While I can I want to write some things I havent been able to due to being so repressed lately. This year has been awful.
I simply cannot maintain from the power within anymore from the focus of my own Will nor even my conviction as my path being the right thing to do.
Im crumbling. It feels as if the claims from tech savvy activists and TIs in our community are true; there is more tech now than during the Bush years to keep TIs subdued. It certainly has felt that way progressively.
This past Sunday where at first I felt the usual freedom of a Sunday from being targeted, I then felt a strong interface program with a specific Truman Show theme. (Truman Show Syndrome is whst psychiatrists use to describe an influx of patients coming to them in past few years all telling of experiencing circumstances that have convinced them thier lives are on display in a reality show, much like the movie of the same title. Obviously either Targets who dont understand its an entire system with a huge international network. They are stuck in the smoke and mirrors becuz they dont know how it works.)
Just becuz I understand intellectually that what I am experiencing is an illusion does not mean that I can stop it from affecting my mind. The system is far too strong now and my health has been compromised.
Interestingly I regularly experience this specific effect in only one room within the house I am staying in. (a friend's family has a mobile home in New Mexico where he wanted to stop off for Xmas). This effect only occurs in my friend's bedroom where we sleep. During the daytime.
This week was alot of beat down mentally. Basically the ideations are to not write my story and perpetual repeated suggestion that no one is going to believe me. Its really bad now. Denying me from taking action of any kind to defend myself legally.
Nerves are shot from years of this, high strung lately.
Improvememt may be due to holiday.