Been alot of just surviving lately. My health is very in question now. Its hard to decide to leave and travel or just leave the country or stay and push to get healthcare no matter how hard I am targeted.
And I am being interfaced so constantly that I now cant really tell its interface. I probably havent had a proper rest in far too long.
Its difficult to be THIS expendable. I mean, so many people involved in this consider me to be very unimportant. I can tell. Its as if I am just left out here to wither away. The only thing I can think of is to try to go to another nation, a homeland of one of my ancestors and perhaps things will be different there. The culture will be different. Becuz everything here is very...uninhabitable now. Its as if the whole world has just left me behind and I am supposed to accept this.
The same things keep happening and all I can do is learn to work around it. Usually the environment here is very bad. Its probably chemtrails as I notice that I am dulled mentally and emotionally and all I can do is walk through life slowly being brainwashed into being 'good'. Its really a lobotomy. It feels like being made harmless and nice and 'good' the way someone is when they get the icepick through the temple.
It rained heavily last night and this morning and yesterday and of course this always clears up the environment so I can think straight long enough to see through the influence.
One odd thing is that coming to Harvard Sq a few days ago after being away I noted when I hit the street from the train station that I got this feeling of sickness. Like when someone with a cold gets up in your face and you can tell they are going to get you sick. You feel it in your nose.
Generally in Harvard I have experienced heart problems last few months along with this low level sick-cold feeling. This goes away when in the MIT building with decent ventalation and protection.
Its ironic that there are little machines down in the train stations to test the air, when obviously they should be testing the air quality outside the station LOL.
Ive always believed this area gets dosed with alot of GOOD covert things, like resistance to things we dont know about or effect the rest of the country.
But Boston and Cambridge are changing. It seems by the actions and events lately that the country generally especially Liberal areas is preparing for Romney to get in or they are simply trying to get the numbers of homeless down....or the population down generally. Or the poor or weak or sickly. Something...I cant tell what but things seem bleaker than they ever did, yet somehow I am stronger and more aware of whats going on than ever. Perhaps I have to be now.
I think that no matter what is going to happen, there are a few of us that something, someone somewhere wants to survive. Perhaps being guided to go to a location that seems ridiculous isnt so far fetched after all considering whats looming. I wquld just leave if it wasnt for my health issue which requires me to stay in one place, not exert myself and get an ok for being healthy enough to travel.