“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, February 16, 2012

This is the kind of place where you get depressed and start to want to stay in your room all the time. Basically becuz its the only place its safe.

We all know what moldy conditions are going to do to many people like myself: weight gain, memory loss and depression.

I was in denial about just how moldy it is here. Everyone's clothes in their closets they brought from their last residence smells musty and they dont notice it! I left a cut apple in a bag full of other apples for just a few days and mold had grown on it and made the other apples inedible. Thats way too quick and severe. Traveling I can leave such an item in my bag for a day or two. I also notice time is passing me by here without my keeping up with it. Days pass like its nothing. I would never allow such a thing to happen back home and on the road thats an impossibility.

My Nalgene is actually musty now no matter how many times I wash it out. I feel much better and improved when I eat canned food. CANNED FOOD! Thats how moldy food is naturally here. Most supermarkets smell musty especially the little convenience stores.

Its terrible. I must love the people in this house and the house itself to stay here for any length of time.

You never know the perps may get their way. I might just leave out of necessity or only spend winters here.

Again the question is where else is there to stay in one place long enough to get anything done? Occasional internal bleeding is not something I can just ignore. I cannot live on the road or as a squatter like that.

This is probably just what they planned too. That eventually my health would go and I would then have nowhere to turn to get healthcare. Ive actually heard this from old timers years ago as a way of getting rid of activists the system doesnt like.

An old story that went around from our parents was this is how they got rid of Bob Marley. They used to say the powers that be ensured he was oppressed so.didnt seek healthcare when he had a cut on his foot and eventually he died from it.

Now anyone can look this up and clarify the story but remember part of the Babyboomer 60's parents' wisdom was to 'train' us for battle with the powers that be by not always telling the truth but telling tales that would give us example of how the system works on human beings. Maybe that was just for people like me-other Survivors who were going to get targeted anyway. Our parents were always doing things like this. Showing us where the deceptions lay.
It was so very sad when AIDS, Reagan and their 40s woke them up to the ultimate hangover and forced them to become people who were totally unrecognizable to who we grew up with as young children.
Been listening to old James Brown again. Whats that he says in Make It Funky Pts 1-4? "You know he was slick when he was on the corner, cuz he sure got alotta slide" and then something about 'thats why he came down here with us "cuz the man gonna get to him now". Exactly.

And thats the way it goes. (How unfortunate that so many black musicians cannot be trusted nowadays....becuz they ARE the fuckin' man.

Sounds alot like what they plan out for Targets now. Your health becomes an issue but no place is safe to settle to get care.

I often wonder lately why so many people in this country seem to know who I am and my situation but ignore me as if resigned to my fate and are allowing me to be slowly murdered.

This is the main problem with living here. Whatever it is about this place it does not allow me to at least have the fantasy provided by internal programming that my death is a noble one for a cause and nothing Ive suffered matters becuz my job is to tell a story about what ai know to at least leave one more testimony for humanity to see these issues are very real.

This location is sexist in the extreme and thug Mexicans and other men drive around stalling women in cars constantly all over the city. Its one of the most ridiculous out of control issues I have ever experienced in my lifetime. I have never seen a city with so much harassment of women by males WITH NO RETALIATION FROM THE WOMEN. It might also be a ploy by the oil companies to convince people their city is so unsafe they must drive everywhere. Hmph, probably. It definitely seems more like social control than normal humam behavior like its planned and organized.