“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Friday, March 16, 2012

Austin-Rough Town For This TI

Austin is a rough town. Not becuz its crime ridden or its gangsta but becuz it seems extremely judgemental. Its supposed to be.liberal and one senses that but theres something to Texas thats very draining on me. It might be the tech or whatever it is here thats so heavy handed but one does get the impression that conformity matters. There is a lack of personal power here. A strong sense of disapproval. Its like they try real hard to politely be liberal but they arent truly comfortable with it, like Berkeley or Cambridge or NYC. Its not a place one feels a comfortable sense of isolation from other people so one can just be oneself.

Only after two weeks here I am haggard and completely drained. I can't even think about working on my project becuz I am too preoccupied with social anxiety as well as being constantly hit with obsessions about what people will think kf me if I do this or that.

And there is a constant directive in TX to settle down. Get a place get a job. Which I was going to gladly do except I started to just lose it.

I absolutely cannot function here. Its very sad I really liked this place. I thought K could be happy here.

It really does feel like something environmental is affecting me not just the tech.

It seems as of now being on the road, like literally on highways outside of settled areas is the only safe place left in the USA. That and wherever there isnt cell receiption.