“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Trying To Avoid Recent Traps..Tired and Faultering

the guy i have been traveling with has gotten a dangerous level of control mostly based on me needing him for companionship during travel. I thought I could control the situation but I became dependent on his being present all the time.

Hes slipped a few times and in the midst of arguing (usually over him frustrating me by being a lazy mooch and stealing) he has slipped and said things about karma or changed the subject by asking me to talk about what I did for work in my twenties. Hes a.handler of some kind or he is one of these men who believes I deserve some sort of punishment for my past. Whats interesting is that his presence in my life has worn down my ability to do my work.

The red flag has been that he is unsypathetic to what I have been through yet he seems to know what gs consists of.

Ive become tired and worn down...and brainwashing programs over many years are starting to take hold. The reason for this is becuz of failing health and an inability to express or feel my aggression. Natural aggression and that which is present from what was done to me (gang stalking).

At this point I am attaching myself to people like him bexuz I cannot
continue as I have for years. Much of my internal feeling is now based on fear. This fear is now so deep seated from years of being harassed that I now function off of this state of being and its beginning to define who I am and the decisions I make.

I now undwrstand why they isolate Targets from thier families. So that we stop rebelling against what was done to them to get them under control.
This man I am traveling with is very much like my maternal aunt's husband. She was sucked into a marriage with such a man and hes basically her handler.

Hes also a pervert and a pot dealer. Hes the one whos pot clients are these types with heavy jobs for govt or my uncle introducing me to that guy whos targeted by the CIA years ago.

I know this route too well. This system keeps sending perverts and more fucked up people to be a part of the Target's life becuz they figure the Target will eventually become worn down and settle for something familiar. Also becuz their screwed up families have been ripped from them so abruptly and horribly there is an element of missing one's family. This can be manipulated by the system so that the Target may fall for something familiar as such...when if undisturbed, the Survivor would have moved beyond such people and dysfunction in relationships.

It is indeed mindblowing how virtually an entire country or a huge network can be in on keeping.just one person down so that they either return to thier old lifestyle or they never grow to be a better person.

In a country that prides itself on human rights it cannot guarantee such simple rights to US citizens domestically who are homeless, mentally ill, handicapped, elderly, poor, or victims like myself. DOMESTICALLY. Why is this so within the borders of the United States?

What staying in the US I have a somehow safer screwed up life being tortured constantly than going someplace else?

No matter what is wrong with me health wise like say damage from mold exposure or parasitic disease or whatever else could be present I am only that sick physically becuz I have been denied medical care over many years. That is part of gs. And I dont deserve this. Whatever part my family played whether they were threatened or simply greedy, its been especially hard to have had them turn on me as well as the community and multiple communities across the USA.

The one thing I cant figure out is if my mother is the original radiation experimentee connected to MK Ultra then why would she turn on me when that is why we are targeted? Is this all so overwhelming that she simply cannot face that her being 'followed' after trying to testify at the Clintons Advisory Committee in 95 is just the tip of the iceburg? How can anyone be THAT stupid? Shes compartmentalized I knew that and shes been targeted for years. So she simply caved in probably.

They dont give you much to hold onto and they keep sending ghosts and shadows hoping youll grab onto something to believe in....like a stupid scared child. And hopefully at some point youll give in to psychological pressure and fall into a preplanned rut seeking comfort. Just like various family members before you have. All so tired and scared that they finally found a deal to be made so lying to themselves finally is a comfortable way of life.

They basically csnt stand anyone who breaks programming and starts to grow and make thier own decisions so theyd rather destroy you or get you back into a control situation. One resembling any number of miserable lives that other Targeted people have settled for.

I know what they are doing. They think failing health and age and years of homelessness is going to make me begin to cave in like my mother. Also this is why they handle you so you dont suicide-so youll be behavior modified instead and appear ever so average in society. Its planned that one day all the rightful anger you have from being harmed and your life destroyed will fade if you are tortured, invalidated, denied, ignored and kept down long enough. Then with destroying anything and all that is exemplary about you- talent, looks, intelligence etc you will then 'settle' for a life that makes it appear nothing out of the ordinary EVER happened to you. Along with this, somehow you the Target accept everything youve ever been accused of. You appear to be at peace with your past and what has occurred.

This of course gives the public and all the offenders a happy ending, provides all people who believe cover stories about you with the appearance that you somehow accept being targeted becuz you deserved it. And it gives the system an out becuz you werent 'murdered' and thier human rights phallacy can be backed up then. In the age of non lethal weapons which of course are lethal if misused or abused people like the neat and clean APPEARANCE of no one being hurt. A Survivors internal programming is manipulated very carefully and actions against us are covered up so that it never appears we have been tortured horribly. They know we csn be handled while being traumatized so that we smile and act normally-we form alters to cover up whsts really happening. They provoke this probably by the threats in the beginnng of being labeled mentally ill or no one will believe is etc forces us to 'not tell' and conceal that we are being gsng stalked and tortured with weapons and tech etc.

This silence and acting as if nothing is wrong probably makes the people who believe the cover stories feel it supports thier views of the Target as being guilty of Whatever and deserving such long term misery.

As long as I stay in the USA I will never be left alone long enough to even get the right lawyer. Even to try to sue the FBI or the courts or my own mother or the cops is impossible with constant gang stalking. Ive been silenced and Ive been discredited and marginalized and no one is going to allow me to get back out.of this coffin they have buried me in.

If my old junkie friend Brian was telling the truth and not mistaken my own mother perhaps went to auhorities on my behalf and it seems like that was the result of a deal or a payoff. I was probably never given a subpeona becuz it was preplanned to discredit me first as mentally ill so I could not testify. Since my mother was hiding money under my name and this might be why feds or idiot local cops thought I had money from Julia or Jakes drug dealing, she used her other influence and connections to get a deal where she covers her own crooked lawsuits snd using my name way past the age of 18 (identity theft) helps to make me crazy and support the bogus claim I am indeed mentally ill. Its especially easy becuz of Danny, my fathers status. Yet all he did was basically claim he was being targeted due to my mother's family's involvement in MK Ultra. Also he didnt self talk as a coping or therapy mec hanism- that is something my maternal grandmother does.

Its interesting that when I was exhibiting behaviors similar to my maternal relations my sanity was never in question or dared to be questioned. Only when I was harassed and followed and gaslighted suddenly my maternal family decided to turn on me using an excuse of something my father suffers from.

Also I have noticed waayy too many people are involved with this as if it were a good book or entertainment. Perps have brought up similar stories and talked of eroticism involved with drama etc, knowing damn well that this is real life for me not a story.

That is your real America. A place so brainwashed, so sick, so unable to face itself that human rights abuses are meaningless when it comes to a person like me being used as a luxury.

Kurt Cobain may have been a prohramming or mind control Survivor also no one knows for sure, but he certainly died for his work as a dissident; he got too close to the truth: "Here we are. now/entertain us".

This is the great America, that is so concerned with human rights world wide. And dont think total jerks frok other countries arent in on taking this all in either, as entertainment or for whatever purpose.

America is a lie. The powers that enslave man have taken over all across the globe even in the most admired countries. Scandinavian is electromagnetically polluted just like anywhere else and big pharma and psychiatry exist there as well.

The whole world is being decieved by the factions being utilized to enslave mankind.
I suppose that enslavement isnt so unattractive to the public when you give them a chance to be the enslavers or give them the feeling they are. Its as if someone started givng away or selling stock in hell. Yes, you too miss or mr NOBODY can now be 'evil' and feel the power feel that burn. You dont have to be the victims if you are a perp, right??