I go to this Au Bon Pian to use my computer. Too many damn men back here. And in general its NOT a healthy environment. Too many men who are of the lower echelons makes for a stalking and harassment situation that is very subtle.

You find yourself stifled or feeling uncomfortable but (as usual) cant do anything about it in the moment its done. I dont know if women can be around men and get the respect that is needed physically and psychologically to be safe or feel free and UNBURDENED enough to get anything done.

You also have to remember that on nights like this, on holidays I am unusually clear of being targeted or held down in any way. I notice how I am able to look in the bathroom mirror and actually see I am attractive. My eyes are not driven to evil or internalizing that evil that has affected my life so- I look happy, normal. This system hides ALOT of its abuse underneath the way I look, my outward appearence. And if people see I cant possibly function- then of course I must be mentally ill. Not totally traumatized or suffering from the psychological fallout of abuse that would usually have killed most human beings by now.
( I only hold on most days so I can write an expose putting blood on certain hands before I leave this body from sheer pain and suffering. Which is of course the whole purpose of MK Ultra and waterboarding and shit like that;
Fuck you for what you have done to me.I hope everyone pays.)

Its no wonder I cant get my shit together. This system wnats that book written way off into the future as the longer this goes into the years the more it becomes history and that is all.

Also there are alot of sick f*cks in this that believe that torturing me will make me a great artist. That is just hte way some people think. They are usually very f*cked up. People like my mother or people who believe in behavior modification.

Its already been predicted by perps to my face in person that I will write one book that will be it. These people KNOW what they are doing. They have a special advantage due to this being very psychology based. They manipulate the person to get a result..its total bullshit.