“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Again Being Tortured To Make Choices Not My Own

Things I am being forced into against my Will while in metro Boston or things that are being pushed on me as strong ideas:
-getting with a black man (boston cambridge and San Diego is where this is forced on me the most and I am sick of it. Its one of the reasons I want to move to.certain parts of Europe. Just like in rural MI I will still be targeted but at least the perps will be seperatists etc and will be against this as part of the agenda for me. I got perped in TN occassionally but it felt like there were people there that were just disgusted with what Yankees had done to me. It was one of the most comfortable places I experienced in this nightmare. I kept getting the vibe that there were people around Nashvilles center and other areas that understood me. The people in Boston area act like I am from Mars..I fuckin hate it here.
Out of all the things they are doing to me please don't let them beat me down into being with a black man. If it happens come right up to me and shoot me on the street becuz it will indicate I have totally been taken over by mind control and I don't want to live that way.
The system here usually uses mild to slightly aggressive sexual arrousal with intimidation and shame to humiliate me down into brainwashing me with the black mate suggestions. I am told often that only a black man can understand me, that in the end of this I will end up with a black man anyway..as if its inevitable. I swear blacks are controlling the world from behind the scenes like from powerful factions in Africa and people just don't know. Its alarming. There is certainly something to that. I often get rewarded or relief when I listen to black music even though its only old stuff I listen to..like the perps doing TI survaillence or even brainmapping/monitoring/interface here are blacks. I know it sounds paranoid but I don't get this treatment or these ideations in places like Nashville, Michigan, Oregon, Utah etc etc. These effects only occur this way in Liberal Blue states like So Cal and metro Boston. This was not the case in northern Cali only San Diego.

I read white supremisist sites when I can't take anymore MA arrogance and eventually I cool down and realize that the kind of blind hate on those things is exactly like the way society treats me or the perps treat me. But they can be useful for reading about how insane this black conspiracy has gotten. One researcher claimed that southern youth has been broken by PC and blacks giving lectures, one such lecture consisted of a black speaker telling these kids that white women having black mens babies now was as natural and inevitable as the women opening her legs...some typically eroticized manipulative sugar coated bs. Like pimps do. These kids not being from the a northeast city they probably don't have the tools internally to dismiss such manipulative voodoo laydowns and privately or publically tell this guy to f*ck off. Which is another reason to phase out anyone from a 70s childhood. Its just like Hitler youth nowadays. The same exact systems are being used.

To think about that sugary sweet eroticised bullshit move on their enemy is enough to make me vomit. These are the things going on you don't hear about.

Id become a white power, seperarist or supremisist in a second but I believe this land belongs to the Natives and that means what was Mexico once as well. I know that other races want to kill us off. But Mexicans and Natives just seem to want back what is theirs. Fair enough just let me back into Europe and I am gone. I also have trouble feeling whites are 'superior'. In many ways they are just different. Lately it is THEY who seem to be supremacists and seperatists and with that arrogant bs yer not very likable. No Italian is going to bow to blacks.
Which explains years of a sort of white supremisist move to get me to focus only on my blonde ancestors. I have been so removed from my Italian DNA and my Slav/Lithuanian DNA that I am obsessed with Nordics and blondes or redheads..of course this is masqueraded as making me strong and removing weakness yet its a route to self loathing becuz I may come from blondes but I never can be blonde and blue eyed. Therefore its then easier to make me feel unaccepted by my own people so easier to push me to blacks as a natural solution.

Nazi type moves are being used ironically to create race mixing and destruction of Italianess or Slavic Russianess-any DNA traditionally resistant to being ruled or without revolt under oppression.

If I worship the Nordic ideal yet am made to feel I am actually loathed by them as well as other Italians and its pushed constantly that only a black man will understand me and that I am built like a black girl etc etc then with this kind of psy hological warfare the system is hoping I will be broken down in this way.

If I don't resist internally by understanding this conjob as I just have writing it above, I often find myself reacting and that seems to lead to urges to become a white supremisist..a very hateful one becuz its personal and out of survival.

So that prediction by that kid working the desk in that Buffalo NY homeless hotel might just come true: he said there was a fear I was going to be the next Hitler. I told this to someone in St Louis and he respnded with "Its about time we had a female Hitler". So this is all really f*cked up.

Also I do NOT like the Christianity within much of the white supremacist movement. Nor the bullshit about feminism..there just hasn't been a feminist movement that is white powered or should I say Euro pagan. If other races could keep their men and race and religion out of it fine..but I have yet to see that kind of Will and commitment from women. No Abrahamic religions and NO men. It can't be done. Women cannot be that able to get along to accomplish that. Certain women but not most. And there will ne NO male bashing either..just independance. Its a very Spartan ideal one that modern women of Abrahamic beat down religions cannot fathom.

So I don't want to become a supremacist becuz I don't believe that way. And seperatism seems so boring. I like certain blacks..they tend to be very what I consider cool and what I consider decent and somewhat civil. What can be done when one constantly feels like one lives in the jungles of Vietnam playing the Friend or Foe game constantly? Its just easier to reject people until hou know they are safe or ok. And its easier for me to look into white's eyes and know Who I am dealing with. Blacks are totally misread by me much of the time which makes it more confusing.

People can only take so much of a warzone daily and start to build walls to cope. The PC YUPpie scum wouldn't know that as they go home to decent neighborhoods or didn't grow up in a racial warzone or experience racism as people like myself do. Being gang stalked by viscous blacks in key areas of the USA didn't help either. I really saw what supremacists were on about with chill outs and they being dangerous animals.

The best thing I have gotten from those racist sites the really raunchy ones, is the concept that "The N*gger is a child." That statement has cooled my anger and hatred dealing with ghetto level blacks in an era of so many immigrants and blacks who are raised without soul it seems nowadays. It just makes it easier to refrain from hate, stress and reacting.

Some blacks register as kin or familiar and they aren't even an issue. I don't see.them as blacks I can't read. There is something in their DNA or spirits that is open and familiar. I know I feature Mike Tyson alot for inspiration. And he's a violent 'animal' right? But to a Ritual Abuse survivor he looks familiar. His features are demonic or those of a jaquar or leopard. His eye brows go up on the ends like mine (or Michael Aqiuino if you notice but he styles them that way..which is very telling). His eyes look like the actor Leonard Nemoy who played Mr Spock on original Star Trek a tv show painfully obvious in its being influenced by the then popular Church Of Satan. To me Tyson seems programmed or some recognizable kin. His speed and strength are more understandable to me than the existence of so many average people on our planet.

Maybe he's Eastern European or Russian is where he gets his features. I don't know.

Black people is a generalization in our society. Not all 'black people' deserve my respect or attention just as not all whites do.

Yet our society has created this problem from the fact they set their slave labour free and the injustice is still not paid so we third wavers have to live in this conundrum. And the people making the rules of managing it often are from other classes that don't have to live in the worst of it.

And how would you feel if a system like this was being used to basically rape-humiliate you into giving up what status you do have or forced mating with another race of the same class?

Its certainly to distract me from the fact that what has been done to me has destroyed my chances of upward mobility class wise.

It's just another keep down tactic. Know your place bitch, isn't that what my own mother told me 'the harassment is about?'. I will give into my mother the day hell freezes over.

Perps have been spreading degrading stories about me for years. One of them 15 years ago was that I ended up in NY with a black pimp. Everyone who knows me knows I would never give a man like that money and I have actually broken a few girls away from that situation out of spite.

Gang stalking is about control and getting rid of assets that are expendable. Nothing more. This only turned 24/7 after I started to deprogram and destroyed my adult entertainment alter ego as well as started recalling memories before the age of 6.

Why can't I be with someone who I will be comfortable with who is like me?

I remember that when I took a ride from a black trucker once who turned out to be former military and totally wacko, when I was seen with him at a tru k stop I felt more relief and comfort from this system's harassment than in years.

When I told him I only liked blondes and Italians and a certain body type and left his truck that was the end of my relief.

Perps are constantly watching its unnerving really. You sense this control and behavior mod from entities within the general public ...you can feel these bastards out in a crowd. Its ridiculous.

I am not going to mate with or be a girlfriend to an ethnicity I don't prefer out of intimidation.

They might have gotten this idea becuz there were like two old men in the adult entertainment field I dealt with. Nothing serious. And when I was on drugs in my early twenties I think I went to some fat guys apartment I don't even remember. I know I wanted to try the race to see what it was like and I was very young like 22 or so. Younger male a bit older like late 20s in shape etc. I really felt no difference between he and other average men not of interest to me in my personal life. In fact I disliked the nappy hair everywhere and the lips were not cool either. So I simply put black on my lost of not what I seek in males. I also feel this way about Latins and redheads. And skinny guys with big wangers. You try things and realize its simply not doing anything for you. If not disgusting you altogether.

I like very blonde Germanic looking/Russian Slavic looking males who are tall and with natural muscles NOT from the gym (my male children have to have muscles to attract women and pass on my DNA) and a nice healthy layer of fat over muscle but not overweight..in fact I'll go with overweight tall muscle before skinny. You never know when you might find yourself out in the snow again. Living in it with animal skins. Men with muscle and no fat from the damn gym are going to seize up in the cold. Stupid.

Specific Italians are the other choice. Occasionally certain Arabs look very good but the whole family thing I don't get. They are big and tall enough anyway. Many Israelis are sexy but that might just be German/Russian/Slav mixed with Arab that I am seeing.

Men down south seem much more attractive on average than up north..with the exception of NYC and hostage NY. Their used to be good looking Italians here in surrounding areas but I haven't seen that in 20 years. They must all be posing as WASPs or YUPpies now. Sad really. Or worse: wiggers.

A reliable formula often found on the road is the exotic mix: base elements are as follows-
-at least two or three strong European DNA's usually German or Irish. Polish is also acceptable but only as an addition.
French or Dutch are also nice in the mix as I possess these myself.

-Other ethnicity that somehow mixes with these base DNA's and.creates a beautiful Man.

The two wonderful paintings I have been with were
*German, Irish, Egyptian, Mexican and Native..and Polish.
*German, Irish, Cuban and Japanese.

These men were so diverse, so attractive it was fascinating.

Of course my ex whom I loved had the most diverse gene pool similar to mine: Scottish/English (Celtic), German, Native American. His maternal grandfather was a Jew (thus Jacob) but this was hidden by conversion to Protestantism down south. Due to that factor and his features and behaviors I highly suspected there was Russian in there also. And definately Nordic but its hard to discern which other nationality carried it over, such as most likely the English or Scottish from Viking invasions. Perhaps even his Jewish ancestor carried this from that area through emigration or one of the expulsions. French Canadian also. The o.my differences were I am not Jewish, Native American and he certainly wasn't Italian.

So attraction to males is a science. A process of ancient and recent DNA communicating to each other. And the reasons females choose the men we do is complex.

Men complain about women's vanity. Yet this is the root motivator for choosing the men we do as passing on DNA IS passing on us or our image.

Men don't like how greedy we are. Well women make sure they get what they need and want preferably so any babies will survive any circumstances or to share with family.

With my complex way of looking at males it would certainly be out of character for me to simply go off with some black guy.

But that is the whole point of gang stalking. Its to destroy and keep down people who are mulit talented, highly intelliegent and/or attractive. To ensure.that society NEVER KNOWS OR BELIEVES the targeted person was special or above average. By the time the destruction is done people only see what the ongoing smear campaign was to begin with.

Smear campaigns in gs are self fullfilling prophecies. Gs has forced me into racism. Gs has forced me to remain in poverty.

In my case its most likely using torture and inducing brain damage to see how long it takes for me to confess information.

Its not the info that's important its the confession that is. It means they have finally broken down internal programming the structures that kept me strong inside as a person.

If I write a book I am controlling information still. If I confess it here carelessly on this blog then they are controlling that process.

If you don't believe this is real and I am just nuts YOU haven't read up on MK Ultra of which my mother has a documented connection to from 1950s human experiments. And you don't know much about the cold war and how much of what was discovered and created is now used for mass mind control.

I now wonder if the entire cold war wasn't created in order to hide these changes and advances.

Its too late now isn't it? Mass mind control everywhere and my own demise continues.

Another thing I am being forced into is going to UMass. I've been promised everything from finally feeling accepted and at home to all the sex I want at UMass. Its daily now and its obnoxious.

I have to leave this area and I realize now I can never return. Purely becuz the areas that surround Harvard, MIT and Boston are so heavily managed with tech that my health can't take the effects. Its constant brainwash, forgetfulness and fake happiness or a falsely induced feeling of everything being OK.

I was mistaken to believe I could live normally or that I could survive in such a heavily polluted area. That the forces here wouldn't try to finish me off.

Leave and have nothing to do with this state ever again. Its what they want anyway. My mothers health went downhill staying here and my condition over the past year is the final test of this theory- every single time I come back here this happens. Every time I live away from the northeast or the east coast for that matter I get fit, healthy and well again especially in the desert.

This place may have something special intellectually that I need to remain intelligent or aware but the physical and spiritual effects are simply not worth it.

Its nothing but torture here nowadays. And with memories of severe betrayals
as well so many unresolved issues me being here is simply torture.

If they are indeed trying to seal an altered timeline then my existing in this space where I so accutely can see feel and imagine the timeline that should have been is of course going to be torture. And its easier for them to seal a change by my being away from my origins.

I have to learn that in this alternate timeline we have been shifted into I cannot exist here.

This is why they push so hard for TIs to accept their situations or the pathetic person who has been created from destroying the target over time.

These are the people they need us to be in the false altered timline.

I know it sounds like insanity but enough of what I have experienced tells me that much of what the Nazis were working on has been picked up from there and made a reality.

How hard would it be to alter time and space simply by altering the human population? With enough LSD type drugs enough chemtrails enough pssychological warfare, enough technology both used by man and bigger systems to control him as in the MindWar paper suggests- through a formula why could you not alter time and space?

The sun is doing funny things lately. The scientific community claims that the sun itself defines our time and space for us here on earth.

Man has a ridiculously rigid sense of time on this planet. And even THAT is falsified via Abrahamic religious systems and patriarchal nonsense which gives us the birth of Christ as year zero and the Gregorian calender which uses the sun instead of the 28 day lunar calender..which is why we have leap years where 1/4 a day left over becomes a day every four years.

Time is defined by man just as country borders are which also do not appear anywhere other than man made maps and man populated borders.

So why couldn't some very determined sinister humans with unbelievable resources take to altering a timeline?

I guess I have to stay in the right areas of the south or the northwest in order to avoid the Liberal torture to become a coal burner. Which I would be if I sold out to doing something by force instead of Willfully.
Many people are being marketed to as to how to choices that should be personal like who to mate with or what music to like. Its a world wide brainwashing program now..and I have seen what's behind the agenda. Its not to improve the world for equality and freedom..those don't seem to be ideals of the perps I have experienced anyway.