It feels as if I was supposed to have gotten lawyers and completed my book by now and becuz I did NOT do so, Ive failed in some way. Like its too late. As if the people who believed in me are done with me. Ive failed, its too late now. Much has happened becuz I did not act in time.
I cant understand any of it. I was so heavily targeted there is nothing I could have done. I could not have acted any quicker I could not have done any more than I did.
I had posted last year and the year before that I was being hit with the idea that I should contact lawyers and write my book but I was also being hit with a blocking mechanism that prevented me from doing just that simultaneously. I dont understand how I could have done any better.
Now I am being urged to leave the USA becuz its too late and such ideas. There is the issue of Fukashima radiation and now the nuclear accident in Carlsbad, NM.
In the Boston area basically only Sat and Sun feel normal as normal levels were defined in the 10 yrs past. During the week I and I assume other Targets are getting fried the sh*t out of daily. Fatigue, memory loss, strings of illnesses, inability to function. I note that this is very bad due to living outside for most of the days and nights. If I have periods where I live like housed people- I go inside like they go to work during day then inside at night to sleep like they would, the effects lessen considerably.
So its true what people are saying they are trying to kill off anyone who is homeless. This was probably planned from the beginning. Take all the dissidents and inconvenient people, drive them into homelessness then become intolerant make it so they cant sleep inside anywhere especially underground areas to escape exposure then up the radiation levels. Its going to quickly destroy anyone who doesnt stay inside, thats what I am experiencing. Especially anyone older with health issues.
Its probably a warning to escape what is coming. Even if I contacted lawyers now or wrote my story etc it would not change the radiation levels I am exposed to outside. I dont understand what producing my book would have done to cause a different outcome. Its as if before people cared or would pay attention and now for some reason, Im getting this impression that they dont care or would not care.
However, working or living according to what society or outsiders thought or how they would react to my work was never a concern before. It never mattered.
The system here is now totally impossible to beat or function in as well as whatever support I had before is gone.
The remote influence is so pervasive that daily functioning is impossible not even simple things. They keep making me run memories of gang stalking over and over again in my head so it distracts me from my work and daily tasks. I am overwhelmed by these concerns about the quality of my personal life and what other peoople think of me- things that never mattered before.
I think I was exposed to radiation levels on the west coast that simply made me so sick that I cant functino any longer. Whatever they didd to me at OHSU with that abortion proceedure that no one will help me with or admit to has also been a factor. I was also exposed to something in Portland thats been very nasty. My nose continues to bleed and a rash keeps coming up cyclicly under my nose along with the crusting up and bleeding inside my nose.
I read that OHSU is a horrible research hospital involved in the military industrial complex as well as they wanted to be part of builduing a bio terrorism lab in the wilderness outside Portland OR.
I guess I messed with the wrong area in the N W. They obviously are fully in on the NWO and murdering dissidents as opposeed to more humane areas.
This feeling bad, depressed and full of gloom in my heart as well as ideations to leave and no one will care about my work comes and goes depending on what location I am in.