“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Saw someone from the past from NA and my old life

I just saw this girl named Kimberly who I remember from Brookline NA meetings. She is hosting an NA meeting at this day drop in. She saw my face and after I said hi to her and immediately took her scarf and put it over her face to cover everything but her eyes.

Then I made sure I rubbed it in by saying I remember her from NA Brookline (where I was gang stalking regularly on what seemed behalf of Jake and his scumbag connections in the music business towards whatever effort to get rid of me, frame me whatever). I then asked "didnt you used to work in that program to reform underage prostitutes?" When I asked that she did not respond as if that went along with the covering of the face action.

I repeated myself. She then said "whats yer name again?" which could nor could not be the case that she forgot my name really as she certainly had taken steps to get out of being recognized.

She then played the role of innocent and as if nothing had happened.

That is the problem with all this. My life is ruined, I have had to live being tortured and everyone of these people involved in this is going to act just like her. As if nothing has happened as if its just me being delusional if I dare to mentioned what really DID happen.

Also many of these people including Romney's family member and Jake's friend Laura, seemed to know that I used to work in an alter ego so would not recognize people out of context. It used to happen with clients all the time, I would not know who they were face to face out of the context of me seeing them in work mode.
And when I was working it was in an alter ego. Not a multiple personality but more akin to disassociation. I actually have memories that consist of me seeing myself involved in activity from a third person, out of body point of view.

But seeing her only gave me a look into my old life, the timeline that should have been that was knocked off course. It was like a gust of wind in a prison cell with a stagnant environment.

Its going to kill me to have to face the reality that years have been taken off my life, that I will never have those opportunities or a future like I was going to have. But seeing her brought back the old feeling of where I was when this got very bad.

I also have been noticing alot more than just people at certain day drop ins making me uncomfortable. I notice in past few days they are doing actual tactics.

That is becuz I am in a place where I get good rest and also am near a support system of friends as well as have individual friends I go places with.

It is harder for this system to use tactics with success when the Target has stable food, shelter and human support system. Which is why its important to get Targets isolated and keep them in destitution.

I have seen Kimberly before as well on the street over time. Each time she looks at me, knows my face and avoids me noticeably as well as she looks very guilt ridden. People in social services or have some part of themselves that cares for other human beings as their nature are the BEST gauges for just how savage and wrong these campaigns are. Its the sadists who convince us over time through repetition that we deserve this or that its funny, amusing or a prison we cannot break out of. That the level of abuse is normal.

Now I see why we must be driven mad and eventually end up having theories about way out conspiricies- it discredits us and takes attention off of anything believable in our stories.

If I just focused on Jake, Julie my mother and THAT plot of evil design or conspiracy locally by they as well as law enforcement it would be a hell of alot more believable than mentioning programming, mind control or Ritual Abuse wouldnt you say?

To overwhelm the Target is to direct them to inaction.

It doesnt matter how smart you are, they will just insure that all your efforts are guided towards wasting your time for years on end. At least this blog has helped some real Targets as well as some RA survivors and MC survivors.

I have always suspected that a number of people who are always so grateful for my work, some of them are so sickly sweet about it you just know its part of the Pavlovian system and its purpose is reward, so that I keep focusing on this and not on the things I CAN prove that ARE believable.

And unfortunately it works.

Dont worry my dears. Upon seeing her I feel the power I have had all along to wield and really f*ck up yer sh*t. Worry not. I am not going to focus on petty details.

When I go for the throat of this I want it all, big and at once. EVERYTHING will come down not just a few details of the plot.

Have a nice f*ckin day bitches.