“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

All I want to do now is get my story written. I feel I owe it to myself to show what I could have been if only I wasnt destroyed by this system. That I was indeed smart and could have improved social conditions..if I was allowed to live.

I cant change the damage thats been done. I cant reverse the brain damage or the damage to my health. I dont want to live under these conditions nor do I want to live in a body that is only getting more beat down. I especially dont want to live with the damage from multiple surgeries, mod exposure and all that the gs campaign has done over time to wear me out. I really would like to just leave but I feel its necessary to not only show how this is done to a person but to try to establish that the forces we are dealing with are real, have always been and manifest themselves through mankind- and that these technologies are being abused for the greedy and powerful to gain thier ends. As long as I do that I feel I can feel good about dying. That I wont have to look towards a future of harassment and worst of all ill health. To be honest I absolutely refuse to live in this body for more than few more years--which adds up due to the lyrics in the song 'Delta Dawn' which is the song at the final and largest layer of suicide programming I experienced years ago. In it Delta Dawn dies at 41. I have 2 years to get that book done.

The behavior modification people who dont understand programming it seems use alot of humiliation as they either believe they can break programming codes this way- as in break thier control over the survivor or they dont believe the person who is claiming they are programmed and believe cover stories about them needing reform through harassment. The people at higher levels KNOW this will kill the survivor over time by actually backing suicide programs - the very thing the survivor was trying to beat in the first place.

Deprogramming someone who has or had high level programming is not like deprogramming a cult member. Programming at high levels like this is very connected to the Mona Lisa or should I say such a work of art. Its that same sort of math and geometry, almost magickal or spiritual, its to that level. You cant disassemble that kind of thing with run of the mill deprogramming tactics that work on Moonies and the like.
Any kind of abuse only makes the person feel more and more like the suicide sequences were set up by the elders or programmers to save them from the hands of the public or strangers- like the people who are gang stalking them.

I have felt that for the most part this is correct. That this would have led to peace and it was the only way out to escape torture or to leave this plain 'intact'. The amount of corruption to the system that is done by gang stalking and people wanting you to join normal people or average society and act 'normal' is not negotiable. Its deadly to the internal systems as a whole and not complying with gang stalking as behavior modification and forced integration for MPD or disassociation is the ONLY way out.

And no matter how many times a target states this its ignored. What I think is that they want to torture and rob the survivor of their energy before they die. To let them suicide by original suicide programming is to let them die pure. There is a faction out there that wants people like me to die corrupted. It might even be Satanic factions that are torturing survivors so that when we do finally die, it will be for thier god and it will add to their power. This may be why Satanic factions influence or hound a survivor of programming.

Also it may be important to corrupt the person spiritually so that perhaps they cannot return again or some other much deeper spiritual matter.

Very off today. More ideations about UMass- that if I go there everything will work out fine. If I was not allowed to go there when I was very smart and discovering my abilities years ago I will be damned if I will go now. I will NOT give this system a happy ending. It will watch me die before its eyes instead. You asked for it- this is what you wanted.

To torture someone to death. This is what you have been doing and its the results of YOUR actions. There are so many sadistic f*cks in all this that they will happily watch me die, but I am not doing it for them I am doing it becuz its the right and just thing to do. Living under false influence is NOT something I will tolerate. I wont go to UMass after being this dumbed down. Also my health is failing and I am sick of going to doctors and getting harassed or abuse. The way I was treated in CO during my anaphylaxis lets me know that a majority of people in the US hate me and would mistreat me even if I was no my death bed. Those or not odds I like very much.
I also want to write the book so that common bullies who think they are just bullying someone to death get a nice long look at how small they are, how this system is way bigger than they are, and if they were not of use to higher ups, they could be taken out immediately.

The cover story MUST be blown and discredited before I die. I want every petty piece of sh*t who thinks they know what this is about to choke on it. If you help murder me, I want you to know exactly who you are in league with and what you have done. Not getting off easy with cover stories and thinking the person was just some stupid bitch coming out of poverty that was so powerless it was easy to get rid of her. It goes way farther than that...and I know the secrets. And I want them shoved down my detractors throats before I go. I want everyone to know how horrible this is and I want them to understand that mind controlled slaves DIE ANYWAY. Its not a big deal to die...what people are engaging in is deprogramming and waking the slave up fully THEN killing them with torture. These people just dont want you to die peacefully protected under mind control.
What other purpose would that have other than sadism? To wake someone up THEN murder them. True assholedom I'll tell you. I dont believe for one moment that this is behavior modification for the good of anyone. Its enslavement and the people doing this want you enslaved whether you live or pass on. Death is not the problem here, its the condition of the Spirit thats the issue.

I want control over that as well a I want my Spirit in the condition it was supposed to be in upon death by suicide programming.

This is about slavery not death.

I have idiots all the time telling me that I have to live through this life till its over or some concept like that. I dont HAVE to do sh*t. I should have been laid to rest already by my internal clock according to suicide programming- which makes no sense as I am treated like I am dead anyway.

This is exactly what they do to make Zombies in Haiti and Africa. I guess all that research into those cultures paid off. Brain damage and owning the spirit is the key. Alteration of the human being just enough to create a walking dead. This is exactly what they have done.

Sometimes it makes me wonder just who is in charge of the USA now. I often wonder if Africa or black culture has some sort of power that everyone is naive to in this time frame. If some faction of that culture has so grown in power that the influence is deadly but we cant see it.

Right now I am sitting in front of this computer and its been hard to work all day- I keep getting this inner vision of clouds and a sky, a view from way up as if I am up there. And there is a feeling attached to it, one of piece connected to death. Gee such a strange thing considering it was not that way yesterday in here. And there is a screaming to it..a very high pitch noise in both ears. Its like being burned by a light so bright that its blinding. Personally I think I am being targeted the shit out of so I cant get any substantial work done. How could I have been driven so insane over just 24 hours time? Its bullshit.
After how bad the remote influence was today as well. The high pitch noises in my ears are so bad I have a headache. Its like being blasted.

This is what you get if you try to fight enslavement or refuse to live like a zombie after being destroyed by this system. I wont go through this for long. Being tortured to death is worth it by NOT giving in to the Will of the people behind this. Its worth every agonizing living moment and every dying breath. I refuse to not be allowed to live up to my full potential. Death is the only cure for induced imperfection. A corrupt system cannot be allowed to exist.