“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Saturday, September 18, 2010

A post from today: My friends are starting to get to me, I have stayed in one place too long and its the usual jamming systems

A large group of squatters went to Hempfest. Total drag. Some lame ass psuedo hippie bs and some vendors.

I also woke up to the fact that there is a handler in my life. I never trusted this kid to begin with. My inner guidance system keeps telling me that there is something about him that is not what it seems. Lets just say that he always knows when squats are going to be busted as well as he is never around when cops come to arrest anyone for fighting or for anything else for that matter.

Today I realized that he is pulling me into the same trap that other men who want to control me have pulled me into. And it works on the public ever time. VERY manipulative men will play this game with a woman. Its a very slick abusers game and people who are smart and cunning but act stupid usually get away with this.

This kid I am referring to is just one of those types. What the clever abuser does is find a vulnerable female like myself who he knows is in a bad situation and needs friends or needs protection. He provides those things and so she is ingratiated to him. The female feels she can trust him. But it turns into him abusing the woman privately when they are alone. Then he works this formula of being her protector and friend but does things to humiliate, belittle or harass her either privately or in ways that only she will be hurt by or affected by. The abuser makes sure that he does not show anyone else his abusive side or allow anyone to see him abusing her. He may do this in company he feels will accept his abuse or for attention and or validation of him controlling this female. When it is shown that others think its unacceptable he pulls back and realizes that certain people disapprove of his treatment of the female.

He will however continue to abuse her privately or add onto the past abuses in ways that continue to control her.

Over time this forms a bond between them, then he feels that them being just friends wont last much longer and eventually she will give into his desires to take the relationship further.

In the company of others that may not know their new friends history, the female will start acting defensively towards the abusive male but remember that he is a nice guy to others. He also is very aware of any vulnerable female that can be manipulated due to being a mind control victim or being targeted with accusations of being crazy, difficult or other smear or focus on her negative points opposed to her being victimized to become that way in the first place.

In this way he is working off of the actions and damage of every other male or others who have abused her in the past to form these patterns of dependency, mind control, fear,intimidation etc.

Often the person may do things to act very stupid in public just to gain acceptance as stupid or of low intelligence. All along others who are clever can see this is a smoke screen to hide a very cunning mind. The abuser is ultimately very devious.

Today some new kids he has met from Wellseley, little hippie kids who want to get an apartment (of course I am supposed to pay our way until he gets a job). As usual we relate to each other based on my now getting regularly aggravated by his passive aggressiveness as well as being controlling. He also is working on past abuse that he has acted out when we are alone like at a squat . He is much more overtly abusive when he is drunk and often tells what he really thinks about me (and what others around him think as well) such as I am paranoid, I think everyone is out to get me and I am trying to be something that I am not. Interestingly this is also a person I have never told my story to or even mention my activism to.

In a way its like using the persons smear campaign to control them for yer own selfish purposes. Its like intimating if you don't do what i want or if you act up I will repeat your worst fears so you know that I know where vulnerabilities are'. ( Not so stupid after all. The one thing this kid is good at is fighting. He'd make a great head of the guard if I had a kingdom..but obviously like any guard he needs to be thoroughly paid off and satisfied or he starts to interfere with the throne.)

Of course some of the kids there who are into being back stabbers as kids will do, are telling new people who meet me "watch out for Rachel she can be loopy sometimes" as in I am crazy or dangerous. This sounds very much like some perp bullshit that they have been trying to run on me as smear for years now. Its all part of keeping the target down. But many people will do this without understanding that its a system of controlling a targeted individual which is why the public are so useful to the designers of these campaigns and the smear people who spread the disinfo on the person. Either that or people know damn well what is going on and they just get in on mobbing the target out of being brainwashed or human instinct.

What is interesting about the last few years is that the people who surround me have been making sure that I don't know there is a smear campaign around me so its very much the stuff of central control once again. Gas lighting. Don't let the person you are controlling know the image that is made of them to people around them. Keep them thinking they are befriended by everyone and thus they are effectively controlled.

You have to understand that the target is still just ONE lone person working within a group setting. They really have no power to defend themselves against such a set up within a group. And you also have to accept that the dynamics of cult mind control are regularly present in most human social groups especially in the USA. I don't know about anywhere else. Being targeted its hard to say what most normal human beings lives would be like in comparison anyway.

Its very difficult for me to not use my friends skills at protection and deflecting any enemies I have as I am very vulnerable wherever I go due to my status as a targeted individual as well as the damage that has been done over time has weakened me considerably.

I have to remember that my aunt had a very similar type of male get into her life. He seemed to know her history, dealt loads of pot and worked at Polaroid - the same company that my maternal uncle's wife the security guard worked in. These people may not be outright handlers for the system but they do fit the description of perps and specifically handlers. They also seem to be very controlling of thier spouses and cause trouble within the family to control or to break our family apart usually by controlling certain members or playing to the power structure such as my grandmother. One must pose the question- why would anyone want to be involved with people from a family like mine? And why would anyone even want to be around someone like my grandfather or have children be around him. Something was desperately wrong and I was so conditioned I did not see it outright. Either these people have a vested interest in being part of my maternal family or they suffer such similar family back rounds that they are also not thinking logically and thus should have also been avoided at all costs.

This is why people from very sick families like mine always get targeted- even if its not as organized as gang stalking. Forms of gang stalking occur with families that are sick and often the police help protect the family if they play ball with the cops like donating, kissing up or being informants or even sexual favors. I have seen it time and time again. And actually it is the very same kind of relationship that I now have with this male friend of mine. I am targeted and shunned by society so here is someone resembling a militant force who, if I co operate with will gain respect, protection and status from.

I have seen this dynamic with other pedophile families in differing communities. And who suffers most? Usually a female who was a victim of male aggression within said family unit and her nature was more rebellious against being controlled or exploited. My last ex had such a family and it became obvious over time that he was working with police to not only terrorize me but to find out what I knew to see if I was a danger to the federal investigation. He also originally came to me to terrorize me due to what Jake (my first ex caught drug dealing in 2002) had been telling people. When Scott heard the whole story he realized that Jake was framing me and proceeded to do the right thing-which is to cut the male machismo bullshit and understand that I was being set up. Not this 'evil woman' persona that every musician (like Jake) who has ever lived uses when a woman becomes inconvenient to them or thier careers. Becuz Scott was a real career criminal and did strong arm robberies, not some rich kid who was always bailed out of trouble, he could tell who was telling the truth. He also was a frequent victim of Boston's justice system constantly favoring rich kids and sticking it to poor offenders. This plus the fact that he was an old school thief who still believed in some honor among thieves..or at least that this was way over my head, it wasn't fair and it was a gross abuse of a female. Even though he was a severe abuser of women himself there was something...unfair and very sneaky about what Jake and his buddies were pulling that didn't sit right with many many career criminals I have met. There is a difference between total cowards in authority or positions of power who join forces with IN crowd rich kids, and true to live hardcore criminals. The former will stab you right in the back and dump you where as the latter might just do the right thing if it warrants it.

His sister was such a person. She acted out and made accusations. He would speak of her and look very guilty about what had become of her life- he knew that she was terrorized and being labeled due to acting out and telling the truth about the family. I could tell that she was probably not lying. He would draw attention to the fact that she struck her mother who was ill at the time. But I can relate. These families are SO abusive and so devious and sick, that they will do things over the years that make any HEALTHY, SANE person act out of frustration, injustice and anger. I can understand her actions. Often the mothers of molested children are just as bad if not worse than the perpetrators who are male. They seem to almost be accomplices in these actions. And all you ever get from them are guilty looks or they hang thier heads when you discover the truth about conditions.

Why some people go along with incestuous family dynamics or identify with the aggressor and others want freedom, truth, disclosure and freedom at any cost, not caring what the neighbors think is a question I cannot answer. Some people are just stronger than others or more able to operate free of 'the family' unit. Being braver than thier siblings or relatives they often go it alone, against not only the sick family unit that wants continued silence and a white wash if possible, but an entire community if not city that does not want to rock the boat or make waves as then everyone would have to face up to thier own family's misdeeds. All these people collectively operate in a cult mentality. I have seen firsthand that there are those that would rather die or kill off the whistle blower than to see the truth come to light.

What makes the lone wolf, the escapee from the prison, the whistle blower, the child at odds with sick family norms if not societal norms so different from the cult like group or community they hail from? For that I have no answer. All I know is that I am one of those people. And I sympathize with every other single one of them out there that just cant take the lies any longer.

One explanation could be that the child or member who acts out does so out of survival. There is usually a scape goat character necessary to be written into the fair tale that is a dysfunctional group or family unit. Perhaps the scape goat is put in that position to begin with due to the abusive authority figures seeing very early on their intelligence, bravery and strength. Due to them being an obvious future threat, they are dealt with accordingly early on by having extra chains thrown around them and those chains are always pulled tight every moment possible to ensure this threat never can act against the family or group. The person is then exploited in ways that will ensure thier silence, and typically the perpetrators cant get away with the same level of abuse as they can with other members, so they exploit however they can and then pit more controllable members against them.

When a targeted individual who is a survivor of mind control like programming or something else very sophisticated gets out of the maze of internal controls and realizes the true nature of thier usually controlling bio family of origin what we have dubbed 'the gang stalking system' comes after these people to get them under control again.

Its interesting that someone who was a courier of information under mind control programming can be a greater threat than someone who was an assassin. Why is this? Becuz as a whistle blower that person is a potential nightmare to the system. Thier nature is to report what they see, take in information innocently without regard for its impact, and tell the truth down to the detail. This is the greatest fear of the system and its why survivors are gang stalked and while being silenced are given a horrible crash course in life, the real world and the way the world works. It is hoped by the system that those qualities I mentioned above that were rewarded will be internalized as punishable so that the person will not pose a threat to anyone by being able to observe and report- corruption for instance. This is why mc slaves are often laughably naive, gentle, sensuous but often at a moments change in circumstances, can exhibit more intelligence, bravery, cunning and ability to commit violence (for self defense or the protection of others) than an average human being.

However, the way that gang stalking just cuts down a survivor especially health wise and destroys thier dreams for their future is very unfair and unnecessary. Its due to the abusive origins of the survivors family as well as most other people involved in programming mind controlled slaves. There is often also extreme jealousy on the part of people with lesser abilities or desirable qualities. Due to the person being an amazing human specimen coupled with thier status as slave it leaves the survivor at a horrible disadvantage- the people who are responsible only to get them under control may try to outright destroy them or even exploit them for profit further as they perceive this as the persons destiny from birth.

This is done by getting rid of them in snuff films, human sacrifices by abusive groups or cults or even trying to use sophisticated means to wipe out any old programming as well as personality traits and modify their personalities to be totally subservient for further sex work, or other exploitation in the realms of perversion for profit.

It seems that no one however wants the survivor to grow up, think for themselves or Will themselves to power. The system will destroy them first. I am now convinced that the people who oversee these activities are so conditioned to have control over such persons that it is frightening for them to lose control thus they over react to the slave growing and waking up. IF the handlers in the system are programmed themselves there is no way to reason with such people. They would also have to deprogram and face thier abusers and traumas which most humans are not strong enough to go through nor do they even have access to memories to do so.
Anyone 'awake' is then seen by the large networks as a threat. To society they are seen as crazy or delusional as society itself would have to break its conditioning concerning just what goes on in thier world to make reality what it is. Its a fact that without mind control slavery as a work force as well as the Dirty Tricks Dept many Western countries would NOT have the quality of life that they are accustomed to.
Most of us are not trying to challenge the system be believing mind control slavery or any kind of slavery is going to end anytime soon. Pretty soon man will simply convert to using robots with AI for thier slave forces. Its the healing process that they interfere with that is so damaging.

The reason that many survivors are targeted and put into behavior modification instead of being allowed to get help and disclose is connected to the concept of a NWO. In order to get society or 'the people' under control, the system had to slowly take away many liberties some of them very small or simple . But as a whole campaign one can see that certain small things that have been changed were key points especially when relating to other parts of the whole plan to gain control of the public. In order to gain control as we live under now, with many people feeling as if we live in an unreality or "a parallel universe" as I have heard it described- the subject of mind control, MK Ultra human experimentation and other things that reveal just how much covert control does indeed exist in the human realm of human reality- all that had to be white washed as well as supposedly settled never to happen again. Clinton's apology was also accompanied by the statement that "there will never again be another MK Ultra trial" or something to that effect.

As usual the public naively believes what is meant by that statement is that he has gotten justice for people and its never going to happen again. Obviously we see now that it was meant to be taken literally: there wont be another MK Ultra trial again becuz we are going to use covert warfare to wipe survivors off the face of the earth. Usually by marginalizing them, breaking them down and then behavior modifying them with torture until they understand like beaten dogs that THERE WILL NEVER AGAIN BE ANOTHER MK ULTRA TRIAL. That is what he meant. And you cant hold it against him becuz he did not literally say that it woulndn't happen again. He apologized then said it wouldnt happen again which in deception, gives the listener the impression that he is sorry and it wont happen again. Yer dealing with political SCIENCE, criminal justice and law which is a SCIENCE as well as the medical field and psychiatry one being a SCIENCE and the other masquerading as one. If you sign a contract you need to get the fine print and be very clear about the legalize in the contract. Why? BECUZ IT'S A SCIENCE. Not a f*cking feel good xmas card or some sh*t.

Sentiment means nothing in the face of corruption.

(As I write this I have left my asshole of a friend and hopped the train that is heading south and outside city limits. I notice a change in my consciousness as well the clarity of my thinking, and a feeling of being totally awake, aware and emotionally free of constraint.
My old associate was a woman wiser than I ever imagined. She told me that she doesnt go into the city anymore since 2005 or so maybe earlier. I am starting to realize that she was not just perhaps referring to organized stalking and harassment but to the influences that are now very obviously present within the city limits of many major US cities.
I am now in Braintree. I noticed that whatever trapped feeling I felt or of being unable to express my intellect fully or my Will fully left me as I entered Quincy area. I looked up and noted the location.)

I have this fantasy that finally one day the system has to fess up to what its done. I am in a court room. Myself and other victims win. Along the way there is an apology by either some important person or even a metal given-both useless sentiments. I of course would refuse any awards that are symbolic by the system. And any apology would be met with silence or a quick dismissal. No one should ever again accept any kind of truce from the authority figure which for years has done nothing but use such tactics to band aid damage it continues to inflict.

Whatever they are going for its bigger than the here and now. Its so important that they will continue on with these projects and sub projects until they get what they are after or the desired results.

It will never stop and none of the people who are offenders are ever going to be sorry for exploiting a comparatively small amount of expendables in the interest of humanity. And the greedy public couldn't agree with thier leaders more.

This was written today much earlier. I usually dont mind my friend's nonsense but its very hard to not suspect people of being controlling in the interest of a larger force not just for thier own selfish reasons.
I also have to admit that staying within the city limits is really stupid as I obviously am affected by something here moreso than outside of the area- as has been proven every single time I take the train and each time its obvious there are electromagnetic or some other form of tech 'parameters'.

Of course the usual occurred as I was trying to finish this tonight. Then whatever disturbed me this evening it just stopped like that. Lifted. I suspected what time it was but looked at the clock to be sure and of course this sudden lifting of mental jamming and induced heavy sadness, dullness and other false emotional states occured at 12:10 am EST.

I am sure that if ever someone like me was officially tried or tested for metnal illness or insanity they would just keep disregarding or ignoring that fact. That whatever difficulty I have starts at approx 6 am every day and ends at approx 12 midnight every evening. And it even varies predictably according to location. (San Diego was 5:30 am and 11:30 pm daily). But hey, just ignore that in diagnosing someone as it doesnt fit into the DSMV disorder..whatever that piece of garbage is.
Oh and also you'd have to ignore the fact that it varies according to geographical location as well as what kind of physical structure I occupy. Underground? Concrete, steel building or solid old structure? Relief.
But hey, dont do real research and go according to circumstances, just cut out any inconvenient information so that the victim.. I mean 'patient' fits into some sort of desired disorder model.
Oh, but your victim...I mean patient is also smart enough to recall there is a trauma model not JUST a disorder model.

Seems yer f*cked. All you can hope for now is to continue to intimidate the public world wide, brain wash Americans with drug ads on TV (not allowed in other countries except for New Zealand) or bribe patients with 'fun' drugs 20 years ago they'd be taking recreationaly anyway- ALONG with the psych meds. Sounds boring. I'd rather sleep outside, write books and then force the system to expend all its energy on guilt and continued systematic ignoring.

If it takes them just as much energy to 'compartmentalize' me as its taken me to function with all this emotional damage then perhaps society will suffer as I have had to suffer.