“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

My Mother May Have Set Me Up

If there was significant amount of money being hidden under my name by my mother, which is why the local police thought I had money to pay them off, and I became a 'person of interest' to the feds during that federal investigation, then where did that money come from?

Its true that my mother had crooked law suits going with her lawyer, Attny Long, who she described as "creative" on one occasion. Hes a beast is what he is. He once tried to coerce me into testifying that my mother and I's relationship had suffered soley due to a car accident we had to get much more money out of the insurance company. After I refused as this was a total lie and I also did not like how it excused all my mother's years of abuse ON FILE AND DOCUMENTED in legal papers somewhere, so if I ever wanted to claim she was abusive or that I had reason to be leary of her for whatever reason, she could have used that legal statement to her advantage by claiming it was due to the accident etc. I never wanted her to have that out.

I also totally resented him not only interfering between my mother and myself's relationship but to even touch upon the hurtful years of abuse and our very rocky, sick relationship just like that and want to USE it to his advantage for some legal ploy to get money was one of the lowest, most hurtful moments of my life I can recall.
She always had men in her life interfereing between us, as if to show me that there was some male authority that would handle or control me and keep her safe from her own actions. I am sure the gang stalking system and her cop friends and family members are there to achieve the same results.

Sorry, this time I am not isolated with her and her male friend in a room where no one sees how sick the grown ups are. THIS TIME its all out- everyone can see and everyone knows exactly whats going on. She must have been on such a power trip for the last 10 years. Finally her daughter is out of the way. Handled. Unable to "make waves in the family" as I was always warned about (by simply seeking and telling the truth).

Helping out the gang stalking system was her way of enforcing that threat.

My grandmother told me that there was this car accident with an Indian woman in a parking lot I think and that they were going to say that she was in the car when she wasnt to get her money.

All this money these people had, and they still had to be nasty to me. Like I was the worst person and this scum are filing false suits with her "family lawyer" as she liked to refer to him as. She always tried to pretend she was Upper Middle Class but usually it ended with FAIL. To anyone who knows what money looks like and acts like it was always obvious that she was faking it. Putting on airs is an understatement. She was living them- in her head. And using sleazy methods to make them as real as possible.

Either that money was from a car accident or some other lawsuit or source like selling her house and probably trying to deny my step father his cut or something like that. She really uses that accounting degree from Bentley College to her advantage.
The minute she got a college education, she became more dangerous than I ever recall her being, and alot better at hiding her true actions and intentions. This is a sick person not someone who wants to become educated to better themselves.

I understand she might be targeted as she IS the original radiation experimentee but if you keep living in your secrets, fearful no one will believe you (like she kept preaching to me about my situation when it went 24/7) you let the sick system make you a sick person as well. I'd rather take crap from pissed off people who are being exposed for these war crimes nationwide than to have to live like this shut away somewhere, thinking I am slick enough to beat this system.

The other source for that money under my name might have been..and I shudder to think this- from the lawsuit for the radiation exposure. Maybe she did lie. Maybe she actually went through with a lawsuit, I as her daughter, an egg in her exposed infant womb also represented and got a settlement, and she was hiding it from me. Whats the perfect way to keep the money for yourself? Sell out the person who's name the money is under.

Someone told me last year that they thought they read in a local paper that my mother went to testify on my behalf that my pills got stolen from CVS Brighton so Jake and his stupid rich friends could try to frame me for the pills he got caught with dealing drugs.
I told her about it and I think I mentioned that Jake's some times guitarist from Watertown (he used to come to the video store I worked at), HIS girlfriend worked in the pharmacy at that CVS.
But I was the one who made a report with my insurance that half the bottle of pills was missing.

So what everyone did to get me out of the way was to make me nuts, gas light me by not telling me what was going on, then I get labeled incompetent, or she claims I am a schizophrenic and I never get subpoenaed.
This way multiple guilty parties get to walk free with no consequences and I am labeled and out of the way of multiple people's lives who find me 'inconvenient' at that juncture anyways.

My mother never has to answer to me for hiding money under my name of such a large amount, WHILE I AM STRUGGLING JUST TO MAKE ENDS MEET IN MY FIRST APARTMENT IN YEARS OF BEING HOMELESS OR STAYING AT A RELATIVES HOUSE. And of course being targeted you realize all those years, the social services people just DONT do thier jobs. They dont tell you what to do , how it works or what services are available to you.

I always wondered if she actually didnt "drop it" as she claimed to get followed. I wonder if she actually went through with the class action lawsuit and if she got paid off, with some money for me as well and just wanted to keep the money for herself.

She then became part of the conspiracy locally by first gas lighting me then turning on me some time later by denying my sanity when prior to that she was talking about the harassment. She'd often say things like "THEY are afraid of you". It would be nice if you tell me who THEY are at some point. Alot of people around me were using the term THEY and I was so influenced by what was being pumped out locally, the mold in that apartment and what was going on internally with deprogramming that I could not have possibly dealt with this sensibly.
And the people around me were not helping by gas lighting me and keeping the truth from me.

But it became evident after some years that everyone got something they wanted out of helping this system gas light me. People got rid of me, without anyone being able to hear what dirt I had on them or my being able to tell the people how abusive the people around me had been to me over the years. I am sure that alot of people claimed that they were saving my life or something similar by getting me labeled so that the system wouldnt kill me instead but this is a lie also.
People wanted me out of the way, so I couldnt tell how abusive they were or get mad at them and tell about their crooked law suits or businesses or family secrets. They also all got some sort of opportunity or pay off for what they did.

I had perps telling me she was sick. "YOUR mother is sick!" At whatever she had done in all this. One woman who was part of the set up in my local community, a woman playing a fortune teller across the street from me at a metaphysical store that used to be there- when she mentioned my mother she let on that she knew something about what was happening to me. She broke character and basically told me that my mother is frighteningly greedy for money, and that is part of whatever role she played in my being targeted or not able to defend myself against being targeted. And these are THE BAD GUYS!! These are the decievers, the people they use to set up a false flag or whatever kind of operation you want to call it around a TI in a community. EVEN THEY WERE DISGUSTED BY MY MOTHER'S ACTIONS.

So I cant imagine what she was doing.

She either sued the govt and got paid off but got them off her ass by turning me over to them for continued experimentation or she avoided having to answer to the feds and to me for hiding large sums of money under my name. (A practice she arrogantly would say is legal, but she knows damn well its not legal when the person is past 18 years of age. And as an accountant she must know that.)

Also if I was brought to any sort of legal trial or questioning as sane, then it would lead to my associate Julia who is an untouchable career criminal. This is the main reason why I was never simply called out on my wrong doings through PROPER CHANNELS.

Also thier biggest fear was that I was trying to go to a hypnotist to find out what these odd memories were I was having. Memories from being programmed and of SRA.
So instead of being able to go to a proper psychologist and get just the bit of help I needed to heal I was framed, tormented and while the perps were claiming I was a ticking time bomb, I was being targeted SO I WOULD BECOME A TICKING TIME BOMB and act out violently at some point, which I still have not.

The system that uses children for programming and SRA has alot to hide especially thier involvement and connections to human experimentation, MK Ultra and the like. Survivors of sex rings like Boystown in Nebraska are easily linked to the White House sex scandals and the man who provided them to their clients was involved in an infamous savings and lone scandal, where the money was funneled elsewhere no investigations done. Pay off?
THESE SURVIVORS CLAIM THE SAME EXPERIENCES AS EXPENDABLE SURVIVORS OF HIGH LEVEL PROGRAMMING (programmed to die at a certain age, known as 'expendables' or expendable models). They experience SRA involved in the programming process. It connects to child sex rings and kiddie porn, drug running and prostitution.

So much of this can be traced to snowball into international interests and our economy, that no one wants to get involved in fixing it. Ive come to the conclusion that no one cares to intervene firstly becuz they are afraid of being targeted and secondly becuz they believe in just leaving these dark areas alone for the good of themselves and the country. Unbelievable as that sounds it is probably the two most common motives for the citizenry seeming to not give a sh*t about people like me and our situations. To them, this is business as usual but its content that they prefer to stay hidden.
I am hated more becuz I represent what they dont want to face about thier own nation. Yet they want that high quality of life and world power.

Its the same as them wanting to wear clothes made overseas but not wanting to know about child labor or pollution etc.

These are things that every Gen Xer can relate to as we worked to make people aware of exactly what they are really doing and not be unconscious of it. The only difference is with being targeted becuz I AM a secret that cant be revealed not just talking about it or trying to live off the grid- it directly affects my life now. And I now have to take people's apathy very seriously, whereas before it was on you if you wanted to still be part of a corrupt system.

But these horrors and human rights abuses are so drastic and so severe and the public being in on it whether knowingly or just through mobbing instinct, is so unbelievably unbearable that I cant NOT take it personally anymore.

I knew my mother was capable of this. THATS not shocking. I knew Julia might quietly hang up a phone one day if I was..in trouble somewhere and getting murdered in the adult entertainment business. And pretend she knew nothing.
I knew that Jake KNEW where he'd met me once before but thought he was being clever. Its when he started to reveal to me things that had me breaking programming that it seems the system came after him..or us.

But I did NOT expect all of these people to join in with cops and people in the community not only locally but I found nationally, to fuck me over and try to destroy me. And the technologies are just ridiculous.

In 1996 I now realize they caused those panic attacks to get me in with psychiatry. Its standard practice I think, when a programmed person gets clean successfully and is mentally awake. I have distinct memories of being off of drugs or not wanting to mess with substances anymore and each time throughout my life this system did something to force me back into adult entertainment and moreso drug use. I can name specific instances where its obvious it was systematic and not random. Nor was it my Will.

All I wanted to do was go to school. There was a push to get me to go after being targeted and MILAB'd but it was not in line with my Will at the time nor was it genuinely for my own benefit it was simply part of a cover up plot using a behavior modification program. Thats not the way one should go to college- carrying around the pain and anguish from that kind of traumatic experiences.

Two days ago some snot kid walked by in Kenmore and as he passed he said with his friend next to him "There she is! She can play that role so well!". Its hard to believe that these people that are so into this evil, international system are just these scrawny young kids. How are they so sick so young? What we dont consider I guess is that sickos had to start somewhere. And we've all seen gang stalkers use their children in tactics so I suppose if those kids grow up and go to BU?? Thats what they look like I guess. Either that or they are field agents.

Alot of the BU kids are actually very nice. But the perps that go through Kenmore are just the biggest assholes on two feet, what makes that area so nasty for gang stalking?

The thing thats so absolutely maddening about my mother's position in this is all she has to do is deny she's a radiation experimentee altogether and its some delusion of mine, and I am simply a schizophrenic like my father.

However, my sanity going down the tubes so quickly and never being in question before A LOCAL FEDERAL INVESTIGATION WHICH THREATENS A LOCAL CAREER CRINIMAL WITH SOME SERIOUS DIRT ON RICH, POWERFUL MEN- is pretty damn transparent to most people I think. Its probably the only thing that most people would believe or listen to. Once I start claiming she's an experimentee and this is all a cover story to hide horrible, sci-fi like things connected to MK Ultra and Satanic Ritual Abuse cults, then no one wants to believe that. Then me being delusional becomes much more reasonable, much more attractive to them. Easier, fits neater into thier reality.
And the behaviors of the Satanic cults in this are no surprise either, actually they are probably the least shocking to me.

Its the cumulative effect of everyone and everything around me turning on me, and my world being thrown into this 'down the rabbit hole' type of place. Where I am supposed to buy into such nonsense as if its normal. Conspiracies are no fun but they are a bit easier to deal with when you only have to deal with a contained group of conspirators, not an what seems like a good percentage of your nation.
But, they want lone shooters, so they have to make the Target feel like everyone in the country hates them. The Public hate them. Thats why gang stalkers look like normal regular people always. Its only uniformed people at key times. And this is why lone shooters choose public places like McDonalds etc.

Every time I hear about a lone shooter who goes after the people at his old job, a disgruntled employee I immediately think 'workplace mobbing'. NO ONE gets driven to suicide or acts of terrorism without a pretty damn good reason behind it. And claiming they are 'just nuts' or mentally ill is as convincing as trying to claim that Muslims 'just dont like our culture' as a way of explaining away thier behavior.

Most of these extreme actions are born of desperation and that has to be from a stressor. I say its covert operations that drives people to do these things. From extremists in nations abroad to lone shooters. Someone had to torment that person or those people pretty badly.
Just look at me for example. When this went 24/7 I was was excited about being in my own place and finding myself. I wanted nothing but to go to school to be a therapist and, being a lover of balance, I wanted to use my life experience to help others. This way I didnt have to lie about who I was in any future I would make for myself as well as I never had to feel bad about myself. I dont believe in people having a 'past'. Thats some polite bs word that uptight people use to explain away a very real life story someone has, and I'd seen family members just bury who they were decades ago under some bullshit shame that my guilty-as-sin-for-allowing-my-children-to-be-molested grandmother put on them. All my grandparents had to do was convince these kids they brought on thier own life's miseries, and it was becuz they were 'black sheep', then they either died out there or they got thier lives together. They actually had to audacity to look claim that I had to prove myself to the family, becuz thats what my uncle Tom had to do. I COULD NOT BELIEVE HOW ARROGANT THIS WAS. HOW MUCH INTOLERABLE BULLSHIT THIS WAS.

I think years of being around slick females and not surrounding myself with males as my mother did and yes, years of recovery, of deconditioning, taught me to see what dysfunctional people are really up to. Its unbelievable that anyone would fall for being guilted like that, when its the perpetrators themselves who in the end you have to prove yourself to. Its an incredible fuck-over. Its worse than any rip off Ive seen in business or for money, ever. Its disgusting.

Whats more disgusting is that the gang stalking system seeks to be that family perp and control you like they would when you will no longer fall for being controlled by your birth family.
They seek to have you slandered so badly, and so beaten down that you actually become mind controlled into feeling as if you have to prove something. As if you have to make good.

Its sick the amount of self confidence and self love this system has taken from me. I cant even get health care at this point and I do have a serious health issue.
The fact there is no real help for this is whats ridiculous. The fact that every place thats supposed to be a refuge is now infiltrated or people will sell you out so easily now. In the 90's there was help and protection for Survivors, now its standard practice to betray the person, marginalize them from society and put them through the worst and most destructive behavior modification programs imaginable, along with continued human experimentation in some cases.
Satanic panic as well as The False Memory Foundation have served the functions they were designed for very well. Now a Survivor upon breaking programming cant even get out of the net to reach a therapist- they are put into the gang stalking system using the technologies and weapons available after just a risk factor, like getting clean off drugs and going into Narcotics Anonymous. Thats when they got heavy with me.
Before that I had people messing with me, trying to set me up and such, harassing me in public, I just never knew what it was. But the use of the technologies, that was new. It seemed so anyway. I find it interesting that panic attacks come to certain people in early recovery and that conveniently gets you into psychiatry for what seems like the rest of your life.

They are trying carefully to manage programmed people and experimentees. We see how closely this entire thing is aligned with psychiatry and psychology, all the unethical experiments, all the funding, all the academic institutions involved in unethical human experimentation- and never once being brought to justice under international law.
So its also obvious that the experimentation continues and that experimentees are connected to these projects for ends much greater than just creating the superman, or some military or intelligence agency specialty. Mass mind control of the population seems to be related to these projects.

And as long as psychiatry has the kind of power they have now, and keep making drug companies money and keep covering for the sickest people of power and wealth, and denying there is any 'evil' in the world, just 'mental illness'- this issue will never be resolved and there will be no justice.

What psychiatry is doing essentially is claiming there is no devil- that there are no truly evil forces in existence or expressing themselves through human beings on this planet. That man is not capable of the kind of atrocities he's historically known for in war and politics, in a modern civilized environment. Interestingly, the only rival to this cover up would be one of the Christian/Catholic or Judaic religious bodies.
And that sounds about right becuz if psychiatry thought they could get away with rivaling their power by claiming that belief in a higher power was delusional or made up by the human mind only they would have by now. But religion is far too old an institution and far too powerful...and far to good at social control for them to be able to challenge thier authority.

As a Survivor I have no idea if religious persons or institutions play a part in any of this. And whos side are they really on, considering say, the Catholic Church's history of using methods quite like the torture that goes on in GS campaigns, to force the old world into being totally brainwashed by thier authority and belief system.

Thats my point. That psychiatry covers for thier own misdeeds by denying that man has a dark side, that violent ape like urges can be expressed artfully and covertly, specifically through ritual. They deny that such urges can be expressed in a collective. Even though mobbing is accepted as fact, they deny that authorities can act in this way.

Psychiatry is very very dangerous, more than I think anyone realized before becoming Targeted. The fact that they were the ones who perpetuated these war crimes and seek to deny them makes thier current system of judging sanity very questionable.

There is no solution to this becuz our society has a quiet agreement going with the criminals and the mad scientists- just give us pills we actually like along with the ones that will take our depression away and that along with anything else that makes life enjoyable and tolerable until I die, will do just fine and in return we will support your lies, and deny your victims.

This fat black dude working the counter at supermarket hot foods dept today, said to a guy walking away from him "You only live once..you gotta DO what you gotta DO in this life." Yeah maybe if you did things properly, you wouldnt have to cheat.
I cannot believe how many people think like this, and that doing what you gotta do often doesnt involve staving off the enemy and refusing to sell out until you either die or fail to be able to control your own faculties any longer.
What could be so enjoyable, without guilt, that you could stand to be part of this?

Its hard to think about all the people I once knew, how they must have just forgotten about me as if I never existed. That they will never pay for what they did. That I will never be able to face them and speak the truth about what happened and make them answer for it.

This society keeps trying to get me to see it their way. To accept what happened was necessary. That my being destroyed was the best thing for society and soon I will die and thats best as well. That I was destined to be small, insignificant and that no one should even know I was ever here.

Yeah maybe in this falsified new timeline that was created out of doing really extreme, vicous, murderous sh*t in order to make things go in a desired way and influence events but NOT in the original time line. There is no reason I should be homeless, look like hell and becoming sick to where its going to screw me up for life becuz it wont get cared for properly.

Society acts like I have alienated everyone, I have no allies and everyone in Boston and Cambridge acts like I have nothing here- no allies, only enemies, no friends. How did it get this way. If I was just crazy, then why are professionals like medical people systematically viscous to me? And me claming that is part of my insanity right?

Again and again all anyone has to do is deny me. Even if I made the case to look at my mother's phone records from the 90s, if thats possible, anything proving she was indeed talking to the Dept Of Energy, that she was working with them on being part of the class action lawsuit it wont change anything.

When humans turn to destroy a single person in such a conspiracy, they are not wrong and the person deserved it even if thats totally untrue. My mother is a lying, and so are a lot of others involved.
Its depressing to think this will all be chalked up to my suffering the same mental illness as my father. Ironic isnt it that he himself was actually only labeled mentally ill becuz he kept mentioning a secret govt project involving my mother and her family- connected to the military and the CIA?

So all they have done basically is what they would do in East Germany- target and destroy the people in a family line who, its in thier nature to refuse to live under oppression.

When I Google "Americans seeking refugee status" or Americans seeking amnesty all that comes up are things about foreigners coming here to seek amnesty. Its unbelievable that people dont believe such things happen here. It probably doesnt come up for any kind of democratic government.