“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Smear Campaign After Leave Berkeley-Dont Even Try It

I let go of this aquantence of mine who had moved out to northern CA from Boston. I saw her a few weeks ago. Dint like the fact shes on a bunch of meds and is big into Big Pharma and psychiatry as well as letting the system take care of all her problems for her.
She in fact was in a program when I saw her. She also told me she was in recovery which i didnt realize. i never knew back in Boston she was smokjng crack frequently. I cant tell with that drug.
The people she was with spoke about someone they knew in a manner that bothered me as in relation to activism such as mine. I added up the factors and here we have someone in trouble with the system due to drugs, in recovery, in an institutional program and trying to get herself and her boyfriend into subsidized housing. I had been througj this before when this turned nasty and 24-7 in Boston. People who messed with me or interrigatrd for information got housing in the blink of an eye. I myself was bribed with housing if only I would take on a severe mental illness label. Michigan where the harassment was very nasty almost as bad as St Louis MO. This was NOT someone trying to help, it was an overt bribe to shut up about what had been done to me to silence me as well as keep me silent.

When I visited this aquantence recently, she had me stay in a shitty hotel room with a fat older black woman who got so drunk every other night she would call my aquantence and not know who she was talking to or where she was.
This unpleasantness was in Hayward CA. I stayed there one or two nights and then she declared she wanted the rest of the time to herself before her family picked her up to help her out. Some of us are actually homeless out here without families except for other travelers. On the second night this woman Susan was drunk and I simply handled her like any other drunk but its not someone I need to be locked in a room with. Out in the street you can walk away its different.
A day or so later I decided to tell my friend I woukd no longer contact her due to my activism taking up my time, we had little in common and the sensitive nature of my activism was about to get perhaps more heated. she then texts me telling me that Susan claims I stole a dvd player from her room.

I have a solid track record ofNOT being a theif as my m.o. Its not what I do. I may trespass but I dont steal. Anything I pulled in my twenties, a few things at one point whn I was probably incapacited by drug use doenst count.

I am too preoccupied with my work to steal and i stand out in a crowd anyway. I am too weighed down to carry a dvd player from Hayward to Berkeley.

I also noted someting Susan said to my aquantence when asked if she wantrd to move in wirh them in an apartment. She said that Willows CA was too far outside the city and she didnt want to deal with "all those white people". Good for a one night to stay while extremely tired but the whole time I was kicking myself in the ass for getting into that situarion and reassessing my aquantence's judgement of character in the people she chooses to associafe with.

If any of this goes any further with messing with my rep I will put the fat drunk's phone number out there so everyone can see who and what she is. After dealing with my old associafe back east for years , I think I have done my time with fat, mind gaming drunks..whom by the way played mind games that makes all these other clowns look simple, which they are.


I left Berkeley due to it becoming a bit cold but also due to past mold exposure as many of you know, my health is damaged permanently and humidity means suffering horrible nasal headaches that go up inside my skull it seems, excrucuating day long headaches. Also other health issues have arisen that are very disturbing such as that pain on my right side which has something to do with the internal bleeding I had. All I know is the wrong climate makes it hurt more. I dont want to get medical attention firsrly becuz I am afraid of more harassmnet and secondly becuz I believe it will require surgery which i cant deal with as a scenario of my allergic reactions causig a complication in the procedure. I just cant deal with it mentally or emotionally right now. Where am I goimg to recover, outside on the street?

Heres my position on this: no more surgeries i have suffered enough due to my mother's radiation exposure, years of endometriosis surgeries, only her and i having this condition. I also would never seek chemo or any treatment for cancer. That book will get done and that is my main concern. My life has been ruined and everyone insists on continuing to act as if I dezervdd this. The system keeps trying to get me to buy into any and all smear and blame the victim so that I will finally submit my Will to authority, even if that authority is corrupted.

Besides alot of the media psy ops put forth contained the idea of my fighting till death, instead of my taking care of myself or fighting back through proper channels. This has been to create a kind of suicide bomber, the book being the bomb essentially.

They know they can take a person with suicide programming and torment them into expressing that this way instead.

Aside from the psychological manipulations involved in this campaign, let me make this clear again: you get in the way of my work or make me feel its threatened in any way whatsoever, yer gone. Its simple.
I wont tolerate being around that.

I also left Berkeley becuz my squat mates on top of the weather seemed to become more miserable to deal wirh as well. After I got wet while asleep from rain coming into the squat I wanted out. I dont have time to deal wifh daily inclimate weather in a place like Berkeley where there arent any resource centers to go inside to continue work and activity. No college computer access anywhere, no Women's Center like in Cambridge. I just dont have time for the bullshit. I am thinking every day about my project, everything else is incidental or a pleasant diversion.

Once again the main question is who can you trust?