Was looking at map on phone of Newton. Looked at train stop near my ex old house when he lived with his family.
It made me feel sad to revisit this old place. Like this is what my life looked like before it ended.
For some reason in all of this my ex Jake figures prominently. Even though I was targeted in an obvious manner in 95 before I met him and can even recall such similar behavior occuring when I was a little kid and my mother being messed with as well...I get this feeling alot of the time that Jake figures into my life really ending as I knew it more than I realize.
As if even outside of Bush coming into office, Julie wanting to play clean up and cut old loose ends and move up in the world and my mother wanting to make sure I never recalled memories and her covering for family dirt and even Olnick and the Pettittis trying to cover for that moldy apartment-outside of the various people around me that all had motive to be part of destroying me and discrediting my testimony ..there is something about Jakes involvment that is much more compelling than the other parties involved.
As if he alone was capable of ripping my life from me more than anyone else, even though he knew me the least amount of time, other than the Pettitis who were working off of a purely business motivation..well that and how personally f*cked up they were as people. It wasn't personal per se becuz they didn't really know me.
Why does Jake figure so prominently in all this?
