enjoy the likes of me being destroyed slowly over time as they are part of it or watch. I have experienced this with my own eyes. These people are ugly, untalented, average bodies and average intelligence. Is there a reason they get to be better than me and assist my family and enemies in destroying me?

All of these people involved truly believe its manifest destiny that I should be destroyed and they should rule. Its exactly like the Native Americans or any other such example. No matter how wrong it is, people are going to go along with what is criminal to get what they want.

The best idea would be to move out of thier territory. I now see how futile it is to even be in MA ever again. The only thing I want to see is this state blown to high hell and the Boston/Cambridge area destroyed by some wonderful natural disaster hopefully a tsunami. I would give anything to hear that happened. I would love to know my enemies and destroyers had died, suffered and perished.

Through these writings a few will see I suffered. Most idiot humans involved in this will get off on it and it will validate thier power trip. Its the Target realizing they have lost they live for. Its the person giving up in defeat they lust after. Becuz, being losers themselves, they can ONLY RELATE to loss and defeat. They have no concept of winning, victory or championship. If they did, they would not need mobs. Its that simple. Lest not forget that on your journey into madness and thorough revenge, if it can be gotten. The only reason you havent won is becuz there are 1 million people sitting on you making sure you cant get up. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON AND DONT FORGET IT.

There is a good reason why idiot homeless black men connected to scumbag crooked cops tell me I am "The Champ". That is one of my nicknames. Yet, dont be too surprised, becuz perps have to dehumanize thier target, so they can never call the victim by thier real names and use respect. Years ago living with my family while they were exploiting me to do all the housework and still work 50 hours a week under the table on my feet constantly- the perps called me "Cinderella". This is no surprise as its akin to Lou Gheppetti telling me my mother is "sick". Perps often show some sensitivity to a Target or mind control slave's predicament, as if on some level they still have normal human sympathy for the person. I think they believe that the handlers and the Survivor's family is more despicable than the TI could ever be, which is usually true. Ive had planted informants at Pine Street years ago telling me just phrases like "Well, mothers do horrible things to thier children"...as if even they were shocked, disturbed and frightened by experiencing the horrors involved in mind control slavery and gang stalking.

By the way my mother isnt horrible or sick. SHE IS PROGRAMMED. If you dont get it by now, mind controlled slaves can kill without any conscience. My mother only started to act this out once my grandfather died. This is very typical of programmed families involving trauma based mind control. She has no more or less control over snapping into this programming than a TV set has over starting to record a TV show you set it to at a certain time or a computer program you set to run at a certain time. Its very lacking in emotion and much of internal programming is set up exactly like computer programming. Which makes me wonder about how far ahead in computers were the powers that be back even in the 70's or before that. IBM?

Perhaps its chicken before egg. Like computer programming is simply understanding the human mind minus any consideration of Will or the Spirit or Soul. Computers as we know them are simply taking that part of human conshusness from the thing known as 'human' and utilizing it in our world. Which or course is very dangerous without us understanding or acknowledging our own capacity for being computers or being programmed...uh. I just answered my own question- this is why tech is part of the enslavement of mankind now. Without understanding ourselves fully, reaching into just this part of ourselves via computing machines and tech leaves us vulnerable to be controlled by it. But you know that already right? Of course. Somewhere in there. Its just not OK to register it.

I am beyond angry. There comes a point where you forget you were emotionally offended and you just want restitution or payback for what was taken from you what is owed. In this situation the chances of that happening are zero. Thier arrogance should tell us that from the get go.

Good.

Free reign to cause Hell on earth.