“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Friday, January 28, 2011

Only Two More Years To Write the Expose

Its amazing just what was done to me in this country. And how it could be gotten away with. I want to say it was a result of me being poor but I know that is a misconception. I know my mother is a documented survivor of the radiation experiments. I know that Survivors of mind control get harassed like this.

Society wants to believe that it was due to my social status or some other factor. I am just learning how badly I was kept from the truth as well as how I was kept from my rights. The only way this could happen in the US is if someone is a target to begin with. Since I have been kept down my whole life, mind controlled and targeted there wouldnt have been any other outcome anyway. Thats why I dont feel bad about any of this. I was supposed to die of suicide programming and since I beat that when the system came after me I was supposed to suicide.

The fact I am in ill health now that will end my life in a few years is not surprising. America is a bloodthirsty, violent, greedy country who's standard of living is based on slavery even today. My situation could not have turned out any other way.

People like this TI that was prob a perp in AZ piss me off with trying to lessen the abuse with happy endings. WHILE these people are destroying you and your future, they show you photos of happy couples and say stupid shit like "Oh thats my friend, she was poor and had nothing all her life and then she got married to this man and has a good life". NOW do you know why TI's or mind control survivors snap? How much of this can one person take? Its just like Gitmo. Yer being tortured and no matter what happens to you yer kept from justice and knowing your rights, even for the simple stuff. Everyone around you is useless especially your family of course who will just write you off the way they always have been.

This b*tch actually had the audacity to tell me this story and show me this photo as some sort of ideal that would keep me going in hopes for a future or some sort of consolation price after the system was done taking my youth and future away. I cant wait to tell my story so people can see how outrageous this is. This is why people have to ignore me becuz they know the abuse and the keeping me from knowing my rights was so illegal that if anyone ever admitted I was anything but mentally ill they would all be taken to court. There is no way that anyone is going to do anything for me so I will just tell on everyone and let the world decide the fate of America and every other country (UK, Israel to name a few) that was in on this...yes those three countries in on my campaign alone. They are so desperate to hide the reality of mind control slavery from the public they will do anything and deny everything to continue to perpetrate these crimes against the victims.

It was like I was supposed to look at this picture of this ugly, middle aged white trash broad and actually equate myself with her and her ugly, fat but well to do husband. Its called more brainwashing. Aim low..really low. That is what the f*cks in this system want for me. That is how arrogant they are about who I am.

Hmph. Even homeless my body still is amazingly shapely and buxom. I still retain some facial structure even though I look very aged now compared to when this started.

Its disgusting the way they want to write your future for you. Rebecca in St Loius was actually trying to get me to get married and have a baby. The people involved in these campaigns know that mind control Survivors are very vulnerable and alot of the harm that destroys us over time is the careless and ill treatment from people in the gang stalking system. For some reason, people from all walks of life in my experience in America are extremely arrogant towards me as well as seem to keep backing up me being mind controlled by handling me and never telling me the truth about what is going on. Its disgusting. Its also based on the way that I look. America and probably other western countries is brainwashed into believing that women who are built as well as in some sort of sex industry job both deserve this treatment like slaves, have the minds of children by nature not mind control and are not naturally intelligent or capable.

Either that or whoever is behind this has the entire country in thier control with agents working for them in the millions across the USA.

There was a period of time when everyone seemed to know me across the country.

It doesnt matter why becuz it could be a trick. Say for instance that the system thought it could get away with a reality show I didnt know about and actually broadcast it somewhere. Or someone put out a video either of me in my apartment or Jake putting something out like a sex tape.
Under these circumstances it would explain why people across the USA recognized me and knew who I was. However the fact that a former KGB agent has documented in his memoirs that at least 200 agents would publicly, but covertly swarm on just one enemy agent in a public space, it stands to reason that these could be set ups to make the person think that the public in general are in on this and know who they are. 200 to 1 sounds about right for getting mobbed by perps in a public place.

I never paid heed to what was done to expose some part of my life becuz first of all I was always working from the inside out whereas the perps were working from the outside in. All I knew was my internal programming system and three layers of suicide programming, I barely knew what was going on outside of that at that time. Also it doesnt matter what they do or what the stupid peasants outside the castle walls see. It doesnt matter what he mere public thinks or knows. They are a tool of the perpetrator(s). They do not count in the game itself.
ALL that matters is the dirt I have on people as well as internal programming. THAT is what matters not what the public thinks so I always disregarded them no matter what happened. They dont matter due to the fact that they are either uninformed about the real circumstances what they think they are looking at or they are a trick and are actually operatives acting out on a Target. So either way in the real game they are meaningless players. What can they do for me in meeting my goals or finishing my mission? Nothing. So they are useless to the end I must meet.
And if they get in the way of work or completing task then they are even more to be ignored if not shunned completely. They are mostly in the way thats all. Until they take responsibility for not only thier actions but finally be honest with me I have no respect for them at all.

None of these people ever came up to me and tried to tell me I had rights and they still do not. Most jerks in the USA smile at me with a handling smile so I will continue to stay ignorant. The public is my worst enemy becuz they did not seem to assist me when I was being murdered, which of course is what I expected from humans en mass, which is why I aint all broken up inside over it. Remember just WHY Luciferians of all kinds from all the brotherhoods both black hoods and brown at thier core hate humans. Weak, easily enslaved, sheep, afraid to die, cant see into the future, cant recall the past, cant read what the overlords are up to behind the curtain- f*cking useless in battle basically. Only certain factions believe some humans are worthy, strong, smart and worth helping.

Its just like I posted before- this is akin to a video game and they are for the most part annoying characters that get in yer way but dont do much else. What matters is making the ones who are worthy aware that they are being fooled or deceived in the worst way imaginable since Bush got into office. Thats all I am still here for. Its all that matters. All that nonsense the public did to me the mocking and trying to confuse me into believing anything--it is inconsequential.

If Jake put out a sex video all I have to say is that he's a total fashion victim and a trendy a-hole. A sex video? F*ckin totally passe. THAT is what I would be embarrassed about. Not content but the fact that he could not have thought up something more original or ahead of trend than what the boring masses were doing. That is sooo disgusting, and they are sooo disgusting. They are just so painfully uncreative. It makes me want to vomit. But hey, when you been the fat kid all yer life and yer whole family keeps pressuring you to give up yer band even though you have genuine talent and yer approaching 30 I guess to a rich kid controlled by those factors, any chance to get ahead looks good. Even if it means proving just how suburban and common you really are.
Its so typical that upper middle class people were mostly responsible for destroying me. That is so thier game too. They just dont know any better. You have to understand something about them- they think they are rich. Also the reallly loaded trust fund kids in on this from NA, the ones who's kids are on welfare but thier families are loaded...hahaha you have no idea just who is abusing your welfare system do you? The really wealthy are so cheap its ridiculous and they will destroy anyone to get what they need or want. That NA crowd are pathetic monsters. I wish someone would have told me it was mostly full of disgusting, psychopathic rich kids from trust funds- I wuda been outta there. If anyone needs to be gotten postal on its those meetings full of those assholes from Brookline, Watertown and Newton. I relish the day it finally happens.
Interestingly, people in the poor ghetto meetings are probably equally as viscous and disgusting in this area of the country. Its the upper classes and thier little house slaves, steam rolling over poor whites and poorer suburban folk whenever they can. And I cant wait to tell the whole world every little detail of how they live...hopefully one day I can read about every little detail of how they died too. Ahh, its just a fantasy though. Too bad really. And all thier little cop friends too.
Like the two c*cksuckers from the Cambridge police that thought the whole thing was a joke and actually tried to demand I go out to dinner with them. A black cop at that? Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting that he would even be able to speak to me in that manner. The white cop stopped his bs once he realized I wasnt an idiot. Ever day I see thier cop cars in Cambridge I re run that memory. Ever day of every year I am alive and I will keep running it until the whole world can read it and that book is finally manifested into material reality for eternity.

And I WILL find some way to make it so it doesnt go out of print as well. I am never going away and I will never let up on any of them. Every single one of them that f*cked with me is now owned by me forever in my memories and I am going to keep using them to get revenge for as a long as I am alive. Those bitches in St Patricks, white trash coal burners like Lynn, said I am just trying to "get back". Another total idiot who thinks that public opinion matters, too stupid to realize that I fought three layers of suicide programming to stay alive so I am actually a winner in this. THIS IS WHY THE PUBLIC MUST BE CODDLED BY THE PERPS NOW. THEY SERVE TO KEEP DOWN ALL THIER ENEMIES WITH THE ILLUSION THAT THEY AS A MOB ACTUALLY MATTER AND SAID SYSTEM WILL KEEP THAT ILLUSION ALIVE AS LONG AS THEY ARE OF USE TO THEM. But notice when the American public are of no use to them they just pick of thier numbers and treat them like shit? Believe me, I am writing this book for only a select number of people.

The beauty of the stupid ones, which is most people who think I am stupid or that I have been destroyed merely by the cops or whatever bs story is out there still- is that they are so stupid that they wont believe my story to begin with. People like Carmen who think no one cares about me. And that horrid deformed woman at St Patricks who once tried to cover for gang stalking by saying that anyone who believes that people are talking about them is basically paranoid.

I did a little experiment. I tried to make friends with some of these types and of course they disappointed me and have no sense of loyalty, fairness nor do they watch each other's backs nor understand how to return favors to keep the pack tight. Becuz they are not travelers and they are not tribal homeless people. They are not a pack they are a hen house. When trouble comes they cant handle it for shit. Which showed me that no matter how much I want to be like normal people I am not like them. I am a wolf and ever time I try to stay somewhere like St Patricks it becomes quite obvious in time that I am a wolf in a hen house and I end up promptly leaving due to that reality. I am just a wolf who has been set out alone, mortally wounded and had my mate ripped from me. But one must keep moving on. Becuz one day revenge will be in my path and I will be watching and waiting from the outside, like the banished wolf, to take full opportunity.

I have no problems talking about them now, that I see I never should have tried to be in thier world. I just get tired I guess and the wounds are pretty bad. I just need to play dead like they are temporarily to gain strength back. To live in thier little pretend world of Nowhere with thier little conversations about Nothing. Thier boring tv shows and petty talk about common people's common affairs. I think its a form of therapy to submit one's self to the opposite of intellectual stimulation and just relax.

That whole attempt to prime me for some future, a happy ending where some middle aged, doughy middle class rich guy rescues me. Its all so disgusting. You can tell that they purposely dont want you to have a good life becuz they lower your expectations like that WHILE they are taking away any chance you might have had to get a really rich guy or have some sort of exciting career where you could have made it on your own. And the woman in AZ that was peddling this bs was so ungodly ugly. Like most perps, just common and ugly. Husband left her the whole deal.

And the most offensive thing is this idea that I am some sort of stupid white trash like the b*tch in that photo where I would settle or even deserve just that out of life. Did this b*tch realize who she was talking to? I was a good looking talented woman, and its taken alot of manpower and years to make me average. And I still look better than your 'average' American female. They gotta put me out with black chicks probably, becuz more black women are good looking with slammin bodies by nature and since this beats them every time they have to degrade them by class and culture to get over women who are obviously by nature superior in build. I am not talking about good looking white women I am talking about that horrid average female in the US, and have no 'soul' whatsoever and arent pretty or sexy even if they try. Its not like Europe, the stock over here. I dont know Ive been kept down with the peasants all my life.
So they have to degrade me so they dont have to admit there is good EU dna and there is peasant DNA, which they have mostly the latter not the former. You dont need a DNA test to tell quality its that simple.
Thats why smear campaigns exist. To make nature's winners into society's losers. Total fabrications, total fantasy fullfilled by human efforts. And that is just why this is so illegal. By totally illegal means that break laws concerning both human rights and civil rights my life and potential was destroyed and taken from me as well as my health was ruined. In order to validate that and make it look like it wasnt done by force they have to smear the victim.

They then use the public and give them no consequences for thier actions.

What is so obvious to those that are NOT peasants in on this is that in order to have something of this magnitude, THIS illegal go down, it would have to be backed by some pretty heavy forces higher up either in organized crime or govt. Your average moron in on mobbing someone does NOT have access to an entire Greyhound bus across the south west or from Tenn to ABQ. Your average mobbing group does NOT have the money nor the permission to gas someone to knock them out then mess with them then gas them into being awake again, with so much manpower. Average mobbing groups dont have the Bloods doing thier dirty work for them across the country, like contractors.

Its got to be some faction that no one can touch which is why they get away with what they do.

Now you see why the petty details dont matter. What Jake did doesnt matter, what people saw doesnt matter, what the Irish scum at Porter Bellies saw or what they think they know does not matter. If they didnt cooperate they wouldnt have had thier bar refurbished soon after my take down like they did, like so many groups did for payment, they probably would have had a mysterious fire that would burn down thier place actuallly. Its not that I excuse thier actions becuz I would seriously be the happiest woman alive if that place burned down, hopefully with the same patrons in it that helped destroy my life when I lived across the street, it just explains the simple ways that this system gets people to cooperate. And what is the life of one stupid ho anyway, who seems to have no human value? We can just run her out of town right? I wonder if they knew that after I was run out of thier little territory that I would be poisoned, abducted, attempted murder, gassed, tortured with non lethal weapons and technologies or do they know anything about RA or MK Ultra? I highly doubt they are that smart, and I would like to believe that until I die. If they are that clever than its true- we DO live in a world that is geared to be a total conspiracy where a few select human beings are knowingly and actively kept out of the loop and kept down as SLAVES, all with the full knowledge of a seemingly stupid public, that isnt really that stupid.

Which means either way they are all f*cked.

TI's must be careful now. All those years of abuse are still with us and finally, the harassment has seemed to stop. What will happen now? People like me with legit beefs will start to feel safer and safer to express thier anger. However after that kid lost it in AZ I suspect that this is nothing but a trap to get us to act out or even write provocative things. You have to remember, like the arrogant scumbag cops involved in this they sit back menacingly with full knowledge of what they have done to a Target and just wait at thier leisure like the assholes they are, for that person to finally act out. cops are trained in psychology and they seem to take full advantage of all thier training to get the upper hand on the victims of oppression that many of them are very much in on- not ALL but many. I see them hanging around corners still or trying to pull of intimidation still. Joke really. I just look at them now and they turn away. I think they know I have lost all respect for anyone with a badge unless I can 'read' that they are innocent of being in on this bs or they are truly doing thier job. Cops are pretty programmed. If you reach in you can tinker with the wiring some. Like that cop in SD, the older one who I got to actually do his job. Now he could be said to have potential as a human being and as a good cop, its at his core. That younger guy, the sleazy green eyed kid, the one that zoned out with a good old fashioned thousand yard stare (ptsd memories much my darling? just wait till you turn 35 hahaha) who had no conshunce in assisting Albertson's to screw me out of justice and at the same time try to frame me. I still have to write that internal affairs letter and I will to. They can keep me forgetting all the time but I will find a way to remember and get it done. Little scum bag. Trying to intimidate me and talk me out of filing a report. I guess the poor there dont have..er, any muscle they way they do here to make life difficult for cops out west. Pity pity. Even the dirt poor here have some brains.

And that little old bastard from D-14. I have his name on file somewhere. Hes the scum that poor tenement kids used to tell me he worked thier public housing units and he'd just abuse the hell out of people due to them being poor like that. He's the genius that told me outright that Barbara Pettiti gives him a stipend every month.

You may want to say this is old school corruption, but its simply being replaced by younger cops who only know fascism from Iraq and Bush. Its hopeless really.
What upsets me most about the police is thier interference in my affairs. Since when did I become thier property or thier bitch? They have absolutely no juristiction over me as far as mind control or controlling me or my life the way they have since 2003. Who do they think they are? And I know they are in on this becuz that fat jerk who works at Amazing sex shop in downtown as well as Fenway told me so. Its unbelievable that people would go along with a faction as lowly as the police in this. One has to remember that the police are either Satanists, military or CIA or organized crime or a meeting of any of the above in order to get away with this. I did nothing for the police to either have such power over me nor to legally be able to partake in such actions to manipulate and control as they have.
The good thing about this is that I can take every single thing that every cop did and link it to the stuff that is obviously NOT the police like the gassings, poisonings and abductions etc etc.

Either way I get my revenge becuz
-if they are NOT involved it takes power away from them finally and lets the public know that this was not the police this was a faction that infiltrated the police that was involved such covert activities, and was merely using them as a cover as they often take such actions posing as many kinds of people in society. Its the REAL big boys behind these actions not local jerk off ya-hoos who they pay off, fear and worship like a fetish. Genuine respect is one thing, fear and a bizarre almost sexualized 'love' of the police. Creepy. I guess you can beat any population down into empty mindless worship...WITH MIND CONTROL. And it was so sickening, recalling my mother going into the Brighton police station, and they all being on the same page. F*ck them and fuck her as well. Gheppeti may have been a jerk but at least he let me know who the real assholes are and they seem to have been at D-14 and kissing my mother's ass becuz of some dirt she has on them back from the 70's at Kens. Morons.

-If they ARE involved then we have a very serious problem here in the USA where the police are part of a nationwide conspiracy and obvioulsy connected to military factions who are not only harassing targeted persons heavily but are involved with mass mind control on a national level.

Either way there needs to be more awareness of just how out of control the people IN control are right now. Especially with thier citizen goons who worship at their feet and do their bidding, the whole system is most likely normal to most citizens. This is the way they get thier affairs tended to, this is normal life for them.

That is what the cops kept telling me a few years ago when I would get terrorized (more brutal than you can imagine) and they would send perp cops to respond to the call, who would say sh*t like "This is real life ya know" or that this is what life is about or more of trying to minimize the abuse and lower my expectations in life. This is the way normal life is.

I have never seen group of grown men so determined to cover thier asses in my life with brainwashing, mind control, intimidation or whatever else they could muster up.

They only reason they have stopped now most likely is they know I have that allergic reaction and that upsetting me or making the wrong moves with foods or chemicals could kill me. Gee whats up tough pricks, thought you WANTED to kill me and torture me, cuz thats what you been doing. ALso they see how I am basically retarded now and in bad health from years of mold exposure and gang stalking and everything they were in on as well as the shit the bigger factions pulled in places like St Louis or the Southwest.

Before I die, which will be in a few years, I will have the American public know just how far the cops go in this, that its not just the military acting without connections to the civilian populations. The cops now work for the oppressors. I have encountered a few instances of cops helping me out or warning me about gang stalking or my being possibly hurt but that is in places where there is still rebellion like TN or the mid west where people still believe in thier own rights to run thier own lives not thier govt, and they KNOW its the govt too, dont take it from me saying so, as I never outright say that anyway as I will not be written off as paranoid.

That book is going to come out and then I can do just whats predicted in my programming.

Delta Dawn in the song she dies at 41, after everyone pretty much perceives her as crazy. I have always stood by the idea I have til that age to complete this project. The braindamage and my tooth infection making its way up my jaw cant be a good thing, and now I cant have any procedures or take medicines due to allergies. I am pretty much screwed no so its time to go for the suicide bombing last stretch of the race: that book is my bomb and I can no longer care about health or about my living situation. I only have time left (and sanity) to get down everything that happened and deliver the information. After that it doesnt mattter, hopefully by then my health will be ruined and I will have the sense to check out becuz I am NOT going to be one of these homeless old ladies that is sickly and just goes downhill.

I will NOT live in a reality where I used to be someone or look attrative. That would be giving the perps what they want. I have seen this in person. I have seen them mess with really retarded or f*cked up people, and they just do NOT care about other human beings. YOu have to understand this is thie JOB. They take destroying someone very seriously. So seriously that one can see they take alot of Will Power to suppress thier natural human instinct to NOT kill other humans especially the weak and vulnerable ones like myself. Another indication of it being military or CIA. The total scum that can kill innocent women or children easily, who does that bring to mind? Right. Thats how the black perps were in Gainesville Florida. They had no conscience at all and there was perps waiting for me at the bus station too. They flooded the area I was in near the local shelter and hostel, like a swarm of ants, and they all were greedy and into this mobbing a target thing. The main one with most brains seemed to be the one with the most nasty streak in his soul, as he seemed to push his Will totally forward, to steam roll over any normal human emotion about what he was doing to other human beings. Great guys really. Hopefully he will die in an accident while working somewhere. lol.

F*ck all these people. I am now confident that my health has spiraled into something that cannot be fixed due to this allergic reaction to foods and medicines. I can hardly remember simple things and I cant really function. They are going to get what they want and its only going to be a matter of years before I really start to show the full blown effects of such damage now that I cant take herbs or medicines or vitamins. And I am sure they will all do thier usual best in the USA to ignore me.

Its a toss up wether to just grind through the book and go for broke or try to focus on getting out of here if scum bag Mormon gets in 2012. The book is certainly worth more to me as if I move overseas I cannot guarentee that it will get published here. I can always put everything on the internet for free and back up copies to give to people so in case they take it down it will always be a reference. its obvious that I cant really write a real book at this point I just dont have enough time left nor can I function anymore. its going to have to be a straight expose and its going to have to be for fellow targets etc who will keep circulating the info afer I am gone. becuz I want that info to keep hurting them and messing up thier lives long after I am gone. I want the very worst things to come to them and thier families. In fact I would be willing to take my own life in a ritual that guarenteed what was left of my human life energy somehow was directed at destroying as many of my enemies as possible through the act of my dying. My life is still worth that, as a human entity I know.