“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Friday, July 30, 2010

Writing an expose..changes nothing

I recently wonder if I should bother to write my story at all. Most people eihyer believe psychiatry saying anyone who makes these claims is schizophrenic or they go along with that becuz its easier or they are part of the campaign. That traveler kid that gave me a hard time before was claiming that his friend talks to himself when he gets off his meds and that people who hang by themselves are often schizophreinics. I just dont trust this kid. Anyone who is out here going against the system should know wyhat its about. That people get targeted, especially the reality of political activists experiencing much of the same tactics as TI's stemming frome human experimentatino or mind control projects. Nope, he repeats the santiment of the system...I dont trust anyone that intolerant of other people out here. In my view unless you are actually talking to a space of air with no one in it OUTSIDE in public, unless you are totally gone out of reality- you're not nuts. Its too easy for society to hide its abuses and people who are traumatized and using coping skills or self comforting tactics to be called 'mentally ill'. If that is the case then society at large is 'mentally ill' for ignoring the realities of pollution, corruption etc.

Anyone who is out here who is so in agreement with the authority figure or who judges other street people or travelers so harshly is very suspicious to me. No one who has traveled that long can be THAT stupid about the way American politics works. He is also the same kid who I wrote about that will use manipulative and abusive tactics to try to coerce someone like me into a relationship. He should be an expert on messing people up and then denying any wrong doing when they react.

Sitting in familiar places where the processs began to destroy my health and my life, and being systematically ignored (when not being harassed) its hard for me to even consider writing a book. Why should I? Its not going to change anything. ITs not going to get my looks back, everything I had to part with moving out of that apartment or especially the spiritual life energy that situation stole frome me. I often feel it still stuck in that area of Brighton. My true future stolen from me and greedily kept by that building and the people involved. They basically stole my life. Its still there, that true timeline to what I should have been or could have been.

And no one cares. MY mother was right, no one cares. No one acknowledges any wrong doing, its just avoided all together. The only acknowledgment I get is people looking away or hanging thier heads (when its not a tactic to destroy my morale).

I think me resorting to writing a book to fix everything is an action predicted by the system. Its the ultimate diversion from me having any sort of truly meaningful existence. It gives me something to focus on instead of focusing on what was done directly, becuz I have been conditioned to believe no one cares or will believe me.

Well plenty of men who want to take advantage of me being vulnerable due to this situation seem to understand and know perfectly well exactly what went on. But only in asmuch as they can use it as an opportunity as predators not to help ne by acknowledging the truth to assist in gaining justice for myself.

So they are buddying up with the system as far as I am concerned. Abusive males working together to victimize one female. Is this the way men deal with everything they do in life? Its like the way they do things is exactly the same way of thinking over and over in this world. Its as if they are not capable of anything else or any other kind of behavior.
And women just go along to get whatever they are getting out of this.

I know writing my story will allow people to know whar really went on or how this works but there doesnt seem to be justice for victims after exposure anyway. Its a crime that no one is willing to do anything about..unless the TI can see that revenge or justice is being gotten covertly over time, which I have seen some indication of.

I mean should I just start telling people I am an RA survivor outright? Thats playing with it just a bit to much..it would be interesting to see the responses. I bet I get alot of claims of me being mentally ill, alot of denial. But I probably get that now behind my back anyway.

Everyone involved still gets away with what they did by denying the reality of the story. Its THAT easy.