(Written Sept 1st 2010)
Was around downtown Boston, Park St station.
Came to the realization today that Bostonians are still stuck on money = power as final word on human value.
I had money I put down on the counter at a store, so I could put my money onto another account. I could feel this black woman behind me emote this reaction, like pure hatred mixed with surprise. I then realized that Boston is hopeless. They will never grow up, they will never change. Especially Boston opposed to Cambridge. And downtown Boston specifically.
I realized how Boston racial issues has changes but some attitudes stay the same.
Many African Americans have always been and I think always will be especially cruel, jealous, competitive and very into the idea of destroying someone like me becuz I had what it took to get out of my situation.
I recalled how Boston never could get past money = power. This is why everyone here who is poor is so damn trapped and downtrodden always whining about how "this place sucks". Then f*ckin leave then. Thats what I did. It doesnt matter what race you are. There are black traveling kids too you know.
I want to start a special class for inner city youth- youth anywhere, that lets them know that there IS a way out of the dead end cities or even the system in general. There will be kids from every demographic, every race, every city state and town that are natural nomads that are just lost in the 'legit' system and don't realize it. Its they that I want to appeal to.
The psychology of being stuck in a certain culture is so strong that you may not understand there is an alternative way to live until, like me in my 30's where my natural lifelong urge to travel rescued me from persecution from my govt, my community and the betrayal of family, lovers, business associates and friends.
Adults may benefit too, if they can get over the judgments that come more often with age about what is expected of one in American society.
America is like Australia or Ireland was years ago. I think many Americans are just leaving. Traveling or relocating, leaving as our ancestors did Europe in search of something else, a new way of life, a new culture, or different opportunities.
It stands to reason that if you come from people that had the initiative to leave their homeland then you can do it too. And yes I understand that statement is in bad taste for African Americans as many of their ancestors did not leave willingly but to stay in such an unhappy situation just does not make sense. There has got to be some natural nomads in the community somewhere.
It has to lose its stigma as 'homeless' or other such bullshit. Its perfectly logical with what is going on now in this country that many people would want to leave. The place is a horror show in so many ways.
Its true that I would not be traveling this way, unless I had to. I would have liked to have built something or had a base of operations first then traveled as part of a job of some kind. That is what is so painful is having to be on the road instead of being able to build something. This is part of the torture of organized stalking and harassment.
I was talking about downtown Boston becuz I want other TI's to know that I experience alot of black gang stalking and set ups in downtown Boston as well as U Mass Boston. That whole area that they consider 'their' territory. Who says there is no black conspiracy. I would love to just leave it at that but there are so many instances of being gang stalked by other kinds of people. It wasnt blacks in Baltimore Ohio that's for sure. There probably aren't any there at all. Small farming town- most overt gang stalking I have ever seen in my life.
So I was set up today to lose it by telling off some older black guy. He invaded my space as i was turned around dealing with some finances with my bank cards out over the phone. He leaned over my left shoulder and right into my personal space, saying "excuse me" while looking at what I was doing. When I moved to the other side then told him off he said "I said excuse me". I asked him if all he wanted was the box on the wall that had a ledge to it to put his stuff on to fix his jacket. The whole thing was so obnoxious. Of course right when I told him off a young black girl was right there with her cell phone playing what seemed like guarding the situation. I scared him off, then finished with saying that black dudes piss me off and something not nice about getting a syringe with my hep c blood for such future emergencies as a way to handle all offenders properly. I hadnt rested for the month yet by taking a day at a cheap hostel and was running ragged.
Now I realized after that it was at the top of the stairs in the MBTA so there is a camera right there. It was the perfect spot to antagonize me so I would react and be caught on camera. Either for securities personal entertainment or more footage to prove how dangerous and crazy I am as well as probably a terrorist. Strangely when I mentioned Hep C the black girl seemed to emote sympathy. Why would she emote sympathy for someone she did not know or was not connected to.
You the TI have got to be realistic about blacks being part of covert operations in the USA historically for hundreds of years. And they are the perfect provocateurs as society sees them as the ones underprivileged and disadvantaged so they could not possibly be connected to the oppressive power structure doing its covert dirty work. Also the public are stupid as well as racist and dont realize it: they truly believe that blacks are not smart enough on the whole to be capable of covert ops. I am not racist, I just dont put up with bullshit as well as I have been being harassed my whole life by blacks in this city- as in gang stalking but also socially and class wise the way Boston is set up. Growing up during forced integration and bussing in the 70's was a nightmare but no one wants to answer for that here. It turned Boston into a war zone, and people like Jake's parents who vote on such things to experiment with our lives, simply sent thier children to Weston to avoid the situation when it came to thier towns. Boston screws up alot of sh*t by experimenting with people's lives and never answers for it..they are trying to help remember. They are oh so good, helpful and Democratic and liberal. There is reason I prefer Texas and after hating myself and this city all my life I finally understand why: personal power, personal responsibility and individual choices. If I wasnt targeted I would've been off the dole by now. The system knows that which is why they have to keep me down all my life. So I never look as if I was capable of accomplishing anything.
Blacks are instrumental to covert warfare here in Boston. For years black bus drivers were always getting me to react in public spaces just as today's possible set up did today. Jake is the first person to show me that its not normal to have so many people mistreat you in public on a daily basis like that. I grew up seeing my mother harassed and kept down as well as myself so it never occurred to me that there was any other way of life.
My freaking out all the time on people was due to stress.
On the train I think back to many instances in my 20's where creepy..I mean like Eddie Cox/Hand creepy. I mean it doesnt get any creepier.. watching, psyching me out on the train. I would just sit there and not understand why I was so nervous, why I was reeling from stress.
You have to understand that the stalking and harassment is supposed to be to manage mind controlled slaves and to cause them to eventually suicide once they get to a certain age. They just traumatize, abuse and hurt the person so consistently that they never recover. The system makes sure that they do not recover. They just die after lives of deep unhappiness and pure sorrow, never understanding anything else. This is why we are deemed mind controlled SLAVES. Its not just the way programming works. Its that we are never allowed to go beyond enslavement in this world.
And I wouldnt have even known the difference unless all that bullshit happened during Bush. I often wonder if I am right in it seeming that Bush actually in some way gave us freedom we never would have had under any other administration due to being so attacked that many of us either died or woke up and fought to live.
There are people that are very connected to mind control slavery and MK Ultra for subjects my age: George Bush ('Sr' if you will) and Michael Aquino or at least some connection to a cult very similar to his. Strangely its as if things very connected to these men and thier people are what has prompted many slaves to wake up and escape destruction. I cant understand it. Is it part of the NWO that we should wake up and fight? Is it a part of thier programming AND ours? These men are getting up there in years. Could they have decided to take some responsibility for their 'children' from 30 years ago? Its obvious that this new era is very different in the way that people deal with things. In fact it may seem much better but I have doubts. Its so whitewashed. As if its supposed to be so much better, so much healthier, so much progress made- but everyone is downtrodden, miserable and its very crushing of the human spirit. Its like having a right to be happy is not thought of anymore.
People have a right to be happy. 'War' with a power structure shouldn't last this long..the problem is that everyone knows we are living in a holding pattern. A virtual hell and its totally against social norms to say so, unless you want to be looked at as some sort of whiner or passe. Its passe to care about things, to fight corruption.
Dont you realize that the rich survive these things? That its all for our collective safety? But its nothing more than ongoing psychological warfare with the public.
And as far as racism- this war. No one has time for niceties or PC when they are targeted. Blacks that are in on this for thier own reasons are just as bad as sexist white males who seem to have a collective reason for being in on my harassment. Each demographic of perps seems to believe that it will help their personal cause whatever it is. Black power in society, keeping women down or punishing women for destroying society, and women have thier own reasons for being into targeting someone like me as well.
There are plenty of African Americans that are of help to me and know whats up and that the whole thing sucks. I dont include them in my hatred. Becuz they are a positive force. And if they are also targeted then they are one of us- Targeted Individuals.
The reality of blacks being very useful to the system due to thier 'unseen' status is very reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes using street kids or that population to watch people, trail someone or deliver messages undetected. Its a population that is everywhere but no one takes a second thought. Also blacks for all their culture being broadcast everywhere and really taking hostages from the poor white communities- brainwashing them really- for all their media presence I dont really think that many whites truly understand blacks, their culture or its nuances. Their culture still holds alot of mystery for outsiders and myth. That may attract people to it but it is also very very valuable in covert warfare.
You have to be realistic about ever faction of the opposing forces that is sent your way. The greatest obstacle is that no one believes gang stalking exists or programming or RA either. And the system has taken steps as of many victims coming forward to deny all existence of RA. They made a panic out of it- they were smart. This caused such a backlash that now no one will dare touch any cases.
And its obvious that many cities in the US are now totally managed by behavior modification/ mind control (hypnotic) technologies. Its as simple as building on the old patented anti theft subliminal tech that was used in stores for years.
I also believe from experience that there exists a network to monitor people and specifically TI's by using every camera available in public and retail spaces. It may also be a more sophisticated trick like satellite or like in the batman movie where the feedback from all cell phones was patched together to form a mapping out of the area within the parameters created by those cell phones.
I was busy today and will do a post on TI's feeling of being watched especially in major cities. There is definitely something to this. Why would I feel very watched and targeted while in a corporate chain store then when I exit those conditions are lifted? Again mental illness should not depend on geographic location or varying conditions like what building structures you are in.
TI's are very sensitive to these conditions (not mentally ill or paranoid) due to being stalked, harassed and classical conditioning being used. They are very aware that someone is messing with them, singling them out. IF there is brain damage present as in my case, one finds that along with those conditions, one becomes very sensitive to the tech and its content and affects.
If you notice over the years I have become very 'psychic' as far as being able to tell if someone is staring at me when I am resting with my eyes closed or feeling other peoples emotions. I believe that this may be the purpose of the experimentation. Recall that jackass in AZ who got me at the railroad tracks and told me that I knew what it was like to "be allowed to grow only very conditionally".
The system has to tell everyone we are crazy and claim we are nuts. The abuse is above and beyond destructive. Its unfathomable to most sane Americans. Only someone in war torn country or a country with torture present would ever understand what people like me have been through. This is why its so easy to get Americans to think the TI is just mentally ill. They dont want to believe that anything like this goes on in their country and even if they do they will just ignore it. Most Americans ignore the overt human rights abuses forget about the stuff they dont want to believe. They just are not a culture of people who care about anything anymore unless it pertains to interfering in thier high quality of life or thier safety on US soil.
The scary part is that the US wants everyone around the world to become just like them. It spells disaster for man kind in general if that happens. It is the scariest thing I have ever seen in my short and inexperienced life. The entire take over of the world by a culture that is totally brainwashed and now obsessed with money as life force or power. The only redeeming quality of American culture is the true freedoms we have. As in me being able to write this whereas in other countries I would have been overtly tortured by now or unable to express myself.
But covert actions that are destroying the USA as of lately are what could make those freedoms useless.
---------------------------------------------
I wrote that a few days ago. Today I lost it on this guy on the bus. Young kids today have a whole different set of rules. Men approach me that should not be approaching a woman in her late 30's. Its interesting that people mind thier own business nowadays when they should be doing something about certain issues or corruption but in very inappropriate ways they butt in or take initiative to be forward where years ago this was not considered socially acceptable. I do NOT like the new power dynamics in our society. Men are once again coddled, their worst behaviors tolerated, yet in many ways they are kept from being just men or acting in predictable male ways.
I saw an ad today for a TV show (A Family Like Ours?) where a wife and mother was chasing her son with a bottle in his mouth in diapers and the husband was in front of the baby in his underwear sucking a beer bottle just like the baby. Again women are conditioned to believe that they must be the adult or tolerate such behavior. I have seen so many women that have taken to feminism that tells them they should have it all and that consists of working AND being subjegated as a caretaker. They have also been conditioned that you must have it all not a choice. What was the point of the 60's or 70's? Its all been engineered right back again.
I note that young African American males are very much more forward than they used to be approaching women or interfering with two females having a conversation. That coddling in the 60's during the civil rights movements as well as tolerating that power won degenerating into 'bitches' this and 'hos' that has given them the idea that we are there to validate them, take care of them, tolerate them, and that we have no power of our own.
Women have royally screwed up by alienating not only other white women or even sistas- other women in general, out of a false created competitiveness among women in the US but have also aliented white men. African American males approach women nowadays as if they have some special privileged to waltz right into conversations, private space, personal solitude. What gives? Its very disrespectful. I find this more in SoCal and around the metro Boston area.
With my nerves being shot over years of harassment and the horrors of gang stalking as well as training myself to react fighting instead of thinking, which is something you learn while dealing with gs on little sleep..I have very little patients for any bs anymore. I find I have a zero tolerance towards disrespect or intrusion. Its very hard due to the younger generations perceiving the world very differently from myself.
I also have learned to destroy a potential info gathering session in the form of faux friendly conversation. And confrontation or men demanding anything of me is right off from the get go. I think they have collectively taken quiet enough by now. I just dont have anything left to give any man attention, coddling, sympathy, apologies for society at large or the situation they were born into.
I dont have children nor am I married becuz the woman in that ad for tv is a damn fool seriously. Having it all is one thing. I have NOTHING at all and still some people are blind to that.
I find myself very guarded and armored as well as with a jittery trigger finger when it comes to verbal or other kinds of defense of my space, time or standards for respect.
Most people never deal with gs in thier whole lives. The fighting that must be done to survive is incredible.
Its suspected that it may also be to finally get me to act out and screw myself with some sort of hate crime status or bias crime. Being female I am also in a protected class but the point of gang stalking is always smear. And to think they would stop even if the harassment has seemed to let up is foolish.
Understanding that the system wants to discredit and ruin your life as much as possible. You wouldnt believe the reactions I have gotten to my credit going from ghost to bad credit. The system believes that it has really ruined a persons life by ruining thier credit. That is how shallow and myopic the people in this system are behind all this nonsense. They have no comprehension of dying to win. All they understand is dirty tricks.
Here is an example of what the lib Dems will stoop to: http://www.canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/21522
How crazy PC is getting:http://www.lewrockwell.com/roberts/roberts16.html
It seems that the anti bias would be biased in itself.
Why do I expect nothing less in a country turned to diversion after diversion to protect the true war criminals and white collar crimes?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Got rest left Harvard
Got some rest last night went inside. I didnt realize how miserable I was. Those kids in Harvard were allright but it had started getting very counter productive mid Sept. Lets just say that they are far from politically active. There are a few that come around that are so inclined but most of them are just local squatter kids or gutter punks. Drinking is what they like to talk about. They are creative though and unafraid to express that to the locals when it hits them. It was some good theater.
That guy Johnny got way out of hand though. He ultimately didnt get what he wanted so since he couldnt both sleep with me and have me as his friend all the time, camping out with him and such, he turned on me in ways that were not good. He must know something of my situation as he started getting extremely nasty about smearing my rep going for the I am crazy smear. But since those kids accepted me to begin with it was a little hard for them to just reject me based on his bs. But he got enough of them (sexists looking for cred as usual) to join in and it just went from there. Besides I have been totally broke since mid month and was tired as it was impossible to get sleep anymore in the Square. I didnt want to camp near Johnny anymore in a squat down by the river as he has some kind of body lice or mite that gets into my stuff and is really itchy. I had to throw away 3 pieces of clothing so far. He claims he had body lice but got rid of it. He loves to point out he uses fabric softener (kind of odd for a guy who likes to beat people up) but doesn't have the brains to use a bit of bleach to kill things one might pick up or perethrimin which is in many lice shampoos and it kills lice, fleas, mites and other things you might get on the road. Just put some in yer clothes then wash again.
He's the kind of person that if you tell him you distinctly feel something jumping on you all day long like 'bugs' and they seem to stay alive in clothes even after washing them, he just wont listen. I didnt even bother becuz he has no common sense about health issues or medical. He's good at making weapons out of things one finds outdoors and fighting and nothing else. I have this hysterical audio of him drunk saying he's educated and better than everyone at the Pit becuz he went to Leslie college. All I saw was a little man with a Napolean complex who will beat up any guy beating on women but he himself is sexist and abusive to levels usually not accepted nowadays. I think I was dealing with a stalker but I didnt realize it. The kids at Hellarity in Berkley CA tried to make me realize that but I suppose being alone on the road and being harassed still I was desperate for some kind of protection or camaraderie.
You cant get close to travelers and yer not supposed to. Many of them arent very deep or intellectual or political and they just want to drink. There are some though that you can talk to and the kids from rich homes tend to be more well rounded or at least have this base politeness in thier manner even if they look like total hobos.
Some Pit kids told me not to leave yesterday but its too stressful. One thing J is good at is manipulating a situation (which he wastes his intell he claims to have) I just cant fight this one where I sleep as well as the other one daily. Besides he was using my situation against me. He actually tried to tell kids that were friendly with me that me using my camera and filming travels made me mentally ill. He also tried to claim I talked to myself all the time which he has pulled with another traveler as well. This is untrue as I dont usually do that to amuse myself unless I am in an apartment too long and the walls are closing in. When I am traveling I am pretty happy,
(considering the situation at large). And every traveler that is alone on the road too long will tell you that occassionally especially when lacking sleep, one starts to talk a bit while trying to figure out something. The only thing he ever heard was me in the tent probably bitching about it being dirty and that it had to be cleaned. There are just too many people around to talk to out here. Why would I need to self amuse? And I am not in the middle of some major problem where I would need to sit down and really dig into it by bouncing stuff off myself first then other people?
I highly suspect that Johnny talks to himself or has in the past and been penalized somehow for doing so. When he is very drunk I have seen him walking away from people and doing just that. I think someone tried perhaps to label him or medicate him years ago. I once explained to him that Sloth, this other traveler who does tend to go off in weird directions with what seems like large amounts of talk on the phone for hours, if indeed he is self talking, it may be due to trauma or dealing with some form of severe anxiety.
Humans will self heal anyway they can. And men are the worst at seeking help for their problems. It may be that people have a disorder but they also might be traumatized and this is a coping skill. I noticed that when he was in one place too long without support from friends or wasnt really friendly with local kids that this is when he started doing that.
I dont think he's nuts at all. And I am very tolerant of weird habits of others as I grew up in the 70's as a little kid where everyone was weird. In fact it was considered amusing. You had to be cool though or being weird would just be weird and get you rejected.
I explained to Johnny that there is too much arm chair psychiatry among the layman/masses nowadays and its often used to slander someone without a doctors official label. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL to say someone has any disorder when there is no proof. Its the kind of slander that can socially cripple a person and it has got to stop. Using very dangerous things like psychiatry and putting it into the lowest form of pop culture has to stop. These are the kinds of people that dont even know there is a trauma model and a disorder model.
So the last thing I needed was people focusing on my age and that I may be nuts in some way. VERY dangerous for me in my situation with my activism being what it is. I only gave this blog address to two people both of which expressed understanding what is going on in this country nowadays if not the world, as well as an interest in conspiracy or at least the paranormal. I dont tell anyone else about it like I did in the beginning when the harassment was heavy years ago.
But if he knows my situation then his natural move in war would be to use that to control me. I assume my move would have been to have to kiss his ass or seek his attentions so he would then stop slinging sh*t. I am not sitting near someone who,when I do, I can start to feel itchy again as well as he's drunk all the time now and really just a drag. Drunk people I can stand socially but not in intimate friends and never in a lover. Drunks are boring- I am not a drunk thats why.
So I left and after getting rest realized how impossible Harv Sq is as of school being back in session. There is something about it thats also unhealthy and I dont know what. Its humid now and raining alot and I have a constant headache there. Its not worth it just cuz its a safe place to sleep. No traveling kids coming through either.
Interestingly the whole time I have been here I have not been able to make doctor appointments. I have to be realistic about trying to function within city limits of any major US city. Its impossible to not be 'jammed' if you will- and for researchers like myself you know why. And Boston seems much more polluted than when I was younger. When I was in southern ILL the environment there seemed as healthy as the levels at which my body (and I ) recall from the 70's here in Boston or MA in general. The air was cleaner and you could swim in the ponds and lakes. MA wont admit how polluted it is here now- money makes everything clean again and shine of course that is thier mentality.
Well I feel like shit as usual every time I come back here. The winter is the only healthy season here as I recall. I give Boston a decade or two to become a totally unlivable place for regular people. The rich will probably have domes built.
Also I notice that being homeless its forced on us to sleep outside but not in areas where we could escape chemical or tech warfare or 'people management'.
That guy Johnny got way out of hand though. He ultimately didnt get what he wanted so since he couldnt both sleep with me and have me as his friend all the time, camping out with him and such, he turned on me in ways that were not good. He must know something of my situation as he started getting extremely nasty about smearing my rep going for the I am crazy smear. But since those kids accepted me to begin with it was a little hard for them to just reject me based on his bs. But he got enough of them (sexists looking for cred as usual) to join in and it just went from there. Besides I have been totally broke since mid month and was tired as it was impossible to get sleep anymore in the Square. I didnt want to camp near Johnny anymore in a squat down by the river as he has some kind of body lice or mite that gets into my stuff and is really itchy. I had to throw away 3 pieces of clothing so far. He claims he had body lice but got rid of it. He loves to point out he uses fabric softener (kind of odd for a guy who likes to beat people up) but doesn't have the brains to use a bit of bleach to kill things one might pick up or perethrimin which is in many lice shampoos and it kills lice, fleas, mites and other things you might get on the road. Just put some in yer clothes then wash again.
He's the kind of person that if you tell him you distinctly feel something jumping on you all day long like 'bugs' and they seem to stay alive in clothes even after washing them, he just wont listen. I didnt even bother becuz he has no common sense about health issues or medical. He's good at making weapons out of things one finds outdoors and fighting and nothing else. I have this hysterical audio of him drunk saying he's educated and better than everyone at the Pit becuz he went to Leslie college. All I saw was a little man with a Napolean complex who will beat up any guy beating on women but he himself is sexist and abusive to levels usually not accepted nowadays. I think I was dealing with a stalker but I didnt realize it. The kids at Hellarity in Berkley CA tried to make me realize that but I suppose being alone on the road and being harassed still I was desperate for some kind of protection or camaraderie.
You cant get close to travelers and yer not supposed to. Many of them arent very deep or intellectual or political and they just want to drink. There are some though that you can talk to and the kids from rich homes tend to be more well rounded or at least have this base politeness in thier manner even if they look like total hobos.
Some Pit kids told me not to leave yesterday but its too stressful. One thing J is good at is manipulating a situation (which he wastes his intell he claims to have) I just cant fight this one where I sleep as well as the other one daily. Besides he was using my situation against me. He actually tried to tell kids that were friendly with me that me using my camera and filming travels made me mentally ill. He also tried to claim I talked to myself all the time which he has pulled with another traveler as well. This is untrue as I dont usually do that to amuse myself unless I am in an apartment too long and the walls are closing in. When I am traveling I am pretty happy,
(considering the situation at large). And every traveler that is alone on the road too long will tell you that occassionally especially when lacking sleep, one starts to talk a bit while trying to figure out something. The only thing he ever heard was me in the tent probably bitching about it being dirty and that it had to be cleaned. There are just too many people around to talk to out here. Why would I need to self amuse? And I am not in the middle of some major problem where I would need to sit down and really dig into it by bouncing stuff off myself first then other people?
I highly suspect that Johnny talks to himself or has in the past and been penalized somehow for doing so. When he is very drunk I have seen him walking away from people and doing just that. I think someone tried perhaps to label him or medicate him years ago. I once explained to him that Sloth, this other traveler who does tend to go off in weird directions with what seems like large amounts of talk on the phone for hours, if indeed he is self talking, it may be due to trauma or dealing with some form of severe anxiety.
Humans will self heal anyway they can. And men are the worst at seeking help for their problems. It may be that people have a disorder but they also might be traumatized and this is a coping skill. I noticed that when he was in one place too long without support from friends or wasnt really friendly with local kids that this is when he started doing that.
I dont think he's nuts at all. And I am very tolerant of weird habits of others as I grew up in the 70's as a little kid where everyone was weird. In fact it was considered amusing. You had to be cool though or being weird would just be weird and get you rejected.
I explained to Johnny that there is too much arm chair psychiatry among the layman/masses nowadays and its often used to slander someone without a doctors official label. IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL to say someone has any disorder when there is no proof. Its the kind of slander that can socially cripple a person and it has got to stop. Using very dangerous things like psychiatry and putting it into the lowest form of pop culture has to stop. These are the kinds of people that dont even know there is a trauma model and a disorder model.
So the last thing I needed was people focusing on my age and that I may be nuts in some way. VERY dangerous for me in my situation with my activism being what it is. I only gave this blog address to two people both of which expressed understanding what is going on in this country nowadays if not the world, as well as an interest in conspiracy or at least the paranormal. I dont tell anyone else about it like I did in the beginning when the harassment was heavy years ago.
But if he knows my situation then his natural move in war would be to use that to control me. I assume my move would have been to have to kiss his ass or seek his attentions so he would then stop slinging sh*t. I am not sitting near someone who,when I do, I can start to feel itchy again as well as he's drunk all the time now and really just a drag. Drunk people I can stand socially but not in intimate friends and never in a lover. Drunks are boring- I am not a drunk thats why.
So I left and after getting rest realized how impossible Harv Sq is as of school being back in session. There is something about it thats also unhealthy and I dont know what. Its humid now and raining alot and I have a constant headache there. Its not worth it just cuz its a safe place to sleep. No traveling kids coming through either.
Interestingly the whole time I have been here I have not been able to make doctor appointments. I have to be realistic about trying to function within city limits of any major US city. Its impossible to not be 'jammed' if you will- and for researchers like myself you know why. And Boston seems much more polluted than when I was younger. When I was in southern ILL the environment there seemed as healthy as the levels at which my body (and I ) recall from the 70's here in Boston or MA in general. The air was cleaner and you could swim in the ponds and lakes. MA wont admit how polluted it is here now- money makes everything clean again and shine of course that is thier mentality.
Well I feel like shit as usual every time I come back here. The winter is the only healthy season here as I recall. I give Boston a decade or two to become a totally unlivable place for regular people. The rich will probably have domes built.
Also I notice that being homeless its forced on us to sleep outside but not in areas where we could escape chemical or tech warfare or 'people management'.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The smiling happy people in mag rags at the laundrymat
In alot of pain today. Its getting into fall weather here and anywhere it gets humid I suffer. I also have a fake tooth that wasnt put in right and there is a cavitation in the root. The dentist was a perp as I posted if you recall, so I never went back to get the fake one pulled- nor can I seem to go to any dentist at all. Nor any doctors. They terrorized me so much during Bush that I just cannot make myself go. I know its partially the environment here.
I have to get out of Harvard Sq. That train rider kid Johnny isnt leaving and he has gotten a position of social power among the oogles. I really dont have any friends there now and there are some impressionable kids who are under his wing now that are into being abusive to me when he's around, and when he's not. Its probably to beat me down so I will start putting out. That is a common male tactic among desperate males who arent getting any. I hate him so much I wish I could be violent but his strength he uses to impress the oogle kids is fighting. He also smears my name alot with sh*t he makes up. I am starting to hate his presence there so much and his influencing people against me that I need to leave before me taking action against him results in something the perps would love to see and me get in trouble for. Besides, that is not exactly a good base of operations. Those kids pretend to be bad asses and anarchists or whatever but all they do is smoke and drink and slightly wreck stuff around the Pit and get into fights down by the river. I bet no one goes with me tonight to the Starbucks zoning meeting. Way to fight the system guys! I think I have had enough. There are a few people there, an couple who are Italian and another young couple have been friendly with me, and one party kid for all stuff he does that our society would disapprove of nowadays he has a way of befriending people regardless of what others think. Hes one of those people you hope you never have to hear that he died from something out here. I guess I understand him and he I a bit. He's only 28, but the first time I really looked at him in conversation- when he let me see that part of him for a second, he looks like an old man who has lived for years. And he communicated to me in that moment, that he is as tired at 28 as any of us were probably at 7 yrs old.
These are the kinds of damages that society never wants to answer for. They'd rather see us live out in the street and make excuses for why we are the way we are. A million social program cannot cure or stop what people do to their children or to each other and someday hopefully, after all this is over, the world will finally understand that- for good this time.
He also has a guidance system and future visions. I warned him, a few times, that in his 30's, the system will come after him so furiously that he will wonder if he is dead or alive. That they WILL rip his wiring out, shut him down and like a flame put him out forever.
This is their version of 'peace'.
I hope he stores my words somewhere in the inner files way in the back of his head. I try to tell him these things just in moments, out of the line of a common conversation or space, just in a moment so that it will be a bit memory- to store more easily. Perhaps he will remember at a critical moment in the future.
Or perhaps the system has already made sure he is no threat. Perhaps being a man he never will be I don't know.
I know that one of the reasons this system has hit me so hard is I started to not only discover what programming was about but that one could heal or start to interfere with others programming. There are so many people with this 'bad luck' syndrome and they get cornered into shitty circumstances (brainwashed) and they just stay there painted into this corner. And I am sure the system keeps them there. To take them back in time, to rediscover who they once were or what other reality could have been...this system seems most threatened by that actually.
These headaches are only one of the consequences of being denied health care systematically. If its not that its due to the damage from that moldy apartment I was in for three years. What kind of reasonable person would have stayed there for 3 years while trying to get it tested and sue? I know I was being controlled and manipulated via harassment and psych warfare but its a great story for the idea of me being nuts. Becuz a 'reasonable person' wouldnt have stayed there. Works for them right?
I see now just how much of what they do in the beginning works for them later on, to discredit the victim.
Without my mother's status connected to MK Ultra as well as my having dirt on important people I would be so much more screwed throughout this ordeal. My mother may be able to deny that connection now if she sold out to the system but she cant deny phone records etc. I also have supporters who are part of covert factions that think she just goes too far in how evil she is. She will be a problem perhaps at some point but not so I cant get rid of her as a threat to my work. Thats all she is now. She may think that she has control becuz this system controls me for her by proxy (and that is the way her mind works. She always ran to her father or family to get me under control or help put me down. The gang stalking system IS her father in the form of abusive male authority or a large dysfunctional family unit). She also always thought this way anyway. At 18 she threatened to have me committed becuz "at least I'll know where you are". And its creepy how she gloated in my 20's about cops keeping an eye on me or someone did. Like the gang stalking system she would have information on me she shouldnt have. It gave her a special sense of power over her DAUGHTER she could never have over her FATHER. I used to love the woman as a mother and look up to her but she was always so weak to the oppressor. Not eastern European I guess- cant fight oppression or invaders at any and all cost. Not Italian-destroying any threat to one's empire including putting unruly family in exile..kinda like she helped do to me. But I used to resist that family at all times. They needed an army across the US to get me down just by myself. Yeah, my family is just soooo badass. What they need eventually is nice hard lesson in what happens when you turn your own blood over to the destroyers. There has got to be a price for that somewhere in this for them. Scapegoating of this magnitude cannot be free. Nor can it be as easy as just claiming I am nuts.
It may have worked on torturing Danny out of his mind but it aint gonna work on me. And I am not Danny and gang stalking does exist. This is about MK Ultra not my father passing on some nut gene. I will not let the traitors and oppressors dictate my reality to me.
It cant go on like this forever its just too damn unfair.
I feel like I've been handed over to a group of psychiatrists for constant monitoring..that is part of the torture. I have good reason to believe that is actually the case at times. This is all definately about very VERY wealthy factions, probably private contractors, doing totally unethical human experimentation. I recall a movie about a company in MA that was doing something similar. It was just a movie but with this place's track record of human experimentation atrocities as well as it being MA a place where the elite if you will would do anything to get away with something like that, I mean companies or medical industrial complex or connected to the military like Raytheon. I'll have to get the movie's title. It had to do with this company inducing comas and the victims being hung in this warehouse. And in the 70's there seemed to be all these leaks to intimate that many of these stories were true stories. Of course that starts a subculture of conspiracy theory...that may serve to cloud reality further. Which would serve the deception even more.
The kind of power these people have must be terribly tempting. Who could say no when you get up in levels? I dont think any of us could refuse that kind of power. The problem is that society faintly understands it exists- they dont really believe it.
Looking through a stupid rag like People. I know- its yucky. 2009 issues. I note how much black and red is in the ads I never noticed before. This annoying Gap ad for 'peace' has a big peace sign made out of people (ah the mob. Yes, be part of something). I note that the people at the top are the only black couple as well as a blonde cuddled with two other slightly ethnic female models. At the bottom, posed as if carrying the whole structure of people on her back as a burden breaking her back, is a very pretty perfect red head who is very fair. No other red heads appear in the pic. At the center where the inner sign joins the circle is a very creepy brunette who looks right at the camera in a very evil way.
The blue jeans and denim jackets may be there for a 'red white and blue' effect but as in any good subliminal- either in art or ads, its a decoy. When you find the decoy you can begin to unravel the subliminal, neutralizing it and rendering it harmless. (kinda like they do to targets like us with psychological warfare). No the black and red is the purpose of this. The plaid red and black on the logo tells me that- again the plaid is a diverter.
I'll scan it tomorrow and post it.
A few stupid articles about reality show faces that I am proud to say I have no idea who they are. Never saw thier sound bites, never heard them speak or took in thier movements on the television. Never got caught up in their spells if you will. I am the star of this reality show of a sort in my own life and I worship no other...unless you truly are superior of which there are many an artist, performer or other creator who is worth my worship and appreciation. But not some fat guy named John who is known for being a dad or whatever. Stupid.
Even he is wearing black and red as they feature a pic of him meditating or some crap then snuggling up with his self help book by the pool. Does anyone have a bucket for me to expel into please?
Another article about an African American star one of the younger starlet ones, a music girl I think. First page- her hugging kids from Africa. Second page a Black Ball pic of African Americans of course sporting black dresses next to people with red ones- boobs hanging out like they invented it.
OK we get it black and red. Something to do with Luciferian Anarcho-Socialist-Communist-Pan Africanism...whew. Breath after that.
Again- WHATEVER.
Then the other People rag has an article about missing kids and of course you can tell they hand selected the most attrative kids for the article out of the missing kids of 2009 catalogue. I am not being insensitive its just that no one wants to admit that things like The Finders exist- not The Finders specifically but a network that sick. Everytime I look at a wall in store lobby with those faces its the only time my conditioning from gang stalking will allow me to get some crying to break through the controls. (In gang stalking they take someone like me and torture them and alternately make is so I cant express, tell or show emotion about what is happening. They condition you over many years and its all to make sure you never seek therapy or healing for the original abuse or tell memories of it.) In order to survive I dont cry, or I maybe break through occasionally, allow myself a few moments and then pull it back- compartmentalize. All they do to survivors of programming and RA is to re program you in way but its more like conditioning or cult brainwashing. They base it on the external controls of the gang stalking groups as well as public opinion working for them in that area as well to control the TI through managed perception of the person via smear. They also must constantly maintain the control they have established over the survivor. Like last night some sadness must have been showing and I did feel sad and helpless sitting pan handling in Kenmore. After an hour or two of this an ambulance drove by to my left on Kenmore. They were perfectly situated so I would spot them and the driver did a tactic where he flashed a light at me but turned it on and off many times in sequences. I made sure I looked at him to make sure I wasnt mistaken like he was messing with his phone or flashing the light to get it to work- no he was looking right at me when he did it in this look that was disapproving and controlling.
See they keep pushing for me to go to UMass and get a normal life. They desperately want to end this or for me to accept it as ended. They want me to move on and forget- which is why over time they teach the victim to not show emotions and how much damage there is. So they can maintain this with more psychological operations or tactics.
This is not real healing this is the system still trying to use behavior modification to silence the victim witness. The problem is that I know damn well what will happen to me if I live out a faked life like that- I KNOW I will suicide and it will be a quiet and unexpected one. One of those 'she was so nice so normal you'd never think' type deals. I just cannot go out like that. After all I have fought for I just cant.
Keep in mind this isnt over becuz that is the reality of the situation. Its over becuz they want it to be that way. This system has a habit of believing that they create all realities that we live in the ones at least that they have altered with covert influence and activity.
But one must keep in mind that you cant give into a mob that wants to be your god. You write your own reality within the context of what truly exists, not some bunch of dirty tricks scum who if they dont get the power they crave each instance they have mob temper tantrums. Thats kind of like what gang stalking is...the temper tantrum of unsung little gods that cant make sh*t happen on thier own and need the group organism to do so. They HATE people like artists and other strong Wills that can create on their own.
Besides I have posted in the past that Boston is notorious for ambulance people being in on gang stalking. I have never seen this in other states. They are really overt and arrogant too. I experienced this is CO when I had to call them as I went into anaphylaxis but here its so overt who they are obviously handlers and perps for the system. I often wonder what faction they are part of. The medical community seems to be packed with Satanic cult members and if you dont believe me jsut go on the internet and look at how many cases of satanic cults being busted in the last few years include people who were in medical school. Its a great front isnt it? And besides they can then really infitrate a territory traditionally associated with the Hospitallers, one of their dreaded Templar enemies..they are just so childish. The whole boring 'endless battle' thing is boring and childish. I mean REALLY BORING. Can we move on now? Siiiiggh. Boring.
There is an article about the Muslim sympathizer psychiatrist who flipped and shot all those military personnel. From this standpoint no story like that is ever the same for me now. I have to investigate faces, really looking for something, some evidence that they were perps, they were harassing them. They were Mossad or they were some other provoking agents. What was their possible part in it each one? Or was he indeed just someone who should not have been kept on and as usual the military is greedy and personnel are expendable (the expense of his training kept him on even though there were complaints about him).
Just like looking at those kids faces wondering- was it something they would do when they got older that had to be stopped? Were they ritual abuse babies and the cult came for them either for sacrifice or torture or a sad fate of both? Were they going to talk or start remembering? or is it as simple as good old fashoined predators who are good at what they do and opportunistic, the guy that you never suspect you think you know, stole them away and their fates are predictable but each one unknown. You can only hope they are alive at least and can escape someday or..that it was painless and quick at least.
People have no idea of what is right beside them and under their nose in the world of other human beings that they live in. And they do not want to know becuz much less do they understand how to battle such forces, to negotiate with them, to accept their presence in the world we live in as always having been present and to thus warn and protect thier children accordingly.
Living in denial or being afraid is the greatest weapons of any terrorists. You provide these for them daily. And people that do such things are terrorists. They know you dont see them, dont admit they exist right beside them. And they mock you every day.
My grandfather used to do this kind of thing so I have seen it. So amusing to him on some subconshus level was the rest of the world that did not see him for what he was. Except when he was in one of his child alters or a childish one that would whine that he did not understand why some of the family did not like him.
It pisses me off I am being treated worse than he ever got treated by society or my mothers family and I am not the predator. And I want revenge. I want vengeance. For myself of course and every kid who no one cares about on those walls, that they write off or ignore. Little Jesuses who suffer and die, secretly in thier minds, so at least it wasnt thier kid who got grabbed.
People magazine- fun to observe but dont ever read the damn thing and internalize it.
I have to get out of Harvard Sq. That train rider kid Johnny isnt leaving and he has gotten a position of social power among the oogles. I really dont have any friends there now and there are some impressionable kids who are under his wing now that are into being abusive to me when he's around, and when he's not. Its probably to beat me down so I will start putting out. That is a common male tactic among desperate males who arent getting any. I hate him so much I wish I could be violent but his strength he uses to impress the oogle kids is fighting. He also smears my name alot with sh*t he makes up. I am starting to hate his presence there so much and his influencing people against me that I need to leave before me taking action against him results in something the perps would love to see and me get in trouble for. Besides, that is not exactly a good base of operations. Those kids pretend to be bad asses and anarchists or whatever but all they do is smoke and drink and slightly wreck stuff around the Pit and get into fights down by the river. I bet no one goes with me tonight to the Starbucks zoning meeting. Way to fight the system guys! I think I have had enough. There are a few people there, an couple who are Italian and another young couple have been friendly with me, and one party kid for all stuff he does that our society would disapprove of nowadays he has a way of befriending people regardless of what others think. Hes one of those people you hope you never have to hear that he died from something out here. I guess I understand him and he I a bit. He's only 28, but the first time I really looked at him in conversation- when he let me see that part of him for a second, he looks like an old man who has lived for years. And he communicated to me in that moment, that he is as tired at 28 as any of us were probably at 7 yrs old.
These are the kinds of damages that society never wants to answer for. They'd rather see us live out in the street and make excuses for why we are the way we are. A million social program cannot cure or stop what people do to their children or to each other and someday hopefully, after all this is over, the world will finally understand that- for good this time.
He also has a guidance system and future visions. I warned him, a few times, that in his 30's, the system will come after him so furiously that he will wonder if he is dead or alive. That they WILL rip his wiring out, shut him down and like a flame put him out forever.
This is their version of 'peace'.
I hope he stores my words somewhere in the inner files way in the back of his head. I try to tell him these things just in moments, out of the line of a common conversation or space, just in a moment so that it will be a bit memory- to store more easily. Perhaps he will remember at a critical moment in the future.
Or perhaps the system has already made sure he is no threat. Perhaps being a man he never will be I don't know.
I know that one of the reasons this system has hit me so hard is I started to not only discover what programming was about but that one could heal or start to interfere with others programming. There are so many people with this 'bad luck' syndrome and they get cornered into shitty circumstances (brainwashed) and they just stay there painted into this corner. And I am sure the system keeps them there. To take them back in time, to rediscover who they once were or what other reality could have been...this system seems most threatened by that actually.
These headaches are only one of the consequences of being denied health care systematically. If its not that its due to the damage from that moldy apartment I was in for three years. What kind of reasonable person would have stayed there for 3 years while trying to get it tested and sue? I know I was being controlled and manipulated via harassment and psych warfare but its a great story for the idea of me being nuts. Becuz a 'reasonable person' wouldnt have stayed there. Works for them right?
I see now just how much of what they do in the beginning works for them later on, to discredit the victim.
Without my mother's status connected to MK Ultra as well as my having dirt on important people I would be so much more screwed throughout this ordeal. My mother may be able to deny that connection now if she sold out to the system but she cant deny phone records etc. I also have supporters who are part of covert factions that think she just goes too far in how evil she is. She will be a problem perhaps at some point but not so I cant get rid of her as a threat to my work. Thats all she is now. She may think that she has control becuz this system controls me for her by proxy (and that is the way her mind works. She always ran to her father or family to get me under control or help put me down. The gang stalking system IS her father in the form of abusive male authority or a large dysfunctional family unit). She also always thought this way anyway. At 18 she threatened to have me committed becuz "at least I'll know where you are". And its creepy how she gloated in my 20's about cops keeping an eye on me or someone did. Like the gang stalking system she would have information on me she shouldnt have. It gave her a special sense of power over her DAUGHTER she could never have over her FATHER. I used to love the woman as a mother and look up to her but she was always so weak to the oppressor. Not eastern European I guess- cant fight oppression or invaders at any and all cost. Not Italian-destroying any threat to one's empire including putting unruly family in exile..kinda like she helped do to me. But I used to resist that family at all times. They needed an army across the US to get me down just by myself. Yeah, my family is just soooo badass. What they need eventually is nice hard lesson in what happens when you turn your own blood over to the destroyers. There has got to be a price for that somewhere in this for them. Scapegoating of this magnitude cannot be free. Nor can it be as easy as just claiming I am nuts.
It may have worked on torturing Danny out of his mind but it aint gonna work on me. And I am not Danny and gang stalking does exist. This is about MK Ultra not my father passing on some nut gene. I will not let the traitors and oppressors dictate my reality to me.
It cant go on like this forever its just too damn unfair.
I feel like I've been handed over to a group of psychiatrists for constant monitoring..that is part of the torture. I have good reason to believe that is actually the case at times. This is all definately about very VERY wealthy factions, probably private contractors, doing totally unethical human experimentation. I recall a movie about a company in MA that was doing something similar. It was just a movie but with this place's track record of human experimentation atrocities as well as it being MA a place where the elite if you will would do anything to get away with something like that, I mean companies or medical industrial complex or connected to the military like Raytheon. I'll have to get the movie's title. It had to do with this company inducing comas and the victims being hung in this warehouse. And in the 70's there seemed to be all these leaks to intimate that many of these stories were true stories. Of course that starts a subculture of conspiracy theory...that may serve to cloud reality further. Which would serve the deception even more.
The kind of power these people have must be terribly tempting. Who could say no when you get up in levels? I dont think any of us could refuse that kind of power. The problem is that society faintly understands it exists- they dont really believe it.
Looking through a stupid rag like People. I know- its yucky. 2009 issues. I note how much black and red is in the ads I never noticed before. This annoying Gap ad for 'peace' has a big peace sign made out of people (ah the mob. Yes, be part of something). I note that the people at the top are the only black couple as well as a blonde cuddled with two other slightly ethnic female models. At the bottom, posed as if carrying the whole structure of people on her back as a burden breaking her back, is a very pretty perfect red head who is very fair. No other red heads appear in the pic. At the center where the inner sign joins the circle is a very creepy brunette who looks right at the camera in a very evil way.
The blue jeans and denim jackets may be there for a 'red white and blue' effect but as in any good subliminal- either in art or ads, its a decoy. When you find the decoy you can begin to unravel the subliminal, neutralizing it and rendering it harmless. (kinda like they do to targets like us with psychological warfare). No the black and red is the purpose of this. The plaid red and black on the logo tells me that- again the plaid is a diverter.
I'll scan it tomorrow and post it.
A few stupid articles about reality show faces that I am proud to say I have no idea who they are. Never saw thier sound bites, never heard them speak or took in thier movements on the television. Never got caught up in their spells if you will. I am the star of this reality show of a sort in my own life and I worship no other...unless you truly are superior of which there are many an artist, performer or other creator who is worth my worship and appreciation. But not some fat guy named John who is known for being a dad or whatever. Stupid.
Even he is wearing black and red as they feature a pic of him meditating or some crap then snuggling up with his self help book by the pool. Does anyone have a bucket for me to expel into please?
Another article about an African American star one of the younger starlet ones, a music girl I think. First page- her hugging kids from Africa. Second page a Black Ball pic of African Americans of course sporting black dresses next to people with red ones- boobs hanging out like they invented it.
OK we get it black and red. Something to do with Luciferian Anarcho-Socialist-Communist-Pan Africanism...whew. Breath after that.
Again- WHATEVER.
Then the other People rag has an article about missing kids and of course you can tell they hand selected the most attrative kids for the article out of the missing kids of 2009 catalogue. I am not being insensitive its just that no one wants to admit that things like The Finders exist- not The Finders specifically but a network that sick. Everytime I look at a wall in store lobby with those faces its the only time my conditioning from gang stalking will allow me to get some crying to break through the controls. (In gang stalking they take someone like me and torture them and alternately make is so I cant express, tell or show emotion about what is happening. They condition you over many years and its all to make sure you never seek therapy or healing for the original abuse or tell memories of it.) In order to survive I dont cry, or I maybe break through occasionally, allow myself a few moments and then pull it back- compartmentalize. All they do to survivors of programming and RA is to re program you in way but its more like conditioning or cult brainwashing. They base it on the external controls of the gang stalking groups as well as public opinion working for them in that area as well to control the TI through managed perception of the person via smear. They also must constantly maintain the control they have established over the survivor. Like last night some sadness must have been showing and I did feel sad and helpless sitting pan handling in Kenmore. After an hour or two of this an ambulance drove by to my left on Kenmore. They were perfectly situated so I would spot them and the driver did a tactic where he flashed a light at me but turned it on and off many times in sequences. I made sure I looked at him to make sure I wasnt mistaken like he was messing with his phone or flashing the light to get it to work- no he was looking right at me when he did it in this look that was disapproving and controlling.
See they keep pushing for me to go to UMass and get a normal life. They desperately want to end this or for me to accept it as ended. They want me to move on and forget- which is why over time they teach the victim to not show emotions and how much damage there is. So they can maintain this with more psychological operations or tactics.
This is not real healing this is the system still trying to use behavior modification to silence the victim witness. The problem is that I know damn well what will happen to me if I live out a faked life like that- I KNOW I will suicide and it will be a quiet and unexpected one. One of those 'she was so nice so normal you'd never think' type deals. I just cannot go out like that. After all I have fought for I just cant.
Keep in mind this isnt over becuz that is the reality of the situation. Its over becuz they want it to be that way. This system has a habit of believing that they create all realities that we live in the ones at least that they have altered with covert influence and activity.
But one must keep in mind that you cant give into a mob that wants to be your god. You write your own reality within the context of what truly exists, not some bunch of dirty tricks scum who if they dont get the power they crave each instance they have mob temper tantrums. Thats kind of like what gang stalking is...the temper tantrum of unsung little gods that cant make sh*t happen on thier own and need the group organism to do so. They HATE people like artists and other strong Wills that can create on their own.
Besides I have posted in the past that Boston is notorious for ambulance people being in on gang stalking. I have never seen this in other states. They are really overt and arrogant too. I experienced this is CO when I had to call them as I went into anaphylaxis but here its so overt who they are obviously handlers and perps for the system. I often wonder what faction they are part of. The medical community seems to be packed with Satanic cult members and if you dont believe me jsut go on the internet and look at how many cases of satanic cults being busted in the last few years include people who were in medical school. Its a great front isnt it? And besides they can then really infitrate a territory traditionally associated with the Hospitallers, one of their dreaded Templar enemies..they are just so childish. The whole boring 'endless battle' thing is boring and childish. I mean REALLY BORING. Can we move on now? Siiiiggh. Boring.
There is an article about the Muslim sympathizer psychiatrist who flipped and shot all those military personnel. From this standpoint no story like that is ever the same for me now. I have to investigate faces, really looking for something, some evidence that they were perps, they were harassing them. They were Mossad or they were some other provoking agents. What was their possible part in it each one? Or was he indeed just someone who should not have been kept on and as usual the military is greedy and personnel are expendable (the expense of his training kept him on even though there were complaints about him).
Just like looking at those kids faces wondering- was it something they would do when they got older that had to be stopped? Were they ritual abuse babies and the cult came for them either for sacrifice or torture or a sad fate of both? Were they going to talk or start remembering? or is it as simple as good old fashoined predators who are good at what they do and opportunistic, the guy that you never suspect you think you know, stole them away and their fates are predictable but each one unknown. You can only hope they are alive at least and can escape someday or..that it was painless and quick at least.
People have no idea of what is right beside them and under their nose in the world of other human beings that they live in. And they do not want to know becuz much less do they understand how to battle such forces, to negotiate with them, to accept their presence in the world we live in as always having been present and to thus warn and protect thier children accordingly.
Living in denial or being afraid is the greatest weapons of any terrorists. You provide these for them daily. And people that do such things are terrorists. They know you dont see them, dont admit they exist right beside them. And they mock you every day.
My grandfather used to do this kind of thing so I have seen it. So amusing to him on some subconshus level was the rest of the world that did not see him for what he was. Except when he was in one of his child alters or a childish one that would whine that he did not understand why some of the family did not like him.
It pisses me off I am being treated worse than he ever got treated by society or my mothers family and I am not the predator. And I want revenge. I want vengeance. For myself of course and every kid who no one cares about on those walls, that they write off or ignore. Little Jesuses who suffer and die, secretly in thier minds, so at least it wasnt thier kid who got grabbed.
People magazine- fun to observe but dont ever read the damn thing and internalize it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)