“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I have to remember that part of the community that wants to destroy me are part of this pathetic little group that was out to help destroy my mother as well . Her family's beach house in Hull is in the rich Jewish area, where 'uncle' Charlie's was, or Charlie Akashian who was my mothers boss for years. The local women were jealous of this Catholic girl with the 6'10" bounced/leg breaker brother who protected his 6'0" sisters from the nastiest of the 70's city night life. My mother never slept around to gain favor. She baked cookies, used her height and looks and managerial skills to manage that bar on her shifts. I recall one visit as a little kid to Chalrie's beach house. I remember being left alone with that group of local kids from the families who lived there. They just looked at me, especially the boys, like I was an alien, a definite rejection socially. I was...unacceptable. It hit me slightly in my emotional center and I just rejected right back...they had already left me alone on the beach however. It affects me even less now. So nothing much has changed. The rich kid scum from that clique is just as obnoxious as always.

The world is going to know what went on in the 70s here. And the world is going to read about horrid,tacky people like Sheryl Rosenburg and her family, loaded but the grandkid is on SSI. When is society going to learn that the very rich learned long ago how to rip off and milk the system and are the true crooks while the lower classes don't know what's going on half the time and when they do get caught trying to break out of their chains with criminal ventures, they get crucified as diversion for the middle classes away from the crooks who are wealthy (not all wealthy are crooks I know this).

Its sad my mother screamed at me in the car when this all started to heat up during Bush, yelling that she wouldn't be condemned by me. Sadly, all I wanted was to relive memories in therapy and under hypnosis so I could heal and reprogram or rather create a new life for myself where I would use my life experience to help others.
Whatever my mother was hiding, what information she was afraid of me remembering, it wouldn't have been as bad then as its going to be now.

In fact I am now forced to condemn her simply out of the need to create balance, which could have easily been achieved formerly in the timeline much more easily by letting events unfold naturally instead of INTERFERING and attempting to alter the outcome.

I have to condemn all of them. Every single one, who helped this system destroy my future. Just to create balance once again.

I have to face the fact these people are all privvy to protecting a kiddie ring and child porn. I have to deal with the reality that anyone who is that scared if me remembering things from before the age of 6 must have an awful lot to hide. Child porn was semi acceptable in the 70s. Nowadays its supposedly on the internet so I am sure that's pretty accessable, but this was an entire culture that seemed to be artfully woven into the night life of the 70s era.

It could exist undetected, often even hidden beneath a veneer of 60's type innocence, which to anyone truly politically thinking from that era would realize was inappropriate.
It seems in my experience the true 60s rebels the establishment truly feared were from the early 60s. Born before 1950. There was something truly rebellious politically about this subgroup of Boomers, after Kennedy died, it seems to have revolved into more of a CIA directed LSD experiment, posing as simply a cultural revolution. If you want real advice on how to truly out think the Man, talk to the Uranus in Gemini generation. They are the truly dangerous thinkers. The later Boomers seem more clownish and colorful in their approach to rebellion. Compare JFK to Wavy Gravy and I think u get the point.

And too many kids from really rich connected families were in on the antics of later 60s culture. Grace Slick may have almost gotten into the White House with acid under her fingernails attempting to dose the tea at Pat Nixons tea party social, but the only reason she was on the list to begin with is due to her family being on the social register (one of.first families in USA, arrival at Plymouth Rock all that).

I don't trust any of it, the later 60's movement.

So I have to really face whatever my mother was mortified with terror of me remebering. And she seems to have alot of help from many people who seem equally as scared of what I might have remebered.

Thats why it was so important to have me discredited from the start, as well as made to feel I was a predator somehow for deflection.

I think this goes between cops, people like Julia and families like my mother's who sell their kids out to such systems. There was and is a conspiracy against me to prevent me from recalling memories of my very early childhood.
I wouldn't be surprised if kiddie porn wasn't involved, which would explian weirdos following me around and keeping tabs on me all my life, due to how "beautiful" I was as their only motivation.

I want all these people hung from their nuts and I want payback for being scapegoated.