Someone posted a comment on forgiving my mother and she has been through alot etc. I have already considered that which is why I have never taken direct action against her. However, though she may not know any better she does often behave in an abusive and predatory manner towards me in instances when she DID know better. She tried to suggest I was mentally ill after months of HER and my grandmother telling me all about how 'they' were afraid of me and that there was no guarantee that 'they' would stop following me. As well as my grandmother telling me not to go into Cambridge or Brookline as it would just be a war back and forth. And my mother telling me in the beginning that all the harassment was due to the federal investigation and that when 'they' realized I didnt know anything it would be over.
After all this she gets me alone in a car and suggests that I am mentally ill as my father is labeled. Then when I call the house months later my grandmother brings up medication out of nowhere after stating that the family misses me. As if getting on meds would be a stipulation to going back to them.
You have to understand something about the Bush era. If it was good for anything it was good for weeding out the weaklings. During that era, whether anyone wants to admit it or not alot of people either turned on people to either get opportunity or out of pressure and fear, or people stood thier ground and stayed honest-especially about the corruption at hand in that administration. Many weak corrupt people like my family who are used to operating under handedly to survive anyway, living in a world of lies and denial, took to this era like white on rice. But rarely to such people consider the consequences after the ordeal. With Obama trying to close that chapter in our lives by refusing to address it as well as the economy as a diversion, many people like my family believe they are safe from being called on what they did. Often people like them are used to a world where horrors go on and then no one speaks of them ever again. This is not truth nor is it right. It is certainly unjust.
Alot of people thought they would get rid of me during this past era, and many still believe that whatever was exposed about me as well as me being perceived in popular opinion as mentally ill is going to keep me silenced for the rest of my life. That I will let the darkness pervade and never bring any light to break that.
They believe they have won and that no amount of disclosure on my part will change that. They figure if a whole nation will stick to whatever version of events is convenient to move on, then thier version of events concerning ME and what happened around me is going to be dragged into the past with that official story, that time will take care of thier deeds by hiding them.
This is what sane reasonable people call a cover up. It cannot be allowed to stand unchallenged.
So my family made a choice at that critical point, to take that risk, and to push thier lies and abuse further than they ever had before. They gambled and they lost due to alot of people NOT agreeing with people being totally put under using the confusion of the war years here in the USA.
You dont understand Italian hearts. Within there is love for friends and family but remember every Italian is the emporer of his own life, of his domain. He is also the guard as well as the covert security. When people, even family, who are the most dangerous of all as they possess keys into areas that are security risks to the empire- when THEY decide to turn against you not only can they do max damage as they have access to reach such areas but they also weaken the emporer as they have the power to infjure him greatly due to his love for them as family. There are 3 stages: First is when someone close screws up they are forgiven as you love them and they are family. Second is that they screwed up so badly as to injure you and impede your progress or protection of empire or other security risk to what is important. This is punished with banishment-which means no contact, no longer do you exist to them. Your out. And this is still a sign of love due to the third level of offense. Third is death. You are such a threat to the empire or to this person and you have such power to destroy them that it requires that not only do you become disowned but you must also be removed as a threat in any future engagement-by death. This guarentees the safety of the empire, of the people around the Italian who are loyal to him/her and the safety of his/her children-for the empire must live on at any cost.
There is a place in the Italian heart that is black. Its black, cold and has no emotion once that line is crossed. Then and only then can doing whatever is necessary be possible.
My mother may in fact think the same way in terms of getting rid of me due to my being a threat to her family by trying to go to therapy to understand myself better. But she made a vital mistake. She played too much with power, power that was not hers. Her only real motive was not political but childish and much more barbarian. To dominate at any cost. She is not dipomatic nor is she clever or wise in her control of people around her. My whole family are tall, strong arm barbarians, except for my grandmother who fancies herself smarter that all of them as she understands the art of central control.
The problem here is that they ALL fancied themselves smarter than me and that was the final action that shows that. They are typical brutish types who only see me as the weakest person in the messed up 'family' they have created. All they have ever responded to is power, intimidation, violence. Its sad to say that they are the nadir of what American culture.
I can see if I was truly an imbecile but the fact is that I was very bright, talented and attractive. They chose to use me as a scapegoat and conditioned me into this role. However I was always going off and refusing to be around them or refusing to take on that role. As I grew after getting into recovery any contact with them became more and more damaging as they became more and more threatened at being unable to control me. And my mother seemed to become more crazy over the years of her being targeted and controlled by her mother.
When I became fully targeted as of that federal investigation, many people around me handled me instead of helped me and then when pressure was put on them they turned on me. How can Dr Emmerich say to my face "THEY need to know someone is advocating for you" and then after I move to AZ only then does she have the balls to write a referal letter that is basically a formula that reads "this woman is capable of snapping". Paranoid ideations, PTSD, anxiety and depression with no mention of mold exposure or other health issues nor trauma is NOT a good combo. And in no prior notes has anything like that been mentioned nor was I ever on meds for that. PTSD is something she kept playing with and never dealing with with me.
The thing is that all these people did not take the threat seriously. I on the other hand had seen what 'they' were capable of over the years especially seeing other people getting messed with and stalked to keep them under control like my former associate. So when the sh*t came down all these people who thought I was a joke and the whole thing was going to be easy to counter just crumbled under pressure. I on the other hand never once trusted that this system could not be above the law or under the radar at all times.
My mother doesnt deserve anything from me except an expose of her part in how twisted this has been. She wont be destroyed becuz she already suffers and I do take into consideration how her life and dreams were taken from her by this system.
But saying things like "she is after all your mother" is meaningless to me. If anything that makes her much more dangerous as it was my final instinct to trust her or to reach out to her when being stalked and harassed. The only thing she did for me was warn me by doing such a sloppy job at trying to frame me up as nuts which I just wonder was that the work of the real mom in there somewhere that did NOT want this system to destroy her kid?
People under the control of this system have no real ties they can trust unless its based on favors. And its very much a peking order I wont tolerate. For mother to say to me "When I was dealing with the syndicate, I always took the harassment as to mean 'know your place bitch'". First of all why would you allow anyone to tell you to 'know your place bitch'? No crime rings were paying any of MY expenses nor was I in some penthouse being kept by anyone. And if I was protected then why did people allow the moldy apartment and me staying there make me sick for 3 years? I got no f*ckin perks from anyone and if your talking about that bitch Julie, she treated me like a slave by trying to get me to do everything for free as a power trip. Why should I know my motherf*cking place? And I dont even undestand what that would mean in the context of what was going on or my connnections.
I think its my own MOTHER that wanted me to know my place. And my place is away from her having a successful life pretending that my family never existed. They helped to ruin that chance for me for life, so now they wont be ignored but will be focused on.
My 'place' is to expose the abuse of weapons used for psy ops that are being abused domestically without the public's knowledge. In this way America is like fishbowl and many citizens are being held captive with ignorance. Do you realize how many foreigners from Europe I have spoken with are appalled at many parts of our culture, especially big pharma advertising on television, and especially for psych drugs? Then to answer the question posed a few years ago by the Guardian newspaper concerning how a country full of people can be so stupid about electing Bush and putting up with the ensuing crap there you have it. The culture itself is enslavement and becuz life is percieved as 'good' here in our isolated country, the people believe it. I think being isolated is the key to why Americans are that way. Isolation being one of the main components of cult mind control.
So as for my mother, she's done and she knew this when she acted as she did. Now she is finally rid of me and her power trip is set in stone. How could that family do any better than how I live now? And the day I commit suicide not only will they sigh relief that their crimes and abuses will never have to be paid for, they will feel the ultimate rush of power and pride for being the winners, something my mother especially could never achieve.
They act just like my grandfather. Use terror to control your victims until either YOU die or THEY off themsleves- either way the perp wins.
These are not sane people. The very fact that they never wanted to deal with what thier father did and coddled him all his life like a king on a throne is indication enough that they are akin to a dangerous cult who do not see reality and will destroy anyone who goes about exposing the leader for the scum that he is. And that is EXACTLY the results I have seen.
So my mother is sick, just as I was told TO MY FACE by people trying to get me hip to what this whole thing was about. She deserves nothing and she feels the same way about me. She is an empty destructive human being who allowed the system to turn her into a power hungry blood thirsty killer which is what this system wants for its victims- whether you go lone shooter and postal or assist in destroying those around you makes no difference: as long as you are so unhappy, empty and destroyed that you kill and destroy the things you loved.
I wont respond to comments on my family anymore. Believe me, I know where many of the pieces on this chessboard are, outsiders dont.
