“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Damages Done Over Time Have Destroyed Memory And Sensitivity

I woke up this morning of course being hit with my situation. Just a year ago I never felt alone. I never woke up feeling alone. Always felt there was some force with me.

Now I wake up totally alone.

Also I am no longer sensitive. In AZ in 2007 going into Scottsdale I could feel something, a force there. The closer I got to Sedona, the more I could feel it. Theres lots of energy spots in AZ not necessarily like the powerful one in Sedona, (Sedona and Lourdes France are both the sites of earth's naturally occuring electromegnetic fields, which unlike man made emf, heals and nourishes.)
This visit I felt nothing. Anywhere in the area.

I also couldnt find my way around without my GPS and maps on my phone. Each city I had visited I had a mental map of, and this was quite normal for me. In each city I have revisited these last few months, I have little or no memory or recall of the big picture layout.

Something happened to me staying in Boston last winter. And alot of the damage to my genital sensitivity due to that skin thing I picked up in San Diego the winter before last seems to have alot to do with my becoming much more miserable, hopeless and less sensitive generally.

Its ironic that I did a few pieces on Female Genital Mutilation in African, Muslim and.other cultures becuz this is basically what has happened to me due to being sick for so long and afraid to seek medical attention, the damage done is permanent.
As posted prior I no longer even try to have intercourse due to since 2009, every time I do I get a bad UTI. This has something to do with gang stalking forcing me away from sexual activity for a few years. Ever since I became sexually active after being celebate for a few years there has always been some 'mechanical problem' with the plumbing if you will.
There also seems to be damage done to my insides from carrying a heavy pack for years at this age. Its definitely aggrevated old scars I had from surgeries and even an old hernia scar on my lower right abdomen seemed to tear or hurt again. That hernia was part of a double hernia from the age of eight!

I always tried to hide it but my stomach was always scarred up due to multiple surgeries.
Being terrorized by the constant harassment and stalking, having to live on the road carrying a large pack with other health issues at.this age took its toll.

These damages have addes to my sense of hopelessness and misery, but the lessening of genital sensitivity seems to be tied into my losing sensitivity in psychic areas as well.

I cant get the exact cause but it does seem something happened to me to further do damage that has dumbed me down, by staying in Cambridge and Boston through last winter.

The system certainly drove me nuts there enough to get all the evidence they need that I am nuts and a horrible person. I cant trace it.
The only thing I did there drastically different from.other places was take antibiotics finally for the vaginitis, and another condition i caught from a local named Omar. Who I thought was ok but he gave me a MERSA like condition, lives like a pig in a pig sty and wont go to the doctor for his condition.
I also realized that he was trying to get some cred.off of sleeping with me, and he thinks hes gangster hard which is the most annoying part of it. Lets just say he hangs out with too many people who ARENT Arabs and the backwards ignorance has rubbed off on him.

Anyway, I dont think this culture takes into account how important sexuality is. How it ties into so many other senses especially psychic ones.