“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Sunday, October 31, 2010

60 Minutes tonight

Watching 60 Minutes. The wealthy warned people a few years ago about Obama and leave the country and take yer money with you. It seems they were right.

I agree that business men have a right to start business and be successful. The rich should pay more however what they are saying about govt spending being wasteful. And taxes are "demonized" and percieved as "a metaphysical evil" becuz THE AMERICAN PUBLIC ARE KEPT IN THE DARK ABOUT ALOT OF WHERE THAT MONEY GOES. Defense including the black budgets are ridiculous. From being a Target I can tell you that much of what is going on with the military industrial complex is highly competitive and defense is cut throat and out of control.

There is alot of corruption and waste in govt spending on a state or city level as well. HUD and low income housing to shelters I have seen it. Govt money is being used in many ways to make money for businesses is what is seems like. People treat it like its free money.

You know other countries have a surplus of money and live well. America needs to grow up and face that fact that making money in a Capitalist system is always going to cause a tug of war with govt spending or cause problems. I have had simple businessmen, like someone who installs windows give me a dead serious look like murder along with telling me that denying anything wrong with the windows makes it so he and other business people involved dont make any money...that it is good 'business' for everyone. But that is when I was living in a low income funded apartment. It was tax money paying for alot of my rent. And paying for things to be repaired that didnt have to be obviously.

The problem with alot of what govt pays for is that business people want to make money off of that system wastefully. Also there is alot of corruption and skimming by individuals. Cutting social programs is the only way to stop corruption? Its disgusting how this country cannot seem to get themselves to just do the right thing or do what they are supposed to do without stealing or wanting to get ahead.

I dont think America can behave or be run any differently. And I personally have suffered mentally and emotionally from every four years someone pulls to thier side in the tug of war between the Dems and the Reps. Get a system that works to begin with and keep it that way..then fine tune it. I personally cant stand chaos in the name of making money for everyone. As far as I have seen over the years the system doesnt work.
If America were honest about that perhaps they would not be so disillusioned when things change so drastically or things are not working out.

Years ago you could afford to have a small private space, a few friends, the freedom to travel and meet, mix and mingle socially, have community, work just one job to live simply. So why is this very simple American dream so hard to come by nowadays? Its as if not wanting to partake of wealth or even middle classdom is now penalized even looked down upon.

I think in order to keep American wealthy the pressure has been put on the public to make life difficult and have people compete fiercely when its not necessary.

One of the main reasons I am not respected and people dont see the harm in destroying my potential and taking away all of my civil and human rights is that I am single with no husband, no children, no large bills, no credit cards, no property and so therefore I am not a loss or it doesnt matter as I had no real responsibilities in life, so wasting me didnt matter. Also in the position I was in it assisted people who do count with money and responsibilities to others to get rid of me or destroy my chance at a future. Or it pleased such people to do so so it was worth is.

This is how disgusting and sick American culture is. People honestly do NOT see anything wrong with wasting me in order to please or save other people who they consider more 'valuable'. Thats becuz thier value system sucks. This country is incapable of being honest. As long as you have that little 'problem' then you are going to have all this insecurity and difficulty. But Americans dont care as long as they have or can get the things they love so dearly such as material things.

This culture really believes that paying thier mortgage and putting THIER children through college is more important than human lives.

This is why we along with Israel seek to destroy any and all spiritual based culture in the world that does not bow to this system of value. Tibet is another example. Destroy Tibet, destroy Tesla destroy anything and anyone who either comes up with better ways of doing things that might destroy the system in place or has the pure, raw metaphysical energy and brainpower to live outside the system of slavery.

This is why they all look so guilty when they pass by TI's. Becuz they have signed themselves away to a mortgage and the expectations of such a system or society and they are truly forced to comply with all the destructive things that go on.

God Bless the military industrial complex

My friend watching the game. Game is carried by a network for servicemen. The anouncer say 'thank you for your service. To those who have served and will serve.' then he blesses them with God. Is this really the world we live in?

"And God Bless you all"..seriously? Their job is to kill. Kill destroy and occupy or to help that occur in some way like medics or office work. Or to clean up after they kill and destroy.

This continued attitude is one of a definitive non separation of church and state. Its just oo much at this age with this much life experience to even entertain this much childishness that is distinctly American..as well as part of the Judeo-Christian culture.

Instead of blessing them why dont you tackle and take down how shitty the Vets shelters are? Get real.

When perps in past have blamed 'the military' for my harassment and made it out to be due to them not agreeing with my lifestyle as brainwashing to keep my mind what is really going on its ridiculous that such a faction would put that much money and man power into behavior modification simply to break the most basic civil and human rights and for such a petty reason. And if a Target is tired enough or in denial enough at that moment to survive they might entertain that idea for a short time.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Relief Today

Wow I have been given some relief. 4pm exactly. No more ideations, intrusive thoughts, brainwashing, suggestions etc etc. Haven't felt this great in years during the daylight hours.

All day today in Central Sq especially I had experienced ideations of 'no one is going to believe you' dont waste yer time writing the book. Its hopeless its useless.

Shame was very present today as well as lots of self disgust. Weakness.

Didn't see that cop in the green truck. Only one cop did a drive by and messed with me but that is Central Sq for you.
They don't act up like this in Harvard Sq..aren't they the same precinct? I don't get it.

I think the reason that black cop in the green Blazer truck makes me so uncomfortable is due to an incident when this all came down in early 2000's. I was in Central Sq and this cop messed with me I didnt know it was a system back then so I reacted and he called me over to the squad car. He took off his glasses during conversation and said "I'm looking right into your eyes" (so what dude. WTF is that supposed to do. yer ugly and fat, how could that possibly help you right now?? Duh.) He then proceeded to continue to attempt getting a date with me and I told him I only date artists. He tried to give me his card and like the lawyer in the Godfather I didnt take it as that would indicate I might contact him.
He was a chubby white guy middle aged. He finally realized that it wasn't happening "So you really only date artists? If I were an artist you would go out with me?" so he kind of got the point and began to respectfully back the f*ck off. However his ugly big black partner in the seat, also well out of his twenties, pipes up and says in an accent very faintly reminiscent of southern ancestry "Now Rachel, (stutters a tiny bit), we DEMAND you go out to dinner with us". Upon that note I felt it was only right to let the officer know that I may be viewed as white trash but this is STILL Cambridge MA not the Berry. I reminded him he was in a public place and people were watching. Suddenly he realizes just where he is and just what it may look like speaking to just who is speaking too and of course backs down.

So the reason that that guy in the truck bugs me so much is I am never sure if its that ballsy totally out of line black cop from that day many years ago, of which obviously I cant forget about until this is all resolved in some way. Ahh, just one more memory to add to the PTSD super files of memories that keep running over ever day and torturing me I am sure they are hoping into suicide.

That green truck cop also looks at me sometimes like I am really stupid or something like this path I have chosen to fight and to tell my story is foolish. I don't understand what he may be thinking but it certainly consists of someone only aware of the cover story and not the whole story as I am far from stupid about my choice of action and my being in the streets as a traveler with much of my sanity and health intact is faring much much better than other MK related persons who usually end up snuffing it early on.

I am not going anywhere until I get revenge and payment for what was mine.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Action at the Harvard Coop

First of all you have to remember that the Harvard Co Operative Society has been bought out (destroyed) like everything else genuine nowadays by a corporate entity. It still masquerades as its original name but it is owned by a large chain bookstore now.

This being said its not surprising that very VERY subtle gang stalking tactics occur there and have over the years of this being 24/7.

I sat between two older men on the second floor. One is someone I faintly recall seeing around Harv Sq off and on over the years. He's got green eyes, bags under his eyes, glasses on his nose he's slightly overweight and has looks like your average homeless male in the area who dresses well enough to fit into the Cambridge scene. Or is housed somehow in the area but its very cheap.

I have noted that this population demographic in this area has been aware of my situation usually and in on the gs to a very lesser extent. These men tend to be losers of life and usually they share in common an intense anger towards women either thier mothers, thier ex wives or both as they are blamed for their predicament readily. I know this from talking to these men over many years in this area.

Once the man on the right left only THEN did this man start to tap his boot on the seat of the chair he had it resting on. He was taking up two seats by doing this so I was in the third seat. It was very obvious that he did this either becuz he knew exactly who I was or he had assessed I was white trash of some kind and he could get away with it. My having a computer did not deter him. My pulling out my internet stick caused him to immediately stop tapping and also to re adjust his body language so that he was no longer resting his foot on the seat and acting like a male lion lounging in his jungle with his balls hanging out. He changed to sitting properly and even hunched over after changing into this position.

This man is obviously from the 70's or 60's and my showing that I paid bills as well as had internet which later he revealed in conversation with someone else, he was unfamiliar with, seemed to strike a chord with him or trigger a reaction probably making me seem independent, empowered and with access to being able to tell on his sorry ass what he was doing to be, tell the whole world, which is what I am doing right now.

What was interesting is that the tapping he was doing with his boots was actually triggering to me. I felt sexually controlled or aroused against my will, and controlled at the same time by this action and thus, felt a very strong feeling of him trying to gain control over me, via triggering sexual arousal in this way.

I think thats pretty drastic for something I am only supposed to be imagining or doesnt exist.

He reminded me of a John or a pedophile, and in my experience they can often be one in the same one never realizes it however.

I also noticed another geeky older man behind me in the reflection of my computer screen looking at me throughout this as well as looking at the man doing the boot tapping. I took note of this, snapped a photo. After he realized this, the man behind me picked up his magazine and started reading it in earnest, which is what he should have been doing the whole time instead of screwing around with whatever the hell this nonsense was. He left soon afterward but before the green eyed possible perp.

The green eyed older jerk then was greeted by a younger more ethnic looking friend who started conversation of which I dont know the content. I did take my earphones off at a point after the guy behind me left just to see what they were talking about. It was sports and it seemed a bit contrived but it may have just been an awkwardness between the two socially.

I kept looking over at the green eyed man as I wrote that description of him above. His gaze in return is hard, even frightening with something murderous or cold within. Not to the extreme but...it was there. On the last glance he met he shook his head at me as he was agreeing with his friend who had accepted the invitation to go to UNO's to get some sort of food. Interestingly, creepy males who seem like stalkers have been staring at me of late and when I look at them when they wont look away they look right into my eyes and give a small nodding gesture. What is this communication? Is it from something that was put on the internet as has been hinted over the years that was revealing and now I have men who have seen this and now 'acknowledge' me in public being subtle or is this just a way of the stalkers saying that they are still obsessed and still around and now due to me surviving have respect/fear but want to let me know that they are still watching? Personally I dont give a sh*t either way as I have no control over what this system does with vid/audio it takes under false pretenses and then markets whatever way it does. If perps have told me that surveillance videos have been sold off for entertainment then I can only assume that the abuses of power are never ending and without limits.

After the two men left and I was writing this some b*tch behind me with dark hair, young, I caught her looking at the screen. It may have been just curiosity as I notice that younger generations think nothing of literally spying on one's computer screen.

She seemed to sense me turn around and look at her somewhat hard for a good moment or two to give her the message that it wasnt appreciated. She then left some time later.

You have to understand that when I sat down originally between the two men at this counter I was relatively happy and satisfied to have no earphones on or computer and just be reading a book left behind on said counter by a former patron. The moment the tapping started I was triggered and then put on my earphones and started my computer.

I also note that when he started his tapping nonsense I looked at him just to see what he would do even though I have been through this so many times I know its either fruitless or it just adds to the perp's sense of power. He glanced up as if he had full dominion over the area and over the whole situation and as I mentioned it was evident in his body language.

There are many many men who victimize women in small ways daily along one's way and really it probably wouldnt affect younger women who are strong, involved in thier lives and always have friends or boy friends with them. These men go after women they think are vulnerable and from my experience and also due to the specifics of my situation there also seems to be an entire nationwide network of such males who deeply want to control the women they so hate that they blame not only for thier own situations in life but for the fall of western society due to feminism. If they are in on prostitution or pedophilia they seem to harass Target's acting as perpetrators for the organized stalking/harassment system.

Its hard to tell what level this was on. Was it just random and I appeared vulnerable prey? Was it the second level where he and even his friend knew who I was as far as the cover story and local forces so he is assisting the cops as well as my old associates and her clients to keep me quiet and get rid of me or drive me nuts etc etc? Or is it all the way up to the third level where these men know I am a survivor of programming/mind control and am now heavily targeted/managed by constant 'gang stalking' as well as other parts of the gang stalking system?

Its hard to tell and I usually try to assess that but sometimes its so subtle that one just cannot.
Due to the location being a city that is familiar with me for years as well as these men being locals one can see I am betting on level 2 or 3.

Also this bookstore has been a place I have experienced extremely subtle stalking/harassment and its been a bit fascinating each time as the tactics pulled here are amazingly quiet, subtle and organized. Its a quiet bookstore and they certainly pull it off successfully in relation to the public space its conducted in.

Most annoying is the black security guard who sticks out like a sore thumb. He looks like a classic thug, complete with one messed up eye he squints out of. I would expect nothing less old money racist or dramatic from Harvard than that. He fits the part perfectly. He is meant to stand out you see as this way this stuck up crowd see him as do any potential thieves.

The reason he is annoying is not only that a few years ago myself and a kid named PolarBear were in here at a table when he, complete with his trench coat made for Bogart, was slinking or in his case strutting around the establishment and making sure we saw that he had seen US. And then there was some drama with the fire and ambulance once that really solidified my understanding the relationship between private security guards, cops, fire and ambulance in day to day duties and emergencies and that this also seemed to be a close relationship within the frame work of Organized Stalking and Harassment campaigns on a Target.

He also has this habit this year I am here of trying to get my attention but being on the road targeted for many years I have become hard and very unimpressed with anything but the most overt actions around me or towards me...and even then I have little reaction. He constantly goes after street people who thieve this place and makes a big drama outside in the alley usually throwing them out. This occurred recently and I just sat there very unaffected eating my sandwich. He looked at my backpack and clothes and tried to make like I was the receiver of the goods waiting outside or that I was with this street guy and I just sat there and watched like it was a movie with popcorn. Becuz that is how he acts that is what he deserves.

Every time I see him he looks at me with that one eye and I just ignore him but he does piss me off its probably due to his sense of specialness..being the pitbull for the rich-people-book-store has this little guy in a big body very in love with his very individual and lone role in this high status community.

He also looked at me today eating in the alley way while he was smoking a cigarette. With his usual sense of overblown drama, done in the context of his 'store detective undercover' role he plays so badly, he whipped out of the door very quickly then stopped on a dime to look at me hoping I would be caught by surprise. Considering this is nothing less than MORE harassment and intimidation or trying to get yer jollys off a vulnerable woman by scaring her, I just looked at him with that blank look I now give everyone and everything in the world that tries to catch me off guard. Its one thing that the perps are starting to understand: nothing scares me anymore and I am not afraid of anyone, unless of course its a real threat. When this f*cker gets abducted on a Grey hound bus, gassed out of the air pump thing near the light above passenger's head, f*cked with and humiliated, then gets gassed again to be woken up....when that happens to YOU dude then you can understand why no normal human beings scare you anymore.

The things I have seen this system experimenting on human beings with is so far removed from the insular world of cops, mob guys, rich kids and uppity blacks here in Yankee town, as well as the rest of the country that is out there to be experienced, I believe now that only THEY, the Massholes themselves are fascinated with their own dreary, repetitive existence. The rest of the country doesnt care except for a few stupid movies by the shills in Hollywood from here namely Matt Damon, Marky Mark Wahlberg and Ben Affleck.

This place exists in a vacuum that its money and roots provide and only THEY are impressed with the old bore power plays. Take most of these Massholes and put them in St Louis, So Cal, El Paso or the mid west during the onset of a freezing winter when the Arctic winds start to come down the ever tough and smart Massholes would be shitting the bed longing for thier Unions, thier colleges, thier old money,thier military contractors, their cops and thier mob buddies all of which make up a disgustingly spoiled and truly soft way of life compared to most of the rest of the USA. Yankees are taught to think quickly and think ALOT if not all the time, THAT is our edge in any battle, that and a frighteningly naive view of the system that readily includes organized crime like corruption.

On a bus the other day a man was discussing with me this old building owned by the city near Brighton on the way to Watertown. Its a great old structure that forms an enclosed circle and takes up a good amount of space. The city is repairing it but wont take it down and rebuild. His first thought was "Gee, you'd think they'd just burn it down and get it done". What he meant of course was have an 'accidental' fire and then insurance would pay etc etc. It made me realize just how long I have been away, how much of the rest of the country does not innocently believe that crime is a part of the system. Even my Boston/Cambridge born habit of rabid jay walking has been curbed due to many other cities frowning upon it, drivers who will just mow you the hell down instead of be tolerant as well as in places like Portland OR you get ticketed for it.

This is why the northeast scares people and well it should. It scares them and pisses them off. This place is totally corrupt but the structure ensures they are totally guarded against any retribution from wrong doing. I have to say I have suffered from this in my situation but I get the impression I have also benefited from it. Many of the people and organizations that wronged me got theirs in recent years. Like I was told my that hissing bitch Lenny who works at the Women's Lunch Place: "Rachael, (you) have friends". I dont want to know anything more about it really. For all I know those "friends" might be my old associates, my family's connections, NASA related from space kids experiments or CIA or....who can tell? I certainly cant. And with people coming up to me in NM talking about police connections I can only imagine. Who cares at this point? I may be alive and half sane still but I still have an ebony McGruff crime dog up my ass every time I am around the Coop trying to write, read or think. I still get needled by the brats who think the system won and I am on the street becuz I am stupid not becuz I am living like a rebel fighter should- outside the system as much as possible or outside of anything that will interfere with the cause. Shelters interfere with my book, therefore for me they no longer exist. Getting housed usually ends up in a perp nightmare experience. This also gets in the way of my work. Therefore that is avoided.

But this moron thinks I am this female victim who now is so humbled that he is going to jump out of his cage at high speed then light his cigarette while trying to gain the power of startling an already shattered female psyche.

Guess again fat f*cker. All he got from me was the look I give every clown involved in this and that is a wall. You arent impressive and after the millisecond it takes to assess you as NOT a threat to my immediate well being YOU WILL NO LONGER EXIST.

Still they insist on moves to gain power from someone they know they have assisted to drive insane and put out on the street.

What is most annoying lately is thier lack of resistance. They no longer are trying to be tough and hard as they believe I am already broken down and humbled (HAHAHAHAH LOL) so now they show what mercy this scum is capable of, by looking right at me with some sort of pity (what little emotion sociopaths/psychopaths/cult mind controlees are capable of mustering up at all) usually after pulling something like this to get my attention. Those of us who are sane and truly human know that if they truly had compassion for thier fellow human beings or for a woman so wounded that they would not draw attention to the situation at all or to themselves.

Every single male and female in this system treats the TI like a gang rape victim which is what this system does to break you down to behavior modification. Through systematic rapes they familiarize themselves with the Target and disgustingly over time this breeds a familiarity between Target and Perp that is even more vile and revolting than the original offensive acts committed during the breaking down phase.

Remember if they only know the cover story then they believe they are only dealing with a lowly and expendable adult entertainment worker.
If they know the whole story, programming and all then the attitude is THE SAME if not worse in judgment becuz then they are truly in on the pedophile networks who choose the victims and thier families for programming. If they werent that sick as to be involved, they wouldnt know about the existence of such a network to begin with unless they were a victim/Target.

The harassment I have experienced in the Co Op has been mostly people doing stuff behind me as they walk by and its very much based on anchoring. I had once typed something onto my screen after enlarging it, such as telling them off or similar and this seemed to not only piss off some people involved it stopped it from continuing...which of course shows that I was sensing gang stalking games going on correctly.

That is unless you subscribe to the popular theory that I am just nuts, probably like my father etc etc.
I have been getting the impression that outlook is very popular now and is going to be pushed from here on in as the ultimate answer for everything about me from my behavior to my lifestyle to all the contents of my work. Which tells me that I have to keep going becuz that did not seem to be focused on before as it is now.

Perhaps since I have been back I appear weaker and my ways eccentric or that of a homeless person who is mentally ill or that my sleeping outside coupled with my blog content is only explained away with that theory.
It could also be part of the push to get confession out of me, as I would do so to counter theories about my sanity but confession is dangerous. It proves MK Ultra works on programmed persons and also it is a stage of a successful behavior modification program.

Here is a pic of the creepy skinny old guy. He is in a white t-shirt:

Here is the woman behind me that was so nosy:

Its the best shot I could get from a reflection. She is facing the computer screen her back to the wall.

You have to remember that the more I fight back in this manner the more crazy and paranoid I look to the general public. It would be so easy right now to just write me off as insane like my father has been labeled, say its genetic and that is the end of the story with Rachael. Its probably already been done and the jerks involved are all just continuing to manage it from that perspective. Its amazing to me that an entire society can go along with this and be alright with me losing everything I had and everything I could have had in my future. To destroy me and delegate me to just being a mentally ill street person when in fact that is far from what I am and what I could have been.

This young kid rode by on a kids bike when I was in Kenmore either last year or the year before when it was heavy harassment. He said "freedom isnt free". Obnoxious as hell really. Its amazing the amount of people who know I was trying to make something of my life who seemed to be into getting me to fight harder than I should have against a system of oppression that actually turns hard fight against the victim.

This all could have been random but the location as well as the people involved indicates some sort of knowledge of me as a TI not just a random female the guys could mess with. The tapping as trigger is a huge indicator as well as this type of male is often a perp.

The only person who even seems like they could have been random is the female behind me. Interestingly I finish this a day later as the photo of the male involved was blocked from my uploading it properly upon this incident occurring.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Boys Club Take On New Meaning

I sometimes have this suspicion that the world is run by a secret cabal of males who are closeted gays and that female forces especially positive ones have absolutely no hope in this world. George Bush- there are accusations and whispers. Obama is surrounded by mysterious gay male deaths in his old controversial church and there are stories about his former gay lovers being snuffed to avoid embarrassment.

The armed forces have always been most suspect anyway and I cant imagine what goes on in higher ranks. None of us are very comfortable with that photo of McCain hugging Bush. Not at all.

This story made me sort of unhappy but I cant say I never suspected. I wonder if it takes this kind of , er, 'bonding' to seal a strong relationship and this, and ONLY this level of intimacy will create a great song writing duo.

My ex has also been suspect over the years. His closeness to his best childhood friend was enough but he commented once on a cartoon on his wall, a cult classic comic strip of which now I forget the name. I will never forget it, he seemed to stress it so much in the conversation. It was when we were first hanging out getting to know each other. He kept commented over and over of the two male 'friend' characters in the cartoon: "You know they're gay, right?" Until I just sort of blew it off with 'yeah I know whatever its not an issue'. I should have walked out right the f*ck there and then if I had any sense in my head whatsoever, which at that age and that time I did not.


I did not want to know this about these two celebrities but in one sense its freeing as Jagger just had too many years of capturing the imagination of women around the globe. Always amazing this con so many skinny little men pull off in entertainment, especially music moreso in the old days where talent and mystique mattered more than classic good looks, which of course is what made it interesting to take in.

On the other hand it is following this trend nowadays where mystery and anything magical is being destroyed. Showing the public reality is like a torture nowadays. Almost like inverse deception. But its not a disrobing of things hidden in the interest of Truth or shedding light on subjects. Its really part of this torture system where every childhood dream or illusion you kept close to your heart to make life bearable or easier or more enjoyable is being shredded before your eyes and take away from you. Reality is being highly overrated nowadays really.

I noticed such actions being taken on television with a play a few years ago. In order to destroy the beautiful illusion that theatre creates the cameras went backstage and revealed everything that goes on but you could tell it was done in the spirit of satanic type cruelty and shock. Always take note of anything very quick moving, that shocks and doesn't give you a chance to process it or that doesn't warn you first or isn't introduced before hand. Its actually extremely rude and ill mannered but that is what the world wants to become nowadays. Everything based on torture.

Its like one big behavior modification boot camp. We will all be shocked and broken down, our allusions destroyed until we see reality clearly- which is utter bullshit as every human being's reality is different. THEY just want to create a living Hell on earth with psychological warfare on the public and the use of chemicals and tech.

For instance, the shredding of veils over anything and everything that created mystery, done in such a violent and shocking sneaky manner is not necessarily exposing reality. If one wanted to expose reality THEN ONE WOULD STOP WATCHING TELEVISIONS OR PRE RECORDED LIGHT AND SOUND IMAGES ALL TOGETHER AND ONLY ATTEND PLAYS OR OTHER THEATER IN REAL LIFE, EXPERIENCING 'REALITY' IN REAL TIME.

No. What these bastards, this system wants to do is to create THIER version of reality based on twisted Luciferian nonsense , violence, shock and depriving humans of thier right to privacy and dreams of thier own creation.

Its another deception like anything else they pull. The boot camp feel is of course the military factions in on it who are f*cked up enough to believe that artists have no value and that everyone should go to boot camp to toughen up and learn to live right- which is THIER way of seeing the world.

From my experiences and research there are satanic factions from around the world in cooperation with what seems like the plans and undertakings of such sects as the military who alone have access to such technologies, as well as other factions.

I am not sure what Richards motives are perhaps revenge from years of history or perhaps just telling it all before he passes on. But it may be a let down on purpose. The ultimate destruction of a great illusion that was preserved for many years. Yes, rock bands from that era had some of the greatest holding patterns for fans minds and beyond based on forming complex illusions. Mind control yes, but making life more bearable by enjoying thier artwork may have been worth it. Did generations of kids start using H becuz of Richards? Probably. Yes, the answer is yes.
Were they kids at high risk anyway who would have found thier way into trouble? Probably. The pay off is that within every one of these artists works there lay keys to dealing with these issues or just some renditions of life experience one finds useful.

I believe Wes Peren http://www.illuminati-news.com/art-and-mc/index2.htmwho claims many of these people are programmed themselves (which means they suffer just as lowly expendables do) or they are in on RA and participate to either pay off debts for their fame and success or out of a taste for such things to begin with. If you are strong minded or Willed you will find the keys and not fall under such things like subliminal messages or backwards masking which I believe did or does exist and had some influence on occult activities.

The problem with all of this through the years has been the us against them mentality. Christians or moralists go after these issues out to destroy or rid the world of 'evil'. Then you've got these factions denying the reality of such things or just fighting the aforementioned and continuing on.

Humans are never going to rid the world of deceptions or 'evil'. I just think its more sensible to see that its always been here so how are you going to rid the world of 'evil'? In case you havent noticed, especially obvious lately, is that evil will just find a new hiding place or form new and more complex deceptions. Its akin to a virus that keeps morphing to stay alive and it challenges the human system to keep up with it or die.

The problem right now in our world is that evil if you will, has taken a bit too much space and domain and that is a direct result of thier having access to technologies as well as somehow convincing the public that thier way might be better to create a peaceful world or at least one with sure, predictable results. Evil is no longer sleazy and hiding out. Its become respectable, in your face and streamlined. Polished.

Which of course means its totally no fun anymore. Enforcing boredom as the rule and a great dumbing down of the public seems to be part of the torture and it really does suck. Enslavement of mankind is not about debauchery or thrills. Its about getting you to accept boredom, lack of freedom or privacy and be happy about that becuz its a sure thing. A dumb slave, an under stimulated slave is a happy slave. THAT is the new system.

When man can no longer decide what is the right level of stimulation for him, what is the right level of creativity or intelligence of hunger or appetite then we have a definate problem here. You are ultimately being told the bottom line is that you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY. Or that you should learn to be happy being essentially tortured and treated very roughly every day. This is in the interest of creating slaves and nothing more.

YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY. And that should not have to be from consumption of goods and services which is also what these bastards are up to.

If you were created with the ability to dream, imagine or think privately then there is some purpose in your health, evolution or well being in doing those things. There is something wrong or very manipulative about an arrangement where those things are discouraged or no longer possible.

There was a show on television about this old black man who was 96 years old who had a younger wife keeping him active. The show was based on observing him and gathering information about what life was like back then in his youth as he was very coherent and active.

One thing I noted was how much time he took in a very serious manner but also in a very natural way to sit quiety and think to himself about things. Its something you dont see people doing alot of nowadays and this came out in the late 90's. The way he sat with himself, his presence seemed to have weight to it just as he sat. I think one could sense his energies mental and otherwise working within him. He told his young wife he was thinking of his family.

Also what was striking was how much respect he had for his own privacy. The way his mate related to him was a more friendly and familiar 60's kind of approach as this was her age group. He seemed often surprised by her forwardness into his personal world. You could even see that he was very direct and strong in his physical space. This might be just the way he was individually but it seems that people who did not grow up with Pre Recorded Light and Sound Images allowing humans to experience dead time are much more natural and healthy in many ways. This is how humans were for thousands of years. Only recently have we even had photographs much less the ability to go through dead time in real time. And how long have we had technology for personal communications? Mere decades.

We are not watching closely enough the psychological effects of technology on mankind..oh, I am sure that acedemics and other factions outside the general public are doing studies but we the people are not paying attention to its effects on our health or our mental health.

These circumstances could be used to bring man kind under the control of forces that have less than his freedom and well being in mind. Unless its some sort of long term plan to lower the population and pack up moving to some more habitable place when the planet finally shits the bed. I assume that merging man with technology is also going to be so nightmarish that humans have to be really altered to make such a transition possible.
One of my more horrifying experiences during Bush was experiencing the sensations of having my entire conshusness put into a technology either within a pair of virtual reality glasses or connected to said glasses. It was one of the worst tortures I have experienced. It was worse than the sensation of being ripped apart or cut into little pieces, which is of course another one of the worst sensations I ever experienced, and it does seem like it was a standard torture procedure for Targeted Individuals.
That of course was pulled off with the psychological manipulation that I deserved it somehow, that it was to teach me a lesson, or that I needed to go through such a thing in order to learn a lesson or gain some moral insight into my treatment of others. Which is total unadulterated bullshit.
And this time there are two sources of media where this experience is brought forward by characters who express this exact type of torture. One of them if you notice is in that shitty Simpson's movie. Homer gets pulled apart into pieces and put back together again.
Another media source I wont mention now also runs through this occurring and also sights this action as a necessary torture for an offender to learn thier lesson about thier behavior.

I also have the good luck of having a perp say this right to my face in real life in real time. It was one of those mind games where the perp makes sure that he runs down something that is actually happening to the target he is speaking to. It was too close to the other two references as well as the actual torture experience as a TI for it to be my mistake or imagined. "Rachael, right now I feel like I'm being torn into little pieces and put back together again." and I will never forget it as long as I live that statement. This is when I still mentally, emotionally and spiritually alive so I was still being very affected by the torture and harassment so I couldn't face directly what was going on but I took it in somewhere mentally anyway.

Its always put under the guise of the victim deserving it or worse yet humanity somehow needs the target to withstand destruction. Some people have even experienced being told that the world will only go on existing if they are destroyed. This kind of idea is pushed. Both create a cross for the person to carry just like the classic sacrifice/scape goat.

What the assholes in this system really want is energy for thier stupid take over of humanity and the creation of a human slave state based essentially on mental, emotional and spiritual enslavement which pretty much makes doing anything to its victims physically, unnecessary.

To win this it must be approached with a balanced attitude. Evil will never be fully dispelled from the world but such a force also should not become so commonplace with the public being drones in its presence that there is no room for any other reality. Getting people disillusioned with Christianity was brilliant really. Too bad what the public are experiencing is not truly the heat and fire of rebellion or 'evil'. Its a state of near dead enslavement- that does not sound like Hell on Wheels or some rockin' good time complete with all the overstimulation that should come with it.
Whatever this system is it wants to enslave and that seems to mean anti life. The lessening of intelligence, creativity, the creation of human energy and limiting severely the release of human energy. Its no surprise that a perp slipped and told me that "they know exactly what they are doing, they are trying to destroy the pituitary gland". Just look up spiritual evolution as well as the productions of energies and that human body part, you'll see what I am talking about. And stay away from the New Age movement. Its a lot of bullshit that keeps people away from the hard and serious subject of getting on with it. Its partially disinfo. Its a system set up within a mainstream system that is designed to keep humans AWAY from such evolution or having the Will to actually take that on earnestly. And when you do, they just come after you anyway, the bastards.

Its all around us this effort. The constant tech induced environment creates a prison for humans. Music in HD is noticably lacking in energy that you can feed off of or get off on as they used to say. The 'chill factor' (one's skin goose pimpling when hearing certain musical pieces. A very small or mild reaction to music inducing energy flow in humans.) is so obviously absent nowadays and that goes for pieces that used to induce energies when listening to it on tape or vinyl..even old cd's.

So look at it this way. Not only are you not going to be able to get off on old Stone's songs the way you used to be able to rely on but now you can take away any mystique that helped to create those conditions by knowing every little detail about the magicians behind it.

Its one thing to seek who the Wizard really is on your own by pulling back the curtain. Its quite another to by kicked out of Oz completely but not returned to Kansas in black and white either, and to have the poppy fields burned down, the Emerald city downgraded to plastic and YUPies. And the Wicked Witch has now polished herself into some sort of glorified CEO with a kinder-gentler way of killing Dorothy for her shoes, somehow has gotten the people to put out Yellow Ribbons for the monkeys who sing that they "love the old one" like Russian cusacks marching in line, while the wicked witch has perfected some sort of bizarre, sophisticated paradigm that allows her to now appear non threatening as she turns the hour glass over with a smile.

Becuz when your Will has been subverted to this degree that you start falling into the hypnotists hands, the cult leader's grip you get comfortable with being down trodden or make deals with your oppressors then you may as well be dead anyway.

'Evil' has become way to socially acceptable, streamlined and with an acceptable rewards system to be trusted at all. Evil comes now without its fire or its rage. Everything has been co opted by The State.
It appears to be cleaning up crime while it commits atrocities thus striking a deal with the people.

Its not what the Wicked Witch is doing that you can see that you have to worry about, its what she has in her dungeons. The nature of very powerful, wealthy people and thier taste for torture has not changed. The problem is that many people now feel they are part of that level of being if they engage in it as luxury or turn a blind eye to its existence.

Oh, forgot this:

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Things Changed In America around 9-11 and 2003

Went by my family's house on a bus per chance. The entire area of that area of Waltham, MA just generates pure evil. All of Waltham for some reason seems to be possessed by something totally evil. Its a heavy, weighty energy and it subsides on the Watertown line.

The old house, which still houses my grandmother and I believe my mother but I am not sure.

It was like a stranger's house. A house I never knew.

Everything is totally gone. Any memories I have or connection to it. Robbed of me, removed from me.

I have been doing research and have noted that much changed politically in 2001 supposedly due to outside events but the death of an old time Waltham employee set a domino effect:

Another death around this time is also very interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Helms (2002)


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Had a bad Satuday of course. Ended the night feeling suicidal and wanting to cut up my face again like last weak. OF course on Sunday I felt better and there were little effects as there are during the week. And of course all this ends at approx 12 midnight.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


So this is what Laura meant by saying I would always have to deal with the harassment. Its about business that is so high up and has so much to lose that they will kill anyone and do anything to anyone to get thier way and push thier agenda through.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Penn Jillette..still sucks and is still a p*ssy

This fat slob is part of a magic show that has always sucked. Hes the guy that had to explain to a nation why MST 3000 was funny. Which is pathetic.

Heard he likes to play dominance with women. The thought of which grosses me out completely. Imagine that hanging over you while in chains huh? What a nightmarish sight that must be.

Seems he wont call out Scientology or Islam. Becuz the network told him not to and he's afraid of retribution respectively.

Suites a guy like him. But what do you expect from a man who claims to be from "a good family"? We all know that people who have not had to fight for thier lives usually dont form any sort of large balls due to this disability...of coming from a 'good family'.

Hmmm, that suck hard bore Angel also from Las Vegas said the same thing. That all that matters to him is his relationship with his ever so wonderful family. And his cat.

I think there is more bullshit here than meets the eye. Most of all that you can have a show where your fat ass preaches to people constantly by influencing opinions on Christians or 9-11 but still are afraid of upsetting the network (which doesn't seem upset about dissing Christians..we dont have to wonder why).

This guy still sucks and Penn and Teller still suck.

Go after Scientology. Muslims. Make fun of a Rabbi or two on yer show. Cmon dude. Yer so cool and alt and above. People from good families suck and are boring.

I just read this hysterical rumor that he has all this satanic material stored in his basement. Its probably more bullshit but who can tell?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Revisiting the 90's

I was looking at YouTube and wanted to rip this vid I like but it won't rip (the Steal My Body Home below). Started to look up other titles from this album.

It brings me back to when our generation was younger. I kept thinking what a time of possibility it was. And how much artists about the same age as me spoke for me, felt the way I did expressing this beautifully through thier music.

There is a sensitivity and an elegance, attention to detail that isnt calculating or cold but gives to the pieces, as well as a dip into darkness, loneliness and..despair but that is private. And we respected each others hurting spots and bonded over these without saying it overtly.

After the break with continuum and often it seems, a straight line through sane reality, I find myself here in this spot in time after years of confusion through gang stalking and the Bush reality, which has to be a nightmare in line with Hitler's time, but no one is willing to admit that yet. For we are still living through it.

The continuum I wrote of. Its as if some of us have been taken by the gs system and kept in a place where most people dont have to exist and by this altered greatly. There is a break between the life and world I remember- in this music and even looking at someone from my generation, a familiar face. Other people have mentioned that people from the same generation have similar faces or a spirit of that generation comes through in many faces of that era.

How our faces have changed and how we have had to become so dishonest to who we really are and what we were supposed to become to survive in the post Bush/Obama change years.
Its like the system cut many of us off from a continuum of our own lives, our own generations time line. Interuppted. All these other generations think they have it the worst. But we have never gotten a chance to get any peace for very long, unless we were shooting dope.
We always get leaned on or put upon by other generations and we just adapt and go on quietly. Its so cruel.
I believe that those that made it out in the 90's by dying may have been the luckiest. At least they moved on.

No doubt there are traitors in my generation. People like Coregan who once said some unkind words about another artist. I doesnt matter who, its usually another gen xer who died or didnt sell out with the changes. I notice that anyone who did usually disses their peers. Gen X hides behind sensibility even though more than anyone we have seen the progression of how ridiculous this is getting and has been for years.

Many of us didnt expect the system to cause an earthquake of sorts- an upheaval to get thier way..to get influence back. The reigns firmly back in thier hands again.

Listening to this and the way kids are now and the music they listen to, even the alt stuff- it seems like having deep sensitive emotions is inconvenient nowadays.

It seems as if there is a movement to reduce the complex inner dimensions of human beings such as through emotions, mind, soul. If yer going for enslavement of mankind I assume this would be one way to do it. Reduce the amount of energy produced by people, cut down their awareness of inner dimensions, inner worlds. Create thier inner worlds for them like creating a false environment in a building nowadays. Dont allow humans to naturally create their own inner environments. Now that is control.

Many of us were never allowed to move on from this phase of youth into adult hood or middle age. Never healed properly, never fully understanding who we were and why we were. The system seems to find emotions inconvenient and would rather slash and burn people to quick heal them superficially, so that we can get going back into living life and move on, towards this progress for the future that Obama seems obsessed with.

This is total mind control - trauma based mind control. So traumatized that we just submit and so numbed that we no longer feel anything. During this time then suggestion is brought in such as lets forget what Bush did and move forward, look towards the future- progress. The future is what is important.
Why must we be so ushered into 'the future'? If you can come out of the deep freeze of mind control tactics for a moment you will think logically. You will then see that the reason we must be made to focus on the future so intently and exclusively, is so that the people of the US as well as the world dont think about the past.

If we let go of the past it will be the end of humanity and what we as individuals were really supposed to become. There is no way that the person I am now is who I really am without severe interference from outside forces.

As I write this I understand now why I am targeted. Not only am I a child of a human radiation experimentee but I can describe the inner workings of high level programming. I also realize that this future that we are going into has alot of connection to what is in my past as well as others with the same predicaments. The mind control tech as well as systems that have to do with MK Ultra, programming and what originated as Nazi war criminals research brought to the USA to be further worked on, has a very heavy imprint in the future many people are trying to bring in now, under the guise of a great and wonderful new world or future.

People are so messed up from years of traumatization they either cant see it or wont. Not everyone would under normal circumstances but the amount of people not seeing or acting out on seeing this is far too high to be random or normal chance.

To face a future where my hard work now will only result in me being labeled mentally ill and being systematically ignored for the duration but will probably result in what one perp promised if I follow through on my expose/novel: "You'll face a life of loneliness if you tell the truth about what happened".

A life of loneliness I can deal with. A life of never getting satisfaction from revenge on enemies and betrayers much less any acknowledgment of my life being destroyed is going too far. Even some of the believable stuff no one seems to care about. I cannot believe how totally abandoned I am being, how many people in this country are into whatever this is connected to gang stalking and harassment.
Its as if they are insistent on behavior modification or I dont get acknowledged. How could the world change that much during Bush? It doesnt make any sense at all.

One part of this system keeps marketing an untrue version of my life or who I am and then covertly works on and leans on me with hardcore behavior modification tactics to force me to forget what was done.

Its the most outrageous thing I have ever experienced. And people really are convinced I believe a good portion of society, that I am merely mentally ill. This makes getting one's message across nearly impossible.
I refuse to believe that this system can rob someone of thier life so completely. Suck the person's life force and make them a non entity.

There is a difference between growing old naturally and then understandably wishing for one's younger days opposed to what has happened to TI's.

If you read my next OnG post you'll see that we now live in a country where people are part of this system of psychological warfare. Its not normal. None of this is normal. Especially what happened to me today.

When I listened to these few songs I became less..focused on the gang stalking as I usually am everyday..every minute of the day. The nervousness and fear left me. I felt in line with who I really was at one time. How I was growing, maturing into an adult.
At 26 I had reached a level of adult hood where I was vastly different from the messed up kid I was before mostly due to my family.
Something happened after I got clean. I went to live with my grandmother and my mother also moved in- it made me regress and I endured more abuse. This destroyed much of what I had done in my 20's to become independent of them. This is also when I became targeted by the gang stalking system, around 1997 or maybe 96.

Getting clean and sober in a society that criminalized drug use and totally invalidates the lifestyle and its experiences especially using 12 steps which is cult mind control, turns out to be very dangerous to the newly clean person. You are so under the control and are of the cult of NA and no one is taking care of you the way they should a person who is physically still in need of medical care as well as now has severe psychological repercussions. Demonizing drug addiction is one of the most single harmful health issues to human beings. Its the same idea as penalizing homeless people by demanding in shelters they get up at 6 am even if the facility is not kept quiet at night for sleeping. Both situations are penalized by a capitalist society with a hard work ethic, as if the parties involved are out having a good time while you are working.
Its so..unbalanced.

People use drugs for reasons that this society doesnt want to deal with and THAT is why self medicating or naive attempts at self healing are penalized morally. Its on surprise that herion addicts become the biggest health nuts after getting clean. All along their addiction they are thier own and other's junkie nurses anyway. Dope fiends might just be the most natural of blocked and lost healers...if only they could get through that more-dangerous- than-death layer of anger.

The gang stalking system and its totally unethical, violent, destructive behavior modification system serves only to get rid of this anger and everything behind it, to force the person into 'growing up', moving on and forgetting why they were angry in the first place.
Just like behavior modification camps it serves only to erase memory and erase the person so that the parents, the community and other parties responsible for thier original traumas dont have to be held responsible for thier actions in the end.

The fact that an entire society can be convinced that the target deserves this treatment and that is a cover story, when actually what this system is doing is covering for the persons original abusers is the scariest thing.

Unfortunately for me I believe that the whole thing was set up from my birth. The idea that at a certain time my foster mother called my mother and said on the phone "Its time you take her back" as if it were part of the programming schedule. And then at a certain event or time, my grandfather dying, my mother seems to have snapped- turned into a total power hungry beast out of control. She even seemed to take on something demonic about him that existed in him, but I never saw it more clearly than the day my mother exhibited carrying it on, in 2003. Shortly thereafter I started to experience my first layer of suicide programming. And she was up to something I could just tell.

What I dont understand is why some of us seem to be able to wake up and understand our situations and even become self programming while others just remain half asleep and respond to programming only. My mother is either still so programmed that she truly doesnt know half of why she does what she does or she has been targeted into complying from years of harassment. She did turn to me and say "Sometimes...you just get tired of fighting". But I dont understand this statement.
My mother was much more highly damaged than I was. The chances of her escaping this system and its hold on her is nil. She was always scared and looking for allies, usually people like me she was more recently making enemies out of.

What I hate about this system is that it seems to mistreat an entire family. What would start such a thing years back anyway?

Just listening to Chemical Brothers from those days. Its funny how the kids in the retro picture are an example of exactly what I decided to do in response to being harassed: hit the road like our parents.

They are trying desperately to turn me into either June Cleaver or Polly Pureheart...or the totally opposite direction. I am sure the purpose of attempting to make me revert to something that depraved is so that I will come out of it a total Christian or clean and normal- totally fearing life and its adventures.

Why do I get the feeling that this is my families attempts to white wash me and use my blonde, Christian ordained minister, genetic engineer cousin as a front so no one ever knows how f*cked that family was. Its creepy who much it seems like someone is trying to get me to match my cousins level so that the cover up is complete. That is more creepy than being driven into depravity ever would be.

I recall this band. Good album and like everything good they never got the attention they deserved.

There was nothing wrong with me having a loner type way of existing. I had made peace with that years ago. I was healing, I was growing. What is wrong is the loneliNESS that has been created by a campaign so destructive, so viscous that no one BUT a self loving, self caretaking loner could have survived it.

But its so typical this system came after me just when I had learned to love a man, make peace with a parent, leave an old friend and walk away from a dead alter ego and the craft that went with it. The gang stalking system leaves nothing of the person.
They are not crazy, they dont deserve it. No one does.

The older women I see at this day drop in place, they are appalled at the way young people dont care about anything. That they can laugh at Family Guy. They are correct it is training to be insensitive to other human beings. My generation can navigate this kind of entertainment due to understanding its reactionary crap and is parading as being provocative, but to the young it is a training tool.

The world is not going downhill due to simply it being that way or end times. Its been purposely engineered that way. These are not random events.

To be honest its the obsession with using tech to make up for everything that is now
wrong with society as well as allowing an entire generation to be raised fully immersed in it cant be helping either. The fact that I gain immediate respect in my disheveled state when I pull out my beat up netbook cannot be a good sign.

The most bizarre thing is that everyone is just letting me fall to pieces and not doing anything about it. Its so...totally unexpected I guess. Maybe they just think I am losing my mind over time. Its the best cover story yet. Its not very sympathetic however to allow me to see pity so frequently.

The Truman Show Syndrome thing is also very damaging, and yes I get this too depending on the location. Which just goes to show that every person that suffers from this condition is probably targeted.
I didnt imagine the gangs stalking thats for sure. I did not imagine the absolute magnitude of this either. Across the USA? Its ridiculous. That is not normal. Nor is it harmless. I recall that Jake was pulling something towards the really bad years of it in that apartment I was in. One of those assholes from NA, who was part of the drug busts and that mob crowd that retired down there (they hand out a few lambs and useful idiots let the important people go undetected Boston is bullshit and not event he feds are going to those types. Its a joke.) replied to my suspicions with "Well its not hurting you". Well you fat creepy pedo (hugger Mark) its 2010 and I live out of a back pack. How is this not a bad scene?

Its also unbelievable that in my case this leads back to war crimes becuz it is really more about my connection to MK Ultra through my mother being a radiation experimentee as well as obviously trauma based mind control programming for tasks such as courier etc. For most people to accept that I am just unfortunate and Jake with friends pulled off some kind of fun reality show starring his crazy ex or whatever is the worst cover story I have ever heard of. It also serves the purpose of making the public believe that the US is no longer a law abiding place.

The reason it was easy to target me so heavily is probably that deep into the legal hole on this case, there is something about 'In the interest of national security' just like with ever other survivor of programming.

The illusion is that the Boston cops or Jake and friends can do whatever they want. That is utter bullshit. These f*ckers worked in the interest of the dirty tricks dept and programming was at the center of it. They arrange it legally somehow I know they do. I know the way these people think. But it creates this 'down the rabbit hole' illusion that its a lawless society. Its not. The common folk just dont understand what is really behind what seems like picking on some stupid girl whos amusing and 'crazy'.

My mother being connected to MK Ultra is all I needed to hear or figure out to finally be satisfied with all events. The truth is alot more satisfiying than some smoke and mirrors game brought out by the shills of the dirty tricks dept. They gain street cred when really they just have all thier asses in the air for the sleaziest and most inhumane, rogue factions connected to govt in this country. NO ONE does what they did to me and does it without the govt noticing. And the sh*t that happened to me out in the southwest and around the USA after I left MA is definately not anyone independent of a body GOVERNED in this country by some chain of command. When you realize how much money this takes, years later all you can think of is ' black budgets'. Its the only thing that makes any sense.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Hate Mail Time,kids!! Utube Comment: mookixox

Yes, friends another jack ass who is full of himself yet insists on being perceived as an activist has decided to attempt an rude dig, it looks as if its due to me being a female by the look of his channel:



Approval required for comment on "Gang Stalking 2010 6/6"

I feel very sad for this woman. I bet she hasn't shaved in years with a forrest in her panties. I wonder how long the men in her life have to pretend they believe her before they get into her pants? Either way, at least these ppl don't seem like threats (to anyone but themselve). The day thesy start shooting up fast food restaurants is when we should worry. And I say that as someone who knows how evil Govt really is..."

I say the extent of his activism is being either a disinfo agent, a info hoarding alarmist or a conspiracy theorist.
It stands to reason that if he thought that our government was so 'evil' (a generalized, very childish adjective to use when describing something political) then he would have read my blogs with literally years of information as well as the obvious connections between MK Ultra, mind control experiments and the use of these in the 'NWO'.

This f*cker shouldn't be thinking about my panties becuz he wouldn't stand a chance anyway with how stupid and paranoid he sounds. "The Jews did 9/11?" What kind of statement is that? There is talk 0f a link to Mossad perhaps but that is not The Jews. What, every Jew everywhere? WTF?
This is the kind of activist who makes the rest of us look bad.

And I stopped shaving my armpits years ago to keep morons like this from coming onto me on Greyhound buses. Whats in my underwear is none of his business. However, whats in his underwear cannot be too impressive if he were to make such a statement. If he is afraid of my femininity in any way, it shows by him first fearing my pubes then fearing I will take out a McDonalds. Psychology 101 anyone?

I don't tell anyone anything. 'The men in my life'...again psychology. Belittle me from warrior goddess to some guy's girlfriend. Eww.
I stand alone forever and always.

Who exactly are "these ppl"? What, Targeted Individuals? His channel looks just as insane as mine would if you were not associated with the subject matter."'The Jews' did 9-11" being his crowing achievement of idiocy.

If I shoot up something ever it wont be a fast food restaurant. And it might not be bullets. Thats loud obnoxious, overt behavior usually delegated to males as testosterone plays a pivotal role in using guns for both suicide and homicide as well as the ' going out in a blaze of glory' ending.
Since I am a woman, which is what he is most afraid of, I wont be using guns or shooting strangers. I might just find out where this guy lives though and choose him for some experiment in trying out all the methods I learned from my perps over the years.

We ppl are smarter than he which is why we are targeted. Women scare this fool.

The only thing he has to feel sad about is being so pathetic that he needs to make a dig at a stranger just to make himself look cool which, after reading the 'formula' used in his writing, is the sole purpose of his actions.

He also obviously thought about me in a sexual way or he wouldn't have commented on the possible state of my privates. Face it dude. You totally want me. I can tell.
I could report him for making a comment like that but I'd rather just block him and stop anymore attention seeking at my expense.
That would be like such a hysterical news report: "A crazed lone shooter, a female, opened fire on a crowd of people at a White Castle today, killing 10, wounding 3o. Its got people wondering one thing. Was she shaved?"

I mean is that going to be the main concern when I finally go off postal? Or is that some warning sign of a terrorist or lone shooter.

FBI: "I want 24 hour surveillance on this woman. She is obviously a danger to herself and others. She refuses to give in to the modern style of all good airbrushed layouts in Playboy as well as modern (boring, souless) video porn: any women with pubes unkempt is certainly a dangerous feminist and must be watched for reasons of national security".
"You read Playboy sir?"
"I only read it for the articles. Now get out of my office"
Yes all we activists that stay mobile, have outsmarted and resisted our enemies thus far and live like animals until we get the results we desire certainly dont have access to personal grooming products. What the hell is wrong with this guy? In the USA you'll never starve or go without hygiene unless yer super drunk or lazy.

Did anyone ever insult Che this way? I hope I dont end up on a t-shirt on some YUPpie poser from hell.
Like all those morons I used to art model for. Listening to heavy blues music for the effect while remaining terribly white and overprivileged (see out of the blue studios http://www.outoftheblueartgallery.com/- wins most pretentious award. Oh and they were major perps too)..and wearing Cuban rebel green hats of course.
This year they are wearing train hopper gear but I can always tell who is full of sh*t and who is for real.
Posers wear it. Travelers live it.

I wonder if these kids sit around at thier college classes or office jobs and find lighter tops to attach to thier clothes or do they buy them that way?

You have to realize that the system views people like me as another potential Susan Atkins type. Which means that they are blowing the whistle on themselves by knowing about programming, Satanic cult activity or ritual abuse as well as ties to various factions that I wont mention. What is really behind this is pushing the targeted survivor until they do in fact snap. Its all bullshit. The actions taken against the person is what makes them snap.

And these smug attitudes from prison employee types and law enforcement. They fricking know already anyway. One snooty prison employee said of Atkins conversion to Christianity that it was just another cult for her to convert to. SO what exactly has the legit system done for survivors of satanic or ritual abuse or activity especially tied to say the military or intel agencies? Other than mess with them so they snap and after the 90's panic, discredit them?

The system can be that arrogant as they know full well what is really going on. Anyone with a heavy backround in psychology would understand the dynamics of it. But try to find one that actually does thier job..good luck with that.

I notice negligence is the passive side of gang stalking. I also note that many people that snap or go serial killer have records to prove that they tried to seek help and no one did thier job. Hmmm.

I was in this McDonalds in St Louis around the college one day. It was one of the funniest gang stalking moments ever. These two young cops came in, looking real guilty like they did not want to do this too me as they knew it was total bullsh*t. The whole place acted like I was secretly carrying an m 16 under my clothes or something and the kid working there actually came into the eating area and kept baiting me. The cops just stood there and half got into the drama scene that was trying to be created. I just sat there and peaceably ate my sandwich after ordering food like any other normal person.
It was one of gang stalking's stupider moments. Didnt know you were gonna hafta play act for some rich a-holes or corrupt govt faction when you got into the academy did you boys?
Poor kids. They looked so...worried about the whole thing. If they were Boston cops they would have probably sat there and gloated while pulling it off. But then Boston wouldnt have ever been that obvious..or is a Moltov cocktail a bit obvious? I guess when you get desperate...

Why is it that entire era during Bush was violent riots here in Boston over stupid shit like teams winning games and men finding it necessary to blow things up? (take that however you want to USA)
Never allow another Bush into office. Wars start and things just start exploding. Its a real pain in the ass and usually a total downer really.

Me as a lone shooter. I just dont see it. Its so... overt and stupid. But I can understand with being harassed and with enough psych warfare how people just cant take anymore.

I keep running this memory in my head over last few days of a perp in St Louis who said while sitting on a park bench: "Women from Boston might be beautiful in their hearts and thier minds but a person can only take so much". LOL.
This was the typical predominently black male attitude towards gang stalking there. That they were having a hella wild good ol time with this and they were going to win!
What does beauty inner or outer have to do with the cold hard math involved in internal programming systems?
This is what happens when you hire a 'job' out to folk. They have to myth everything up. Folklore and all that. The whites were much more KKK sorts and convinced I was a Jew so would approach me that way to insult me, which of course made no sense for a long time as I am not a Jew that I know of.

I can take whatever it takes to win and see the results of my actions even if it takes until I am 80 and Will myself to live that long to get vengeance. Problem understanding that?
I guess being stuck in a land locked area makes you start imagining things- like yer omnipotent, and that is based on you being a male mostly.

Lets import some of these f*ckers to Boston and see how much of the northeast THEY can 'take'. I give them a month or two until they are trying to escape to go back home. And even though they have Arctic winters there, snow confuses them like it does people from down south. It snows two inches there and there are multiple accidents.

I say we find every perp of all races from St Louis and round them up, kidnap them and drop them in the middle of the worst part of NYC. Ahhh, fun times.
Yeah, St Louis was the place where the rent a cop at the train station was gesturing 'damn it' when I walked off, alive and well, into the bus station and out of town again, without being carried out in a pine box. Very subtle wouldnt you say? You can tell in the way they dress there. Well when you think yer hiding out in the middle of the continent and no one knows what yer up to...
People in downtown St Louis look as if they are trying for NE fashion sense but they fail miserably in ways. Its almost as amusing as these attempts in San Diego but without the plastic surgery victimhood to go along with the sad dress attempts, creating a monstrous and grotesque reality of the American landscape I will not soon forget.

There was also this ridiculous race war going on there between blacks and whites in the fire dept. The whites would leave nooses or monkeys around for the blacks to find and the blacks would leave out a bunch of saltine crackers in response. Totally retarded- like St Louis.
They should get out to the coasts more often. Go swimming or something. Oh, they dont know how to swim in an ocean? No loss really it wouldnt be.

Hate mail. Always a FAIL.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The NY Times Needs to Grow Up - a return for an article on Gen X's mid life crisis


They still dont get it or should I say US. The outside world or the Gen Xer that never went any deeper into our existence other than superficiality.

There is much to do in this world for the Gen Xer now. We are akin to silent Watchers. When we stop being afraid of the Boomers and those horrid Gen Y and Millenials that just went away in the last few years (whew) crowding us in between them- the Boomers being ever jealous of our youth and our being the only generation to recall what they were really like back in the 60's and 70's a reality that they want deeply buried in history under a white wash. And the Millenials messing with us like we were a threat to society in itself becuz we are loners for life yet strong in our connections to each other being so group and team obsessed as they are.

The Gen Xer is potenitally a very powerful Elder in society. But once again all the tricks and conditioning that the system did to keep us under control, keep us from acting out or understanding our full potential or its meaning in this time frame we are here on earth, has succeeded once again.

This article sucks lets be blunt. Slackers could be Sleepers. And not acting at a juncture where you are expected to act out may just be wisdom about lying in wait for your enemy until the right time. Hunters know this and Gen X learned very well from the 60's generation (of Pluto in Leo's) how to be fierce. We, wanting to be more peaceable than they, only do so when necessary.

Many Gen X'ers are not refusing to grow up but rather understand that society is still full of sh*t no matter how many Bush's you put in office to scare and intimidate everyone back under control again.

We are not any of the things they say, or even this Gen X simpleton/traitor who wrote this article. We are rebellious, just as our parents taught us to be, probably until our deaths.

We also had a name for this kind of Gen X'er who wrote this: Poser. Sell out. In fact, as I recall, we simply did not associate with THIS kind of kid when we were young, so by logic (Pluto in Virgo) this here Gen Xer doesnt think he should be representin an entire generation.

We did grow up during the 80's. When the preppy kids had thier world and we had ours and anyone in between had thiers. We werent forced into diversity or groups or teams. We had tribes. This kid is not from my tribe. He works at this newspaper and that is testament enough to where he is going and (as they used to say in the 70's) where he's 'comin from'.

I have to say that I like this Gen Z. They seem much less group minded however many of them are way to quiet. It creeps Gen X out sometimes. They are a nice change from the last two I mentioned. Of course I am generalizing.

What does this author mean by "generalizing a personal experience"? As in what?
This guy sounds like he is generalizing his personal experience, which is what Gen X does as he writes. Geez, it's like a box within a box or putting a mirror up to another mirror to see infinity. Is that too general? Am I slacking? Do I give a sh*t? Not really.

The only problem with cyber land is that you cant do really cool surrealist type remaking of or vandalism of things belonging to the establishment or mainstream already in existence like in zines.
You cant pull thier false created reality apart or satirize it if for one they have co opted everything that was underground and cool and number two you cant physically dismantle things anymore due to ads being on the sides of buses, across railroad tracks on train station walls, or on people's cars.

They named us Gen X due to some slur about us not existing or having no definitions. I think X is appropriate and I think our generations meaning scares the sh*t out of them. X for mystery, for silence, for knowing. X for seeing through the bullsh*t but not falling for it while doing everything that has to be done to live among it. All those therapists and all that 70's coddling and teaching peace not diversity and PC, all those recovery programs and that sh*t in the 70's that always included some alternative explaination refering to what would later be known as new age content- made us doubt ourselves, gave us a lack of substance, made us used to pondering but never settling on an answer but thats becuz the answer was never clear. We are comfortable to wait until it is and live through the mystery. Patience is our watch word. You try raising a Baby Boomer who is only 17 or 20 years your senior while they think they are raising you. It took alot of tolerance, love and patience we seem to be born with. And they still dont want our pure type of love, they want attention and adulation from whatever next gen will buy into whatever new remade image of themselves they create.

It will be forever a mystery as to what is inside of a Baby Boomer from the 60's. For all their honesty, for all there overtly facing the system and fighting it there is some part of them we never knew. Something so dark, so hurtful it helped spurn the entire 60's revolution. Under those flowers lies something dark, we grew up with this. We put them to bed, cleaned up after them and learned to fend for ourselves. We had parents to raise after all. We retain the darknes but do not fear it. We embraced it which is what is in alot of our music that everyone dubbed depressing and whiney.

In the 80's they took off from the discos in mercedes playing catch up and watching Dallas. They were probably as out of it with Reagan as we were with Bush...which is a very interesting 'coincidence' that wreaks of getting not just one generation under control but two. The Kids and their kids.

In general many people have and still are very biased and unfair towards Gen X. To be the children of a transition into technology from the totally analog world is quite a position to be in.. It does often feel like being Janus, with one face towards a past very different than the other face towards the future.

Society does not hate Gen X nor do those with eyes to see misunderstand us as they claim. They fear us and they know it. Not the ones who remain asleep like this author may genuinely be if he is not pretending to not understand as he writes is one of our ways of being.

Keeping us down or from understanding our place in this very important pivotal time of change for the whole world was I dare guess one of the greatest priorities of The System. Many are still asleep. Many have sold out or couldnt change thier fighting style to keep fighting the system as the whole set up has been re arranged.

There are many examples of Gen Xers who still insist on the system showing itself for what it is. When people are telling Naomi Klein to grow up its very suspect. It clearly tells us that the system finds people exposing it for what it is as somehow immature.
What they really mean is move on yer done now, yer not in yer 20's yer no longer a threat. You never were you were easy to subdue.
This is becuz many Gen Xers will find that rebellion or truly fighting the system is more appropriate now than it was during the Clinton years when everything was made to seem as if a new world was emerging that would be TRULY peaceful, TRULY evolved and TRULY improved not the lie the system is putting forth now with the NWO. We were naive in that we thought we had won, solidified our parents visions for a better world.

We were always leery however luckily. Remember the darkness, remember the lies. Remember the 70's and how close to death the whole era was, while glittering outfits and hot lights created the illusions that one big party was here to last forever. And everything was alright no matter what.
Gen X has a healthy mistrust of authority instilled in us by our parents.
We also saw living examples of this: Veitnam footage, junkies who wore dog tags out of drama and an urge to be survivors (a big thing then) of thier own self destruction, drugs used to control and medicate an unhappiness and depression so great from many adults of that era that it made a permanent imprint on our souls. Mafia and crooked cops running things business as usual, the cities beginning to rot from within and that was marketed as gritty America with a special charm, long lines at the gas pumps with flags which later we would find out was a scam. Reagan coming in and bringing us close to Doomsday and us deciding that we would always make a friend out of Death, and walk quietly beside him other than fear his presence, and then AIDS patients everywhere, dying before the meds came out. We had to see death not as brought on by the govt which we could fight but as an unstoppable part of reality, surrounding us, drowing us, taking those we loved and us having to live with it as if it were normal to exist that way.

How do you believe then, you will scare us with anything? We were seriously convinced (and secretly still are) that Mad Max was going to be our undeniable future. And we were ready.

You cant beat that but like this author you can mamby pamby over intellectualize it and explain it away. What I know about Gen Xers is that when something becomes explained away in a formula that looks a bit too mathematical and a bit too neat and tidy- we are hiding something we are either afraid of or that we dont want to look into the abyss for fear of dying or not existing at all. Of the death that exists for Vietnam soldiers, for dope fiends, for drunk driving and your head going through the windshield, for all the victims of mob hits or drug dealers doing clean ups, for victims of Jason from Friday the 13th (admit it, these movies f*cked you up) or Freddie, for kids left in ghettos in the 70's where you were told you wouldnt make it out alive. That feeling you get in the northeast riding in a car in the middle of the night looking at street lights go by and wondering why they remind you of death, of the emptiness or void spot in the middle of yer chest. That wondering if you are alive or dead, that comfort of living with death, walking beside him.

After the 80's we seemed to forget our scary traumatic beginnings and the 90's was a way to hide in something that either partially addressed it as expressing it as 'angst' or Sienfeld, Friends, Supermodels and dark brown lipstick and Ab Fab as a way out of it as if it were behind us.

Then the mid 90's came. The police state started to move in. We either didnt see it or thought that old monster was dead thanks to our parents. The one great mistake of Gen X is believing that our parents could fight the monster that was oppression for us forever. Secretly to many of us they were our heros or maybe we hadnt been up against this monster to appreciate thier actions so much as we do now. Bush came in. The monster returned and with nasty new paradinms, new tech, new lies and deceptions. People left the country thsi time instead of fighting. We were unprepared and the Boomers had lost alot of their fire by then. These men in this administration were the same as under Ford or around Nixon. There was a new way to pull off cover ups and this time they were leaving nothing to chance as before.

Then Obama came in and made alot of us ashamed to ever have believed in the Dem or the left or the Liberal in the USA. More deceptions more lies, more look alikes, stand ins, dopple gangers. Reality...solid reality, the kind we knew in our childhood has become something outdated. Passe.

We still fight, we still believe that there will be an end to this and the sun will come out returning everything to normal. If not then the Gen Xer will do what we have always done. We will stick to our solid beliefs, routines and Willfulness, mixed with our gentleness, sensitivity and tolerance....and of course patience and keep seeing hard reality when all around is deception. That is the definitive explaination of the 1970's. Its just that era of deceptions was fun, exciting and cheaper to live out. This one being oppressive and unpleasant and very sterile. Both insult the intelligence and strange aged wisdom of the individual and collective souls of Gen X. We quietly still do not accept your reality as honest. Gen X is still waiting for honesty from the system.
I believe that they thought a blitzgrieg of terrorism, fear, paranoia, intimidation and confusion/chaos would break us down and change us- modify us finally. Hey, welcome to the very definition of being a little kid in the 70's. We'll just adapt to yet another new school, another new president, another new interesting generation of young people that are of course hated and misunderstood by thier elders. When I was living near the border of Juarez in El Paso TX people were freaking out becuz it was dangerous. US Fed Marshalls were washing up in large drain pipes as nice messages from drug cartels to butt out. People forget that level of violence is exactly what the 70's in Boston or NYC was like. One just didnt talk about it or it was forgotten about as 'business' by criminals and yer best bet was to pretend you didnt know or see anything.

Humans have fun and live in war zones. People survive horrid circumstances and still retain thier humanness. All that has happened to Gen X is that the strength we didnt need to find within our Selves in the 90's has now been triggerd by the recent decade of bullshit by the same people that handed our parents so much bullshit in the 60's. We have learned simply that The Dragon may come back to life, he may come back in another more insidious form to attack or his brethren may return and that is eternal. We have learned to take our vision of a perfect world with us in our hearts on the road, to the next place, the next point of life whether it be 20 or 40 or 60, the next phase that The Man creates to keep us and that perfect peaceful world we want to unpack- on the run.

Gen X will only get older and acquire more power with age. You cant just write us off by ignoring us or pretending authors like this have us pegged with a few very shallow generalizations. How can you ask us to 'grow up' when you never really made sense of the world to begin with. We still think that grown ups and human beings in general are terribly silly, that the action of the world at the same old games is really passe and boring (see military industrial complex) and when are you going to let the natural evolution of Mankind happen world wide?

If anything, Gen X has been waiting (patiently of course) for YOU all to grow up.