“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Monday, July 25, 2011

Been Being Badgered To The Border, Then Suddenly Deadly Peace

Its funny I have been being alerted by my Inner Guidance System, you know the one that warns TI's of trouble before hand, to get up to the border. To leave before something happens. Suddenly as if it never existed that strong, vile feeling just dropped- as of last night. I only really understood this government shutdown thing was going on as I had been really sick with stomach flu WHILE trying to take two antibiotics for two other ailments where I had become increasingly sick for weeks now- one even for the last six months! My posts and behavior was more nasty than usual from a combo of my situation, years of being targeted but also becoming that ill.

What I want to know is why is something now telling me to stay here, among friends and people who know me. I closed my bank accounts, ripped up my ID and other cards and was about to totally disassociate from being a MA resident altogether- forever. And the ideation was REALLY pressing,like doomsday or something was looming. All I kept seeing was visions of the border and the land around it- that I had to reach that. That they would put people like me in camps...it was unbelievable.

Perhaps someone somewhere knew there were plans for that to happen and perhaps as of yesterday they have planned some resolution to the govt shutdown. Perhaps its now possible through tech to terrorize the public with looming doom, then just as easily, pacify them into being calm as can be in the face of a crisis.

The people who are doing this really want the nation if not the world to have a deeply spiritual experience via torture. They have no right to do such a thing to a person, a group, a nation or the world. To cause chaos and torture in order to teach people some sort of lesson, so they will be more spiritual or behave in a certain way. Its manipulative.

I have felt for a day or so now that I am being manipulated into becoming very spiritual, once again they seem to be going for the guru thing or some sort of spiritual rebirth, etc etc. Its really disgusting.

Of course when I get into an area with no cell reception my mind goes back to normal, whats left of normal, and simply wonders why I have been wasting my time still, on nonsense and actions that dont make sense. Becuz I am under mass mind control that is why. And it seems so much more prevalent now compared to during Bush.

And the daily go to UMass flash of vision with ideation is back again. Recently it was this rush to try to leave the country and now peaceful again.

This is usually only this crazy in heavily saturated areas like Boston and Cambridge. Whats more annoying is now it seems to be about sapping any ounce of aggression I have. No warlike qualities, just me being very peaceful..maybe thats becuz I was sick and now I am better.
Again, I go back to being somewhat reasonable after midnight so I know this is falsified.

My mind and body seems to have suffered some sort of loss during taking antibiotics and then being sick with flu. I feel like part of me is dead...or like I am damaged in some part of my brain. I had a pretty rough time with the fever I had to sweat out during that flu. I actually went into delirium while breaking it which is normal for me lifelong. This time though I went through memories from RA which was ridiculous. I should have gone through that with a therapist years ago and moved on by now, not have had to be terrorized by such things while being so exhausted I had to lay down in front of the Hynes Convention T station wrapped in a sleeping bag in 80 degree weather, delirious breaking a fever. Nice. Having to go through recalling being locked in a box clawing my way out and being determined to not die that way and other unpleasantness I wont get into.

So much for False Memory Syndrome. These are things I have had compartmentalized for years and had a faint access to life long but wasnt conshus of it. Not the play by play memories like I am getting now. Like I said before there are specific memories that exist on what resembles a Rolodex...alot like the way computer programs now display album covers when you listen to music. The memory was a thumbnail and it is constantly spinning slowly in the Survivor's mind. Some of these memories are significant to tell us who we are or what kind of programming we have. Some of them are clearly suicide sequences and when its 'time to go' its as if they are clicked on, like one would click on a thumbnail on a computer to open the file. Its amazing as I now live with computers in my life and have become associated with and familiar with them how much internal programming resembles computer programs. Which of course makes it all the more likely that its old tech by now to the elite or spy craft- whatever you want to call them. And I think most Targeted Survivors of mind control programming are fully aware that the tech being used now is hidden from the public as sci fi but we can see it being used in a very practical manner nationwide.

And from what I saw in the few MILABs I was involved in, what they are using now is even more advanced. Its very old tech to them by the time its passed down to the public. Like personal computers are now. I am forty, I was programmed from 0-6 or so. That makes the way modern software common to the public nowadays, if it matches up with older internal programming of mind controlled slaves, very much old hat. I dont know if 30-40 years behind is what is the average constant difference between what the elite have and when its passed into being widely available to the public.

What I experienced is a very very fast, quick transference system of mind control and manipulation. Many of us have experienced they can read the mind, but only what is in the forefront- the 'conshus' mind. Anything buried in deeper compartments had to be gotten by manipulation of the Target, interrogation and tricking the person into revealing info. They also seem to be able to have perps intercept the TI not only in real time but to intercept the Target ON TIME, with an appropriate response or reaction, which would mean they have to have the ability to predict in time. Yes, they seem to be able to be ready for what happens in future moments in real time.

What I experienced with mind control or manipulation in St Louis was horrifying. This plan to create a hellish world of constant torture and chaos in order to gain order. That such stimuli would keep people in line, always. True I could have been dosed with something but the perps were just way to a part of this in real time. Not only can they hack the human mind, they can intercept it, guide it, terrorize it, and its very fast. Its like one of the worst acid trips to hell you have ever had...except there were actual real people there within the experience, which of course makes it all the more terrifying and humiliating.

I think that now man has entered the realm of the Internet he is going to have to face the consequences of knowing what his world is about, fully perhaps. Maybe he would have liked it better back in the days when things were hidden from him more so eh?

Lately been getting alot of ideations that my life is over, I will never have the opportunities I had when this went into high gear in early 2000's, that no one is going to believe me anyway if I write an expose etc. All the typical defeatist bullshit but its very strong now.

Slowly it seems that who I was is fading, as I have only kept that alive and havent been putting it forth into the world due to it having to be held in suspension becuz it was corrupted so badly during the attacks when vulnerable during deprogramming- and thier version of Me, the outside world's perception is taking over. The game they are playing is that if they beat down against the outside of a person and mess up the inside bad enough, the person will eventually accept the outside forces pressures to form them into what THEY want and not what is True. To alter the original shape of the person.

I am sure these sick puppies believe this MK Ultra based re formatting or creation of a person through mycotoxin exposure, torture, isolation from anything familiar or social, yet no privacy of thier own- all the cult mind controlling methods-I am sure they think they are creating a much better person. All they are doing is confusing the person and beating them down until they give in.

The subtle behavior modification and conditioning never ends here in MA. If I come to MIT to use the computers its so overt and constant its obnoxious. Nothing but CONSTANT interface and CONSTANT reward/punishment sequences. Its so ridiculous. I am totally conshus of it its a joke.

So the key to beating this system is to keep moving. It sucks and its stressful but that is the only way to beat it, that and finding areas with no cell reception. Its the only hope to getting away from the constant non stop interference and abuse. And once again I dont want to hear from any newbies about this being mental illness- I have too much connection to MK Ultra through my mother being a radiation experimentee, her parents being US Marines etc as well as mental illness doesnt function on a time schedule or according to location nor environment. So all I need to 'cure' myself is any Faraday Cage-like environment? You know where you can stick all that 'she's crazy' crap. I know damn well I was smart enough to have GONE TO MIT MYSELF...and everyone who knows what is really going on knows that was true years ago. The fact I am still functioning is testament to that. Unless of course yer like the stupid public who believe the cover stories and that I am just nuts or making this up to escape consequences etc.

Ya know there is a reason I walk around like nothing unusual happened. Becuz what happened to me as far as the really severe stuff like MILABS shouldnt be public knowledge and if it is, we are in real trouble. If the public was that smart they wouldnt be letting the economy be going this out of whack etc.
And what the public may have seen like video of me in my apartment or Jake making some stupid sex movies or something, whatever that nonense is, THAT shouldnt be public knowledge either. And if it is I personally havent seen anything I just get alot of crap from allegedly the public yet reading about spy craft from retired agents- there is a method of sicking 200 agents on ONE enemy agent in a specific area, which sounds like gang stalking (black ops) methods. So the people I encounter may just be perps trying to make it look like everyone knows or has seen something like that.

The point is that under no truly legal means could what the public saw supposedly be in existence. And if it is, I have yet to see it. So show me what everyone has supposedly seen and I will get a trace on the original posting on the Internet and I will start to sue the shit out of the cops, feds, CIA, mobsters or rich little bastards in a supposed local 'social group' who took video for survaillence and then seemingly used it to destroy my life and smear my name. Those are THE only logical choices. Why should I start being ashamed or reacting to such bullshit? Becuz by all logic, such things shouldnt exist, and if they do, then any Patriot Act legal surveillance has been thus abused and turned into the content of a cheap movie theatre with sticky seats...which of course I dont think is in the Patriot Act. Power has been abused and thus I can begin suing for so much money that I will be taken care of for the remainder of my life as well as I can open a chain of homeless hostels and destroy the industry that abused me so and piss off everyone from Liberals to Republicans in this country with a system that actually works becuz its not based on WASTE=PROFIT. Go for it. I want that shit. I want to see this video that Jake supposedly released. He makes movies, hes got to have money now. And if the cops helped him then that would be on record right?

So...really to ME, none of this exists BECUZ IT BY RIGHT AND BY LOGIC SHOULD NOT EXIST. And I have never seen any evidence of its existence. Just like I never got the respect I deserve as citizen with a subpoena from the FBI who was supposedly after me around the US to start blabbing about some Oxycontin having to do with Jake.

Actually if that is the FBI I am going to cost them money which it seems the govt doesnt have right now. As far as I know, when that gang stalker in AZ turned around and arrogantly said "I cant make it stop Rachael. You can work for us. You can travel each month and get paid every two weeks" (Which tells TI's everywhere how the perps switch gang stalking groups around..still I want to know who pays them.) I dont think that is the FBI. And the FBI should investigate them becuz obviously they are intimating they are the FBI thus impersonating them.

The key to all this is that I am supposed to be so small, so singular a person, so powerless, and so lost in a nationwide crisis (they time these things so well its incredible) at this time in our nations history that I am never supposed to be able to do anything about what they did to me. I am now and forever- 'just' a homeless woman.
And the diversions with national issues are supposed to really drive that home for me...these things are supposed to drive me into the ground once and for all.

But I have information. I have the whole story. Their biggest wish and hope is that there is so much else going on that no one listens. That its been too many years since what happened went down that it just doesnt matter now.

Yet, what happened to me is intrinsically tied into what is occurring now. Its very relevant and THAT is very much what they are afraid of. Very much so.