“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” --Maya Angelou

Saturday, July 31, 2010

another incident that only validates why I come back to the northeast once a year for a month

once again Cambridge MA blacks win the award for some of the most consistently rude and obnoxious people in the USA even when they have money and jobs, nice clothes and decent education.

Galleria Mall Cambridge MA. Two skinny black girls came into the aisle of the restroom, I was standing next to my gear ready to load up and go. They came over, looked at my backpack and posessions, laughed and one put her hand over her mouth in the typical body language to:
-be overdramatic
-make a big deal about themselves
-make what they are goofing on seem very important all around when really no one but them finds it funny or gives a sh*t.
She said to her friend "I had a long day at work, I'm entitled then right?" So your idea of fun after work is looking at a traveling backpacker's gear on the floor in a restroom? I love this generation dont you? Must have been something in all that Ridalin.
I tried to follow them out as I dont put up with bs in my hometown anymore and have learned how to deal quite well with all the demographics in this pathetic geographical location. Yankees are fairly easy compared to some other places I have been. I know that now. Mostly they are just spoiled rotten compared to the rest of the USA anyway. The greatest revenge is knowing they are trapped like stone statues within the cold hard structure that IS Boston's status and class system. And if you never leave, you'll believe it and actually internalize everything it makes you out to be...which I have discovered it only relative to the culture and location one is in. In other words- on earth you might weigh 150 lbs but on the moon you are weightless. There ARE other realities other than Boston. Just leave to shed this bullsh*t con job of a city..leave and dont internalize it ever again.

I was going to simply ask them what was so funny in there? But I didnt see what direction they went out into the mall, since they all looked alike anyway. Its just here in this area...literally I have few places where that cliche rings true but it does in this location for some reason. All of them in this mall have nice clothes, flashy but very Timberland mixed in, both boys and girls are tall, very dark brown tone and thinner than your average African American built. I saw no light skinned blacks or any of the variations one usually sees in any ethnic group. It was rather odd how much they all looked like from some similar ancestry.

They must have ok homes and educations becuz they aren't ghetto, just retain the ignorance of you average Cambridge/Boston young black-which is a young black person who has never had to deal with the SH*T we dealt with from the oppressive white rich WASP *ssholes in Boston keeping us down and basically sweeping blacks and white trash under the rug in the 70's. The sentiment was 'this concrete and fences are your cradle and they are going to be your grave- you are NEVER getting out.' They dont do that anymore. But I am getting damn sick of being targeted by blacks, especially very young blacks. For them to have absolutley no respect for me coming out of an environment that they should be familiar with is disgusting to me. However, they seem to retain the ignorance of that culture and it only seems more arrogant the more middle class they get.
Thats my point. This crowd here seems horribly middle class which is why they have the audacity to judge someone that has dealt with a situation that most people never have to deal with. If they were wealthy I believe they would handle it differently. I would rather deal with the most f*cked up blacks in the street anyday than people like this who are now feeling quite 'better than' everyone else.

It must piss them off that they all seem to be skinny as rails with long legs as thier men cant stop looking at me. At 39, I am especially thick and shapely now. With bone structure that no plastic surgeon could provide the richest woman in the world. You cant buy the natural beauty that I possessed, so the next best thing is to destroy me and keep me down.
The other day at the beach near Southie (?WTF) some smart ass young black girls (again, scrawny) who caught thier boy looking at me stated "Thats not a woman, that's a beast". You think that bothers me you arrogant Yankee black bitch? First of all I am a f*ckin beast so dont make me go off on your skinny ass and prove what I am capable of...at this age theres no patience for the drama of fighting- just winning by any means necessary. Secondly, I often leave this pathetic place to go places where your bullshit is not only NOT tolerated like it is up here, blacks like you simply dont exist. Places like Jackson MI, Nashville TN, Oregon, Idaho..on and on. If you leave Boston or Cambridge you better watch yo ass..and you know it too.
And third I am proud of my DNA providing me with such a constitution that I am now bigger than I ever would have been had I not had to push my physical limits in my mid 30's. You see a beast...men dont. Yer an idiot is the end of that equation, dumbass.
The crap these assholes dish out here doesnt even bother me anymore. I know I can just call friends with names like Bubba from places like W Virginia, TN, TX who will immediately remind me that there exists in our country still, places where poor whites dont have to be squeezed to death between affluent WASPs and blacks. Left to the dogs by WASPs when you are no longer of use to them, they put you out to the trash and expect you to assimulate into a foriegn culture. Since I am not Italian enough or Irish enough from Southie, or Jewish from Brookline or Newton, or a WASP who fits into dowtown or BU blacks here have always felt I was fair game. I dont have what they consider an ethic tribe or belong to a neighborhood.
Especially in Cambridge, where they are out to prove they can take over the world with that city as one of their main locations to work thier little master plan from. Well...as long as they stay in the area I assume. I dont think where Bubba lives they tolerate delusions of taking over the world.

This country is for everyone to enjoy not to be influltred and taken over by some other group of people like many other groups in the past with thier ass on fire to prove how superior they are. And picking on me only validates your total assholedom not proves how badass you are. Its pathetic. Geesh, during the insanity to get Obama elected local blacks made it seem like alot of thier gang stalking and other activity was directly related to getting that man into office..maybe that was just locally. Or maybe that was just them enjoying destroying me while swimming in the pride of Obama getting in while watching Oprah on the big screen tv at Pine St she supposedly bought for them...and of course this is due to the fact that if they left Cambridge or Boston, they wouldnt have sh*t nor be allowed to lord it over anyone, nor mainline black pride up their arms like junkies. Its such a reactionary position they hold here- directly in relation to the WASPs and other factions that hold dominion over key resources and positions. Destroying the likes of me was like giving them a little treat to feast on...to feel the luxury of power like the white man must feel.

My ancestors are all third wavers which means if you actually read a history book you'd know Idont owe you sh*t, but of course like good houseslaves (see Malcolm X for reference on the term) you are working for the very people who held your ancestors as slaves. Very good. As long as you get what you want and need who cares about principles right? Kinda like turning in your prisoners of war in West Africa over to white men in ships for slavery.
PC goes out the window in cases of covert warfare. I dont have to be polite or considerate to anyone or any group, and I believe I carry myself pretty well considering what I have been through. According to statistics I should have gone postal by now...and if I decide to I will make sure its somewhere in Central Sq or this mall during summer when all these brats are out and about being good little consumers. How does that sound assholes??

Only in the northeast city of Boston or Cambridge would urban people think a traveling person was odd or unusual to look at. They never frickin dare leave the comfort of this place so they dont know what the hell they are looking at. And I hope they dont think they 'know me' from years ago or someone telling them about me and my situation becuz that demographic was always a bit lost in what was really going on. MK Ultra is a bit off the beaten path of your typical 'ho' who is a 'sucka' within the boring typical crime scene bs of so many cover stories. They would believe that too...it validates their existence where as MK Ultra confuses them. So lets reject what we dont understand..simple I guess.

In case they are mistaken let me clarify for them: I dont live here anymore, I treat this place like any other city I pass through and Boston has no hold on me anymore. I am a traveler as I always was at heart. I am not like my stupid aunt you think you know through that ghetto bitch Honey or my stupid mother...I am not like my mother's family at all who they for some reason also think they have some juristiction over. I am ME. I am not Danny, or his mother, I am not my mother nor Debbie my aunt. I am a totally independant creation of 23 chromosomes from each parent and lots of life experience dealing with wealthy people for most of my 20's that make most assholes who think they can diss me, look simple. I KNOW who the f*ck I am...and its not some local b*tch you can rag on.
It looks as if the help dont know their place in this mall..what is society coming to?
I also have too many friends from areas of the country that are quite unlike this living Hell of racism and classism, that only validate my human value..not treat me like a white trash doormat for rich WASPs and thier house servants. Go to hell. You live in Boston...you are already there. If you really think yer that badass then try to do what I do. Carry a 60 lb back pack almost everyday with that bony black ass girlfriend...not happening is it? And there are no men around to sugar talk (which you brought up here from down south with your ancestors,along with other annoying non YANKEE ways) to con into carrying your bags for you dear...this is roughing it in the woods alot of the time or sleeping outside like our primitive nomadic ancenstors did..at least mine anyway. Also, good luck finding many people who express urban culture on the road in the USA either. I have found more Native American and Nordic ancestry- mixed ethnic light brown people and blondes,out here more than any others among most of the traveling population..dont know why that is, but none of them are going to put up with your rude bs. And also people hit the road to get away from crap like heirachies and rat races..so if you act stupid or upset the peace or balance, the hobos can become very lawless and violent at any time.. and its not like there are nice police men around the corner like here ready to protect you. Your on your own alot on the road so you BETTER get some MANNERS and learn how to act.
No one who is a traveler likes narrow minded assh*les from the suburbs of an inner city. For the record I am speaking about Cambridge and Boston but not the ghetto's of Boston. If I was in Roxbury those two would be tending to minding thier own business actually. No one has time or can afford to risk thier safety in REAL ghettos. But here it seems that they can play with power as society affords them status here, which of course they turn right around and act as ignorant and arrogant and whites with...good show guys, keep it up. You'll be destroying the environment and enslaving entire third world nations just like the white man if you keep it up! Good luck on your rise to power. Which is why whites like me have become leary of trusting blacks within class wars. Fine with me..I am of European ancestry--we gain and lose allies all the time historically, as well as have a wonderful habit of going nomadic to survive bad conditions in the homeland. I know I am doing excactly what my dna strands tell me to do.
Also for the record to anyone who is offended by this: If It Dont Apply Let It Fly.
Ya know whats really odd? All the clusters of African American young people that were here when I started this post all over the dining area and walking by in the halls are gone. There are a few tables of blacks but they are mixed in and it seems more random and normal. Those kids are probably home doing thier homework so they can get into good colleges..to take over the world of course. But when stuff like that happens, patterns emerge, after years of being messed with and terrorized you start to be suspect of ANY harassment that occurs during the presence of any patterns...which of course make you look nuts. Which is what this system wants.

Its hard enough to be in the location where my own family betrayed me and my friends and associates. I am very sensitive here..very wounded still. I dont need little kids messing with me. I really wanted to take her by her scrawny neck and wring it good. But of course this generation only knows anger management and suing people instead of settling things the old fashoined way- they have learned the first and biggest lesson of successful white oppressors: hide.

I can only condone myself with thoughts of returning to Nashville TN or TX. Even San Diego, where no one is a snob except the rich white YUPpies who have lots of money but lack culture- but like most of CA dont really give a sh*t about the world outside of SO CAL. These are the culturual drawbacks to any Yankee area but ESPECIALLY Cambridge. I dont like any of them knowing my situation though, it really bothers me that a people who really dont understand my culture get to be informed and judge or mess with me. That is probably some of the worst terrorism I have experienced. The ignorance inherent in culture wars especially with race involved, and specifically in Yankee areas. They dont know anything about my kind of 'white people' just like I dont claim to be arrogant enough to know all of details or variances of their culture. In order to get power from someone in my position it pays off to remain ignorant. Remember in terrorist activity and war the enemy MUST be dehumanized and remain that way.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Writing an expose..changes nothing

I recently wonder if I should bother to write my story at all. Most people eihyer believe psychiatry saying anyone who makes these claims is schizophrenic or they go along with that becuz its easier or they are part of the campaign. That traveler kid that gave me a hard time before was claiming that his friend talks to himself when he gets off his meds and that people who hang by themselves are often schizophreinics. I just dont trust this kid. Anyone who is out here going against the system should know wyhat its about. That people get targeted, especially the reality of political activists experiencing much of the same tactics as TI's stemming frome human experimentatino or mind control projects. Nope, he repeats the santiment of the system...I dont trust anyone that intolerant of other people out here. In my view unless you are actually talking to a space of air with no one in it OUTSIDE in public, unless you are totally gone out of reality- you're not nuts. Its too easy for society to hide its abuses and people who are traumatized and using coping skills or self comforting tactics to be called 'mentally ill'. If that is the case then society at large is 'mentally ill' for ignoring the realities of pollution, corruption etc.

Anyone who is out here who is so in agreement with the authority figure or who judges other street people or travelers so harshly is very suspicious to me. No one who has traveled that long can be THAT stupid about the way American politics works. He is also the same kid who I wrote about that will use manipulative and abusive tactics to try to coerce someone like me into a relationship. He should be an expert on messing people up and then denying any wrong doing when they react.

Sitting in familiar places where the processs began to destroy my health and my life, and being systematically ignored (when not being harassed) its hard for me to even consider writing a book. Why should I? Its not going to change anything. ITs not going to get my looks back, everything I had to part with moving out of that apartment or especially the spiritual life energy that situation stole frome me. I often feel it still stuck in that area of Brighton. My true future stolen from me and greedily kept by that building and the people involved. They basically stole my life. Its still there, that true timeline to what I should have been or could have been.

And no one cares. MY mother was right, no one cares. No one acknowledges any wrong doing, its just avoided all together. The only acknowledgment I get is people looking away or hanging thier heads (when its not a tactic to destroy my morale).

I think me resorting to writing a book to fix everything is an action predicted by the system. Its the ultimate diversion from me having any sort of truly meaningful existence. It gives me something to focus on instead of focusing on what was done directly, becuz I have been conditioned to believe no one cares or will believe me.

Well plenty of men who want to take advantage of me being vulnerable due to this situation seem to understand and know perfectly well exactly what went on. But only in asmuch as they can use it as an opportunity as predators not to help ne by acknowledging the truth to assist in gaining justice for myself.

So they are buddying up with the system as far as I am concerned. Abusive males working together to victimize one female. Is this the way men deal with everything they do in life? Its like the way they do things is exactly the same way of thinking over and over in this world. Its as if they are not capable of anything else or any other kind of behavior.
And women just go along to get whatever they are getting out of this.

I know writing my story will allow people to know whar really went on or how this works but there doesnt seem to be justice for victims after exposure anyway. Its a crime that no one is willing to do anything about..unless the TI can see that revenge or justice is being gotten covertly over time, which I have seen some indication of.

I mean should I just start telling people I am an RA survivor outright? Thats playing with it just a bit to much..it would be interesting to see the responses. I bet I get alot of claims of me being mentally ill, alot of denial. But I probably get that now behind my back anyway.

Everyone involved still gets away with what they did by denying the reality of the story. Its THAT easy.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Squat blown/ guilting the TI into confession over crimes commited around them

Doing better yesterday and okay today. Last night was woken up by an anxiety like condition I get sometimes that lasts for hours. It feels like someone is putting electroshock through your body or muscles. Only flexing very hard will relieve the discomfort, edginess and pain associated. It seems to generate from the body's core. Its horrid in the middle of the night as one just wants to sleep.

Cops came to squat today to finally clean it with a crew. Unfortunatley, we used to keep it nice but since that one girl is not there anymore making it her home, the local and traveler kids leave it kinda trashed. It was sad that the authorities had to see it like that today. It wasnt so bad but usually its not even slightly trashed. The cops were cool, the typical formula of good/bad cop. One being a hardass about the law and the other one smiling down at me on my computer telling me its time to go then not wanting to really deal with anything after that. The key to Cambridge cops is to be very respectful, Boston as well but Boston will take you in just for speaking back even respectfully or asking questions. They are infamous for doing that also. I apologized to the crew for it being trashed and the hardass rookie was obviously surprised by my civility, he kept expecting ignorant back talk. Oh no my dears, not me. Not after years of having to stay in control while being terrorized and put on a happy, tolerant face. I can smile and sound civil through Hell or WW3...just try me. The day that woman on the train tripped over my feet (on purpose) and I did not react, I was like stone-- is the day I knew that I had ill gotten the ability to not feel, not react, not be present in any situation. Its what younger people admire about older pro's in business...but I never wanted to be this, I wanted to be sensitive to other human beings and assist people, not learn to be Peggy Post while under extreme duress. It sucks...but I suppose it will be useful for any kind of activism for travelers etc considering everyone perceives all of us the same way. Most of the travelers and squatters are just kids so they dont know how to act civil. Many dont act civil on purpose as its rebellion time I suppose. Many traveling kids are intelligent but just dont like mainstream society. Urban camping grounds would be nice or for people to keep the squat in order. Most older squatters,like white haired, usually get left alone out there, in most of the US I have found for being quiet, unseen and not trashing their areas.
Shame really.

But I have this strong impression that I shouldnt go back there anyway anytime soon. Even to that area. Something is up with the kids there and I do NOT have time for anything to get in the way of what I am doing before I leave. Its a potentially volatile scene at all times anyway, usually people are out there to get away from the drama of hierarchies and pecking orders anyway.

Been feeling lately like this all happened due to me being poor and expendable, getting the idea that I should deal with my situation by accepting it and know my place- which of course is exactly the message given to me over the years by perps, but often said right to my face. Which means I should ignore that ideation. Its only purpose is to force me to give up.

Dont like where I go to shower sometimes. The women there some of them know I am a target, that whole Central Sq area is full of lots of people who seem to know. What I hate is when women, especially black women know that I am targeted and I feel this vibe, this feeling bad for me but after they connect with that vibe they reject you and get all hard about it. Its so overdramatic. Also you dont need to be connecting with me or feeling for me at all as its not your business. Its so ridiculous that they project thier view and world view on me, judge by THIER standards and then one feels put down and exploited or kept down or cheated, only becuz one can sense someone else projecting thier view of the situation onto you. Its so stupid. I am working within the situation. Thier view is the situation itself. That I have been cheated somehow and isnt that just so sad and life shouldnt be this way...but then they reject you after linking with you, which is very damaging. I hang out with people that do not view being vagabondish as a handicap and thier NOT afraid of it. One just has to go primitive to understand that, to return to the ancient nomadic state of human beings.

Its another way of feeling superior. Why would you feel anything at all for the person if you are only going to go along with thier being slowly murdered or kept down or destroyed? Its a drama they can focus on. I note that they purposely focus on the person being destroyed or kept down. This gives them the ability to actually jump in with the true active oppressors of the person and feel the POWER of the group, or the mob. If they thought of the person as strong or clever or resourceful within a tough situation or respected thier longevity, tenacity or creativity within the situation they would not be part of the mobbing so they CHOSE to focus on the negativity, so they can feel that power. Even if the TI has a totally different view of circumstances or is not daunted by them the silent viewer or the person who is silently aware who gets off on this sort of thing or fancies themselves part of the power structure that is actively keeping the person down WILL rape the TI: by engaging with them emotionally or psychically lets say, by knowing what is going on and then percieving the person as the loser in the situation..the Target can feel this engagement. They shouldnt be using the TI for their own emotional satisfaction and in this way its akin to being intimate while not welcomed. The TI then starts to feel that their situation is a losing battle and negative etc.

Its all bullsh*t. What other choice did or does the TI have? None with how heavy handed this system is. And if yer not going to help the person break out of oppression then keep to yourself then. The last thing TI's need is negative thinking or outsiders perceptions of the situation. Unless of course you are finally percieving that not only did the system screw up, what it is doing is highly illegal and unethical and you are going to see it stopped, NOW. No? Well then either mind your own or assist. Even attempt to perp outright but to destroy morale is the most pathetic action yet.

You are in on it, great. Who gives a sh*t what you think or how YOU feel. Dont put that on the TI, there is no time for such things.
I dont feel bad for myself and I am not going to start now. Its a war, so what?
Its another attempt to manage the Target's perceptions about thier situation , which will probably lead to them
-giving up and accepting their situation as is
-knowing thier place. So here we go again. An extremely small time person only has to feel their knowing about the situation gives them power over the captive target.

DO NOT tolerate this from anyone. Keep your own perceptions in sight. You'll have days that are bad enough anyway dealing with your own feelings that are not positive about the situation, you do NOT have room nor time for outsiders perceptions, unless it assists you in winning a battle or the war itself. They are just using you up which is the purpose of one being targeted, so everyone can partake of the ritualistic sacrifice over time of this human being. Dont make it easy for them and dont let them target you and take from you as a direct engagement from a perp would. They are not working as hard as those guys, who work at destroying the TI with time consuming tactics, set ups, mind games and theatres. Thier destruction of you cannot be helped. Most people would have lost thier minds by now. Dont let the lazy, 'in on it' type take from you much needed life energy just becuz they know whats going on and deep down they percieve you as a toy and think they can get away with that becuz truly powerful people do so.

Lots of losers, especially here in Boston, people involved in the gang elements or aware of them and thier undertakings, really seem to gain power from me in my situation. But I do recall that Tony, a few years ago, revealed some information to me and was being just a bit too overbearing and well..he ended up having a woman he hadnt seen for years show up, smoke crack with him and then by morning he was dead of a mysterious overdose with needles outside his window. Hmmm.
The funniest thing was when perps tried to convince me through directed conversation that I may have been implicated in his murder as my old connection to opiates so many years ago in my 20's. It was so laughable as well as a complete waste of a human beings life. Just for another set up here in Boston, or attempt at one. Maybe it happened due to him being far to revealing with info.
He was a strange guy-he really seemed to like Two and a Half Men the TV show with Charlie Sheen- you know the one where when you first watch it, you mistakenly think they are a gay couple and they have a fat kid named Jake? I hate that show...it seems so sexist. And the male actors are ugly as well as he should fire his maid..and that fat kid needs to be starved out at some point and not be the typical spoilt rotten mouthy American kid. Charlie Sheen's character whines too much about women.
He should marry his insane upstairs neighbor who calls him Huggy Bear all the time..I like her.

Hope to have drama free night but I feel danger afoot- dont know why.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Chelsea Handler

Since this is my personal b*tching section I can pick on people and readers cant whine that I am not serving proper gs activism. I have picked on certain people in the media- hardcore TI's who are survivors of high level programming know exactly WHY..if you dont then just go along for the ride. If you want to be serious and responsible, go to OnGangstalking where I published another informative piece..that doesnt pick on anyone nor are the claims unreasonable. Ha!

Ok..Chelsea Handler. Who is she?
She targets female 'white trash' in much the same 'aim low for laughs' style that Sarah Silverman. She does it through little skits on video within her show previous to the talk show and I read that her stand up contains the same.
She targeted Britney Spears stooping as low as having K-Fed's ex on her show.
She also likes to sit and pontificate on why kids are a mess - "and why I think its the parents fault". She has a way of legitimizing her being a jerk.
Which matches her look. On her talk show she often resembled a modern porn star- which is one of the most pious creatures on the planet nowdays as they claim they are not sluts or whores due to doing the same act as sluts and whores but on film with social acceptance from the modern public- once again mob rules not logic. Her look is often clean cut and neat like a model but the b*tch factor remains.
Many of her skits made fun of the social faux pas of poor white women trying to be civilized and fit into society.
And I gather like other Hollywood trash desperate for careers she stole from anyone, anywhere as well as underground entertainment. In fact I know she did.

The baracuda smile...need we say more? Lets not go on how she looks like she would suck the marrow out of one's bones to get her way, lets use research. Its more fun to build weapons to pummel people with opposed to just talking sh*t.
This lovely piece of work is connected to COMCAST and E! in a big way and if you know anything about COMCAST as a Targeted Individual, you know during Bush they were one of the biggest pains in the asses- everything from their employees to their tech. Lets first look at her connections. As usual she uses her snatch to get what she needs:
Note her tight schedule: May 2009 ink deal with company boyfriend is CEO of (COMCAST/E!) http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3i122eef64e5ea3297f78e5583997af4cd
Great! Now in August 2009, dump same boyfriend: http://hollywoodheadaches.pmpblogs.com/uncategorized-chelsea-handler-dumps-boyfriend-comcast-exec-tedharbert/
Then make fun of him when safely at a distance, 2010: http://www.popeater.com/2010/05/17/chelsea-handler-comedy-show/
"If Chelsea Handler's ex, Comcast head honcho Ted Harbert, is harboring any doubts that their breakup won't stick, he should go see her one-woman show, 'Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang, Bang.' Chelsea certainly isn't drowning her sorrows in her Belvedere.
...Chelsea dedicated about a quarter of her show to mocking Harbert and his neuroses. She told one story about a vacation the pair took, during which Harbert kept running to the bathroom because of the stomach flu and she smeared a piece of chocolate cake on his seat to make him think he went to the bathroom on it. "I would f*** with him all the time because he'd believe it," Chelsea laughed."

Some fun facts about COMCAST: http://forums.anandtech.com/archive/index.php/t-2077875.html

Now this article PROVES that the experiences that TI's go through with tech, especially bad during Bush DOES EXIST!! :http://griid.org/2010/07/01/corruption-road-%E2%80%93-a-new-resource-to-monitor-how-big-media-influences-washington-politics/
"In 2007, Comcast was caught blocking legal file-sharing applications by secretly disconnecting Internet users without explanation. After getting caught, the cable giant tried to block public debate at a hearing on the matter by paying people to fill seats — closing the venue to concerned citizens. The FCC approved a bipartisan order forcing Comcast to stop its secret blocking, but Comcast successfully appealed the order, arguing in court that the FCC didn’t have the authority to protect Internet users."

And even more fun facts:

"Comcast uses technology from CIA-backed CallMiner to mine data from every recorded customer service call in its Midwest call center."


Dont send me comments calling Handler a CIA plant or some other bs, as this is what makes conspiracy blogs run as well as the dis info agents work alot easier. There is and has been all along a paper trail or at least showing cause that there is something very corrupt in place as well as the potential to harass, mob and disrupt targeted persons or groups.

So much for our paranoia.
Hey wait! This HAS been an informative and responsible post!

Handler still annoys me. Any woman that rips on other struggling females without personal vendetta or just cause is a traitor and a daddy's girl. It also illustrates just how untalented she really is by having to resort to low blows.
One should never go for the throat without vendetta...unless of course its business.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

All I want to do now is get my story written. I feel I owe it to myself to show what I could have been if only I wasnt destroyed by this system. That I was indeed smart and could have improved social conditions..if I was allowed to live.

I cant change the damage thats been done. I cant reverse the brain damage or the damage to my health. I dont want to live under these conditions nor do I want to live in a body that is only getting more beat down. I especially dont want to live with the damage from multiple surgeries, mod exposure and all that the gs campaign has done over time to wear me out. I really would like to just leave but I feel its necessary to not only show how this is done to a person but to try to establish that the forces we are dealing with are real, have always been and manifest themselves through mankind- and that these technologies are being abused for the greedy and powerful to gain thier ends. As long as I do that I feel I can feel good about dying. That I wont have to look towards a future of harassment and worst of all ill health. To be honest I absolutely refuse to live in this body for more than few more years--which adds up due to the lyrics in the song 'Delta Dawn' which is the song at the final and largest layer of suicide programming I experienced years ago. In it Delta Dawn dies at 41. I have 2 years to get that book done.

The behavior modification people who dont understand programming it seems use alot of humiliation as they either believe they can break programming codes this way- as in break thier control over the survivor or they dont believe the person who is claiming they are programmed and believe cover stories about them needing reform through harassment. The people at higher levels KNOW this will kill the survivor over time by actually backing suicide programs - the very thing the survivor was trying to beat in the first place.

Deprogramming someone who has or had high level programming is not like deprogramming a cult member. Programming at high levels like this is very connected to the Mona Lisa or should I say such a work of art. Its that same sort of math and geometry, almost magickal or spiritual, its to that level. You cant disassemble that kind of thing with run of the mill deprogramming tactics that work on Moonies and the like.
Any kind of abuse only makes the person feel more and more like the suicide sequences were set up by the elders or programmers to save them from the hands of the public or strangers- like the people who are gang stalking them.

I have felt that for the most part this is correct. That this would have led to peace and it was the only way out to escape torture or to leave this plain 'intact'. The amount of corruption to the system that is done by gang stalking and people wanting you to join normal people or average society and act 'normal' is not negotiable. Its deadly to the internal systems as a whole and not complying with gang stalking as behavior modification and forced integration for MPD or disassociation is the ONLY way out.

And no matter how many times a target states this its ignored. What I think is that they want to torture and rob the survivor of their energy before they die. To let them suicide by original suicide programming is to let them die pure. There is a faction out there that wants people like me to die corrupted. It might even be Satanic factions that are torturing survivors so that when we do finally die, it will be for thier god and it will add to their power. This may be why Satanic factions influence or hound a survivor of programming.

Also it may be important to corrupt the person spiritually so that perhaps they cannot return again or some other much deeper spiritual matter.

Very off today. More ideations about UMass- that if I go there everything will work out fine. If I was not allowed to go there when I was very smart and discovering my abilities years ago I will be damned if I will go now. I will NOT give this system a happy ending. It will watch me die before its eyes instead. You asked for it- this is what you wanted.

To torture someone to death. This is what you have been doing and its the results of YOUR actions. There are so many sadistic f*cks in all this that they will happily watch me die, but I am not doing it for them I am doing it becuz its the right and just thing to do. Living under false influence is NOT something I will tolerate. I wont go to UMass after being this dumbed down. Also my health is failing and I am sick of going to doctors and getting harassed or abuse. The way I was treated in CO during my anaphylaxis lets me know that a majority of people in the US hate me and would mistreat me even if I was no my death bed. Those or not odds I like very much.
I also want to write the book so that common bullies who think they are just bullying someone to death get a nice long look at how small they are, how this system is way bigger than they are, and if they were not of use to higher ups, they could be taken out immediately.

The cover story MUST be blown and discredited before I die. I want every petty piece of sh*t who thinks they know what this is about to choke on it. If you help murder me, I want you to know exactly who you are in league with and what you have done. Not getting off easy with cover stories and thinking the person was just some stupid bitch coming out of poverty that was so powerless it was easy to get rid of her. It goes way farther than that...and I know the secrets. And I want them shoved down my detractors throats before I go. I want everyone to know how horrible this is and I want them to understand that mind controlled slaves DIE ANYWAY. Its not a big deal to die...what people are engaging in is deprogramming and waking the slave up fully THEN killing them with torture. These people just dont want you to die peacefully protected under mind control.
What other purpose would that have other than sadism? To wake someone up THEN murder them. True assholedom I'll tell you. I dont believe for one moment that this is behavior modification for the good of anyone. Its enslavement and the people doing this want you enslaved whether you live or pass on. Death is not the problem here, its the condition of the Spirit thats the issue.

I want control over that as well a I want my Spirit in the condition it was supposed to be in upon death by suicide programming.

This is about slavery not death.

I have idiots all the time telling me that I have to live through this life till its over or some concept like that. I dont HAVE to do sh*t. I should have been laid to rest already by my internal clock according to suicide programming- which makes no sense as I am treated like I am dead anyway.

This is exactly what they do to make Zombies in Haiti and Africa. I guess all that research into those cultures paid off. Brain damage and owning the spirit is the key. Alteration of the human being just enough to create a walking dead. This is exactly what they have done.

Sometimes it makes me wonder just who is in charge of the USA now. I often wonder if Africa or black culture has some sort of power that everyone is naive to in this time frame. If some faction of that culture has so grown in power that the influence is deadly but we cant see it.

Right now I am sitting in front of this computer and its been hard to work all day- I keep getting this inner vision of clouds and a sky, a view from way up as if I am up there. And there is a feeling attached to it, one of piece connected to death. Gee such a strange thing considering it was not that way yesterday in here. And there is a screaming to it..a very high pitch noise in both ears. Its like being burned by a light so bright that its blinding. Personally I think I am being targeted the shit out of so I cant get any substantial work done. How could I have been driven so insane over just 24 hours time? Its bullshit.
After how bad the remote influence was today as well. The high pitch noises in my ears are so bad I have a headache. Its like being blasted.

This is what you get if you try to fight enslavement or refuse to live like a zombie after being destroyed by this system. I wont go through this for long. Being tortured to death is worth it by NOT giving in to the Will of the people behind this. Its worth every agonizing living moment and every dying breath. I refuse to not be allowed to live up to my full potential. Death is the only cure for induced imperfection. A corrupt system cannot be allowed to exist.

Emotional Opportunists

These are people who know we are on society's bad side but dont grasp why we are. Either that or they are self concerned and simply want to take advantage of the situation so they keep silent about it and just take advantage- in this way they are perps as they know the true reason for the TI being harassed or people believing the cover story and having a bad opinion of the Target, and they mess with the person not revealing the true motive for thier situation. They join in on the mobbing at the covert story level without revealing if they know more.

Many people are also jealous that the target would be that focused on by such a system where there is alot of money or resources being used against the person or they dont want to give the TI credit for actually being smart enough to figure out the whole story at higher levels or actually being invlolved in something like that.

These people are extremely insecure and usually want something from the TI and if they dont get everything they want they turn on the person or perhaps they find out about thier status and figure they can can get more from the mob opposted to the victim.

Its hard to tell how this works or if people are smart enough to understand anything beyond a cover story or if they are actually joining perp groups or if they are just joining 'the mob' on a cover story level.

Such a person has been messing up my squat and my status among the locals. And he is suspect due to squatting with hims in Berkelely CA, and he seeming to be in on at least the cover story. He was aggressive and annoying then in order to try to get me to be intimate with him.
I avoided him then and left Berkely forgetting about him.]

He arrived at this squat recently about 2 weeks ago. I greeted him, he said he stopped drinking and was aware how he treated me back in Berkeley.
He clung to me and whined about always 'wanting to go with' everywhere. Saying he didnt trust the local oogle kids. I shared everything I had with him. Every time I went to the college to work on my material or research he whined to leave the computer with him. He was just being clever and getting as much out of me as he could. The squat got ruined soon after he arrived by tents getting slashed and so he whined to come inside my tent becuz of mosquitos. But he started getting insulting by being harassing about my boyfriend, my writing and being very sexist, all along whining about the girl who originally squatted here being a person who should get a place to live as she has a job. This moron does nothing, has no job and no goals. Everyone was an 'oogle' if they didnt appease him or live up to bad ass train rider standards or traveling standards. I was being harassed here at the squat so I felt stuck with him for protection and that is exactly what this system does. You have to hang out with people that you usually would not want to due to them being your only companionship. And due to a Target's situation its usually an opportunist.

Its true that he was a material opportunist but its status and emotional abuse that he wanted. He was actually becoming like an abusive boyfriend or trying to be. He drove me to start fighting back and raising my stress levels. Then one day some train rider friends of his showed up and he ran off with them like a kid running away from mommy. He then turned on me, rubbed it in that he was off with other people and then became more abusive on a regular basis.

His train rider friends found other stuff to do and one of them has become disgusted with how he talks to me. He also told me multiple stories about this guy being really stupid in the way he conducts himself as well as catching beatings for this bs. So this guy is picking on me becuz I am a girl who cant beat him up?

Also he now has become the best friend of everone of the kids he ranked on constantly calling them 'oogles'. He now gets places to stay all the time with 'housies' and seems to have money and is back to drinking. I suppose drinking even with his ulcers is a way of bonding with these kids.

He is very disresoectful to me every time he is around as if I am his personal bitch and its obviously his way of still having some control over me and seperating me from the locals. People always were a bit weird with me but I ignore the locals as all they must be hearing from other local sources that are on the side of my enemies and old associates is nothing but bad stuff. I am sure that with this crowd the adult entertainment thing is all they need to hear to start judging. Remember the young kids today were conditioned to be very conservative and often young people are that way to begin with, so you have a population of people who will live as hobos but perhaps rejec many other alternative lifestyels- I see this more with people are not hardcore travelers.

I never judge why people are houseless or why they live thier lives the way they do. Its petty and its none of my business. The problem with the homeless, sqatter or traveling scene is that no one really asks why anyone else is out here. Good for a TI's privacy, very bad for their detractors who can then fill in the blanks for everyone and get them mobbed or at least judged so people dont consort with the person.

Its not like I go around talking about my situaion, so if there is anything to be known its from someone who reads these blogs, which means that they are either willfully ignoroant due to agreeing with corrupt authority locally or otherwise or they are 'in on it' for any number of motives. Once you become aware of a story like this, the way YOU the non TI handle your response to it puts a judgement on YOU and where you stand. This is the most fun of writing an expose. People can no longer take advantge of blind spots and info gaps or black outs to have thier fun torturing or lording it over the person.

I had two younger girls here the other night drunk and one of them was really mean in her tone when she stated: "As for conspiracy theories, thats right there are none" and it was said out of nowhere faintly directed at me. I then showed her what its like to be 40 and not 22. Just by speaking a few words. Her and her little friend backed off. But for a TI to have to fight actualy organized stalking that is a psychological warfare campaign by pro's as well as local's in on mobbing the TI for whatever motive with whatever level of understanding of whats going on is extremely stressful.

Johnny, that jerk who turned on me has made my trip here very stressful and I am now isolated and unhappy with how I feel or feel I am percieved and treated. People do NOT want to deal with the reality of torture in the USA. Even if I was an actual former Gitmo prisoner and could prove everything I claim, alot of the public would still reject the idea of it being real or accept me. No on in this isolated, insular Disneyland wants their good time ruined with a bit of social responsibility or self governance. They like being slaves to a system that provides them with a good life of self indulgence as long a they play ignorant or Willfully go along with the system and its various corruption.

And they also like to tear into the person with their own little digs to feel the power of the group keeping this person down even though they may not be in contace with the organized groups or smear people who start and manage these campaigs. This is where the psych warfare people take full advantage of human nature. Its like getting free labor and if you know anything about the people behind these gang stalking campaigns as well as mind control slavery/whtie slavery- they are very keen on the idea of free slave labor.

This kid makes me so angry that I want to hit him its that bad, but it may be baiting to get me to react and get arrested so I just tell him off and tell him he cant do what he's doing. Of course he's clever becuz that makes me look even more diffucult or agro in a scene that is very against drama queens (thankfully) as well as bickering- especially the traveling kids. The train riders are more aggressive but still dont want to here constant bickering.

He is now a social butterfly with all the travelers and locals. And this is not good enough for him, he at the same time has to constantly bad mouth me and disprespect me in front of everyone. Its really bad. He has created a mob situation even though those kids are probably not into harassing me. Its like a ghost mob or a proxy mob- the dynamic is that he excludes me exclusively and constantly while including himself into the group at large.
I feel like I am dealing with a guard dog who barks at me to keep me in line all the time or keep me out as he consorts with all other people around me. Its obviously the only way to control me.

He used excuses due to him believing he is smarter than me like he likes me so he's giving me a hard time. Its bullshit as he is not teasing he is abusing outright. The things he says he not only doesnt say to anyone else its things he should not be able to say to anyone else.

Its obvious that he knows something about the cover story and its sex related so being in America a male like him can use that against a person.

I didnt really hang out with anyone anyway due to working on my project but I should be able to have a pleasant time in the squat as well as around other squatters and travelers. He should not be able to do this in my own hometown as he's from a suburb outside of Boston. Way outside.

Interestingly he was very into the idea of just using this as a pit stop before getting back to his mommy's house where he stays and his brother gives him work when he's in town. Nice life huh? A family and some work to do. Some of us dont have that in this world.

The guy is obviously an asshole but he takes it way to far. The abuse is almost severe as far as it being emotional and mental. Lots of sexist comments that are slung around in regular conversation and always in front of other people.

When a TI is under this much stress for this long as well as being destroyed to this extent, when they are suicidal alot and have a permanent feeling of not being able to defend themselves its very damaging for opportunists like this to re arrange the social structure to their advantage.

He is probably working off of a very common smear that is popular in Boston with mne and it comes from my ex exploiting our 'kinky' sex life which due to both of our pasts we engaged in many fantasies of control and domination. I speak of my musicain ex not that abusive jerk Scott. We were both smart and creative enough to naturally fall into such role play and games, but there was always trust and consent. That is something that American's or American men either dont want to understand or are incapable of understanding. Free Will is what is most important in life, especially factoring into the way one conducts one's life. People are often trying to work through issues buried in thier psych's that dont reveal themselves until later in life. The smear people exploit material like this to the fullest in a campaign, taking advantage of America's inhernet John Wayn,knuckle dragging male mentality and puritanical views on sex.

If a male like this gets wind of such a story its seen as an opportunity to them for either getting easy sex and suport off a female Target or if that doesnt work then its easy for them to get power by moving to the side of the oppressor who is most likely using such info about a female TI to the hilt to gain control and power.

There was much of 'she must like it' bs going on around the start of the heavy harassment. Also I caught an interview where Jake was stating "I'm not into that kind of sex, I am really not", which is more blame game, just like putting into his NA step book that I got him into cocaine and other childish bs.
Lou Gheppeti tried to get me hip to the games by telling me that "Your from the street so your suspect to begin with". He was trying to tell me that the campaign against me to get Jake out of looking bad and focus on me for blame was partially based on using my social status against me.

ALL thsi just to hide what is really going on. THey can say whatever they want. There was a federal investigation - real players did NOT go down. All the people with criminal activity went on with thier lives and I was targeted into half insanity and being destitute. That is not justice, that is responding to the corrupt authority targeting and smearing a person as a veiled threat for the public to go along with whatever their plot consists of, and if it consists of framing up or targeting or abusine an innocent woman who has not the money or resources to protect herself and using her as a diversion away from true justice in a court of law then that is what people will do. No one wants to happen to them what happened to me. We live in a country full of bloated, overfed cowards who cant say no to the drug dealer of psych meds, gadgets, money and material things that keep them content- and in denial.
Which is why TI's should walk around like nothing is wrong or that they dont respect society. Look what they do to people instead of using the justice system. F*ck society. Give them as little respect as they have given you in destroying your life.

The most frequent opportunist I run into problems with is an insecure and unpopular abuser who tries to utlize me to gain acceptance if they cannot get what they want from me. When people see that your family has done that to you for years they naturally think that you will take that behavior as its what you are used to or 'trained' for. This is again an indication that America toleraates slavery readily. And engages in it if they feel there are no consequences.
Its easy to understand that a programmed person did not know any better until they woke up and began to grow, but due to most people being ignorant of this fact or refusing to believe it, they try to enslave the person as their familites or circumstances once did.

This is NOT the land of hte free. Its not free for blacks, or other minorities, for women, animals or anything else the oppressor feels they can enslave. Men are the most annoying in my circumstances but its anyone who wants to control or rule over somone. People cant gain protection or thier freedom if thier true circumstances are not officially recognized.

This underground industry of slavery of human beings mostly starting when they are children and working intergenerationally is very abusive and there isnt alot of assistance overtly as no one acknowlegdes their existence- also they seem to have a complex and organized system to protect them and silence victim witnesses.

No one wants to admit that this system is connected to people in powerful positions to support thier vices and other needs. So no one messes with it and its victims are left terrorized, slaughtered and beaten out of any chance to be somebody. When opportunists see that the victim is so held from freedom or justice they think its payday or they have hit a very easy opportunity.

If you defend yourself they use it further or the authorities will put you away for acting out.

Really I just wonder about this kid. He seems to be working on stressing me out and destablzing my mental state, which is more akin to a perp than just someone annoying. I mean he is really into it.
I dont want to say but one day I got a bit of a warning about him and I just didnt want to believe it. You wonder, like how many of the people you meet like this arent really working for someone, like narcs would. Dressing and acting the part..

His trainrider friend claims he's just stupid and does stupid things. However, a young kid the other day told me he was immediately asking questions about a hard drug connection upon hearing about it, asking about where he hangs out and such- the kid got spooked. His buddy keeps saying he's "just stupid" about things but 2 + 2 is starting to emerge. It might be he thinks that the more info he has the more opportunity to engraciate himself to kids if a connection is needed.

Personally I think its time for him to get home to his damn mother. I'm busy and he is in my way...its does not usually bode well to be in the way of the book. My book is all.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

More suggestion and brainwashing in MA

For all I know one faction may be trying to counter the actions of another faction that would love to see me become so non communicative that I get sick and die. Who knows?
F*ck em all at this point.

Either that or they want a target to become sickly and broken so they can attempt a family reunification where finally someone like me "accepts my situation" and "knows my place" away from all those big dreams like using my talents or becoming successful. I cant become successful becuz that would bring up too many questions. I can see it now. In fact I did just see it just now- I had that thought along with a vision and emotional signature involving my maternal uncle. More suggetion. To break me down and send me crawling back to my family. They have pulled that alot this trip back here. Keep reminding me of my family or to go visit them.

Let me tell you something. I will blow up that house my bitch mother and selfish, child molester loving grandbitch live in-after I shoot Jake and run over Julia and her kids with the body of her dead drunk Sheldon in the front seat and thats after I torture Barbra Petti to death by beating the shit out of her with the severed body parts of her grease ball son.... BEFORE I EVER SET FOOD IN ANY OF MY FAMILY'S PROPERTIES FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. JUST BECUZ I AM WEAK DOESNT MEAN MY ANGER IS AND JUST BECUZ I AM GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT DOES NOT MEAN MY ANGER DIES WITH ME. I will find a way to ensure that.

I wonder how much power to curse my enemies I can get out of my own ritual sacrifice- with help of course. I will finish this and settle debts like that if I have to. Someone needs to be dragged to hell with me- they got a sacrifice to better thier lives in this dimension so I want one for the one I am going to. Wouldnt it be nice- to take a little bit from each of them- so that they could never fully enjoy what they gained by stealing my life force from me.

My family is not an option and this system needs to know that. This system chose all those aformentioned people OVER me, as if they were more talented, attractive or smarter than me. Better than me. Why would I ever want to see them again...what one more final humiliation before I die?

This system will do anything it can to the victim to make them believe this is all for the common good.

Today I kept getting ideations in the squat that I needed to go through this so that I could learn to appreciate things more, an excuse I have heard before pushed by perps in person. And they would have targets believing that they deserved this or its for the common good. That is how heavily thier brainwashing program goes. If you start buying into any of that yer dead and may as well take the cyanide pill now soldier. That is just ridiculous.

They are so f*ckin desperate to cover their asses, keep a TI diverted and silenced.

Boston is hard for me. They have so much emotional ties to work with here and the gang stalking is just never ending but subtle. It sucks really. It does not let up. Thats how targets get stuck here and perish- emotionally or otherwise.

No I want to tell my story and then let everything go hopefully making an artpiece out of my pyre. Its been the plan all along and really I am pushing so hard daily for years I am not saving anything for later.

I bet the sick fucks actually believe that someone like me will be at peace with themselves if they give up having spiritedness in life or living. They actually torture you into giving up being spirited. Can you believe that is their only real goal? Is to erase your animal magnetism? To make you not spark or shine anymore? To exist and not live?

That is why you have people like the guy at Mass Rehab saying sh*t like "You are expecting too much of yourself" as far as producing work. All I needed was some guidance from classes at school for my artwork and to become a councilor. Why wasnt he just honest about it: you have people keeping you down who want to seperate you from your natural ability to work hard long hours and produce large amounts of work, to focus dead tired only able to hold one eye open. '
Years ago I told an artist that my hand was steady as a surgeons and that I would stay awake for 24 hours until a drawing was finished (due to the tendency when young for it to quickly change into another vision in 24 hours making it hard too finish based on original idea so it was best to get the basic done). He stopped and said that he never had that kind of drive. One of my first experiences with my heart dropping. I felt so cheated by everyone around me, and for years circumstances and the people around me just continued to keep me down, from connecting and utlizing fully that drive.

I suspect that with mind controlled slaves once again its a case of that the system wants to utlize that above average strength for when your in their service but its never to be used under the persons own Will.

12:04 am here right now. Its lifted- I can feel the difference. I didnt even have to look at the time, I could feel the change.

I often wonder if the rest of the population feels the influence of tech like we do or is it just those that are targeted? There is something very subdued about society right now and I firmly believe its mass mind control. Its not natural for me to be so weak and feeble minded and...foggy, unclear, especially based on what seems to be a schedule or time clock. In this area I always have this sensation: the sensation of being 'dim'. Of not being totally dimensional, as in three dimensional if that is the correct dimension to describe being in one's own body, feeling grounded or part of one's own flesh. Being present, being totally in color, living not dreaming. Fully awake.

I believe dimmed is the best description. Also there is a lack of senses, a dimming of the senses and awareness of one's surroundings. Yes, a general dimming of life, and also the lack of sensation- of fully experiencing the strength of one's physical being. And the low level sorrow or maliase...its awful. It feels like taking cheap mood stabilizers but it starts at 6 am and ends approx 12 midnight every day.

I have to say that its not this bad in other locations but also its due to no other locations being as comfortable, artistically inclined or as beautiful for me to exerience other than Boston and NYC. There are a few places I feel that I excel on the map of the US: NYC, Boston and AZ. I am most heavily harassed in those areas. Like so badly that I could never possibly function or build a life for myself. There is one other place, well afew others that seem to be positive- usually areas where the wealthy can afford to think for themselves. I get very positive ideations from places like that so dont believe that this is always rich people behind this. Plenty of wealthy people get targeted as well.

The use of inducing shame here and feelings of sorrow from the past are deadly over just a few weeks here.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

a bit of gang stalking around MassArt Boston/ Meet Mr Hardcore

Got a little gs today, overt though. MassArt and MSFA were always hot spots for perps. I used to art model here so perhaps that is why. Security were overt many times, as were some art teachers, even some students were overt.

A fat Hindi (Indian) woman with two students were walking through the bottom floor of a building in MassArt. I was going to the elevator and they were coming out. The Hindi woman looked at me right away, made a little grimace and hard blink, a bit of look or surprise (that was badly acted by the way) and she mumbled something about me having changed upon my return this year. I am sure this is supposed to once again relate to THIER power to CHANGE people. That she or they are part of such a powerful force (the mob or the group) within the community that they have that much power. But it was acting once again, it was timed. If not then this woman is an arrogant control freak and an obsessive stalker that she actually remembers me from that many years ago. Either way its harassment and stalking. I love how they try to make it like its random community involvement or that something THIS organized is just the public acting out like bullies do when people are in school. People in school dont have highly detailed intelligence reports on thier victims as well as access to 'non lethal' weapons as well as technologies that stem from Nazi research and were proposed by Reagan to be put into the prison and mental health system for behavior modification.

hat we have here are people working for some faction or I have just encountered face to face the problematic CIA on campus, which has been documented to be a problem for decades now. Either that or they, like other good cons, can get stupid nobodies to do dirty work for free as they dont know how thier employers are or that its organized at all. She reeked of being a perp anyway. Fat, unattractive, and trying to fit in with two Anglo's for status. TYPICAL perp. Older with two younger people as well is a tip off.

There were two cops waiting in front of the entrance I go into to the other building, and they were jerking around laughing and fooling before I showed up and thier behavior and body language tells me what kind of cops they are even before I get near them. Of course when I enter one of them plays power games and has to go behind me and really make a spectacle of checking out my backpack as I go in. Yet another piece of harassment that can be sheltered under anti-terror. I have learned one thing that is important through years of this about security and cops- people of this nature and of this job description do not HAVE to be intimidating or interfere with your physical space as they do thier jobs. They do this TO HARASS A TARGETED INDIVIDUAL as part of psychological warfare becuz its so easy to claim they are just 'doing thier jobs'. I have been tortured for years by people in these positions and it IS torture, and usually they treat it very much like a joke. That of course is part of the psychological warfare. They behaved JUST like the two males in the Harvard Sq train station the other day. So again a TI can bet on a certain area repeating itself with a certain style over and over again.
Boston is obsessed with my connection to sex. And it is apparent that is a important part of my identity to them via thier tactics and even behavior modification content. Two males having power over a certain female and the female feeling violated by two males in some position of authority but them laughing at the female about the violation is very tied into taking away any power I had within the sex industry here. See I used to get taken VERY seriously by males and I had alot of power, and gained alot of knowledge about men in power and authority. It is VERY important to take this away from me and Boston identifies with this very heavily.
Its like their first priority.

This is why so many people suspect the cops, military or CIA for gang stalking as they have the training in psychology as a big part of their jobs to think this shit up and then pull it off. Regular perps are either extreme in thier actions more resembling criminals or sex offenders or they are ametuers who need numbers to succeed. Professionals like these two and the other two in Harvard Sq train station require less numbers due to the higher quality and effect of thier tactics.

Thinking alot about what a perp said once, that kid Rockabilly kid that stayed with me in Abq, NM. He had alot of info he shouldnt have...another one of those. He returned with a quick retort one day to my musing over my life i left back here: "what..you're boyfriend joined the harcore scene?" He said it to be mean and shock of course. But it never stuck with me really. High level programming? Being forced deprogrammed via covert behavior modification? Torture?? Being BORN into this, the gs being intergenerational? Your own family selling you out in the end outright? Ritual Abuse?? How much more hardcore can you get that THIS?

I see now that part of the wish that I was lying is fueled by the fact that the idiots who came after me locally want to be seen as hardcore or prove that status by destroying someone like me. Its odd really becuz the motives behind behavior modification programs are just business as usual not personal. Perhaps they figure if its going to be done anyway then they can get some street cred by doing dirty work AND getting paid or favors for doing it.
There is a marked ideal that this system wants believed that Jake is a winner or a bad ass or hardcore for doing whatever he did. And the people around him locally or whoever his freinds are. Which I hate becuz this system has been messing with me for years, waaayy before I ever knew Jake. I saw it mess with Julie via stalking and harassment years ago. My mother claiming to have been followed and intimidated out of going to the Presidents Advisory Commitee is far more hardcore than Jerk off Jake selling out to some bunch of local a-holes and some desperate crooked cops being weeded out by the feds for money laundering, so that he no longer has to live in his mother's attic going nowhere fast. Give it a f*cking break.

I notice that a very important part of the psych warfare is to make me extremely powerless and broken in the face of male worldly power, especially white males. Its extremely sexist: but what do you expect from a bunch of people who seem to work with the likes of Eddie Cox from LA where Cajun's have a mafia that the public doesnt really know exists, who refers to the little girls in sexual poses on his cell phone as his 'little princesses'?!? Dont expect respect for women that's for sure. Rapists I guess and woman beaters dont discern in age. Any predator of women is a friend to them, even little girls.
Oh yes Jake, you're so hardcore. Yer a fuckin wimpy rich kid who likes to think he is into blacks becuz a rich kid got made fun of in Newton for being black, yet his parents moved him into a school in Weston to avoid dealing with bussing. Even his buddy Sam Brody acknowledged he was a total rich kid who has been coddled all his life. He was used on the chess board against me like this system has been doing all its life. This is about ME, not the opportunists around me who thought that the confusion of the war years would cover thier crimes for the rest of their lives.

F*ckin 'hard core scene'. These people will come up with anything to rub salt in your wounds. But its mostly bullsh*t all the time. More psychological warfare.

You want heavy or hardcore? I AM sorry is Jake programmed? Now that is hardcore. The ONLY thing they can do is play detractor and say I am making it up so that THEY and thier ACTIONS during that time remain so f*ckin 'hardcore', compared to the big picture.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

African Americans as manipulated or working for the system within a gang stalking campaign

Whats interesting is how blacks are used against someone like me in a campaign. They would have to be houseslaves, working for the system Willfully or to 'get thiers'. They have been so clever over the years in fighting the same kind of oppression, its doubtful that they are ignorant or naive about what is being done to me. That I am being handled like a slave and beaten down until I stop trying to get justice for myself.

The problem with the black community as well as my second greatest issue with Prince Hall is the connection to the black churches. NO Masonry should ever be connected to a church, unless one can plainly see that Masonic or Rosicrucian content is within the architecture of the building- then you have ancient sun cult symbolism which you can use.
But note how the forefathers of our country never went to church, they refused. They voted for religious freedom and that was thier tolerance of anything outside Masonry. Just as we need to seperation of church and state, secret societies exist to strike a balance or to strike AT overt power structures. Often they are used for good, and other times for evil and greed. Things must exist outside the system. Black Masons have too many other things tied up in thier agenda to ever be free to exist independently- which is why I dont trust them for one minute.

The other thing that strikes me as very possible as to blacks being manipulated into being against a TI is thier naivety towards life in general. Many are politically aware but many you have to remember are NOT. Such blacks are very in league with being church minded and then you have your Cause Stalkers.
Blacks are also notorious for not knowing how to mind thier own business in many cases. Blacks who dont want to live in thier own neighborhoods especially around Boston will tell you one of the major reasons they left is due to thier people always being up in everyone elses business. I dont know if this is a northern black cultural norm or if its one of those annoying pieces of southern culture they brought with them up north.

Lastly, a friend of mine from west Virginia said I would hate So Cal becuz not only is it full of snobs in general but they told me black people think they are better than everybody else. I have noted this delusion that they use as a defense mechanism to survive for many years but n ever really saw it that way. The north focuses so whole heartedly on black needing help and being oppressed that no one takes into consideration thier faults- outside of crime. Really it was enlightening becuz this is a very hurtful social condition they create and as a Yankee I never saw it for what it was before.

It DOES seem that is all those games consist of and once you know the game, it cant hurt you anymore.
Worst of all is blacks who are into assisting the Man in keeping someone like me down using the idea that I am somehow privy to thier judgments. They perhaps do this as I am alone alot and they seem to know everything about my family. Too much in fact. But that goes for all perps. But its possible that they abuse the info as gossip even not just for smear campaigns. I have gotten alot of that treatment and I believe my friend was right, that blacks think they are better than everybody else- in great number but NOT all blacks, as I have found the occasionally. This is a cruel game that is played on the poor whites like myself in this area that refuse to get with blacks or dont have other whites from strong ethnic groups to protect them. Its very sad and it makes the oppression of the rich, connected, white and powerful all the more possible.

I often wonder if they even know I am fighting a battle connected to my mother's human experimentation or corruption. It seems like they dont, really. Its always connected in thier minds to the sex industry or being too poor to fight local corrupt authority. This is where thier naivete is very dangerous. I have had more than one instance where a black especially female will be obviously referring to me and blatantly accuse me of being a liar in my writing. I know for a fact that they all know about this blog. At Pine Street they had more than once let me know they know about my writing. And many of them still insist on denying that my situation is connected to something bigger like programming or MK Ultra or human radiation experiments. Often thier sentiment will be 'shes just a junkie'. Are we STILL trying to accuse me of doing drugs at 335 Washington St becuz that was never the case. Try to prove it-go ahead. Take a hair follicle test, or lie detector, I f*cking dare you. I know exactly what I have ingested in my lifetime and what I have not, where, with whom and when. I dont need a bunch of ignorant totally cult brainwashed blacks or any other kind of perps for that matter to try to tell ME what my life has been about.

Its easier to believe that I was smoking crack or whatever up there than being targeted, gaslighted or suffering from mold exposure. Well I proved the mold claim, and I proved that my phone was being used by Jake to deal drugs. You want some more a-holes? First of all crack was never my thing, it was the habit of that crazy b*tch next door also named Rachel, but with a different spelling and an Armenian last name.

I think that my life was exposed publicly and made into a public mockery and now that the truth is coming out as to how much more its connected to such as conspiracy, political intrigue, local corruption etc, now the public dont want to be part of that so my claims have to be disbelieved.

You dont get it do you. I dont claim anything I cant prove, unless its personal memories and that I cannot prove but that would be the only way to explain or fill in the blanks of the other circumstances.

I also dont believe blacks in general deserve to have any kind of dominion over a white girl. NOT AT ALL. I totally reject the idea that they even can begin to understand who we are outside of ignorant steroetypes, which mostly apply to rich whites, poor ignorant whites, and suburban or 'straight' whites. In a way I see that the pop culture that blacks provide to the US has been used to block out all that I am or ever was but this is true of even the whites that were around me. I recall Jake's buddy Sam Brody he got busted with, also Babs Pettiti's grandson, once heard my earphones playing classical and he was surprised. "YOU listen to classical?". That is the greatest weapon of the perps as well as the smear people- no one really knows the person and those htat DO can be enlisted to repaint false views of them and vilify them. I was in that exact position. Anyone who knew I was smart, or good hearted or nice or talented seemed to turn on me or could be enlisted to assist the bad guys in this. I have been totally railroaded and vilified and no one seems to care or to believe anything other than that view of me.

Also this is probably part of the torture to make the target confess which IS MK Ultra especially if the victim knows they are a survivor of programming. That is the whole point of all this and no one sees it unless they are familiar with the whole story. Blacks are also very useful in helping the system to regress a TI like myself. Thier culture has a natural childlikeness to it which in its negative expression is regression to a very childish, easily controlled and dependent state. This is probably very easy to do to populations that were enslaved.

The very fact that blacks in the USA are still struggling and that often they are still oppressed and either dependent or unaware of any other way out is what makes them so damn dangerous as gang stalkers. I am not talking about the blacks who are targeted or blacks who understand whites like myself or who are very clever and politically aware- I am talking about the dreaded church going vigilantes and the house slaves. They are like the kiss of death for ANYONE trying to break out of oppression and you better look at that no matter what culture you are.

Blacks are way to easily manipulated. And they have the natural 'magick' within them to make them a very powerful and useful tool of the oppressor. They possess much natural magickal and psychic ability that in its most positive form can lift one up and give one strength but the opposite effect is also true and thier energies are very strong and in a battle like this it can really cause damage to The Cause, which is trying to get the truth out there at any cost.

One other thing that blacks seem unaware of is the very complicated relationship that whites have had with religion and the church. Wars, persecution, the burning times- these are not pleasant ancestral memories for Europeans. Many of us dont trust the church due to knowing what horrors they are capable of. Blacks seem naively to trust churches,most likely due to thier view of a church as something full of other blacks, a safe place from outside oppression. So when they come out to TI's as Cause Stalkers or vigilantes, they come out of a very different view of religion and the church than we do. If anything, this is very hurtful to certain whites if not deadly to our fight for independence. Many whites are very quietly fighting any connection to religion or the church in general every day of thier lives. Many quietly view themselves as having stayed with 'the old ways' perhaps passed on through thier great grandparents. YOUR old ways are not OUR old ways. The church assists you in your search for freedom, it is our oppressor in many cases or its what our families hide behind to appear righteous to the outside world when in fact they know they are doing wrong.

Blacks dont seem well associated with whites who are acting out primitivism or are quietly attached to pre Christian ways of thier ethnic backrounds. We have a whole different fight for freedom on our hands and when it gets as messy and complicated as being targeted with a nasty smear campaign, blacks I hate to say it, often serve to get in the way of our goals. For them to have any power over me when they dont really understand what kind of 'white' I am not only pisses me off its laughable. Why do you think I have just laughed off so many blacks in on this or turned to racism when really threatened? Becuz in this these battles they tend to be no more than a nuisance as they often dont really seem to understand what is going on or even who I reallly am. However, with such large amounts of blacks either targeting me outright or trying to make me behave, which is laughable, they have had alot of influence on this campaign. And when that book is written you will be disgusted to see just how much influence. Its obscene how much influence really. It makes me wonder just who runs this country, or at least who runs them. For me to encounter so many African Americans within this campaign is not only shameful (which is probably part of the psychological warfare) but its alarming if not totally inappropriate. First I would have to find out just who is behind all the blacks I encountered: is it COINTELPRO, is it Africa? Is it black gangs? Prince Hall? The military? Or are these just many many house slaves working for the very rich, white and powerful? Or is it truly as simple as Satanism outright which could be possible as the Church of Set is no longer run by Aquino but an African American woman? In my case I never know who is on my side or who is the enemy. Unless its really overt, like on that bus where I was perped and that black kid said to his girlfriend "She's just a target", totally dehumanizing me. That is when a busfull of black perps coming out of a Grey hound bus in Memphis Tenn is sort of scary....and then I just am thankful I am programmed and have no real fear, outside of the threats within my internal programming that make is so if I dont finish my 'mission' I will be subjected to something alot worse than anything, and I mean ANYTHING that this system can come up with.

Most off all the system seems to want confession via interrogation. That is its ultimate goal really and with the connections to MK Ultra that does not surprise me.

So I often disregard the players, but in general, blacks who dont know who they are really working for or that they are being used by outside forces against a Target are a major pain in the ass but never a direct threat.

Duval Patrick corruption trial..whatever.


All I know is that since Romney got, who sucked Bush's dick and now this Gov also loves up the current president, that MY life in MY homestate has sucked and been nothing but heavy harassment and torture (Bush/Romney scum) and now maintenence to keep me the f*ck out of my homestate and especially the hometown of Waltham where my family has had a house for over 100 years. Nice, real nice.

Well at least under Patrick the harassment and torture hasnt been as bad, like to beat you within an inch of your life like during Romney, but if I wasnt an old pro at this the level of maintenence would mess me up and keep me away from my home- if I wasnt determined enough to WILL it into NOT being so.

Gang stalking, in the end, is a battle of Wills and that is all.

Its ironic that I am the one treated like a bad n*gger slave who needs a beat down to get my back in line, or was thrown out into the world with no defenses as a punishment for wanting to escape Massa, but that would be natural during Bush I guess.

But what I cant forgive is how many blacks were in on that here... houseslaves as Malcolm coined the term. Work for the Man and always will.

And that Ginny probably has mob connections like every asshole here. I also am not too happy with the amount of scum in Waltham that are Ginny mob trash that seem to have been very into destroying me. Makes me sick to have the same DNA, lets hope my ancestors are from somewhere very different..unless of course this IS about my stupid dad's family..in which those results will make me even more ill.

This whole pathetic state hasnt changed since the olden days. They used to trade rum and bibles for slaves and remain all pious about slavery...and not much has changed. MA believes if one is gentlemanly about one's corruption that excuses it. Or worse that Ginny attitude of strong arming and being threatening and then trying to hide it and be sneaky and secretive. Italians are about as on the down-low as blacks, perhaps a notch less flashy about thier crimes. Ahh how they have grown since the 40's eh?

I was just in Waltham and I got harassed and ignored it much to the city worker and construction guy's confusion. I am now back in Cambridge where I am getting drive by's it seems from the cops who also kept a good eye on me in Waltham.

You have absolutely NO authority anymore since every target in the USA knows that you serve the oppressor and no longer the people- unless they also serve the oppressor. Its interesting that I did nothing to deserve such attention but I am treated like a dangerous criminal. THAT is becuz a shitload of money must have been exchanged or is riding on me being kept out of my own homestate. Too damn bad. Scott told me I should just let them know I wont be intimidated, he said that, and in that he was right. I just had to learn the gang stalking system really well. And since Bush's hardcore torture style is no longer en vogue its easier to funtion. I dont even think I would resp0nd to it anymore at this stage.

They MAKE warriors out of us and expect to beat us at the game THEY shoved us into. I dont understand thier logic. It makes little sense.

It doesnt matter who you elect here. New Enlgand is gone and is dead basically as a culture all its own. You can save what is already gone, its been totally comprimised by exposure to the outside world and co opted into the NWO. Its over, so elect whoever you want. Whoever it is is going to play the same games with the NWO in order to survive this modern era and way of doing things.

It doesnt matter who is in office anymore.

Waiting near Harvard for bus

Waiting down near Harvard to catch a bus..that stadium where the boys practice their sports. It was nice to see an old fashoined athletics program still in existence. Many Ivy leagures tend have a nice solid built but conservative, not a workhorse's body. These schools seem to churn out understated handsom males who look like an artist cut thier muscle with a tool to perfection.
One set of these young men passed me just as I was going for my bus, its so cute how at this age they try to dominate but these types do it based on status.
I am enjoying being back in a location where the class is something I am used to. Here they have thier place and we have ours, not like in southern California where they have thiers and we have absolutely nothing. And they work hard to get into Harvard, from what I have heard that school works thier students very hard.
And you can tell the difference between achievement and empty power. In So Cal the looks I was getting would piss me off not due to thier having any power in thier attempts to dominate based on class but at the frequency as well as the very idea of a bunch of trendy nobodies with JUST money actually believing that they possessed such power, espeically over someone like me. SoCal, in a poor New Englanders mind is just begging for a revolt. Organize the homeless get them off meth and pot and then really stick it to thier false class system there. The wealthy here are smarter- they allow the lower classes to have thier privacy and thier own space so we dont feel threatened and closed in.
Harvard boys may be on a small power trip and its natural due to thier youth and thier position but its harmless and really very cute considering I am 40, but its not a threat to my livelihood really. I know I have my own 'kind' to return to. In other parts of this country the coroprate YUPpie culture has destroyed any and all other cultures in the area, and that puts people under pressure.
The squatter kids who arent from here keep refering to the people in Harvard as "yuppies". I say nothing but I know that is incorrect. These are people with actual goals in life and their eyes on achievement not some wealthy heirs who look at you like they really really hate you if you're a poor traveler or 'homeless' as in So Cal and other places in the US with extremely ignorant rich people. I dont sense wealth in places that behave like So Cal..I sense access to money and that is all. The word 'wealth' just doesnt register.
As I have posted before the homeless have thier own 'place' here in society so they dont feel as pushed around, threatened or put upon.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Saw another ghost today from the past..

Very quiet at MassArt today. No weird interferences or feeling as if I am watched, monitored or engaged with. I have been at this long enough to know its not mental illness. In fact the original circumstances were so obviouly connected to that federal investigation and the people around me playing games that for anyone to believe I am mentally ill at this point would themselves have alot of explaining to do. I notice I dont get to messed with, thats becuz they know if they try to go beyond blacklisting me and having everyone believe I am schizo but leaving me be, if they ever tried to go further- I would have alot of explaining to do about my former employers. And thier clients. So much for mental illness. I wonder what the story is that people believe. Probably that I was always off or mental and thats why I could only function off my looks etc and at a certain age, later in life my 'condition' started to worsen. And people probably believe that. Becuz they are lazy, afraid to challenge authority and selfish. They go along with the plan for me to be just another casualty for progress. Another expendable person. Too lazy or afraid to look at the evidence I provide in all my blogs.

Its very simple: my mother IS a documented human radiation experimentee as her parents were in the Marines. She was treated at a hospital that is also documented as being involved with MK Ultra. My father was harassed and targeted and fed LSD during its popularity as a recreational drug until he deteriorated, his greatest crime was always talking about a secret govt project involving the military, the CIA and my family. With all the collected evidence I can now show he was not wrong in his broad claim...what is interesting is how the system slammed him into the ground for just an innocent claim. Thats becuz they knew there was indeed evidence and records still floating around- like the ones my mother got from Freedom of Information Act that they were about to destroy.
What IS interesting is that the jerks are still pulling the same crap but I notice that there is a new form of justice and awareness that just isnt putting up with cover ups anymore. And so the people are then intimidated into compliance and the victim is not outright destroyed but simply systematically ignored for life.

What is also interesting is that my eccentricities and lifestyle was never a problem when younger when I was really crazy and taking drugs. Thats becuz the police state had not taken hold yet it was still the 90's. Also I was still of use to people who protected me.
But its a bit silly for the system to try to claim or get people to believe that I was so outrageously nuts when in fact I was growing up and putting my life together. Its not what they focused on its the timing that one must take a close look at.

To ignore the conditions in my moldy apartment as well as the stress of a federal investigation around my associates and simply try to frame me as mentally ill is so outrageous that no one would ever believe the claim I was just crazy. But the violence of action is not meant to convince but to coerce the public into compliance..sort of like drug dealers in Mexico taken brutal action- its theatrics to scare thier enemies and to gain the cooperation of civilians.

Today I saw one of those idiots from NA. I pretended not to recognize him due to him being totally meaningless to me, especially as he seemed to be in with Scott's crowd and actually used to help him when I would react to his being abusive..by being abusive or upset. George I think.. He hangs around the same places he has for years. Its nice to see these locals never leave their pathetic hang outs. I just communicated as little as possible. He asked me so I told him, I travel. Upon leaving he said "have a good trip when you leave". In my head I said 'I always do motherf*cker, I always do'. This whole city thinks its going to get away with this. Ruining my whole life and destroying my health and my future. That their cute little codes of silence is all they need to preserve thier innocence. Do you realize how many people in those meetings were IN on this? Also there were many people in on it who warned me as well, one of which warned me in such a manner that it was really obvious that he knew I was headed for a serious run in with sophisticated and very nasty psychological warfare.

Helping Jake is probably the most offensive thing this system has done. I can understand the battle between the military and my mother- them not wanting to pay. Even OLNICK, though Barbara being such a bitch made it more personal, but the thing with Jake- that was not business. This system decided to get very personal upon deciding it was such a great idea to utilize him in the psych warfare campaign.

I am NOT crazy. I simply did not want to be part of that old scene anymore I wanted out. I also wanted to go to school. I also wanted therapists to DO THIER JOBS and not make excuses for why I shouldnt get hypnotized. But the system had to act out of arrogance and make it very personal and not business...which is why now there is a nice fat vendetta in something that should have remained strictly business.

Did these morons actually believe that the war era was going to protect them forever? Did they think about consequences in the future? Or did they just believe that destroying my chance at a future and then systematically ignoring me while the system perpetually hangs a label over my head to keep me in line was going to be the hooray! winning f*ckin formula to end the problem that was ME.

I aint no problem, but I will exist as I was intended and without anything missing or gaps or anything left out. See they want to take so I dont have as much as I did of what was MINE. That simply will not do.

And every moron who is abusive, thinks that attitudes like 'get over yourself' are going to validate the abuse. When the cops are in on something like this as well as the victims family, the assholes perpetrating such a scam actually feel as if the person is OK to destroy as the regular protections a person has in society are no longer present. I guess this illustrates why we have laws becuz humans will just do as they please to other humans if there is no checks and balances or protections...or consequences.

I wonder if Georgy is smart enough to understand MK Ultra, or programming or how the radiation experiments factor in. I guess you dont have to be as smart as the victim- just to be on the winning side is enough for most of the locals. Its obviously all they do. NA was always full of sick people who simply got off drugs but never grew beyond that.
And obviously they will assist in keeping anyone else from growing beyond that- unless of course your family is loaded then, I notice, like in Watertown NA, you can do no wrong. What a bunch of bourgeoisie *ssholes. And the blue collar guys acted like it was a field day for them.
I had seen that NA group destroy people before and its obviously gang stalking and harassment. But I also noted that they just used people up, and the people around that victim, when the perp had dissed them, they would just go back to supporting the perpetrator and their views on the victim would turn very negative. Total turn around. What the hell is going on in those groups anyway? They may seem like a bunch of f*ck ups or rich kids but there is something very organized there as far as being nasty and indulging in covert warfare.

He looked at me the way you always look at the shunned in society. With a bit of disregard, a pinch of hatred and a little respect with a dash of sympathy. ALL of which he can shove. I need no validation from such people. I did nothing more or less eccentric or criminal than any of the jerks in those meetings. They hate me becuz ,simply, I am not the winning team. They hate me becuz I am not on any team at all, I was pretty much destroyed by being isolated.

How is any of this my doing? The actions around me to frame me, destroy me, stifle me, silence me and destroy my health like that moldy apartment were taken against me by multiple parties working in unison. Does this f*cker actually look at me with distain becuz I dared to go up against the system that dared to come after me to destroy me and I fought anyway I could or knew how in my confusion? F*ck this guy and f*ck this whole city...for what it does to people and how screwed up thier thinking is.
Or maybe its just as simple as he is into some shady sh*t and hates women who challenge such a system of exploitation or perhaps he quietly supports the existence of such a system. He certainly supported Scott which I keep mentally noted for life and it registers in my head every time I see him- any and all actions he has taken against me or to help my enemies.
Which means I would just as soon see him dead on the floor than say hi to him.

Becuz for anyone to look at ME, the victim with anything but crowning respect and reverence must mean that you are down with the sick f*cks and nothing less. I remember when he came in once to that club where I bartended, many many years ago when I first got clean. I tried stripping for like a week and hated it. I was kidding about eventually becoming a nun later in life and with conviction he said "No, you were meant to be a sexual woman". It really creeped me out, even at that time. It always stuck with me too- like he was trying to state that this was my fate, to be in the adult entertainment business and I was never going to get out...which is odd due to years later him standing by like the rest of those idiots while this system tries to penalize me for-trying to change my life and go to school.

I treated him with what little respect he deserved, which is like he was stupid, which he and all those other slobs from Watertown are. The jerks from Newton may not be slobs but they suck worse at being human beings.
Its just like Stephen King in all his novels. That little New England town of creepy, cultish selfish jerks who hand over a human sacrifice to save themselves from an oppressor or a monster when it comes calling. I like to think that I can extract a similar scenario of revenge as the characters in his books do on little towns of privilege that think no one is watching- and that debts never need be paid.