I just went to the bathroom and realized she she injured me by the way she tried to do that bullshit exam. Now I really feel mindf*cked.
This is what this system has been doing to me, especially here in MA, life long. Alot of torture involved in exams etc and always under the pretext of care. Things like trying to get needles into you for a procedure and purposely missing over and over again. Poking me with needles has been a focus all my life. My mother told me when I was only months old that I would cry when a white coat came near me in this hospital I was in becuz I had fevers that would go so high they'd almost kill me.
She looked at my legs and arms and they were black and blue. She flipped out on the staff and they used the excuse of simply trying to find out what was wrong with me. But in my experience even during Bush that was a tactic of torture used. They did it to me in Michigan when I had my finger fixed after a dog bit it off. I could tell by then the nurses who are in on it. In fact the attitude is one just as uncaring, and obnoxious as Dr Gupta. The same disregard for the patient and the same use of physical torture.
The exam she gave me was totally unacceptable and it was not usually whats done. I was not presenting with internal bleeding so why do an exam at this time? A botched one at that?
If you notice this is a pattern here. Last night at Christopher's restaurant it was evident that the meat in that burger was so raw that it was inedible. However, I pondered if perhaps there was some test present to see if I would put up with the abuse in some way. I was going to eat it but then I thought about how I can no longer take the herbal course I used to to kill anything and everything intestinal. The fact that I even considered it shows that I might have been enslaved enough to put up with it.
I want to contact patient advocacy but after years of being treated this way, a Target just ends up not taking action on thier own behalf. I used to during Bush in the beginning and patient advocacy would lose the paperwork and I have posted about people simply refusing to do thier jobs. I figure thats what will happen this time once again.
In fact I am so conditioned, beat down and targeted here that I CANT defend myself anymore. I do not have the steadiness or focus to contact patient advocacy.
This is how they keep targets isolated from the normal real world. They make sure that you simply react badly as a way of letting off a little bit of steam, whereas by all rights you deserve to have the rage you have built up. You become so unable to focus or do things through proper channels that you are thier slave. Its a way of re enslaving programmed people who break free. After so many years it works. Its to ensure you do things thier way. To ensure that you cant advocate for yourself. You cant reach out for help.
I think she treated me that way becuz Boston is convinced by this stage they have won. That there is nothing I can do to defend myself here and to get justice from this state or the cities that fucked me over. As far as they are concerned I am labeled a street person and am totally discredited. And they are going to ensure it stays that way.
The way I am targeted here in this geographical location, the tech is now totally controlling and unbeatable unlike years ago.
Everywhere I go in the USA the demand on me is to do things THIER way. Behavior modification wins over the true nature of the person.
Though nowhere else in the USA can I urban camp and have such resources as here, this place contains far too many memories that effect me so I cannot function. As long as I do not get justice for myself and am kept down here, I will always be easily manipulated in this location.
And just as going down to that horrible neighborhood today for an appointment at that ghetto hospital, the saying is the same for that as for coming back to MA in general: if you go among savages, you will end up acting savage yourself.
The amount of nasty, uppity, arrogant ghetto blacks here who dont respect whites unless they are the upper classes or have a strong ethnic base is far to much for me to keep my temper. The amount of them in on gang stalking is far too high . Coming back here just makes me more and more racist every time I return. And it gives the gang stalking system continued opportunities to get 'evidence' that I am unstable, racist, etc etc and record it on whatever is available. Its going to be a never ending problem.