Been harassed real hard to try to get me to reveal my location it seemed. I resisted but for safety I am revealing location and what's been going on.
I must rest now, got inside for nite. Tell all later.
Starting to lose grip here. Just self injured in shower to set myself straight again. As in hit so hard with tech which includes feeling monitored thru the ceiling here, that my internal programming reacted by one alter stepping up to take charge in form of threatening the life of physical body if gives in any further to the remote influence which includes brainwashing, going blank like drooling idiot while being totally controlled and dictated to.
After this i was braibwashed with heavy remote force with the ideal that the US and military industrial complex are an empire now one that rules like Rome did (i feel monitored and interfaced with even as I tyoe this now. Someone seems to be rewarding my revealing how I feel by sympathizing with me or creating this illusion. ) ....that America is just like ancient Rome. I found myself forced to mentally recite that even though America like Rome may be wrong and will perhaps not rule forver that the time i live in has America as this empire ruling the world. And that I can't fight an empire that big or vast was part of this idea, the military industrial complex being part of this power structure.
As this progressed to this point I felt a distinct break of my Will power-physically located it seems in a human's heart or chest area-where one's emotions are created, felt etc.
It was a definite forced submission. I felt something being lifted from my heart area-my own life force or power it seems. A distinct ideation came at that moment that I wud have to give up part of myself literally as in the lifting of my lifeforce as well as in my deeds and actions-to this New World Order. The aforementioned power sructure.
I felt 'broken' inside if u will. The way it is when u 'break' a person or an animal for domestication or slavery I assume. Its impossible to do this easily to me becuz of internal programming and due to my mother trying to break me emotiona
(had to switch browsers. Default tried to destroy this post by freezing the page from saving or posting but I learned long ago to copy cut then just paste on refreshed page. After publishing what u see above, browser crashed completely and then became difficult to type with.)
...emotionally trying to break me (and succeeding once). I learned how to repair these breaks. My mother only succeeded once and it should have been permanent. This emotional experience literally feels or is the physical internal sensation of something in the core of the person breaking. Snapping. The way a 2 x 4 or this board wud after enuf pull.
Its repairable-you simply dont accept the break. You reject it. After this experience especially in spirited and strong youth one should for the rest of one's life be able to reject any and all future attempts at 'breaking' one's spirit if you will.
The last part of this experience that I started to describe was that I wud have to be content and accept being a small part of this much bigger world now and that my needs or former losses were not important, and of course ending with the same old crap concerning conforming, getting on with a normal life, forget what happened, dont seek to sue-etc etc etc.
Ive been suicidal here twice. Which is unusual for me even considering my circumstances. Mentally thinking of it only but thats unusual...for me to be that depressed.