It made me realize that I have to take life more seriously- that I am getting older. With all the damage from years of this and my health being not great to begin with I have to start realizing that since suicide is no longer a focus perhaps I should plan for a future with health issues.
I also recently have support so it was something I could process instead of just be traumatized and my anger, fear and steeled self which over these years has experienced things and just had to shove it aside into the memory banks and forge on, which only adds to problems.
So I felt very lucky to not have heard I needed surgery. And I was supported.
I looked up family and this is what I found: http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_details.aspx?legacct=1&coupleid=8686138287555126&guestpassword=&MsdVisit=1
This is totally unfair. My life was trashed and I was kept down and basically made to look nuts so my cousin could go get a PhD? At UMASS?? Is this why it was important to keep me out of UMASS at the time frame I wanted to go??
My mother, her siblings and her parent(s) are so incapable of taking the slightest bit of responsibility from what they did to themselves and to me in the 70's that they had to have me destroyed in order to have my cousin represent the family in a complete whitewash of what that family is really about?
Now I see the mafia connection. Now I understand why it was so prevelant. Especially around Boston. My uncle used to break legs and worse working with some Italians. I am sure they had alot to do with protecting his daughter and helping make her the little miss perfect she is while totally destroying my life.
I was not only smart enough to get a PhD as well but she is not HALF AS TALENTED as I was. I could draw, paint, write, write lyrics, poetry and was starting to focus on possible comedic talents and finally feel free of the constraints to be involved with music and mathematics. I was still attractive for my age.
This girl's mother once taunted me with some information about "..something gramma Nana had to do" and my mother got angry when I told her about dangling info in my face and said "Patty needs to keep her mouth shut". I think that my mother's pedo father got caught doing something. They had to sell out someone from the family to this system, or they worked with some sort of program becuz they had to.
And all these people have to do is claim I am crazy and delusional like my biological father, and that I am making all of the information up about what I saw in the 70's and beyond, and my cousin Kristen Noel, is the true reflection of what that family is about.
It seems alot of PhD's are nervous about information I have about thier sleazy behind closed doors behaviors- like Julie's clients.
So this is how it goes. Someone like me is sacrificed for a bunch of nervous rich powerful men, Jake who is from a "good family" and now my family who have produced a PhD to be in league with Julie's clients. How cozy is that?
The only problem is that these people ALL COME FROM ORGANIZED CRIME AND ARE PROTECTED AND LINKED TO ORGANIZED CRIME. Especially miss Julia and my family. I hate my family more-becuz I always expected if I was being murdered in a hotel room that miss Julia would probably quietly hang up the phone and pretend she never knew my name. It was a business decision, yes on top of her being a bitch but she has her reasons.
Besides, when the shit was coming down, she was the only one who really tried to warn me though she could have done a better job of it. And she was never allowed to go to school, every time she tried the system would pull her down and keep her down, chained to those phones.
My family on the other hand--the arrogance, the murderous intent is unbelievable to me. The perps were right on this one, they probably are the absolute worst I ever was involved with compared to all the criminals I knew. To be in business with people is one thing- to constantly treat someone like a slave and expect to be able to do that for free like the person is a dog, or a slave without any regard for them whatsoever is incredibly arrogant, and totally f*cked. That would be organized crime for you. I understand my uncle Jimmy told me once that my uncle was "involved with some HEAVY people" and he made gestures to describe someone telling someone to shoot just anybody and the person going 'oh, ok' like murder was nothing. Yet, who is 'heavier' than MK Ultra or the US military? Who is heavier than the CIA? What, was my uncle CIA? Guess what? Either was I really dont care.
All I can do is look at the obvious evidence in my face that my family went on with life as if I never existed, she got married and went to college. I did not. I lost everything what little I had and was not allowed to heal or build a life. Does everyone involved honestly believe they can get away with something like this? Seriously? I have way too many details about all of them as well as their lives etc to be making this up.
What is most mind blowing is that Julie, Jake and my family as well as alot of other people decided to go into this in a collective plot of evil design or conspiracy if you will. Its mind blowing. Who the hell can orchestrate something like this, something this big, this expensive? What inconvenient people are sold off to this system?
And in this day and age its really going to suffice to keep claiming I am schizo like my father? Who was only supposedly labeled as such for claiming my mother and her family were involved in a secret govt project involving the CIA and military, when in fact THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE RADIATION EXPERIMENTATION WAS CONNECTED TO MK ULTRA?
Just becuz I am one lone individual with no money or power I am supposedly expendable to that extent? Are these people kidding?
And how arrogant is it to now keep pushing me to go to UMASS?? WHEN I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT THEY WERE KEEPING ME OUT BECUZ THEY WANTED MY COUSIN TO GRADUATE FIRST?? Her mother always was a competitive petty bitch from Somerville. Ugly too, I guess after being spoiled with all those dumb pretty blondes my 6'10" uncle used to bang, he's so old fashioned that he actually believes that there are women you date and then there are dogs you marry.
Who in the f*ck do any of these people think they are exactly? Look at my cousin. Does she look like a talented artist at all? Well this makes all the harassment from Red Sox games more sensible, especially the guy from years ago I have on camera who kept stressing that me pan handling was making my family look bad.
It also explains why all the entertainment people are involved.
It also totally validates my actions to hold my ground over the last many years and keep fighting. You wanna take my talents and life force away from me and allow these horrible factions to torture me during Bush just to allow some white wash from my family to join the ranks of status quo a-holes who just wish I was dead every time they set eyes on me?
My mother used to threaten me with "Dont mess with the family" as if we were some mob family, opposed to people who just worked for them.
You can have babies with Italians and you can work for them but you ARENT ONE OF THEM. I think thats been my advantage all these years.
And this also might even be one of the reasons why I kept seeing I was being actually assisted by dark forces: the whole lie is based on her being oh-so Christian and an ordained minister on top of being a PhD etc. I am sure I was very much the Bergman character I used to identify with from one of his movies- that dark haired girl in a blonde family who wished to go back to the days of Odin, while her younger blonde sister was coddled and exalted.
My family is horrible and they want everyone to believe that my cousin reflects what the family is really about. They couldnt be proud of someone who was eccentric yet extremely smart and artistic. They had to help destroy that along with the other business people who saw an opportunity during Bush to do some housecleaning. What did Julie move up to black mail or what?
No falsehood lasts forever. And I never intended to mess with my family. I intended to get therapy and pretty much keep what I had discovered quiet. But that wasnt enough. They had to put all thier hatred and guilt onto a real life scape goat instead of face the truth about themselves and thier father and mother.
Every one of these people is going to pay for what they did. And I am not satisfied to be some bitch who went crazy for a convenient amount of years and now is back to build a life. You WILL pay for this.
