(Occurred and written Tuesday, finished Wednesday)I was just put through torture. It is getting harder due to my health being compromised to be able to catch it when its happening and to fight it or block it.
It is definitely part of behavior modification. And I cant control it hte way I did when my health was much better. I often wonder if giving me that Sulpha drug was on purpose to compromise my health. I notice that since that has happened and I am in a constant allergy risk state that my system feels like its very repressed. And when I have an allergic reaction I feel alive and healthy again. It's like my body's defenses are sleeping.
There has also been alot of 'keeping an eye on me' today by a cop around Harvard Sq as well as some many people wherever I traveled today. This was not the case recently. But its happening again. I am being weakened by staying in one place but I have to get my health in order then I can leave. I knew that me staying here would compromise my ability to defend myself. MA has a way of making one fat and lazy especially nowadays if one is poor. Its too easy. Its also a very limiting, self conscious kind of place.
I find that after such a thing happens to me now that afterwords I start writing in my head to tell on the system on my blog and soon after that the whole thing goes away and I am soothed with something that makes me NOT want to tell what just happened. The purpose of what is being done to me is to modify me over time via torture and to not disclose what goes on as much as possible, so that I dont even recall every time I am tortured. To them I assume that eventually amnesia will fully set in and all the pain and suffering will be forgotten and a new self will emerge to their desired designs.
I now understand the way the perps and this system think: if you modify the person enough and get them to forget all the pain and suffering then its like it never occurred at all. I now believe that this is exactly what they are going for. To them its like they never did anything if its been erased from memory.
Erasing things from memory seems to be an obsession with the people in this system. And eventually they want a happy ending with a relatively happy person. Its like to them pain and suffering arent real. They are to be erased from a persons mind, and no one is going to believe you anyway type attitude, so it never really happened to begin with.
Also, whoever is doing this desperately wants to see a TI, say myself, to show emotions like crying over what is being done. TO them its a sign of (thier sick idea of) 'growth'. Recall what was said to me in the beginning of all this: 'your too aggressive' and every other sentiment making me out to be a horrible person opposed to the victim. If you torture the victim enough they will give up the idea that they are a victim, start believing they are deserving of punishment, then give in the such brainwashing, redeem themselves and then by cleansed of all hurt, pain, wounds etc due to feeling like they are criminals who are finally giving themselves up to authority as authority is constantly making them feel like they did something wrong. This is the ultimate in victim witness intimidation and its exact;ly like abusing behavior modification camps for teens, many of whom were molested and the wealthy family wants them to see it differently- they actually convince the victims (mostly girls) that it was their fault to begin with, then after they break down and give into such a false belief via torture tactics for brainwashing- then the system can make them 'better' by making them take responsibility for themselves.
This is all done so that the perpetrators of crimes dont have to pay for thier crimes. Another rationale is that even though its a lie it makes the person functional again and makes them stop being a victim, feeling bad for themselves and being prey to past memories of trauma. IN a society obsessed with the military and basically run by a huge military industrial complex now, this attitude IS the way these f*ckers think in the military. Such people like my own mother were always big advocates of tough love or other such bs, but that was just an alter they seemed to become when dealing with the child they abused- at other times they did not practice what they preached and would play the victim to the hilt to get thier way etc.
These are signs of what a cult leader is like, which is why this system is so dangerous especially to society at large. A cult leader is so screwed up often that they will rule like a tyrant over thier cult members and claim that the cult toughen up and deny themselves things or self punish, only to sneak off and indulge themselves secretly or hoard the cults money secretly.
My mother is heavily involved in this and I suspect she has very like minded people who also believe in child abuse firmly as a legit way of life. This means she has many people in a network assisting her in what she is trying to do to me. I was told by informants early on that she is very "sick" in whatever her involvement is in this. And it seems she has found others who are as sick as she is who believe as she does.
Its the same with behavior modification camps. The parents are often sickos who are pandering to the sicko workers in those places that believe as they do.
I have met people who seemed to be trying to help me out only to realize later that their views on child rearing involve child abuse, and they are as innocent and clueless as pedophiles when it comes to them understanding that what they are doing to another human being is wrong. You would not believe how many people talk about secret ways to get around laws to abuse thier children. "Thier are ways" one said to me, concerning laws today that say you cant beat them. I dont mean those laws that say you cant spank them now which is ridiculous, I am talking about on old fashioned beating, which is not acceptable but was in the old days. These people are very very sick. And someone like my mother is very dangerous. She will probably get off on that- what she is doing is called identifying with the aggressor. I recall that my grandmother used to show pride over my uncle having connections to mob or extreme violence or my grandfather being tough somehow. It was like something you could tell she was secretly impressed with- even though her husband was a child rapist and also did unnecessary violent things to the children as well. That was not something she wanted to look at head on. People are addicted to child abuse for power.
My mother is very dangerous in the sense that she is somewhat of a stalker and possessive. I notice that she has to have what NA used to refer to as 'a hostage'. She always has someone she is caring for who she then complains about all the time taking up her life. But really this woman could not survive without some one to control.
In the past she has also exhibited a bit of something like Munchhausen Syndrome, very obsessed with my health and getting me operations. One doctor a female one, wouldn't even consider talking to her about the subject I think she knew how sick she was. It was gong to be an exploratory for my kidneys which I didn't need. My family is obsessed with health but ironically have no idea how to take herbs, eat right or exercise to boost one's health naturally.
The gang stalking system will always be there to get you back under control again. They feel a loss when you aren't under thier control. When you aren't working for them or f*cking up yer life or yer body. And lately I notice that they are especially powerful and have lots of toys now to drag you back to a hellish, slave-like existence where they feel you belong.
You know its not even that- it doesn't even feel like Hell or something Satanic. That I would recognize. What is going on now is way creepier than that. THAT I may have been able to become free of. No, what is happening now is much much worse. Its something very calculated. You have never fathomed something this sinister in yer whole lives especially if you're an American. It's very calculated and it's got lots of..inhuman qualities about it. Like math.
You can plainly see that what is being constructed to hold humans in control now is highly sophisticated and its calculated on mathematical planes.
What's so creepy about it is that whoever is behind this wants to do away with fun concepts like rebellion, Hell, rock music etc. Free Will does not exist in this world..New World should I say? If you notice traditionally rebellious things are being phased out. Satanism for instance is being used BY the very system that it was once used to rebel against. Its being institutionalized as social control over the public. Its very much a continuation of making your average person feel hip and cool by being able to ride expensive Harley's as weekend warriors and get tattoes (now they can be removed of course there is no true commitment.) Things that in the old days defined rebels against the state if not society. Now the state wants obedient posers to keep an eye on things for them. This is the new way of getting the public to cooperate: its the same as reality shows and American Idol- YOU are the star, YOU are the winner. If you are part of the mob that sticks by the system we will give you legitimacy and now legitimacy is fun. YOU are hip and cool. Just as in the 70's it was very 'in' to be out (outside the system) now its very 'in', via a creepy form of massive cult mind control to be IN. To be 'out' is to be a terrorist and that is someone that wants to rob average Joe Public of his new found persona of citizen Cool, which is to go by the rules and stand by the system. You can now wear black leather and be totally non threatening and its good for the USA. This is also the work predicted by the book 'The Way of the WASP' by one of Bush's speech writers. Its basically a blue print for what is happening now. Making everything soulful or emotive "non threatening". Which means taking away its ability to inspire human beings. This has alot of connection to orgone, Vril, life energy and things that you can do with your life energy, psychic abilities, the power of love and emotions, even your mind. Just like they come after psychics that are growing to powerful (women in thier 30's who are gifted psychically or used as for theta programming for instance) its like they want to 'rip the wiring' out of every human being in western society. (BY THE WAY I JUST SAW THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST WEEK SO I HAVE BEEN USING THAT ANALOGY FOR A WHILE AND ITS INTERESTING THAT THEY USE IT IN THE MOVIE.)
It's as if they feel that this is the perfect balance the perfect solution to all problems of crime and people falling through the cracks. And its so totalitarian that anyone believing they will escape the system now is treated with an attitude of its just a matter of time before you break down and conform. Its gotten really bad. This time around the system of control is very uncompromising and anyone seen as not giving in to what it wants or where it wants to place you is considered weak, a threat, a pain in the ass, someone who isnt being realistic or someone who must be defective such as mentally ill or that is a threat used if they do not conform.
This is not a normal human state of being. Its like a mass death of earth and its people. Like an other dimension is being built around us or we are being sucked into it. And its very much the stuff of mass cult mind control.
Its very anti-life. I notice that human emotional feeling is being numbed or phased out. In many instances one can sense that 'taming' human emotion and mental ability is being done. For example when HD radio came out I noticed that one could not get the emotional charge out of the music anymore or when all those remasters were occurring of old songs- they would record it so that you could hear each sound as if it were separately recorded, which gave a sense of isolation to each instrument, and also somehow changed whatever the math or dynamics were that created the emotional charges that humans could 'get off' on.
You can get power from music now nor can you heal from the sounds bands are putting out. All pop music I hear now is either a mood stabilizer, a depressant or something to give you a false sense of happiness - a feeling that going along with the program is not so bad even desirable.
Alot of social control is going on now by either changing the dynamics or math of things, or using other cons like psych warfare on the masses as well as mass mind control via tech. Its a complete system. To me when I enter it or notice it, its a world where i feel I dont fully exist with any intensity which is my natural state or I feel like I dont exist in total. As if a false front is what is desired by such a system to exist within it. This would be fine if it were induced by a natural human state of affairs but its being ENGINEERED via differing systems of mind control, thought control and manipulations of human emotions, reactions etc- creating a complete network of social control. Like a net over the population.
I think I described something similar in the first posts of my ONMC Wordpress blog. I saw the worst of it I think, some memories I probably dont want to recall, and I had forgotten about them lately, as i am forgetting about alot of things. I believe I saw just what the 'gang stalking' system is capable of when it comes to manipulating the human mind. Its gone too far lets say that.
Today's (Tuesday's) experience was particularly unpleasant. I was feeling emotion agony in my heart area. Wherever humans experience such feelings. It was unusual for me to be in so much agonizing emotional pain and not be able to compartmentalize it. Due to the way events have unfolded and much conditioning by the gang stalking system has been done I often feel agony in my emotional centers but cannot express it due to conditioning (not original programming mind you-recent conditioning over the years from perps and the gs system.) And of course there was sexual stimulation it was mild but that is a common formula in this geographical location- the combo of sexual stimulation mild enough to not be noticed by the Target along with agonizing emotional pain, especially running over and over memories of betrayal. Usually with some blame game content something along the lines of convincing the TI it's thier fault.
I seriously considered checking out again today (Tuesday) and that hasnt come up in a while. And it felt very induced but again while it's happening one cant control it or at least I find myself in this predicament lately where I cant block anything.
It seems that what the system wants is a show of human emotion that is vulnerable. It went so far today that one could tell I was upset which I hate as well as I believe my eyes started to water up a bit. I was considering erasing all this work, throwing it out and just giving into behavior modification as well as making a plan to check out. Someone, somewhere really thought they made progress or I felt they got reward for all this hard work (gang stalking and torture over the years) by me showing a remorseful human emotion. I then realized the whole thing was induced becuz as I felt relief-as-reward (for even getting near crying, feeling like it was my fault, that everyone would be better off where they are if I didnt interfere by telling my story or living on any longer- even imagining what it would be like if I actually suicided tonight.) After that slight relief I started to leave that state of being and then was able to start recording or writing in my head what I was going to put down on my blog, documenting what had occurred. I also become aware that slight sexual stimulation was used and its obvious it was induced due to the fact it subsided just as that relief came over me, which as I said was due to the system getting a desired reaction from its target (for behavior modification.)
[end of post Tuesday].
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[Start post finish Wednesday]
Another ideation that was suspect when this was happening was that I became so heavy with agony emotionally that as I became more broken down by this, as well as feeling sorrow I began to give into the idea of considering quitting and giving in to the idea of Christianity being the answer. It was so damn obvious it was the typical manipulations of emotions (documented as being able to be done by tech that exists or there is enough evidence to show cause that it may exist on classified levels. The prison system that was so keen on manipulating inmates in this way has shown that inmates when this system is used can be victims of not only mental but emotional manipulation.)
And its even more obvious now becuz this morning right after waking I got a clear but short, quick vision of a gold cross with sun shining on it placed in a boat on a book. The boat was tied up and still on a lake or river. The cross was larger than one would wear on a necklace but not as big as the book under it. The sun of course made a very postcard perfect picture as it shone on it making the gold shine. After this it was obvious that I was being manipulated yesterday. Yet another instance of being broken down by torture in order to give in to Jesus or some such other cult mind control group.
I have posted before that this system is now obsessed with trying to get me to either give in to Satanic belief system or Christian. Its as if the torture serves to get either of those as a desired end result. EITHER WAY THE TARGET IS OWNED BY A CULT GROUP.
And today it was all Satanic content. They are doing fix up work on the drop in center I go to. The ideations were especially strong there today while the work was going on. I kept getting stuck in the fantasy (and this system uses the Target's mind against them for certain as the ultimate means of manipulation) that I was or my mother was involved in something with Satanic content as an infant, and so now I know my true nature its best if I just accept my place among that 'family' or group. The thing about it was the strength of the thought control. I am in bad health without my herbal regimen and I have stayed in one place to long as well which is also deadly to fighting this system- especially a place as infiltrated as Boston. Those may be logical reasons why I am less able to fight the influence of this system presently. I also note that since the students have returned to the colleges/universities the effects of 'remote influence' are much more pronounced and all pervasive. I have also been staying in Cambridge all the time and not going to any other parts of metro Boston also not good for fighting this system.
Another thing added to that incident is that there have been a few ads lately around Boston and Cambridge on buses and in train stations concerning a new liberal Christian church- a few of them actually. This is very strange as Boston has always pretty much stuck to the religions traditionally popular here which are Catholicism (Irish and Italian and some Latins), Judaism (all kinds from culture non religious to Orthodox), and Protestantism such as Humanists churches. There are a few Baptist churches but Baptist and Lutheran are more popular down south. The Protestants tend to be very WASPy, private quiet, dignified Anglo Saxon types, very English in nature.
These new California type liberal Christian churches are unusual to this area. Bostonians would not have tolerated this very well years ago. Buddhism is also popular with Cambridge type liberals and other kinds of well to do broad minded Yankee types. These new churches are the type of concept that any healthy New Englander or Yankee would hold in high suspicion as they are not traditional to the area so not trusted and also thier 'feel good' appeal is a sell that most Yankees would be turned off by.
Yankees are all for harboring deceptive practices as long as they are familiar with what that group uses as a con or they see who it will fit into the complicated culture of this area. Its especially useful if one can give something positive back to the community after being corrupt. In this way Boston is still very Masonic in nature. Bad deeds balanced with good.
That sort of church is too creepy-cult for Bostonians and its lack of roots in any ethnic background makes it very suspect here. We want to know where you are from here and where you stand- thus where you will fit in neatly in the culture or community. Vague 'feel good' groups are viewed as the worst kind of threat: they are anti intellectual. They ask one not to think- an absolute crime up here. And the California type blandness of white people's culture is not going to fly here either. If yer white here, you better know where your family comes from becuz an Irish is very different from an Italian 'white' person still. People that say "oh I am just a mut" are secretly looked down on immediately as white trash and very stupid for not knowing were they come from- though most likely will be accepted as 'white' by other whites.
The new kind of American that is popping up everywhere all over the country- that are carbon copies of the Cali west coast area type of bland nondescript 'white' and YUPpie may just fit right in with such a church. But I am wondering if this new arrival has any connection to the many attempts to wash my brain into giving up to Jesus (which by the way is NEVER going to happen). However it may be something just in Cambridge. I once experienced getting a warning vision that felt very evil from leaving on this Christian channel that used to be on like in the late 90's that would play soothing music and video for hours into the late night and early morning. I highly suspect that there was a feed underneath whatever they were broadcasting. Receiving such a warning in a dream felt very evil as well as one could tell it was from an outside source. The warning consisted of a vision of a man being strapped to a post in a basement and other humans with sharp teeth beginning to try to eat him. It stops there with the warning: 'there will soon come a time when man will turn on his fellow man to survive' or something very similar. Its documented somewhere in my files. Its not that men have not always done this to one another, humans being predators in mammalian bodies, but the vision suggested a particularly severe situation. Perhaps it was during Bush or its still yet to come. I don't know if its the betrayals during Bush the vision was referring to or a literal start of outright cannibalism due to some lack of food or famine far into the future. It was gruesome at any rate but I noted that it simply INTIMATED being gruesome- there was no gore like in a modern horror movie.
I have mentioned before that my being targeted seemed to have started in 1995. I had some experiences that resembled what went on during Bush full force before it became so prevalent. This is why one cannot allow themselves to give up just becuz Obama in office is lulling us to sleep with the idea that whatever happened during Bush is over now and we need to move on- the fact is that alot of these types of occurrences were going on years before he came into office. And it seems that when Bush came in it went to its fullest extent, and now there is some sort of put-to-sleep of the public going on. Just becuz you aren't being tortured anymore or intimidated or threatened doesn't mean its over, has stopped or is going to get any better. From testimonies and documentation we can plainly see that this not only really started with Reagan wanting to utilize these technologies and methodologies in institutions but if one looks way back it goes on to the human experimentation of 50's (through the 70's) with Nazi human experimental research being furthered as well as connected back to the Nazis themselves..and Prescott Bush's support of them. It may also be that some other faction is using that tech to gain advantage. I am not trying to name who is responsible I am just making a time line to show that its been a long road up to this point and we cant give up just becuz a gentle black man is on office playing the messiah. Its more mind control and no peace on earth is worth man's freedom of mind.
(As I finish this piece there have been random normal looking citizens on the street who have stopped many times to peer through the glass at what I am writing-a common form of intimidation and doubt making among gang stalkers. Its usually done in libraries to intimate that I may be looking at something inappropriate. Of course this is bs and its more cult mind control. Recall the vid on my You Tube channel concerning cults. One of the tactics is to start investigating people for crimes and encouraging the group to spy on each other- then to make accusations about problem members of the cult and make up crimes. This is one of gang stalkings functions: cult mind control and its usually done to Targets that are essentially victim witness whistle blowers.
You have to be made to feel you are doing something wrong becuz of course you are doing what is right.)
In this system's manipulations concerning religion it now is obvious that both Christianity and Satanism must be resisted as cult movements providing cult mind control. But I do suggest embracing each one's truly useful qualities or anything present in each that helps man stay centered within himself and be free, as well as have full access to his free Will and good judgment to do what is best for him, not under the threat of social control or under hypnosis from cult factions. I highly doubt that anyone truly into Satanism OR Christianity at this point would agree with what is going on with this system utilizing thier belief systems as merely a severe form of mind numbing social control.
The enemy is not a religious faction now. It may play each faction off of one another or try to make you believe that satanists are torturing you so that you break and become Christian. Neither one is the truth. Whoever is doing this is very adept at manipulating human needs to gain control over individuals as well as I suspect entire populations. The enemy is a system or a faction that utilizes systems very logically and efficiently. This oppressor believes no more in religion or a spiritual deity as it believes in any other of its lies it tries to fool people with.
These f*ckers are calculating, super smart and expert at what they do. They have tech, manpower and money at thier disposal as well as access. They are capable of tricks beyond comprehension as well as thier timing is so perfect.
This is also why many TI's are viewed as schizo or mentally ill. Targeted people seem to be able to see what is going on as other people do not see. And this is not just a TI's imagination, its real. One perp and her little sister were watching me one day and messing with me in a laundry in Buffalo NY. The younger sister looked up to her and said "Can she REALLY see (us)?" She either meant see us or see what we are doing that is out of place in many instances. And what they pull if often very out of place to Targets who seem to be very observant people.
Why can targeted people see thier bs? I cant guess but a woman posing as a TI in Scottsdale told me I was targeted becuz "Well, your either with them or against them". It may be that certain targets are people who have the same capabilities or abilities as the factions known to us only as perps. If we are often survivors of RA or programming it can be assumed that there is some connection involved with either the same bloodlines or early conditioning. Its when we wake up from 'brainwashing' if you will and want to be like normal people that this system gets so nervous and pissed off and starts to compete with us for the right to exist in the same space. Usually it seems like they want us to just drop dead or go hide somewhere. Its as if our very existence is interfering with thiers.
If indeed MK Ultra was about building supermen and there is experimentation with psychic abilities or DNA bloodlines with such abilities then these might merely be wars and battles between 'psychic siblings' if you will, competing for the right to either rule or even exist.
I have noted over the years that the criminal mind is superior and often this is due to a very predatory nature with high intelligence, creativity and marked psychic ability. The reason many become criminals is I suspect that there is a control over that that makes them end up that way to serve this system of corruption but also there is something very Luciferian at thier core- a hatred of man due to his being slower, less intelligent and less capable than they. They often simply dont respect common normal people and at an early age become very bored and angry with society.
But if you learn what deception really is and know what to look for you would see it too- but that would ruin your world view of our culture as a basically happy, safe sane place. Unfortunately, that is but only one view or perception of reality. The 'dirty tricks' dept really does exist- I don't care if the intelligence agencies try to pawn off that that was "a very different era and a very different agency". Give me a f*ckin break. Either that or its true and what we are dealing with now is privatized forces like corporate etc.
For someone as poor as I to have seen the money involved in what is being pulled off. I have never seen so much money in my life, so much access, power, manpower as well as what they are capable of AND the sh*t they seem to own like the toys they have etc. Its way beyond what any common person understands- which is why its so easy to mess with someone like me, play games and mess me up and then drop me back in my own little reality and then just try to claim I am crazy or lies about me like a smear campaign.
Do you know anyone that wealthy? I don't. I had experienced some things in my 20's but not for long and not that level of money and power. So how can you make a judgment then?
This kid told me the other day that there is a community, I believe in CO somewhere, that is so wealthy that they don't want anyone knowing they exist in the area they live. Its off the map or something like that and there are no markings in the town. Its like a special constructed town to keep them really low key from outsiders- I'll have to find it on the internet (yes someone wrote about it and there is supposedly pics according to this kid). The point is that if you don't know what exists out there past yer view point then how can you claim it isn't possible?
EVERY single thing I have written about is now feasible and quite possible via modern tech and science. What people don't want to believe is that there is an actual faction of the elite out there that have obscene amounts of money and don't want to deal with us or our common world. Or that there is a faction among the elite that are 'satanic' in nature or just plain hate lesser people and use, abuse or mess with them for entertainment or are threatened by anyone from outside thier world that exhibits marked talent and ability beyond thier peers or are from such a vastly different socio economic social strata that they genuinely perceive the target as non human as they define human due to the person being very poor.
From what I have seen the perps and thier bosses work for an elite with way more money and access than any one faction should have. However I don't believe that all of 'the elite' believe as they do, or I wouldn't be walking around still. I think its sensible to say we are dealing with an elite faction not THE ELITE.
That is the delicate art of using common sense within a situation that is defined as insanity.
Its paranoid to blame everything on a faceless, vague idea of THE elite, which discredits all of us and helps the disinfo conspiracy nuts alienate anyone interested in this subject matter. It is NOT unreasonable to deduct from the materials we have at hand and personal experience that there is an elite faction who are a bit too powerful in the world structure if not just the US who not only hold interest in such undertakings but are totally capable of pulling such a project off.
