“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Priorities Forcibly Changed

What's become of me?

Years ago all I cared about was writing my story. Now I've become concerned about my future. My destroyed looks and vanishing youth. My health getting worse.

Focusing on people hating or rejecting me. Focused on what they think.

I was always prepared to die.for this cause.

This is due to brainwashing over long-term gang stalking campaign. The system is working very hard on getting me to focus on some kind of future. Instead of rectifying the past which is what I am supposed to be doing.

For me to get sick and die was always a potential ending within this. I never blinked a programmed eye before over the possibility.

Its the system's latest method of yet again stalling my getting the truth out. They DESPERATELY want Rommey in office.

I used to be a hell of an activist but now I am being forced to focus on vanity and personal loss or accomplishment.

This is worse by far than any prior torture I've experienced. Becuz they know I've been seriously robbed of all my best potential. Youth and beauty. So getting me concerned about something that I can't ace or don't have a lot of wealth remaining in is a.way of making me like average people.  I'm supposed to be like everyone else. Nervous unsure and without anything that sets me above the herd.

Go f*ck yourselves. My last chance at success via my superior assets was destrroyed long ago. I refuse to give in to yet another attempt to socialize me into society-a society I never should have had to be exposed to or deal with. I was gifted and had led alternative lifestyles. I was going to have a happy future being a councelor and an artist on the side.

There was no reason why I was driven nuts then.focused on instead of the real criminals including my own mother.

I am sick of being pushed to think about success. All it.is is another way to make me feel nervous and insecure.

All I want go do is rat out everyone who destroyed my life and tell what happened year by year. To leave a record of.these war crimes for the public as well as for other TIs.

My work will be discredited and stolen by industry types anyways becuz that's the way America operates. So why should I care about success?

Its just another way.to get me herded. To make me give a shit.

And its not going to work.

They know I am weakening and my failing health makes me more vulnerable to people making fun of me.

I need to.keep.focused on my original goal. For me.to lose focus on that this system must be very powerful now. The tech is just ridiculous now.

I never cared about what people said. I knew that the public would be convinced that I am just mentally ill and that as the campaign slowly destroys me they would be told I am simply getting sicker and sicker.

Its not my job to care what the public thinks or be hurt by the enormity of human cruelty towards me. Its MY JOB to deliver this information and not pay any mind to what other humans think or feel.

I must stay true to that. But the system has become very powerful and I am considerably weakened.

My only job now should be to get some version of.the info out before my internal bleeding in my intestines issue lands me on an operating table where I think we all know I won't wake up from. Or if I do I will be so weakened or damaged or something done to me while under that I won't be able to finish my project.

That and ensuring when I do.die that murderous, conniving BITCH my mother doesn't control the manner of my body disposal. She always got off on intimating I would die before her and she would bury me against my wishes, just so she could have a place to.visit me after death. Believe me that woman is a dangerous child abuser and a murderer.

If I really was as horrible and criminal as I've been made out.to be I would have had the sense by now.to get rid of her before she can get rid of me or.control me any longer. Shes very lucky that I actually understand her family and this system.have made her the monster she is and its not her fault.

Extremely lucky. A few people invlvrd genuinely deserve to die. I simply don't feel its just however becuz this system is so powerful that lesser people can't fight as hard as I can.  So tuck them then.

Id rather be free than living serving this system. Let those.idiots think they aced or won.