“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Sunday, December 26, 2010

You Are So Beautiful

Jake used to call me up drunk in the wee hours and sing this with his guitar. It sounded just as good as the original. Better becuz it was him.

People had told me all the time about my looks but no one put it to me that I was beautiful to them exclusively in a way they understood me from the outside world's perception of what constituted beauty.

I couldnt listen to this for a long time. I still cant I just am alot better at stealing myself emotionally.

They have done alot of psychological warfare very successfully to pervert and destroy alot of what I recall as good or even existing in my life before this campaign occured.

Small things like this that pack alot of emotional power, memories that are engrained that they cant seem to get to- they can never take this away. This belongs to me and always will until I am gone.

You must keep such things for yourself as in this game they are the gems of true value. People with lots of money get targeted too and I am sure its just as damaging and miserable for them.

I am sure now the world has convinced him as well as all of my former associates that I was this atom bomb of a mistake that will only cause them pain as long as I am alive or sane enough to be heard. that me fading into the darkness is best for everyone. That my friends is another tactic.

My grandmother used to do that. She would look at pics of my uncle Tommy's dog Leepshun (sorry cant spell right now) and say "That DAMN dog" becuz my uncle was upset over its dying. What a total selfish bitch. Yes I just called the woman that alot of people want to be delusional about and idolize as a saint as a selfish bitch. Becuz I deal in reality- harsh hard reality, becuz that is what solves problems and cleans out wounds so they can truly heal. Not lies and saving worthless face.
My uncle had a right to his own emotions. My grandmother needs to mind her own business. My uncle would not be so messed up over a dog dying if he did not come from a totally screwed up dysfunctional household so alot of his sorrow is actually what was CAUSED BY THE WOMAN DAMNING THE DOG AND HER HUSBAND. This is who people live in denial instead of use logic and facts, and people live like this, prisoners of misery for a lifetime. Never strong enough to face the beast, even if its partially in the mirror, hunt it down or strike back at it or acknowledge it and manage it within.

In English culture its normal for people to allow thier pets free reign of the house which is what we see on the Osbournes I think. It always confused me as to why people with money would not find the best and most affective dog trainer available and fix the damn problem. I read that this is normal in a society where their pets can run amok becuz humans cannot really express themselves freely and people dont make close intense emotional bonds readily.

Projecting onto animals is normal I suppose in a situation of supressing something or in denial.
Projecting is also a very dangerous tool of manipulation in smear campaigns and helps destroy lives and people's sanity eventually.

I like this moment in time becuz its real. It was how the world was before everything went crazy under Bush and continues to blow smoke up our asses while fooling us with constant smoke and mirrors. This is how the normal, real world was before all this started. Its how today was it being a holiday. And I am sure that tomorrow will be a return to a false reality. Daily torture and oppression- of individuals and an entire nation.

A news show on tv a few days ago had a man who destribed America as country crying out for help. Well damn they should be as they are being frickin tortured every day for years on end.

As a perp said to me in St Loius while sitting on the top part of a park bench: "Women from the east coast may be beautiful in thier hearts and thier minds but a person can take only so much". Sick isnt it? That these people are fully aware of what is most hidden and precious inside of me? And to add to that their job it to keep up the torture so that I break or die or suicide? How ya like that for testimony? Just the way its worded has to be one of the creepiest statements I have ever heard in my life and I have been around some really f*cked up people. Out of all of my life experiences the gang stalking perps have got to be the most overtly screwed up people I have ever encountered. They plan this shit in full knowledge of what they are doing. And when they say things like that they look totally stressed out as if they are under extreme stress actually doing such things to other human beings. So why do it then? I just dont get what that demographic of perps is about. The sadists at least look normal enjoying themselves while destroying people, that is easy figure out- but this strange brand of gang stalker, the one that looks like it took half his life energy to go through with such actions, that its going to scar him for life...what is thier deal specifically?

All TI's can do is take note of them being weak opponents and having any feelings at all, recall that moment and start to put a drain on them. Hopefully it will take effect over time.

Yes, I was beautiful once but nothing is beautiful in this induced Hell that exists now. And the public arent really fighting it anymore, isnt it great? How disgusting they are in not defending themselves?

So much work and resources has gone into whatever is going on now. Its incredible the sheer coverage and power that has overtaken the country if not the world. Its not something that can be stopped I dont think.

One thing I note is how final any decision is. Like the decision to have me killed. Whenever I think about my options its always defined that they will win, that thier scenerio is going to pan out over any Will I may possess or self determination. Thier decision is final: insanity or suicide or worse- totally beat down, average and never fulfulling any dreams at all.

I am sure that this post will be taken as a sign of weakness. SUch as some form of giving in to modification. If only I had the sense to be apologetic, if only I showed normal human emotion- some reverence for authority or some remorse, fear or regret.

Well under normal circustances those emotional responses would be appropriate. However, being set up, framed, exploited, used as a decoy and diversion, having my health destroyed by mold exposure and stress as well as tortured tends to make me believe that what has occured is unjust and my normal response should be one of outrage not submission. Of fighting not surrender to the oppressor.

These people are implementing these systems simply as mind control over masses and individuals who are a threat. Nothing more or less. Its all unethical and gross abuse of power and authority. The people of the earth will now be effectively controlled by psychological warfare and technologies as if that is the norm.
Or until they are done building whatever thier NWO order is that at least 3 presidents have mentioned documented on video each time. Its always the same century after century- it doesnt matter how many slaves perish of it an old woman is getting pulled under the wheels moving the huge building blocks- as long as the masterbuilder gets his structure built. Thier palaces or pyramids or what ever. Human lives mean nothing.