Wondering about "Pop Goes the Weasel" eh? If yer familiar with programming its yers, if not just enjoy the song.
Went to Waltham today and walked through part of Watertown as waiting for next bus. Waltham still has some of its beauty left but its not one of those truly rich towns that could preserve itself through this era- much of it has been lost and there are many new kinds of people there. My maternal great grandparents settled there 110 years ago and Able Bourque built the house my grandmother was born in, which she will die in knowing her. I thought of the coming nightmare one day of having to see that house with strangers living in it. Its going to happen. The city is not really Waltham any more and my family, I dont know what they are up to now but whatever unity was there left when my grand father died for some reason.
I still felt part of my Great grandmother in me as I walked along the streets and looked at what was left historically but the modern world, especially whatever nightmare we live in post Bush, has a way of never leaving one alone to be at peace for very long. Strange faces and a sense of the city really being ripped apart from the community it once was. Its soul is dead gone now, its been sold off piece meal to outsiders. It was always for sale though from Polaroid to 128. It was always an old Watch City, a dead industrial town trying to be productive again. All that safety one family though they had up near Weston far from Moody st never kept 'progress' from destroying the city over the years. I feel very little for this place now, especially post Bush, after what happened. After the major betrayal of my family.
I see some old buildings that hold fast the true character of Waltham like the stone church- its Irish with northern influence for sure. That damn thing is so solid it cant be destroyed. I bet they would make a condo out of it if they could the bastards. Or a mall or something equally soul stealing and tasteless.
I miss the sections as they were. Italians down near Newton, Irish mixed in here and there, French Canadians and a Puerto Rican neighborhood in the Mechanix St area. If any other culture tried to get in they were beat up, mostly by the Peurto Ricans- they were like our first line of defense and they hated certain other ethnic groups. Even being seen on our side of Waltham would get you beat up. And of course we would beat up the kids from North Waltham if they came down here.
It was a neighborhood I suppose. A ghetto for a few choice kinds of people. It was somewhat fun in the 80's as a teenager but very going nowhere. The kinds of people who get married, jobs and sort of settle for that if they didnt go to college. Only the rich kids went to college, like the kids who's family owned the funeral home or other businesses. It wasnt expected of us. Again I was a newcomer at 12, before that it was Roslindale and before that the foster home back and forth from there.
When we moved to RI I was bored for a few years until I moved out to Providence and a college scene where I was very comfortable. Around Brown and RISD in the late 80's was very fun.
Pawtucket was NOT fun. It was a total waste of my time and really so was Waltham.
I realized that every time I come out here I get kind of weirded out then when I get near Cambridge I am alright again. It may be due to still experiencing a shock from the betrayal so close to home and 120 years of family history, still when I get THAT close to the reality of all that has happened, there is an unbelievability about it. As if I still cannot believe this is really happening- its just due to it being so close to someplace that represented safety for so many years through all the bullshit of life. But that is the purpose of Bush and post Bush- to rip the world apart so drastically, so brutally that it may be remade in a new order and it will never be as it was. To rip apart the minds of so many citizens that they will be forced into thinking differently, behaving differently. This was and is the trauma in trauma based mind control (TBMC).
You cant control people unless you rip families apart, communities, countries and even individual psyche's. This is why those of us that have parts of the story that may not be known must tell- the time line must be fixed. The world is just still existing in a zombie like state from so much pain, trauma fear and confusion. It often feels like one has died and is living in another dimension-the whole country and specifically the northeastern USA- and doesnt realize thier dead. But we are NOT dead. We as a country as well as individuals are simply living captive in a world that insists on ignoring the obvious facts of what went on in that last administration. Perhaps you can afford to go on in this new world that will never be the same again but for some of us our very lives if not the condition of our spirituality depends on revealing the truth as we experienced it. It always did take more than a credit card for me to be bought off into buying into a lie. I needed very very hard drugs. I havent used that sort of chemical alteration to deal with the lies of American society since I was a kid so yer all going to have to be inconvenienced.
In fact that is part of my confusion usually. Here I was told to do what society wanted and I was told this was good, then I began to grow, and of course this led to real feelings, real love and starting to ask real important questions about who I was and why my family are they way they are, and thats when the bastards came after me with such a fury that I will never recover.
This society is going to pay for bringing me out of my shell only to promise me some sort of life, to take me away from the very sensible plan of dying before 30 and all that romanticism only to cut me down worse that drugs every could- and many of the very people who helped do that were from NA itself. There will be payment for this deception as well as using me like a fool. Also there will be payment for seducing me into 'recovery' then not assisting me with the other issues that are raised up after one gets into recovery.
If you were going to torture me then why bring me into recovery to...how foolish of me. Its so perfect isnt it? Bring fools like me into the fold and then when I wake up from programming I am this perfect lamb of a victim which I would NOT have been had I died with my armor on.
You'll pay for making me take off my armor and then knifing me when I was in a chrysalis stage- vulnerable, helpless and dependant on protection from those who falsely promised a life out of change.
Waltham cops still occasionally harass me due to it seeming that the farther one goes away from Cambridge the IQ's get lower and the 'townie'/ mafia factor gets higher. Its a switch off on survival tactics I guess. Most people in Waltham have had either the sense of the decency to give it the f*ck up. But still there are die hards mostly males in pick up trucks (big surprise huh) who still insist on being ignorant of the whole story as they represent the simple regular guy factor I mentioned and I doubt if MK Ultra is in thier list of reading material.
A cop in McDonalds today was smart enough to not look at me. How could he? That was one of the worst for harassment. He should be on his knees crying after what they helped do to me. When walking through Watertown an older cop doing ez detail at a funeral home said hi to me and I couldnt tell if it was genuine or a handling 'hi'. Either way he's got alot of audacity to even speak to me. It really pissed me off.
They are all totally convinced that if they all agree that none of it happened the way I am going to tell it, that my mother claims that I am simply insane like my father, they really believe they are all going to get away with destroying my life. I have seen last summer the looks on people's faces near my family home as I hopped off the hiway and walked into that area. They were dead pissed off I was still fairly sane and walking around. I have never seen more anger, more selfishness and more evil than in that moment. These are not perps who get in on this so that they can mess with a stranger- these are people who have known of me all my life and know my family. It was one of the most f*cked up moments in all of my experience with this. It was so....bizarre. Total evil. I am finding that the theory of this being connected to Satanic cults and pedophile rings is much more feesible every time I go over the info. Either that or I was dealing with the kind of hatred one gets from cops/mafia that didnt finish someone off and believe me they are pissed and thier male/personal/professional pride was off the charts pissed off. What struck me was the absolute hatred of another human being by so many people at once in one location. I have never seen anything like this before in my life.
There must be a point where TI's just want to give into the theory that they are nuts- its just easier than accepting that so many people are totally full of sh*t on a daily basis every time you talk to them.
I now believe that many people are just evil and contain the primal aggression that comes out freely in a mob situation. They just lie to yer face every day or you are not the target of thier aggression. When you finally see who many people are into this you realize that America is NOT free nor is it safe. Its full of people who make sure that anyone who is worth convincing of that gets treated properly and anyone that it either doesnt matter or is targeted to begin with gets no such benifits.
Speaking about Waltham I wanted to finish by saying that I now accept its inherntly evil. I never realized it before but its always been a keep down sort of place. Maybe its built on some sort of really screwed up land who knows. I say 128 and Raytheon have alot to do with why that place is so controlled as well..ALOT.
I recall a few years ago, maybe last year I came home after A-Camp at Rainbow pulled that bullsh*t where I got beat up, and there was this sick gang stalking crew that came into Moody st. It was cold so perhaps it wasnt summer. I recall they were extremely nasty and really sickos. The cops actually appeared as if they were trying to get it through to me to get the hell out of there. Looking at me like I was nuts for putting myself through that.
But that begs the question who are the terrorists then? Are they military as part of the continued experimentation connected to radiation/MK Ultra from my mother., are htey organized crime trying to take care of me and discredit for my old associates and/or my family who want me to never tell the truth about either and be believed? Is it feds or FBI who are doing gang stalking under the guise of getting testimony from me for whatever the cover story is but in reality its going to bring a big pay off to private research companies when I prove that MK Ultra works by getting a programmed person to confess?
Its hard to tell who is behind this as they are so hateful of hte target it doesnt even make any sense. Its like they are simply NOT human or capable of human compassion or normal emotion. These are NOT normal people that TI's deal with and if they ARE special trained forces like psy ops they are motherf*ckin inhumane and dangerous and should not be allowed to function domestically.
Yeah alot of balls treating me like nothing happened and its over. You will all be allowed to go on with yer lives while i get ignored. Its so unrealistic the whole idea that I have not formulated some answere better than 'she's just crazy'. Why becuz some expensive cops say so? Or some psy ops pieces of sh*t from some govt faction who doesnt want to pay survivors for their surffering as well as anyone's testimony that would allow the public to know that what happened then is directly linked to the mass mind control that is being utilized now to create this fog that people live in nowadays and cant figure out why?
Take yer pick. Its all about greed, money, power and these jerks thinking that they have the perfect human subject- someone who has valuable qualities but has no monetary value, no family with monetary value or connections as well as was willing to sell the kid out anyway. Its perfect for them whoever the aggressor is anyway.
The idea that this is over is thier delusional thinking not mine and they will keep up the mobbing in numbers if necessary to make something unrealistic that shoulnt happen exist.
I am going to crucify this area especially Waltham and Watertown, anyway I can year after year after year until I get some blood out of them- until the nails stick.
