“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Ignorant People Think MC Slaves Are Spolied And Have So Much More Than They Do. Willful Ignorance

I am and always have been totally oppressed in American society. I am never able to be left alone or accepted here.

The older women here that did this act as if they think I am a spoiled type of person. Lots of older women have had this impression usually middle class types. One of the women my age thinks I am from a an upper middle class background like her. I come from turn of the century Third Waver immigrants from Europe who were sponsored to come here and be servants in rich homes. Except for the Eastern Europeans who were coal miners in Pennsylvania. And the Italian side is very secretive. "They arrived with money" is all the info I ever got. Then again that's the same side who kept telling me my grandfather was 'just a carpenter' his whole life yet I learned in his obituary he worked for Raytheon in what capacity I don't know.

My parents met in Harvard Sq Cambridge Ans my dad was setting up squat houses in the area, back then you could. And then I was in a foster home from 1-6 and then back with my mother on welfare going to school with kids from Mattapan and Roxbury (the ghetto, the old school ghetto-no affirmative action, no one cared. You were going to die there end of story or get pregnant early.) My mother worked nights as a bartender and I took care of myself-alot. I hardly saw her and when I did she simply dragged me along places like a doll or she bullied on me, whatever.

Then I went back to the Foster home so she could be with a rich boyfriend, then back with her she met my step dad, college educated moved out to Waltham then RI. His sanity prevailed until the evil that is my mothers family destroyed him as well as his drunk family and I left them to start facing each other so she couldn't blame it on me all the time. They divorced within 5 years as I predicted. Sadly they were both people trying to get away from messed up families to make a better life, never understnading you have to cut find mentors elsewhere.

Which I did throughout my 20s. Rotten criminal types who for all their faults treated me better than my family ever had, or at least compensated me well for mistreating me, something my family never did. And they were smarter, witty, and had artistic interesting friends. When I am targeted heavily during the day I am being brainwashed to miss my family and romanticize them and to turn to hatred concerning my old associates from my 20s in Boston. This is part of making someone into an average boring conformist type, family values all that. Lately its been edging closer and closer into my becoming a Christian. Perhaps staying in this area isnt a good idea after all.

But the truth is that the mentors I found in my twenties allowed me to explore and express all the natural qualities I possess by nature that makes stupid ignorant types percieve me as a person from the upper middle class or spoiled.

I have a work ethic which I learned from being around a greedy industrious WASP for years. Also that sometimes you have to spend money just to save a little time or give yourself a break. That oblivion has value. I was taught to stay professional and focused on work even though I may be in the middle of a drop down drag out cat fight with my work associate. THAT was a seperate issue.

I learned what whining griping self pitying self abusive Catholics could never understand: how to make money. How to control one's emotions. What's important to get upset about and that really, most of it isnt. That rich people are so f*cked up that the only difference is they actually have real reasons for caring what the neighbors think and hide effectively whereas middle class people or like my mother care out of being nuerotic and fail to do so effectively anyway.

And that paying off the people around you with money, friendship and diplomacy and genuine companionship is a way better tactic for controlling people than being a very stupid bully like my mother.

I was allowed to grow in ways my family never allowed. By nature I have carriage and am attractive but my ways that get me by were not learned from that family of mine.

Yet all these qualities and all this branching out ends up with a poor girl having no place among poor people. And for the most part, rich kids reject me becuz hey, I still have some ghetto ways.

Being targeted doesn't help me go through social circles to find where I belong so perhaps that's always been the reason I don't fit in anywhere here.

Then there's the issue of my rather eccentric coping mechanisms for dealing with programming as well as my background, which interestingly were never an issue until my programming started to break down and then that federal investigation. Suddenly I am 'a weirdo'. Believe me, the real 'weirdos' in Boston simply have the money to hide. That's all.
Besides I was set up for a breakdown all along. I was 'inconvenient' as I was told by a perp/informant.

Seems during Bush everyone made moves and moved up in the world and useful idiots were played to disguise these moves. Myself as an example. Yet everyone around me moved up in the world and if I try to claim it was a conspiracy or plot of evil design they will simply claim that I am mentally ill KS the true reason for my failure in life.

I am by no means spoiled. I've been exploited and kept down my entire life. I've never been allowed any freedom and all I can recall is people being mean to me or jealous or bullying or strangers insulting me or crazies always messing with me in public. I never realized I had been targeted my whole life.

My mother even admits there's harassment except she's so far gone she thinks its organized crime. She sited the Syndicate harassing her as an example of the gang stalking I was getting. She claimed it meant I should know my place.

Organized crime does NOT have access to the technologies that were being used in that apartment and if they do we really have a serious problem in the USA. What about the white vans and the black helicopters? Is that organized crime as well trying to get me to know my place? My mother doesn't even seem to be able to connect her status as a radiation experimented and MK Ultra with the circumstances of her life. She thinks its the Syndicate.
If that's so then why was she "followed" when she tried to attend and give testimony and class action sue at the President's Advisory Committee On Human Radiation Experiments in 1995? Was that also The Syndicate harassing her as well?

Give it a break, my family is such atypical mind control material. And the bad luck the females especially have is text book for mind control families. I notice that after my grandfather died, a pedophile that had the family fear bonded and under control all his life, that's when the gs system really became active. My mother took on this really evil persona and the system just came right after me in 2003. Something triggered in her after he died.
Something extremely evil.

I've never been allowed to genuinely have the same freedoms as most citizens so how am I spoiled.

This is what people are trying to tell you about Marilyn and Brittney and other mind controlled people. People you think are way prettier than you and have all this money. So you help their handlers mistreat them when the system decides to beat them down.
Many beautiful programmed women actually percieve themselves as very ugly- monsters even. The confidence you see is simply mirror reflections from inside the programming system. That persona is not what they feel about themselves inside. Often the true Self is captured even asleep since childhood.
Sadly they often come after you when you begin to really see yourself. Slave means SLAVE. Which means I am not allowed to enjoy my own beauty or use it under my own Will. I began to really see myself in mirrors when my programming broke down, not just get lost in them wondering who I was. These women often hide what they percieve as monsters behind statue like beauty. Its a deception to the public utlilizing self deceptions.

When I began to see and enjoy my own physical beauty that's when they really came after me as well. I have also been kept from that by the perps making me out to be vain or gazing into mirrors which I'm sure the public would percieve as self centeredness. Becuz they are totally ignorant, willfully it seems of mind control and how it works.

This system knows that if I made friends with the person in the mirror, if I were to decipher my own secrets like solving the mystery of the Sphinx that I would become self empowered. I would no longer be under their control nor the internal system's control. So not only did they take away my cacoon phase I was in, deter me from mirror gazing by gang staking and by guilting me for my actions as purely vain, but also destroyed my beauty so it would be guaranteed I would never appreciate myself fully, that I could never become empowered. And with enough constant guilt and humiliation I would hate myself.?