When I get very sick like this and due to my allergies I cant take any pills even a pain reliever so it feels a bit like a flu not as bad of course. I tend to turn into a complete child. All I can do is want to weep a bit, and exclaim that I want my mommy, my teddy bear (doesnt exist anymore) a tv, bed, (nope), ice cream (cant have), and...something else in my life that gave me comfort but is also now gone. I wont mention whom.
Its funny how we regress and become sensitive at these moments. I feel a bit better. I then turned on the radio and I will listen to rap, only if its in NY or Boston where the college stations play underground stuff- things that would never make it onto the radio. Either not conformist musically or lyrics that are controversial. In other words, not racist without a good reason or blindly sexist but often with a good story behind it, ripping on other rappers or political content. Its like these artists never left the point where the early 90's rap came from or even better yet, the stuff from the late 70's early 80's. Alot of black music of this genre is very bad from the 80's as well as after the 90's golden age there- I dont know what the hell it is now. Its terrible. It sounds like they dont even live on earth with the rest of us. Its this awful, light hearted pop music now with the most simple minded hooks. Some of it is retarded almost. Its so overtly mind control..if I had kids I would only allow them to listen to underground rap and forbid any commercial crap. Its like feeding yer kid nothing but sugar all day long with no other food- that is the effect of modern very commercial rap. And if I have to hear the word "champagne" again...alot of it isnt even story telling anymore. Its these unrealistic tales about money..its like its advertising for this life of new money that is very unrealistic. Its very sad to think of how many kids are going to be sucked into that and be disappointed.
I heard a song by Ice Cube called "No Vaseline" I believe. It made me feel better....alot better.
KRS came on saying he dont like money and he tours now when all the other rappers are out of work. I never thought about that. All those guys that pissed me off..I never thought how sad it is. He even said they consider suicide. Dont do that morons becuz then the system wins. Just start writing sh*t that matters..that might piss them off. Exposes are fun revenge as well.
Entertainment-another use and abuse and throw away type of industry.
Also, I have to acknowledge an African American artist who gave me a piece of his jewelry he makes for sale, after I told him that I couldnt afford it. He just gave it to me and said good luck. Its so off and on..a nice one, an asshole,a nice person, an asshole. Without time to sort out my own old wounds its been so difficult..and thats what this system wants it seems.
When out of this area its easy to become more bitter and jaded. There are plenty of states where they dont have classical music, REAL old school jazz as well as underground rap.
