“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Being Psycho Managed Down To The Detail In Current Location pt1

I feel very monitored in the place I am staying. There's much attempted behavior modification and as a system it plays very 'tight'. Like a band would be described. Every judgement is clear and every move I make is judged.

I am trying to figure if its video or something more sophisticated. It seems like whoever is doing this, the gs system, they have a way of monitoring that isn't direct like video. Its like the through the wall tech described by Eleanor White on Raven1.net.

As usual around 4am is heavenly with all feeling of interface disappearing for an hour or two. Many cities are like this.

Last night I cleaned up my hair style that is a shaved part of my head that had grown in. As I did I got a response basically that someone heard me using the shaver and that I shouldn't be shaving my head becuz I am trying to be something that I am not with this hairstyle.

As I got the shape basic and the hair was off in the beginning of doing this, I got this sudden perception of myself in the mirror as a horrible child molester becuz of this hair style as it looks a bit punk or brutal. And a small ideaton with this was that I come from such a person therefore I should be guilty myself. I had been experiencing a soft persuasion to grow the hair back lately but its not what I want to do right now.
I also got the idea that a certain person in this house was thinking that I am trying to be something that I am not by shaving my head.

Whoever it was they were pissed I did it and especially that they lost control of my behavior which they had been trying to manipulate softly towards other actions (growing my hair in).

I got a cold, lungs and nasal. Since sleeping outside and traveling I shake these off regularly and don't catch them as frequently. Being inside is what has gotten me sick.
My point in telling this is that every morning I get woken up by the women here early and then later in the day by hallway noise but also at night along with the train waking me up at night so my sleep was off. (My body reverted to a stay up all night schedule now just to get some peace and quiet which is not what I wanted.)
I notice that since being up coughing last night this morning I have experienced total quiet. None of the usual nonsense and noise from the women.

I don't trust that there isn't behavior mod going on here either consciously or them being targeted to act in certain ways that would be part of a harassment or behavior mod campaign.
Remember people lie about us. They might even tell the naive public that we were programmed and this is all necessary and good to give us 'normal' lives. When in reality the gs system only wants to silence Survivors testimony as well as create boring normal average citizens who will now conform and then by controllable. One informant told me that I had to be "made manageable". They've succeeded in everyone guilty of crime not being put away for life and I am discredited. But its not enough they have to continue to behavior modify. Becuz this isn't about a federal investigation its about MK Ultra. They made sure I was exposed to mycotoxins which did brain damage and as LSD was used in MK Ultra to 'soften' the mind and help make it more easily shaped by the controllers after the person was depatterned. They've 'blown' my mind if you will over the early years during Bush especially with torture, stalking, harassment, chemical warfare and random risings with light hallucinogens in public spaces (the perps with spray bottles during Bush.)

After they destroy your reality and current adult sense of self they have you under control at a certain stage. Then they work heavily on behavior modification and focus on getting you some sort of normal life. Yet its normal according to what the system deems. Too average. They basically want the Survivor returned to population with no traces of high intelligence, talent, athleticism or beauty intact.
And in my case they are obsesssed with making me strictly female in the way I dress etc. Even though I have very feminine qualities to my movement and appearance they want to remove the masculine -the warrior alter is what they want gone.

I also thought I heard one of the younger women talking to one of the supervisors about Rainbow which I am thinking is a reference to my attending gatherings a few years ago. I only heard the girl say the end of the word "Rainbow" and the supervisor say "I've been to Rainbow". It could be a totally different reference like a local club or something. Yet I was thinking that if the perps told these people that was being an irresponsible 40 year old and going to Rainbow etc that it would be easier to get them to 'help' by being part of a campaign. Either they would know only that I was being irresponsible at 40 as a traveler or they would know about my being screwed over during the federal investigation and them 'helping' me is to help me recover from what was done to set me out into traveling life to begin with.
I shudder to think they know about prigrammig but I myself have public view blogs telling my story so its possible. So why wouldn't they have understood by now that behavioral conditioning and behavior mod on a human being is only destrucitve?

Worst case is people are still so obstinate to believing what Targets are claiming that they simply believe I am schizophrenic and the only way to handle us is through repeated training of what is and isn't acceptable via behavior modification (gang stalking harassment etc)

Becuz I knew so much about Julia and her business they have had to be very careful I don't spill that information. However the public may still be convinced I am a schizophrenic who was simply hiding for years and functioning within the adult entertainment industry. They may also be convinced that around early 30s the mental illness gets worse and this explains why I lost control living in Brighton MA. The standard cover story from psychiatry/big pharma might be that the schizophrenic becomes progressively sicker with time and age thus this explains my claims about gs, becoming a traveler etc and my reduced functionality.

The public may be so resistant to believing the truth about the radiation experiments and MK Ultra or Project Paperclip etc that they would rather buy into this particular cover story. I don't know.
What works for the perps in this is that due to claims I am mentally ill and thus incompetent, my family or other authorities trying to run the life of a woman well over 21 is acceptable somehow.

Its always hard to tell if the public know what's going on, what version of cover story they know, or if they know about programming etc and still are taking part to 'help' the Target or if they just want money, favors etc...or that they no nothing at all and I are just being manipulated by the system to act out in ways that would benefit the campaign against a TI. Sounds paranoid but you don't know what I've seen over the years. Technologies and chemicals are now capable of influencing and controlling human behavior down to the last minute detail myself included. Since I know its present I knew to start finding ways to resist. If people don't know they can't resist. They think its their god or devils talking to them or giving them ideas or directing them to take certain actions or their own subconscious. They don't even know they are or can be manipulated.

This doesn't seem like a place with a mercenary nature that would act purely for a payoff. But they might if Christianity was the end results or reforming someone. There's a military base nearby. That might be the source. Its real close but its in the city limits.

I have also been getting strong ideas-visions everything to get back on the road and travel also to go back to MA and handle all my business from there. That's been the greatest harassment to go back to MA. This morning it was that I didn't have to live in the cities I could be outside somewhere rural and healthier.

There is NO PLACE in Massachusetts that is healthy anymore. The only places left are way up in Maine where the air might be cleaner especially in winter.

Our environment is getting worse. Psychiatry is the perfect cover for humans as a species humans as a species slowly getting sick overtime due to this. And terrorism/the economy the perfect recent diversions.

If this planet becomes uninhabitable or the masses slowly go insane due to being polluted to death you will then see why very wealthy people are buying up land containing underground tunnels, investing in the space programs to inhabit Mars or why there are already people living on a space station as we speak. Virgin company has already had their first space shuttle rides for those who can afford it. And that is just another indicator of what's going to happen in the future.

If the public are controlled especially if it can be done remotely from a space station or underground then the elite or select can escape any disaster