“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Sunday, July 25, 2010

More suggestion and brainwashing in MA

For all I know one faction may be trying to counter the actions of another faction that would love to see me become so non communicative that I get sick and die. Who knows?
F*ck em all at this point.

Either that or they want a target to become sickly and broken so they can attempt a family reunification where finally someone like me "accepts my situation" and "knows my place" away from all those big dreams like using my talents or becoming successful. I cant become successful becuz that would bring up too many questions. I can see it now. In fact I did just see it just now- I had that thought along with a vision and emotional signature involving my maternal uncle. More suggetion. To break me down and send me crawling back to my family. They have pulled that alot this trip back here. Keep reminding me of my family or to go visit them.

Let me tell you something. I will blow up that house my bitch mother and selfish, child molester loving grandbitch live in-after I shoot Jake and run over Julia and her kids with the body of her dead drunk Sheldon in the front seat and thats after I torture Barbra Petti to death by beating the shit out of her with the severed body parts of her grease ball son.... BEFORE I EVER SET FOOD IN ANY OF MY FAMILY'S PROPERTIES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. JUST BECUZ I AM WEAK DOESNT MEAN MY ANGER IS AND JUST BECUZ I AM GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT DOES NOT MEAN MY ANGER DIES WITH ME. I will find a way to ensure that.

I wonder how much power to curse my enemies I can get out of my own ritual sacrifice- with help of course. I will finish this and settle debts like that if I have to. Someone needs to be dragged to hell with me- they got a sacrifice to better thier lives in this dimension so I want one for the one I am going to. Wouldnt it be nice- to take a little bit from each of them- so that they could never fully enjoy what they gained by stealing my life force from me.

My family is not an option and this system needs to know that. This system chose all those aformentioned people OVER me, as if they were more talented, attractive or smarter than me. Better than me. Why would I ever want to see them again...what one more final humiliation before I die?

This system will do anything it can to the victim to make them believe this is all for the common good.

Today I kept getting ideations in the squat that I needed to go through this so that I could learn to appreciate things more, an excuse I have heard before pushed by perps in person. And they would have targets believing that they deserved this or its for the common good. That is how heavily thier brainwashing program goes. If you start buying into any of that yer dead and may as well take the cyanide pill now soldier. That is just ridiculous.

They are so f*ckin desperate to cover their asses, keep a TI diverted and silenced.

Boston is hard for me. They have so much emotional ties to work with here and the gang stalking is just never ending but subtle. It sucks really. It does not let up. Thats how targets get stuck here and perish- emotionally or otherwise.

No I want to tell my story and then let everything go hopefully making an artpiece out of my pyre. Its been the plan all along and really I am pushing so hard daily for years I am not saving anything for later.

I bet the sick fucks actually believe that someone like me will be at peace with themselves if they give up having spiritedness in life or living. They actually torture you into giving up being spirited. Can you believe that is their only real goal? Is to erase your animal magnetism? To make you not spark or shine anymore? To exist and not live?

That is why you have people like the guy at Mass Rehab saying sh*t like "You are expecting too much of yourself" as far as producing work. All I needed was some guidance from classes at school for my artwork and to become a councilor. Why wasnt he just honest about it: you have people keeping you down who want to seperate you from your natural ability to work hard long hours and produce large amounts of work, to focus dead tired only able to hold one eye open. '
Years ago I told an artist that my hand was steady as a surgeons and that I would stay awake for 24 hours until a drawing was finished (due to the tendency when young for it to quickly change into another vision in 24 hours making it hard too finish based on original idea so it was best to get the basic done). He stopped and said that he never had that kind of drive. One of my first experiences with my heart dropping. I felt so cheated by everyone around me, and for years circumstances and the people around me just continued to keep me down, from connecting and utlizing fully that drive.

I suspect that with mind controlled slaves once again its a case of that the system wants to utlize that above average strength for when your in their service but its never to be used under the persons own Will.

12:04 am here right now. Its lifted- I can feel the difference. I didnt even have to look at the time, I could feel the change.

I often wonder if the rest of the population feels the influence of tech like we do or is it just those that are targeted? There is something very subdued about society right now and I firmly believe its mass mind control. Its not natural for me to be so weak and feeble minded and...foggy, unclear, especially based on what seems to be a schedule or time clock. In this area I always have this sensation: the sensation of being 'dim'. Of not being totally dimensional, as in three dimensional if that is the correct dimension to describe being in one's own body, feeling grounded or part of one's own flesh. Being present, being totally in color, living not dreaming. Fully awake.

I believe dimmed is the best description. Also there is a lack of senses, a dimming of the senses and awareness of one's surroundings. Yes, a general dimming of life, and also the lack of sensation- of fully experiencing the strength of one's physical being. And the low level sorrow or maliase...its awful. It feels like taking cheap mood stabilizers but it starts at 6 am and ends approx 12 midnight every day.

I have to say that its not this bad in other locations but also its due to no other locations being as comfortable, artistically inclined or as beautiful for me to exerience other than Boston and NYC. There are a few places I feel that I excel on the map of the US: NYC, Boston and AZ. I am most heavily harassed in those areas. Like so badly that I could never possibly function or build a life for myself. There is one other place, well afew others that seem to be positive- usually areas where the wealthy can afford to think for themselves. I get very positive ideations from places like that so dont believe that this is always rich people behind this. Plenty of wealthy people get targeted as well.

The use of inducing shame here and feelings of sorrow from the past are deadly over just a few weeks here.